I've been standing in the shower for few minutes, or maybe even hours. I have no idea how much time has already passed. My skin still burns me just like it did, at times I even get an impression that it's getting even worse. Right next to my feet there are several empty shower gel bottles and wrappings of freshly unwrapped soaps. Even though I keep on scrubbing myself like there's no tomorrow, the disgusting feeling won't leave me. My head is bursting from the amount of memories I don't even want to see or feel anymore.

I let go of the soap and lean against the cold tiles on the wall. The water is still crashing against my body and I rub my face with both of my hands. I stare blankly and shift my gaze towards the mirror. Towards my reflection. I examine my red body from all the scrubbing and stop my eyes on few hickeys. They are located on my neck, my shoulders and my chest. They vary when it comes to the shape or size, but all of them are still as bright as few days ago. I grit my teeth slightly, in just one take turning off water and leaving shower. I don't grab a towel, neither do I wipe my body. I stop next to the sink, resting my hands against it and leaning forward. I look in the mirror right in my own eyes, although I'm not certainly sure what am I looking for in them. They are red from all the tears and irritated after several encounters with shower gel. I shake my head, taking as the only right reaction to the way I look like. I take a really deep breath and, after holding it in lungs for a moment, exhale. I grab a towel, which I wrap around my hips and leave the room, grabbing one more to dry my hair with it. I go through my not that big but cosy flat, leaving behind wet traces of bare feet.

I stop by the sofa, let my head down and start drying wet strands of hair. When I find them dry enough, I just toss the towel carelessly to the armchair and take the seat. I lean against the back and stare on the black TV screen. I have no idea what to do with myself so I decide to take a look around the room. Right when I see a frame with a photo, which shouldn't be there anymore, I stand up and approach it. I take it with one hand and run thumb against the cold, slightly covered with dust glass. These days I didn't spend much amount of time in flat to be actually able to get rid of dust or vacuum the place. I watch closely the photo, which shows a last year's event. I'm sitting on Yixing's lap with my fingers in V sign. He's embracing me with one hand and slightly biting my jaw. In the background you can see our friends, trying hard to ruin the photo for us while making some stupid faces. Unfortunately for them, we didn't mind it, it was actually the other way.

I grit my teeth and throw the frame to the ground. The glass shatters and the paper bends in an abnormal way. I rest my hand against the bookstand, exhaling loudly. I look at our cracked faces and find them looking still better when comparing to the state of my heart anyway. I leave the room in order to come back after few minutes, wearing loose pants and t-shirt. Under the arm I hold cardboard box, in which I toss all the photographies, all the cosmetics in the bathroom, which belong to him. I go through every room, in each of them stopping by for a moment or a bit longer. Firstly, I take a look around and pack every thing, which is his or is associated with our past. Then I open wardrobes, closets and drawers. I take my time when taking a close look at the clothes, documents and some other less significant things.

When the box is full to the point that nothing more will fit in it, I go out to the balcony and I examine the surroundings and surrounding buildings. No one's there so I take the opportunity and without any hesitation, I stretch my arms outside the balcony and let go of the box. I just stand there, listening carefully to the desired sound. When the rumble reaches my ears, I disappear in my flat again and close balcony doors. I pull the thick curtains, turn around and look around the room. Getting rid of all those things gave me an impression as if some unbelieveable change was introduced, although, in reality, nothing actually changed. Everything is just the same, just like when I was taking a shower.

♣

Someone's making a fuss on the other side of the doors to my flat. They're pounding their fists against them or are ringing the bell. I keep on lying down for few more minutes, staring in the ceiling and hoping that the impertinent someone will give up, but it's not going to happen. I get up, sighing heavily and fix my pants. I leave the bedroom, grabbing a hoodie on my way and wear it while opening the door. I look at Luhan, who's watching me with eyes rather filled with resentment. I take a step to the side, letting him in and that's what he does without a single word, heading to the living room. I close the door, put my hands in the pockets and go after him. When I enter the room, he's standing at the bookstand and carefully observes each shelf. When I take a seat and clear my throat, he turns around and spreads his hands.

"What happened?"

I shrug slightly, not breaking the eye contact.

"We broke up."