Jinyoung was still shook at Jaebum’s request thus only nod absentmindedly feeling lost to the older’s hopeful eyes. He knows what the word implies that once they already started, there’s no turning back that he has to officially grant Jaebum a space in his life thus making him feel nervous and hesitant but not voicing it out loud afraid to inflict pain to the older. Jinyoung never looked to the older again much to his friends’ dismay so they decided to goad him instead. 

“Jinyoung hyung said you’re really a great cook” Youngjae said suddenly, Jinyoung now looking at the flowers missed the glint of mischievousness to the younger’s eyes.

“Ahh well I’m not sure. Well if Jinyoung said that it must be true” Jaebum tried to answer calmly though smile keeps on forming on his face, he’s so happy, Jinyoung talk about him. 

“You should cook for us sometimes hyung” Youngjae answers back “it’s not fair that only Jinyoung hyung can enjoy all the good things” he pouts to put emphasis. 

Jaebum chuckled and responded with simple “sure and I accept request too”

“Really hyung? I’m going to prepare my list and give them to you”

“Yeah sure”

“But how can I give it to you hyung?Isn’t very petty of me to go to your classroom just for that?”

“Well we can be friends online”

“Really hyung are you sure?”

“Yeah I see nothing wrong with that” Jaebum said nonchalantly unaware of fuming Jinyoung in the side thinking that the older didn’t initiate to add him online.

“Or better yet hyung you can give me your number we can be textmates” Youngjae suggested satisfied at Jinyoung clutched knuckles.

“Ahh ok” Jaebum shrugs and brought out his phone and exchange numbers with Youngjae. The younger is so nice he thinks for he’s very lively and fun to be with.

They go along with their conversation with Jinyoung left out most of the time as Jaebum and Youngjae became suddenly too close for his own liking. They shared about their hobbies, experiences and even random stories that come into mind. It seems like all of them have their own world with Mark now showing Yugyeom the pictures he took, Youngjae and Jaebum conversing non-stop while Jinyoung yeah he feels like he’s being the third wheel between his cousin and supposedly admirer. 

“Wow hyung you’re really awesome what in the world you don’t have?” Youngjae asked in amazement as the older showing something over his phone while Jinyoung tries to keep himself from taking a peek. 

“A boyfriend” Jaebum muttered silently enough to be swayed by the winds but Jinyoung is too focus to hear and now he felt a lump in his throat and a blush creeping on his face.

Youngjae continue to exhaled remarks and now that it seems like he has seen enough from Jaebum’s phone they move on to talk about their hobbies. 

“Wow really hyung? You practically can do everything”

“Well I have an area that I’m having a difficulty with”

Both Jinyoung and Youngjae’s curiosity rise with that and Jaebum let go of a sigh before answering.

“I can’t make someone like me back” Jaebum hasn’t think of his answer will create an awkward atmosphere. In his defense, it casually rolled off his tongue to answer the Youngjae’s question. 

Youngjae eyed him with sympathy while Jinyoung after already scanning almost the whole garden slowly turn his head to see Jaebum. To say he was affected is an understatement. Like someone just poured cold water on his head for him to wake up, that he’s been full of his own problems and unconsciously giving Jaebum a hard time, that he has to fix himself.  He knows he likes the older too but his wounds haven’t healed yet and may be engaging in a new relationship is too far ahead in his list of priority. 

“But that doesn’t mean I’ll stop doing my best to prove myself. He may not feel the same now but I would make him one step at a time” Jaebum looked at Jinyoung sincerity written all over face making Jinyoung’s cheeks warmed and felt he can easily melt with those message the older’s eyes keep on giving.

Exactly a week after Yugyeom’s birthday Jinyoung never texted Jaebum again and no this is not his fault for the older became overly friendly with Youngjae and Yugyeom that they often talk to him through phone and created their own chatroom. He feels so confuse, if the older likes him why would he give more attention to his friends than him? No he’s not jealous may be a little but hey who can’t blame him though so instead of trying to know the reason he just shrugged it off and may be the older is not really serious about the date, not like he’s anticipating it. 

One week after their prank Jaebum has been thinking the answers from several questions he had accumulated based on the words Jinyoung used in their supposedly prank without any prepared script but what Yugyeom said is true it felt so real, may be Jinyoung is just really a good actor but hey even Yugyeom said Jinyoung is a having a hard time. What could that mean? Is he the one who cause that?

“Maybe you should give him space” Youngjae suggested after hearing Jaebum’s ramblings about how he felt that Jinyoung has a problem. Evidence such as he seems less cheerful, attentive also because of the fact that he’s often distracted are the reasons the older worry so much. It pains him to see the love of his life being lifeless each day like instead of being the usual radiance he gives off, sadness looms over his face.

“We know Jinyoung hyung he just have this tendency to keep all things to himself until it he’ll burst. Maybe giving him some distance would prevent that hyung” Yugyeom told him this time. 

Jaebum hums considering the idea even though it kills him to distance himself from the younger if that’s the only way Jinyoung can fix himself he’s willing to do so and accept all the blades piercing his heart because he has to let Jinyoung go (temporarily) to help him.

“Ok I would give him his needed space but please keep an eye on him and I don’t know….maybe you can… tell me?” Jaebum can’t help himself to care. He doesn’t like asking for favors but he’s desperate and he needs something as a basis to validate his decision.
 
“Of course hyung we will be happy to help” “aye aye captain!” Youngjae and Yugyeom answered back respectively.

Being away from each other the two vent out all their sadness and longing in their respective tasks instead. Jinyoung never studied this hard, yes he wants to wins badly but other than that he doesn’t want to give himself a break, because doing nothing will only result in thinking what Jaebum is doing, would only make him question why the older stop seeing him all in all Jaebum will only pester his thoughts so he keep on occupying himself. Jaebum on the other hand is busy leading the basketball team, creating an impossible strenuous warm up and abusing his body until he’s tired enough not to think anymore. Also being one of the schools photographers he’s given tons of assignments to fulfill for the upcoming photo exhibit to impress the guests of the school. Every day has been hell for him struggling to finish his academic works and curriculars. The only source of his energy has always been Jinyoung but now he’s avoiding him he’s contented hearing Youngjae and Yugyeom’s stories and occasional times when he see the younger in school. He reasons out that physical fatigue is better and easy to deal with because sleep, food and medicine can cure him but the pain in his heart it seems impossible to deal with not only his medicine is far fetched but because he’s avoiding it (him).

Friday came, the supposed day for their date, both felt akin to longing to something that didn’t really happen. Instead of mourning, they just resorted to vent out everything in reviewing and practicing longer than the usual days hence being the only person left in their own respective club.     

When Jinyoung exited the library it’s already 7 pm, his mind is packed with knowledge yet his energy drained and he really needs to drink water for his exhaustion. The thing is the nearest drinking fountain can be found in the gym. Sighing Jinyoung decided that there’s nothing wrong with that, he needs his hard earned water to wash away his tiredness and quench his thirsty  and most especially it’s not like Jaebum is still there right?

Getting nearer to the drinking fountain Jinyoung keep on scolding himself not to expect Jaebum is still there, but his eyes are too stubborn looking far ahead with a little hope that he can have his ‘Jaebum intake’ as his friends wants to put it. Filling his bottle and ready to leave Jinyoung didn’t expect his feet to decide in their own as he’s now coming inside the gymnasium. He just wants to see it, the place he always see Jaebum practicing so hard, being recognized in his skills thus this place envelops Jinyoung with sense of being with Jaebum. Even though the older is nowhere to be found here in this now empty space is already enough for him. 

He’s closing his eyes feeling the atmosphere when suddenly he heard a voice that sounds familiar yet foreign in his ears turning around he saw a what seem like newly bath Jaebum, hair wet, towel placed in his shoulders and he’s wearing a simple shirt and sports shorts but enough to make Jinyoung swoon, he never thought he misses the older this much enough to surge forward, his self-control gone and he willingly throw himself to the older’s chest hugging him tightly. 

Jaebum stood there frozen, he’s never expecting the see the younger and even receiving a bone crashing hug. Jinyoung keeps on squeezing them together, like he’s afraid that the older would just be another illusion that once he pull away Jaebum will be gone as well. They stayed like that for a while and now Jaebum hugged him back. He guess didn’t need to distance himself anymore, screw all his plan to avoid the younger because all that matters is that he’s with him now, both of them squeezed into each other afraid to pull away though getting uncomfortable. 

 Jinyoung was the first one to pull away, the realization hit him now that he just initiated a hug and Jaebum might probably felt his desperation. 

“I’m sorry” is all he can say unable to look at the older as he keeps on looking down. Suddenly Jaebum placed both of his hands to his head and raise it gently revealing the tears he didn’t expect to shed.

Jaebum suddenly panicked seeing the younger crying and concern written all over his face. 

“Jinyoung-ah what happened?” Jaebum asked calmly though internally shaking, seeing Jinyoung after an agonizing week is truly a bliss.

“You broke your promise” is all Jinyoung can say, Jaebum squinted seemingly unaware of that promise and the former decided he already embarrassed himself today so it wouldn’t hurt to put the cherry on top to his embarrassing moments of the day.

“It’s Friday today, unless you forgot? You know I have to grant you a wish aren’t I?” 

Jaebum now remembered that this day should be their date, first ever if you would ask him. He let go of Jinyoung’s head. 

“It’s not like I’m anticipating or anything but I’m the one who usually fulfills his promise” Jinyoung tried to save his reputation and Jaebum smiled at him. 

“Then let’s go” Jaebum quickly gathered his stuff and waited for Jinyoung to walk

“Where?”

“Our date”

They’re now in the car with Jinyoung letting the older take him to wherever and blushing as he felt occasional glances from the older. When Jinyoung suddenly turned to face the older catching his eyes, it’s Jaebum’s turn to blush. He just missed the younger so much and him being in his side is such a dream he never expected to happen.

“What is it hyung?” Jinyoung tried to play innocent and suppressed a laugh observing Jaebum’s tainted cheeks. 

“Nothing I… I just trying to see if we’re going to the right turns. Jaebum lied and suddenly that traveling app keeps on telling him to turn left which is opposite to Jinyoung’s side. Jaebum was caught and he wanted to bang his head all of a sudden with Jinyoung can’t contain his laugh anymore. 

Jinyoung is now busy playing with his fingers thinking if he should ask or not. Ever since the hug nothing is clear with them. Yes they’re officially going to have a date yet the younger’s questions are still unanswered.    

“Can I ask you something?” Both of them are waiting for the traffic light to go green and Jinyoung deemed it as a perfect time to extract the truth. 

“Sure”

“Why are you avoiding me?” Jinyoung’s question was met with deafening silence for seconds before Jaebum sighed and decided to tell the younger.

“Because I thought you needed space for yourself” 

“But I said that only for the prank”

“Yeah the prank we didn’t have any outline or script at hand. Also Yugyeom even said you’re having a hard time that I must give you space to think and fix yourself. I’m sensing you have a problem Jinyoung and if I’m the one who makes your life extra difficult I’m willing to see myself out”

Jaebum looked at him sincerely yet sad and turned his attention back at front for the traffic light signal go. Jinyoung was shocked he didn’t realized that Jaebum’s reason is to help him, he can feel relief rushing on his body, ‘he’s not giving up on me’ Jinyoung keeps on telling himself and smile like a lovestruck girl.

“I’m fine now thank you for the concern” Jinyoung has to assure the older that he’s sacrifice is not put into vain. Because of the time he didn’t see the older yes he still has to heal some wounds but now he realized Jaebum is a must in his life he barely survive the week without him and now he’s on the stage wherein he wanted to keep seeing and talking to the older, for the older to have a stable position in his life. 

When they arrived it turns out that Jaebum chose a barbecue restaurant due to Yugyeom’s advise that Jinyoung likes meat. Though not your typical romantic date the glint of happiness in Jinyoung’s eyes is already enough for Jaebum to assure himself that he made the right decision. 

Taking a seat across each other on one of the farthest end where cushions are more comfortable, Jaebum reassured Jinyoung that the younger is free to choose whatever he wants to eat for he’ll be the one to pay. While waiting for their olders both decided to seek answers to whatever queries they have in mind. 

“Why are you crying a while ago?”

“I already answered that”

“Are you sure? What about the hug then?” Jaebum doesn’t want to pressure the younger but curiosity is eating him alive, that maybe just maybe Jinyoung started to feel the same.

Jinyoung tried to think for a plausible explanation, he can’t just say he just felt doing it, that he can’t control his body anymore that surge forward and that he misses him so bad. His throat gone dry unable to think of possible route to escape this. 

Jaebum looked at him lovingly, every face Jinyoung does is beautiful, from smiling, laughing and now he found his new favorite when he’s thinking and concentrating. His hands are starting to look for his phone and before he knows it he already hit the camera button. 

Jinyoung was taken aback at the sudden camera sound and look at Jaebum who’s now rubbing his nape shyly and smiling to him innocently.

“Did you just---”

“Yes” 

“Why?”

“Isn’t that so obvious? You look so cute when thinking and it’s not everyday I can see that up close so for memory?” Jaebum tried to reason out laughing awkwardly and again his tongue slipped “also because I miss you” he muttered in low tone yet created already a huge impact to Jinyoung. How he wish he’s the same as him, that expressing his feelings would be simple and not like him over thinking of what to say.
  
Their orders arrive and they eat in comfortable silence, being so exhausted they didn’t care anymore as they may look greedy, because different types of food are presented before them waiting to be consumed.

Jaebum’s phone suddenly rang and revealed Youngjae calling. 

“Hello Youngjae-ahh, yes I’m with Jinyoung now.” “I’ll bring him home don’t worry and yes we’ll give you takeouts” “ok bye” 

Jinyoung snorts he thought his friends called out of concern but soon changed after he realized they’re now waiting for takeouts.

They stay there for a while, conversing to each other about anything that comes into mind but it’s really evident that Jaebum is tired with how often he yawns and the way he try his best to keep his eyes open.

“I think we should go home” Jinyoung said after much deliberation. Yes he wanted to be with the older more but he just can’t let him like this.

“I… I still want to be with you” Jaebum is trying to keep the yawn from coming but again failed and Jinyoung took that as cue to gather his things and usher Jaebum outside.

Once they’re out Jinyoung decided that’ll he be the one driving instead, Jaebum refused because he thought it’s very ungentleman. 

“You do realize we’re both men right?” Jinyoung tried to reason out palm extended waiting for Jaebum to give the keys. Sighing he brought out the keys and let the younger have his way. 

The ride home was quiet with Jaebum finally slept at his side and Jinyoung driving. Once they’re waiting again for the same stoplight Jinyoung take this opportunity to admire the older’s face. He looks so peaceful sleeping, with all his features relaxed and not the usual seriousness vibe he give off. He was tempted to touch his face and extend his hand when suddenly the car at the back honk stirring Jaebum awake and Jinyoung quickly averted his eyes like he’s focusing on the road.

“Are we there yet?” Jaebum’s voice came out hoarse yet his eyes are still close Jinyoung felt those butterflies again on how cute the older is like a child who just woke up. 

“Not yet sleepyhead. I’ll wake you up when we get there” and with that Jaebum sleep again and Jinyoung continue his driving. 

What Jinyoung didn’t realize is that Jaebum is a heavy sleeper they’re already outside the younger’s home but the older didn’t budge no matter how he shake him and even shout at him. Sighing he went out and guided the older outside taking him by the shoulder. Jinyoung’s now struggling to keep his balance because of additional weight and slowly open the door of his house. The maknaes were probably asleep as Jinyoung stepped inside it’s already 11 pm and no one is at the living room watching or playing games. Jinyoung breath a sigh of relief at least he wouldn’t have to deal with maknaes interrogation on how he’s with Jaebum and practically carrying him. 

Jinyoung is having a hard time looking for his room key with how Jaebum is now nuzzling in his neck. ‘Focus you can do this’ the younger keep on repeating. Once they’re inside of his room, Jinyoung laid Jaebum on his bed and took off his shoes. Though he missed the warmth of the older, this is better he told himself it’s not like he can carry him all night right. 

Jinyoung already changed into his sleeping attire and decided to sleep on the living room instead. He’s now gathering pillows on the unoccupied side of his bed when he stopped midway admiring the older’s face again. He miss him so much seeing him like this make Jinyoung wanted to stay there just looking at him. He walked close the older and gently placed a kiss at his forehead. It was very liberating he thought like being free from your worries, from your rules and just letting yourself do what you want. Jaebum’s eyes slowly flutter open, Jinyoung quickly pulled away and turning to leave when suddenly he felt a hand at his wrist and the next thing he knew Jaebum was hugging him. 

“If this is all a dream please let me dream longer” he muttered eyes close and Jinyoung sighed he can’t possibly run away with this, he’s been hurting the older and this is the only thing he can do. Telling himself again it’s okay to do what he wanted Jinyoung finally position himself at the side of the older and now being engulf with the warmth. He’s okay with this, he wanted this, he needed this. 

Sleep finally came to Jinyoung but the warmth never cease to disappear. He should worry how to explain it tomorrow to the maknaes but for now he lets his mind relax and enjoy everything.  

hello! just to explain I just realized that some things don't just go the way we wanted them to be. That after waiting you thought it would be alright but still failed because of circumstances. I'm a blackjack and I can't expess how sad I am that my first ever girl group disbanded....... ok I think I should end now sorry for being emotional all of a sudden and I hope this chapter is enough (: