I was sick at the time. With the flu, I think? It was terrible. I couldn’t stop sneezing, and my nose had a mind of its own. All I wanted to do was stay at home. But, y’know, college is expensive as . I wasn’t going to let it go to waste. Can you believe it? I already had the scholarship but I still had to pay for so many other things. And I have bills to pay, too. God, finance makes me so stressed. Do you know how expensive those text books were? I barely used half of them!

Anyway, I was sloppily dressed, completely barefaced, and in the ugliest shoes on Earth: Crocs. They’re just really comfortable.

Don’t look at me like that Jonghyun. Not everyone can be as sharply dressed as you.

Crocs and socks? The damn dream team of comfort. You can fight me on this. I’ll defend it to death.

I was sleeping in the library since… I mean, what else would you do in a library? Study? Ha, ha, ha… Yeah, okay, I know it’s a place meant for studying. That’s its intended purpose. I repeat: intended purpose.

I wasn’t completely knocked out, though. Y’know that feeling when you’re slipping in and out of consciousness? Yeah, that.

Jinki, being extremely popular, knew everyone. He passed by the library and asked someone if a ‘Taehyun’ was inside. Oddly, that person knew my name. If I remember correctly, that person was a she. She pointed over to my direction and he came over. If I had to reenact it, it would kind of be like:

“Hey One-Of-The-Many-Friends-I-Have,” Jinki said, “Have you seen Taehyun around?”

“Oh hello Mr. Popular Whom Everybody Likes Up to A Certain Point,” she replied, “Taehyun? Over there.” she pointed over to me.

“Thanks Friend!”

“You’re welcome, Friend!”

“Haha! Friendship!”

Jinki’s must’ve been pretty close to that other Taehyun because he happily shook me awake. I grunted and nudged him. I was so annoyed. I was thinking: ‘Who the Hell is this guy? Where does he get the energy to be rude at 8 in the morning like—’

He placed an arm around me, repeatedly telling me to wake up. When I replied, that’s probably when he realized that I wasn’t the right person. I looked up. It was so damn bright. Honestly, I wasn’t so sure whether the light was actual sunlight or if it was radiating off of Jinki.

He was so shocked to see me, that he literally shot back a good meter. Hey, Jonghyun, remember when I was under the bed and you suddenly showed up? It must’ve been like that. You looked terrifying, Jesus Christ. You were grinning at me like a psychopath. In comparison, I probably looked horrifying. Pale as death, chapped lips, dark under eye circles, designer eye bags, nose so red it could rival Rudolph’s.

Well, I must’ve looked a little cute because he ended up staying with me for a while. Did I mention that he’s a Med student? He gave me a consultation right there in the library. Thinking about it always makes me laugh. He has an amazing sense of humor. I don’t know, he’s just so silly and witty. I felt so bad. I really wanted to laugh at his jokes, but I was afraid that snot would fly out from my nose.

From then on, we were friends. Jinki would always wave at me, with that smile. God I love that smile. We slowly learned things about each other, until we knew basically everything. I never mentioned any relatives, though, other than my parents and brothers, so he must’s been really surprised to meet five of my cousins.

Oh, sorry, correction. Four of my cousins, and Uncle Suho. Right. Whose quick thinking can I thank?

Nice one, Taemin. High five.                                                                        

Somewhere along the line between friendship and love, we crossed that line. I can vaguely remember the moments leading up to that time. Everything just played out so naturally. Nothing over-the-top, nothing that was too ‘dramaesque’. We got so accustomed to being around each other. One day, the aura around us changed. Hugs lasted a little longer, we sat a little closer together, and I began to notice the little things about him that I realized I loved. The little bits of hair that would stick out randomly, that little crinkle by his eyes whenever he would smile, the way his shoulders looked, his eyelashes, even the way he stood.

I think we both felt that things were starting to change.

I really loved him. Look, I don’t really know what that is. Judge me all you want for saying it, because I can fully understand. I mean, look at me. My whole life is one big sob story. I’ve had boyfriends before him, being with Jinki was different. I felt it. Love. I’m also starting to feel the alcohol kick in, so I’ll speed things up a bit.

On my 19^th birthday, he suddenly told that he was sorry. ‘Why?’ you’re probably thinking. Well, he said that it was my day; that he should be asking me what I wanted, not the other way around. He said that he really wanted something. As accurately as I remember, he said:

“I didn’t realize how much I wanted it,”

“Wanted what?”

“You,”

Suho, don’t hog the tissue. Pass me a sheet. Pass one to Minho, too. You’re welcome.

“Sh, don’t say anything yet. I just… Can’t go back to the way things were before, I’m sorry. I can’t look at you without thinking about how much I want you.”

“Then let’s date.” Yes, I said that. Stop laughing Jonghyun. Can’t a bright, strong, independent woman ask a man out? What’s the sin there?

Obviously, he said yes. We totally made out after that. He, he, he. I lived everyday happily. I met a lot of people since then, but I always stayed beside the people I genuinely knew and trusted. Life was good. But it’s not always going to be ups and highs and good things, right?

What you said was right, Jonghyun. I tend to love things that I can’t handle. Alcohol… Jinki.

He’s too perfect. Too ambitious. Too fast-paced. Too many things I couldn’t handle at the time.

The money I inherited was almost completely depleted. I had to skip some meals every day because I couldn’t afford to anymore. I worked part time for a while, but I couldn’t balance working and studying. I had to stop so I could keep my scholarship. It didn’t matter anyway since I already lost it. You probably already know this, Jonghyun, since you paid for it in full. Really, thank you. Thank you.

I knew I was holding Jinki back. Don’t tell me otherwise. It was obvious. He was constantly worried about me. It wasn’t nice being with me anymore. It was burdensome. One day, he told me that he wanted me to meet his parents. I really didn’t want to, but I lied anyway. I told him I wanted to meet them as well. I went home and cried pathetically. I didn’t know at the time, but the reason why he wanted to introduce me to them, was because he was already set on marrying me.

I’m not going to cry over my own sob story, guys. Stop babying me. Okay, I’m tearing up. But that’s mainly because of the beer.

I broke things off. He asked why, but at the time I couldn’t answer him.

Although, I think he knew why.

I was confused. I wanted him to hate me, so I wouldn’t feel anything, but even the thought of that was enough to send me through another round of tears. I hate that I regret leaving him. But what’s done is done.

After that, I drowned myself in work. I skipped a lot of classes. I was falling behind. Jongdae and Minseok never noticed because they were in different departments. But then eventually, I couldn’t pay for it anymore. All of my relatives pushed each other to take me in, but no one ever did in the end. So I dropped out. I didn’t tell anyone. I never had the heart to confess. Then I withdrew everything I had left, and drank it all away. Then I went to jail. Then I tried to kill myself. Then you came. And wow, would you look at that, not only am I alive, but I’m rich as . What a miracle.

…

Krystal pulled Taehyun in for a hug.

“You suffered so much,” she said, “But not anymore.” Taehyun bit back tears as she embraced her back.

“I said that I wouldn’t cry over my own sob story,” Taehyun commented, “But you’re making it very hard not to.” she laughed, feeling ambivalent. Krystal patted her back, comforting her. Meanwhile, Suho was busy blowing his nose.

“You must be so glad that we invaded your privacy then,” Minho said, “We don’t regret it either.” Taehyun laughed again, a tear escaping from her eye.

“I’ll admit it now but only now, since I’m feeling unbelievably sentimental,” Taehyun replied, “Yeah. You guys are cool. I wouldn’t mind donating an organ for you guys.” There was a round of laughter. Taehyun let go of Krystal, only to be smothered by Jonghyun. He looked into her eyes, before grinning.

“You dress like you’re attending a funeral every day, but your soul’s just as vibrant as I am,” he commented coolly, “You’re gonna be fine.” Taehyun smiled at his sincerity.

“I know,” she agreed, “I know.”