Recommended Song: I'm A Fool

When I said I don't want to tell Wangeun about my disease, when I told them to not let him know, when I don't want him to know, this is the reason,

this is what I mean.

He is coming into the patient room to meet me after dad leaves just now. I'm still lying on this hospital bed in baby blue uniform. His face expression doesn't look so good. Perhaps, he knows the truth about my health condition already. My soft gaze following him until he takes a seat beside the bed.

None of us speak as he keep his sight lower down while mine still fix on him. At last, I decide to break the silent.

"Are you ok?"

I don't know what to ask. At least, I try. Later, he scoffs and smirks, still looking down.

"Ask that question to yourself. Idiot."

I just smile bitterly and look away without reply his words. No matter how many times I ask the same question to myself, the answer won't change. Are you okay? Am I okay? Well... I'm dying.

"Why you keep it secret from me?" He speaks again, this time he lifts his gaze to me. "Heart tumor. Do you think it just a small thing that you can keep it secret from me forever?"

I bite my lower lip, look anywhere but his face.

"Am I talking to a bed? Look at me!" I still refuse to turn my head. Not until he grabs my shoulder a bit too harsh and turn me to the side. "Don't ignore me when I'm talking to---!!" He stops his words right away once he sees my teary eyes now. "Geez. Why're you even crying for? You're not going to die! Don't overreact---"

"I'm going to die." I cut his half-finished sentence and start to cry. I hate him. He's so insensitive! I hate him!!! Appa, I don't want to love this guy anymore!!!

"N--No. I said no. You won't die from this stupid heart tumor. NO." His voice is slightly shaking. Later, he leaves the room.

I remind myself to hate him.

.

.

.

However, the next two days morning, he comes again to visit me at hospital. He brings a basket of fruit along. When I ask him whether he buys it for me, he avoids eye contact and makes up story.

"You buy this for me?" I smile. I forget that I already reminded myself to hate him. I'm smiling right now.

"N--No way. I saw a nice shop selling fruit when I was on my way here. So, I just happen to buy it and-- and bring it here." What a cute reply. He still look down and hands awkwardly holding one another.

"Thank you."

He looks at me when hearing that thank you, look a bit clueless.

"Thank you for visiting me today. Thank you for accidentally buy fruits and bring it here." I continue my words but he's just too shy/ego to reply back. Instead, he sits beside my bed and peel an apple using a small knife he brings along.

"Apple?" He briefly says while handing me a slice of the fruit.

"Sure. Thank you." I take the apple and eat it.

No one is speaking now as both of us are busy with our own mind thoughts. This is what I mean when I said I don't want to let Wangeun know about my disease. He'll treat me so nicely if he knows it. And look now, he really does. But I guess, this doesn't feel so bad tho. He treats me nicely isn't really a good thing but not a bad thing too. I'm confused with myself.

"How long have you keep it secret from me?" He asks lowly, breaks the silent.

"The disease?"

"Yes."

"Not so long. About 5 months."

He sighs. "5 months is too long."

"Because you never care about me, Wangeun." I smile hurtfully. "You never want to care."

He looks up to me and our painful gaze meet one another. This time, he doesn't look away like always he does everytime eye contact happens between us.

"I'm sorry." He utters softly.

I swallow my pain. Wangeun never speak to me this soft before. He never look at me directly in eyes and never treat me preciously. But now, he does those things. He really change once he knows about my disease.... as I expected.

"I'm sorry." He says the same words again and stands up from his seat, hand sneaks to behind my neck as he leans forward. I fail to hold the urge to tear up as this really feels like a dream. Am I already in heaven? Am I already die? The tear rolls down when I close my eyes because at this moment, he kisses my forehead. The first kiss he ever gives to me since we get married two years ago.

He pulls back later and again say sorry. "I'm sorry because I never do this before."

Even tho he does this just because of the guilty and regret he feels, not because of love, I still accept it. I still like it. The way he treats me differently now, even tho his love still completely for Haesoo, I don't mind anymore. Having him by my side for the remaining of my life is more than enough.

"W--Wangeun."

He looks at me again when I call his name. I feel quite hesitate to continue my request. Am I selfish if I want him to say something he doesn't mean it?

"I still love you." I say it and lowkey hope he say the three words back to me. But instead, he smiles simply and looks down.

"Thank you." He says briefly.

I know it. I hope for too much. His one and only love is just Haesoo. Why is it so hard for me to accept that fact? I smile sadly and look away, my chest feels hurt. Really hurt. Life is so unfair, isn't it? I'm married to someone I love so much, but he never love me back. My chest feels so hurt that I can barely breath now.

"Can you... say it back to me? C--Can you say that... that you love me too?" I almost sound like begging. I'm so pathetic. He is taken aback at my request as he stares at me without words for few sec.

Later, he opens his mouth and almost say it. "Park Soondeok, I love..---"

However, almost is never enough. I clutch my painful chest and fall forward, forehead pressing on the bed sheet. I can't breath properly, so suffocated. He is panic too as he immediately stand up and run out to call for help. Life is really unfair for me! I missed my last chance to hear him saying the precious words to me. So unfair.

Soon enough, doctor and two nurses come into the room to give emergency help. From the corner of my eyes, I see Wangeun. His worry face as his hand his hair in frustration. Doctor tells him to wait outside while I get some treatment.

He's calling and speaking to someone through phone. Probably, he calls appa to inform him about my critical condition right now. Later, my gaze turns blank as I faint.

.

.

.

"Soondeok ah! Get back down here! Omg this lil naughty." The appa looked up to his daughter who again climbing the tree just to peek into her crush's house.

The girl with messy hair and muddy clothes smiled once her eyes met the handsome silly boy who was playing with marbles and puppy alone.

"Aren't you hungry, Mongryeong? I want to eat apple. I'm craving for apple right now. Ahhh~" The boy named Wangeun sighed and lay his back on the ground. He giggled as his puppy his face aggressively. Soondeok smiled wider at that view. So, Wangeun was craving for apple?

Soondeok looked around before jumped down and ran to an apple tree nearby. She plucked one of the fruit and climbed up the same tree earlier. Wangeun was still lying on the ground with his puppy when Soondeok threw the apple to his direction. Luckily, it didn't hit Wangeun. The apple straightly landed on the ground beside the boy's head. As expected from skillful Soondeok~

"Whoa! An apple! Mongryeong, look! I just said it, now an apple really dropped from heaven!"

Soondeok cupped as she chuckled at Wangeun's funny reaction. So silly~

"Let's share this apple together~ Yo