Dear Jihyo,

I can’t believe that I wrote that. It was so harsh. I’m sorry.

I considered taking back the letter and re-writing but I know you wouldn’t mind. In this stage, there’s no need for censoring anymore. We only censor things when we’re afraid that things could be broken. But between us, what’s there left to break?

Did that sound harsh too? I’m sorry. I’m a lyricist, I should know better. You’ve always said that I’m good with words, but I guess now isn’t the time that I’m particularly fluent, is it?

Okay, back to topic…

So, I am not asking you to never write again. I wouldn’t want that. I still want to maintain my relationships with you. You and the team.

After close to 7 years, can I bear to see us fall apart?

I know you wouldn’t. But we’re all struggling now. I know it because I am, too. So let us take a short break off, shall we?

--

In your first set of letters, you mentioned that you should leave because you aren’t contributing much anymore.

Jihyo, don’t ever say that. No, don’t even think that.

Yes, it’s hypocritical of me, the one who left, to say this. But I want you to know that you should stay. You probably wouldn’t really quit anyway, but I’m still going to say it nonetheless. Jihyo, you are important in the team. You’re the ace Jihyo. I know with my leaving, Monday girlfriend is no more, and I’m sorry, but you are still you. You can still contribute. You are still contributing. Even though you barely speak, but is speaking the only way you can contribute?

Sometimes being just there is enough. I know, you are probably thinking that ‘if that’s true, why didn’t you stay’.

Yes, I admit, I am a hypocrite. I can picture you face right now, giving me the side glare. Really, Jihyo. And so, I’m going poke your imaginary face and tell you to stop it. Did you giggle? You always giggle at my words, and I liked it. I like to make you smile. I’m sorry all I do now is hurting you, but trust me, I’ve always loved your smile. I told you that so many times, but you’d just brush me off. Really, your smile is beautiful. Smile more, Jihyo, even though it is hard now. It’s going to be okay eventually. Not soon, but eventually. Trust me one more time, would you?

--

And yes, I’m a loser compared to the rest of you. I know. I have no excuses, Jihyo. Maybe I am just weak.

Look at Kwang Soo, and how much he sacrifices his image for the show. Even though he’s a model and actor, and his image is probably worth much more than mine, but he still does all the things to make us laugh, make the audience laugh. He’s amazing- he sacrifices so much for the show. Someone I would want to be like, but I could never be.

And there’s Jong kook hyung. Jihyo, I don’t know if you notice, but he’s getting weaker too. Older, and weaker. Many times, during breaks, he asks Kwang Soo, or Dong Hoon or I to massage his back. It pains my heart, to see him suffer like this. And almost every time I massage his back, I want to ask him if he should step down. But Jong Kook hyung is a man with indominable will and strength. It’s something I admire him so much for. And yes, even going through so much, he’s staying on. But I have always been weak compared to him, haven’t I? But then again, are we all not?

Suk Jin hyung. Yes, he is getting weaker too, but he isn’t all that weak, you know? I’ve always admired him- how he willingly takes on the role of the weakling. He has a son, and his son has friends and classmates- all of them watch running man. And yet, he willingly disgraces himself, in front of his son and his friends. It’s for the show, but sometimes, I believe, that he’ll feel ashamed in front of his son. He never says it out, but I know he does. It’s a man pride, you know. And yet, he does it all without a word of complain.

And there’s Jae Suk hyung too. I don’t think the word respect could accurately describe how I feel towards him. He’s so generous, so charismatic. He has so much, and yet he is still so humble. You could see it in the way he speaks to the guests. And even at the start, when running man first began, when I was nobody in the variety field, h