Baek Hyun questions his intentions of even coming to this place.

Of all places, the best place for him to concentrate and be himself was the graveyard.
The cemetery where his 2 loved ones lies.
First, his older brother, and second, his ex-girlfriend.
Both of their deaths, he played a big role.

Everything led back to Baek Hyun, he takes a deep breath and paced towards a square shaped black tomb, located near the entrance. Spider web covers a good number of tombs, sprawling from one to another but his older brother’s seemed clean and new.

A bouquet of white lilies rests there.

It’s from his parents.

“I’m sorry I’m here again.” He sits in front of his older brother’s tomb, “But I really miss you…” Baek Hyun sniffed before pulling the zipper, grabbing the paper and pen he took from his home.
He pondered between first person or third person to be the most appropriate, the latter was more common, as how they always did so he started penning down.

[I would like to apologise for not being able to attend my best buddy’s wedding but I would still like to write a speech for this guy, I have so much to thank for.
I’ve known Lu Han since we were 2 when he moved from China to my house next door and after breaking our house’ window thrice and I did the same in return, we got to know each other. Our mothers then started quarreling and comparing us like we were some household products.
In school, that was when I knew I had a met a great buddy, who was willing to stick a broom on our teacher’s just to get revenge for mistaking my intentions.

Every good thing will come to end, or a halt at some moments in our life and I had a taste of it when his family had to move back to China, in our second year in high school. Suddenly, the world around became black and white.]

Baek Hyun turns to the tomb beside him.

There was no white at all, everything was black.

 

 

A few hours had passed, at least in Baek Hyun’s mind, he took long but managed to write through his speech for Lu Han, after squeezing his brain juices dry over writing the first few paragraphs repeatedly, crushing about 7 or 8 drafts when he had to address ‘Se Hun’s part’, which he only mentioned once in the entire letter.

[May your marriage with Se Hun be filled with love and happiness.]

There was a minute sense of achievement for completing it, this place could give him all the focus he needs in the world, away from his pain (ironically), away from the living.

Just where his body should rightfully belong to.

It was his wonderland.

Slotting the letter in an envelope, he packs up and grabbed his bag, turns to looks at his brother and smiles. “One of these days, I will leave this world, then I can see you again, big brother.”

The skies darkened in to gray clouds as he left the tomb for the other – the one where his heart bleeds the most from. The first person he has ever loved, the first person he had hurt the most, who died because of him.

Kim Tae Yeon.

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“Eh?” Chan Yeol says over the phone. “For how long?! But sis, you know I can’t handle living with her, remember my last apartment, she made a huge ruckus…but…errr, fine.” Chan Yeol sighs heavily. “I know.”

Chan Yeol raised his eyebrows, baffled by the call, he rubs his head in dismay.

{DING DONG}

Turning to the door swiftly, he face palmed.

She’s already here?!

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Before he knew it, it was already late by the time he reached home, Baek Hyun was still pondering where the knife he had brought along disappeared to.

If not for his encounter with his neighbor that early afternoon, he probably would be in the obituary the following day, or just announced dead, in the graveyard. That was what he envisioned.

With that heart thumping feeling again and the knife missing, he was getting furious and frustrated that things did not go per his plan while at the same time, trying to convince himself that he was just not ready to die yet.

How would Lu Han cope if he reads the best man speech only to realise he could never see Baek Hyun again, that would be utterly irresponsible to him.

Yes, he escaped death because he was going to live for Lu Han.
The only burning light that keeps him sane.

And maybe this person…called Park Chan Yeol.

Now, who is that beautiful hazel haired girl, swerving her arms tangled around Chan Yeol at the convenience store right beside their apartment?

He watched from outside, almost sure he saw flowers blossoming between the two and there, was Chan Yeol, enjoying every interaction he has with that girl.

How could he?

Baek Hyun caught himself thinking before freezing up. What just crossed his mind?

He shakes his head, he’s tired after wiring his brain to come up with the speech, but the two looked so good together, both tall, beautiful and happy, like 2 celebrities on the road, getting not just gazes from him but other people around.

He was not going to risk his heart again, realizing this same feeling he shared with the previous 3 relationship he has had.

More than enough. He breaks his eyes off the two and continued his way back to the apartment, but…

 

He couldn’t sleep.

The pinks and flowers from his neighbor and the girl still etched like Uhu super glue in his mind, twirling and coiling his thoughts even as he rolled on his bed for the past 3 hours.

URGH! This ing feeling again. This love thing and…

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!” Baek Hyun grabbed his pillow over his mind, it’s damn irritating as and Baek Hyun is just trapped. “Whyyyyyyyyyy!!!!’

He throws the pillow off his head and gets off bed, scratching his head annoyingly.

This is why he despise living!

He goes into the kitchen, grabbed the pill bottle from the white plastic bag, one of them he additionally purchased was sleeping pills. Very glad to have it around but very bad for him the following morning.

 

By the time morning struck, and the lights caught his eyes open, time was the first thing that beat up his heart real hard.

Baek Hyun raced off his bed, not even able to comprehend what kind of force was even pulling his normal morning tears out that morning, he just had to pass the letter to Kai, but man he was late as , and was the best word to describe everything since he woke up since.

Falling off the stairs when the lift broke down, Sunday morning crowds that he wasn’t even going to slow down to apologize for bumping into people, making dashes across traffic, even at the cross junction in the middle of the city, 2 hours late! What the .

The wedding would start soon as he feels all the guilt for letting Kai wait, like urgh.

{BEEP BEEP}

A huge horn from who knows where came, he just needs to get to the destination. Enough making other people feeling miserable because of him, Kai, Se Hun, older brother, Tae Yeon, parents, his neighbor, everyone he owes all sorts of favor to, and give Lu Han the break off from him he deserves.

The horn gets louder and perhaps closer that Baek Hyun turns to see a huge truck coming at his way in rapid speed.

So is this why he no chance to die at the graveyard?
Because he was fated to die another way?

He lets out a nervous giggle in his heart and stopped.

Finally, this day has come.

Baek Hyun stretched his arm towards his side, watching the huge vehicle come.

{BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP}