FIFTEEN

Do you love me?

Joy walked slowly down the edge of valley next to her. A stone fled low after she sluggishly kicked it. Her head bent down from shame.

Shame of what just happened. Shame of what she just said. Moreover, ashamed cause the person who’s the object of her question just silently walked in front of her. Only the back facing her.

Even her back rejects me.

That’s how it felt.
 

Another stone be her target. The second one, third one...

Along with sorrow she’d felt for the first time.

Lost count on how many stones she kicked - with her head still down, just following the older girl’s shadow- when she heard the door open.

They were already in front of the room. A room with an open space that’s still part of the resort here.

And that was the first time Joy had looked at Seulgi again.

Her face stiffened

 

“Let’s go inside.”

 

The sentence was too subtle for Joy to hear. She might not figure it out if she didn’t see Seulgi’s mouthing.
 

She slowly stepped inside.

 

When she’s right in front of Seulgi, she gave her a smile.

 

A smile to prove that she’s alright. Just so Seulgi would forget what she said.

 

A smile which from whatever side you stared at, it still would contain,

 

…blues.
 

***
 

She shot awake cause of the distinctive coffee smell she sensed in her sleep.

 

Wriggling to right and left, her eyes peeked at bed next to hers. The bed was empty and looked neat –a sign that Seulgi had already woken up way before her.

 

She sat, yesterday’s event instantaneously playing themselves in her mind.

 

And from the way Seulgi responded with silence, Joy exactly knew what answer she would get.

She should’ve known this would happen.

 

Nope.

 

She had already seen this coming from the beginning.

 

Blame her heart that couldn’t bear not to ask.

 

Simply blame her heart, if the answer didn’t exist.

 

There never will be.

 

She walked out of the room straight into the kitchen, where she believed she’d see Seulgi there. They needed to talk.

 

More precisely, she needed to apologize.

 

Joy could only see Seulgi’s back, again. The back that still gave her silence. The back that still rejected her.

Her nerves instantly shrunk to even to say hello. She pulled out a chair and sat. The creaking sound of chair surprised Seulgi.

 

That face hardened.

 

“You’re awake?” Seulgi who’s the first to break the ice, made Joy curse herself a loser.

 

“Yes, your coffee is that powerful. Even the scent reaches my dreams.” Heavily –and awkwardly- Joy tried to joke.

 

Seulgi brought their breakfasts and returned to pick up two cups of coffee she’d prepared for Joy and herself.

 

Joy eyed Seulgi’s glass, which looked solid black and at her brown one.

 

“Lots of sugar as usual” Seulgi said while smiling.
 

Something stuck in Joy’s throat, for her not being able to utter anything. Guilt and pain seemed reluctant to leave her chest.

She gathered the courage to say,

 

“Forgive me.”

 

Out of the corner of her eyes with head sinking down, Joy saw Seulgi stop herself from shoving food into . Still out of the corner of her eye, Seulgi put down the spoon and looked at her.
 

When she lifted her head, that was when Seulgi’s smile appeared.

 

A smile that brought her to the beginning of their meeting, then again with different understanding.

 

A smile that couldn’t be defined.

 

What Joy didn’t know was that –behind the undefined smile- Seulgi gritted her teeth in restrain.

 

Today, she’d finish what she had been waiting for before this unfamiliar feeling in her chest shout for forgiveness.

 

Surely, today.

 

With composed heart –still smiling at Joy- she nodded,

 

“Let’s eat.”

 

***
 

“Lala lalala lala lala ~”

 

The Canadian hummed melodiously as she open her wardrobe. She arranged her clothes by color and size of each. Being a perfectionist –almost likely having OCD- turned her into neat-freak, even too freak for herself.

 

“Ouch!” Her legs tripped, “God dammit!”

 

Wendy picked up the big green bag, placing it on the table.

 

“Isn’t this Joy’s?”

 

She asked herself.

 

She remembered a few days ago Joy stopped by her house before meeting Seulgi. The blonde rushed in carrying mountain of stuff including this bag.
 

---

Wendy opened the door after a storm bell ringing and bothering her only to find Joy carrying a large bag and some other things in her hand.

 

“Are you moving out?” The Canadian asked.

 

“Shut up.” Joy cut her off.

 

“I won’t let you stay over! Never!”

 

“Told you to shut up Wan. Just help me. “

 

Wendy helped picking up some of her things, carrying them to the living room.

 

“What are these?”

 

She was about to open the green bag,

 

“Don’t!” Joy shouted in reflex, stopping her best friend.

 

Surprised Wendy just shrugged her shoulders in confusion.

 

Her living room became a junkyard shelter in an instant. But the culprit had no intention to answer her at all.

 

Instead, the blonde t