“Here.”

Baek Hyun receives a glass of water in his psychiatrist’s office.

Every Saturday was his appointment with Dr Do Kyung Soo, each session though Baek Hyun dreads, he still attends, in hopes that it would help him devoid of all these negatives in his mind.

He had no recollection of what had happened after he was dead drunk except finding himself waking up on his bed with breakfast prepared by who knows who on his dining table. Baek Hyun slapped himself, but the pain tells that he was not dreaming and actual food prepared on his dining table was real, something was even on the dining table is unrealistic enough, what’s more questioning how he has the morning appetite that was lost for months, to gobble everything down.

Doctor Do walked over to sit beside Baek Hyun on the sofa, taking in a huge breath.
“The best choice for you right now is to move out of your house. The longer you stay, the more you wouldn’t let go of him.”

Baek Hyun clutched the glass tighter, the last thing he wanted was that.

Holding a white plastic bag filled with pill bottles, Baek Hyun stands in front of a room rental store, browsing through the list of the cheapest available ones.

There ranged from $200 to $500 a month, was probably the best deals Baek Hyun could afford to get. Any cheap one would do.
Thinking through what his doctor suggested may be the only sane way to at least remove Se Hun’s scent and start to isolate any ties with him.

“Yo.”

Baek Hyun jumped when someone tapped him on the shoulders. His train of thoughts completely halted by whichever guy.
He turns immediately to see an old high school classmate, and…

“Kai.”

The guy smiled. “You thinking of moving out?”

Seeing Kai reminds Baek Hyun of all the white lies he came up with to break off with Se Hun, and asking this rookie actor to act as his ‘cheating boyfriend’ was convincing.

Baek Hyun nods, going back to the brochures he had. “I need the resale money to return the debts.”

Kai loses his smile, fixing his eyes on Baek Hyun. “You know you can come over to my place to stay, for free.”

“No! I’ve troubled you enough with Se Hun. If the debtors know your place, you will also be affected. I’ve owed you a lot.” Baek Hyun bowed. “I know you would help me regardless of my request, but please let me do this on my own, this time!”

The immediate long strand of reactions made Kai sighed. “Alright. But if you need any help, I’m always around.”

Baek Hyun heaves. “Thanks.”

“By the way, are you attending Se Hun and Lu Han’s wedding tomorrow?”

Baek Hyun’s eyes dilated. “How do you know about this?”

Kai darted his eyeballs upwards and shrugged. “Because Lu Han is my colleague.”

“It’s better for you to stay away from him for now. Your emotions aren’t stable to face him yet.”

Pacing home with these words from Kai already made Baek Hyun cancel his meeting with Se Hun that afternoon. Kai was right, his emotions is spontaneous and if anything triggers, he could break down in to tears and cause a mess in front of Se Hun.

It will be ugly.

{RING RING}

Baek Hyun rubbed his forehead down to his cheeks when he sees the number.

“You know what would happen to your parents if you decide to run away.”

Yes he knew, moving house doesn’t mean he was planning to escape from them, he hangs up the phone when his next door neighbor closed the gates.

Their eyes met.

“How are you feeling now?”

“I’m…” Baek Hyun wanted to choose from his default options: ‘fine’, ‘alright’, ‘good’, ‘okay’ but perhaps this person had already known about his depleted life, he could not find the voice to say either of it. “I’m…better.”

He stopped to reply, and how was that any different from his choices?

Oh, .

Some huge waves of memory from last night came pouring back causing Baek Hyun to cover his face in utter embarrassment and shamelessness. Spamming his door bell, shouting bits of anger, laughing disgracefully and practically begging for him to kill him. How was he going to face this person without dying of regrets?

“I’m SORRY!” He bows while still covering his face.

EVERY TIME BYUN BAEK HYUN, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME, YOU HAD TO CAUSE TROUBLE ON OTHERS.

Chan Yeol only shook his head. “No trouble. If you are alright.”

A line in Baek Hyun’s mind snapped.

“NO! I’M NOT ALRIGHT!”

The echoes channeled across the entire apartment.

Blood was rushing in his mind, how is he alright when he had to sell his house, how is he alright when he had to see psychiatrist, how is he alright when he betrayed Se Hun and Lu Han, how is he alright when debtors are coming after him, how can anything be alright in his life? He doesn’t even DERSERVE to be alright.

Thoughts shoots wild in his mind, he pushed Chan Yeol aside and storms into his house, slamming the door behind him.

Slouching down against the door as he rubs off tears from his eyes furiously.

HOW IS HE ALRIGHT WHEN HE COST 2 DEATHS?

 

He did it again, throwing feats of tantrum at someone who just wants to check on his condition out of good will, which means he should move out as soon as possible to avoid causing any more trouble to him.

Baek Hyun sniffs and finally gets up after how many hours or minutes have passed until he has calmed down. Each time he loses control, this happens frustratingly.

He grabbed a few pen and papers from the table into his bag, then opened the door. He should be writing his best man speech for Lu Han, and going to the cemetery would be the best environment to write it.
But before that, he should go apologize, again, or do something to make up for his temper. Anything.

He stopped before he could open the gate on time and bends down.

Leaning against his gate, sitting down and folding his arms, Baek Hyun sees Chan Yeol asleep.

Why is this person helping him unconditionally? He doesn’t have to go through all the troubles to put up with him, he could have just left him to rot and decay in this house or better yet fling a knife at him like Yun Ho did for his nonsense.

He is just a neighbor.

Was he supposed to go somewhere but chooses to stay here for him?

Chan Yeol’s eyes twitched before frowning and turned around to see Baek Hyun staring at him.

Their eyes met for a long while.

Until Baek Hyun broke it, standing up immediately. “I’m sorry, for just now!”

Chan Yeol got up in equivalent lightning speed, pats off dust from his clothes and looked around awkwardly, tucking his hands in his pocket. “I should be. I wasn’t sensitive to your issues.”

“N…N…no, you aren’t fully aware.”

Other than awkward exchanges of apologies, Baek Hyun’s heart was beating crazy fast.

“I…If you have any problems, you can look for me, I’m just next door.” Chan Yeol says before bowing. “As a neighbor, but I need to run errands now so maybe later, around evening, I will be back by then. You can…if you need…” With that he turns away and sped off towards the stairs down.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chan Yeol pants heavily in his car, holding the steering wheel tight.

Never in Chan Yeol’s life would he expect himself to see that kind of expression reflected at him from Baek Hyun, sure he had seen him done that to Se Hun many times, but it was the first time, and unexpectedly, after living beside him for so long, did that face greets his heart.

For it to race so rapidly, he crashed his head on the wheel, his car horned.

That moment he woke up, whether it was a short dream or reality, it was the first time, he saw Baek Hyun direct beam, right at him.

 

Baek Hyun pressed his heart, leaning his head against the bus window.

It has finally calmed down, but each thought of Chan Yeol still sends his mind rushing in circles and dizzy again.

This feeling, forbidden feeling.

Baek Hyun covered his mouth in realization.

The bus stopped and he had reach his station but after he alights, a knife dropped out from his bag.