Chapter 4: Grayscale

When Myungsoo came to again, his arm was around a pair of shoulders and water was pouring from the tub onto the bathroom floor. Disoriented, he blinked a few times before he remembered he had fallen asleep without turning the faucet off. The man he was holding onto let out a heavy sigh, almost startling him.

"You're worrying everyone, you know." Sungjong played with Myungsoo's fingers, not looking at him. Heart sinking, he nodded.

"I know..." Was all he could bring himself to say.

"They all love you. None of them want to lose you." His ghostly lover continued. "I love you too and I don't want to see you fade away."

"I know." He repeated, covering his eyes with his free arm. "But every moment we're apart I lose more of myself anyway. You made me who I am, Sungjong."

"You were always you, baby. I just made it easier for you to show it." Sungjong sighed and leaned the back of his head against the rim of the tub. "Remember what you used to tell me when I'd ask how long you'd love me?"

"Even in death..." Myungsoo whispered, biting back a sob. "I never thought... I never... Why did it have to come to that!?" Tears began to stream down his cheeks as a knock sounded on the bathroom door and his arm wrapped around his lover was empty yet again.

"Myungsoo?" The voice belonged to Sungyeol and he couldn't help but silently hate him for yet again shattering his vision of Sungjong. "Sungkyu sent me back with detergent. I started your laundry. Um... A-are you okay? Why is the water still running?"

"I'm fine..." He sniffled as he leaned forward to turn the water off. "You can go now."

"You know I won't." Sungyeol sounded almost sad as he opened the door, surveying the mess on the floor. "I'll get the mop and a bucket..."

"Whatever..." Myungjong managed to get himself out of the bathtub without incident. Reaching for his towl, he slipped in the water and fell, his forehead meeting the corner of the sink.

"Myungsoo!" Sungyeol was beside him in a moment, helping him sit up. Dizzy, he tried to regain some focus but couldn't seem to manage it.

"I'm fine..." He insisted, trying to shake off the concerned man. His stomach clenched at the pain in his skull and he turned slightly to vomit his breakfast in the wastebasket.

"No you're not. You probably have a concussion." The other man helped him to his feet and wrapped the towel around him before half guiding him to the couch. "Do not move or sleep. I'm going to be right back with some asprin and water."

The other returned moments later with a glass of water and some pain pills. "Drink." He urged as he sat beside Myungsoo. The drunk man watched as his dead lover's best friend pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and covered him with it. It was weird to have anyone but Sungjong taking care of it. It made him feel hallow and sick.

"Why are you doing this to me?" He murmered softly, taking the medication before laying his head back against the couch. "You're not obligated to help me just because you were friends with him."

"That's not why I'm here for you... It has nothing to do with Sungjong..." Sungyeol's voice sounded shakey and unsure. "I'm here because... Myungsoo... I... Nevermind... Just know that I am not doing this out of obligation."

"Do you miss him too?" Myungsoo was shocked at himself for attempting to continue the conversation. It was the most effort he'd put in toward a living creature since the incident and it felt foreign to him.

"A lot. We used to talk every day about everything and now..." He shrugged and Myungsoo nodded, understanding without the words needing to be said. Nobody could take Sungjong's place. Nobody could even come close.

They sat together, talking for a while about Sungjong. Mostly Sungyeol spoke, Myungsoo preferring simply to listen. It was strange learning things about Sungjong he had never known. Such as, while he was a child he was afraid to eat anything purple because he thought it would kill him. Never had he truly been aware how close his lover and this other man were. Jealousy began to creep in but he swiftly reminded himself that even in death, Sungjong had truly loved him most, just as he had loved only Sungjong.

Finally Sungyeol seemed to run out of anecdotes and grew quiet. Yawning, Myungsoo stood up and stretched. He knew it was still early, nobody had bothered to try to force feed him again yet, but he was exhausted simply existing without Sungjong.

"Im going to take a nap. You can leave." He turned to retreat to his bedroom, not caring if Sungyeol left or not as long as he was alone again. Locking the door behind himself, he crawled into bed. Every fiber of his being begged to wake up with Songjong in his arms. Even if he knew it wasn't real, even if he knew it was sick, he just wanted those few moments with him again.