Chapter 5:

Myungsoo stirred, groaning slightly as he forced himself up from where he had fallen asleep on his stomach. His head was killing him and for a moment the pain was almost enough for him to forget everything else. Almost. Cold, heartless reality never left him alone for long and he let out a small whimper.

"Myungsoo..." A whisper sounded by his ear and he gave a heavy sigh. Sungjong was back, just as he had hoped.

"Hey, baby." He almost allowed a smile to play across his lips but couldn't quite complete it. Arms wrapped around his shoulders and he felt a soft kiss on his cheek. The weight of Sungjong against his back was comforting.

"Sungyeol has feelings for you." Sungjong's voice was gentle, neither sad nor persuasive. As though he was simply stating something he saw as fact.

"It doesn't matter. My heart only belongs to you." Myungsoo's reply was automatic. He didn't have to think about it. Without a doubt, he would never care for someone in that way again.

"You could move on with him. Or at the least, find comfort and solice with him." Sungjong rested his chin on Myungsoo's shoulder and he reached up a hand to his dead lover's cheek.

"Can't you see? Can't you see it, Sungjong?" his own voice was hushed as he gazed at the blonde beauty wrapped around him. "Before you came along my soul was a dark wasteland. But you became the sunshine and love and warmth and happiness began to grow. But the sunshine is gone now and all that's left is a shriveled shell of what could have been. Nothing can grow there again and Im not sure I want it to."

"All it takes is another sun, Myungjong. Someone else to give you light." His lover's voice was sad again, making a twinge of guilt go off in his chest. "Sungyeol could be that light if you let him."

"Sungjong... I..." He pulled away, not wanting to talk about Sungyeol anymore. As he turned, a knock sounded on his bedroom door and his lover was gone. Cursing as tears welled in his eyes, he threw his lamp at the door. Watching it shatter, he instantly regretted it, remembering how Sungjong how convinced him to buy the mermaid designed abominated at a thrift store because he thought it was cute.

"Seriously?" Woohyun opened the door and looked down at the broken mess at his feet. "Come on. Movies and pizza in the living room. Either come willingly or Howon and I will drag you out."

"Just let me die..." Myungsoo whispered, hugging Sungjong's pillow against his chest. "That's all I want."

"You know Sungjong would never forgive us if we did. He wouldn't forgive you either." Woohyun stepped over the broken lamp and went to Myungsoo's side, gently putting a hand on his shoulder. "Just humor us okay? Sungyeol is worried about you. All of us are. Give us a few hours where we can pretend life is okay."

"Life will never be okay..." Myungsoo glowered at him but allowed the other man to lead him out of his room anyway. Stepping on a shard of busted mermaid on his way through the threshold, he ignored the pain and continued walking, leaving a small trail of blood to the kitchen where he fished around in his cupboard until he found his final bottle of booze.

"Myungsoo?" Sungyeol was by his side, eyes examining the line of crimson in the white linoleum. "Sit down so I can look at your foot. What happened?"

"Lamp." Myungsoo grunted, taking a gulp of alcohol before limping his way to the couch. Sitting heavily, he snarled lightly as Sungyeol lifted his injured foot to see the damage.

"Do you know why Sungjong wanted that lamp?" Sungyeol questioned as their friends set up the movie and pizza. "He said that the mermaid's face looked like yours and it was funny to him and cute and he used to talk to it when you couldn't be home at night."

"I didn't know that..." Myungsoo whispered, taking another drink as Sungkyu brought over the first aide kit.

"He was too embarrassed to admit it to anyone but me. He knew you'd think it was cute but he didn't want to seem childish." Sungyeol smiled slightly as he began dabbing Myungsoo's cut with peroxide. "I don't suppose you'll go to the hospital to get stitches? This is pretty intense."

"No. I won't." Myungsoo agreed, taking another drink. Sungyeol sighed and shook his head, doing his best to remedy the damage to his friend's foot.

"Movie's starting." Howon announced as he guided Dongwoo onto his lap to cuddle. Sungkyu handed out plates of pizza before settling in next to his own boyfriend. Myungsoo began to stand, already unable to handle his friends without his lover by his side.

"Wait... Please..." Sungyeol reached out to grip his hand and Sungjong's words played through Myungsoo's head. Sungyeol loved him. Groaning, he settled back onto the couch and allowed the other man to grip his hand.

He didn't pay attention to the movie. It was just some sickening romantic comedy, no more real to him than a fairytale. For that matter, he only ate a small bite of pizza every time he felt someone staring at him. Instead, Myungsoo drank until everyone finally started shuffling off to go home and sleep.

"Go home." He muttered to Sungyeol as the other man prepared to lock the door behind the others. "Im just going to sleep. So just go. Might as well rest in your own bed."

"Myungsoo..." Sungyeol stepped closer to him and he simply stepped away, shaking his head.

"Sungyeol, I need to be alone right now. Please." He knew he was begging, but he didn't care. There was an urgent need to see Sungjong again, one last time before Myungsoo made up his mind.

"O-okay..." Stepping closer, Sungyeol embraced him tightly before leaving him alone as he had asked. Breathing a sigh of relief, Myungsoo curled up in his bed, hugging Sungjong's pillow as he drank himself to sleep.