Their manager was bald.  Or… he’s going to be bald, if he kept pulling at his hair in frustration like that, there was no doubt in Jason's mind he would go bald.  Then again, manager-hyung probably had more pressing worries than the future of his hair.  Gone was the kindly uncle with his doting smile and calm demeanour.  This man was frustrated, stressed and bordering on angry.  He was panting as if he had run a mile, his teeth grit so tightly as if he was keeping himself from yelling.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S NO BACK UP FILE?”

Correction – he gave up on restraint.  Jason couldn’t help but pity the cowering intern, a scrawny young man with an awkwardly lanky body and extremely fidgety hands, “S-sorry, sir. B-but the s-sound crew just told me t-to tell you, the f-file for ‘Heaven’ is corrupted, a-and–”

    “I heard you the first time,” manager-hyung waved a hand dismissively.  His hands gave up pulling at the unfortunate follicles to rub his face vigorously.  He looked like a man trying to reinvigorate himself in the middle of the chaos that was inevitable during a show.  When Jason had wandered backstage during one of SNSD’s evening performances, he hadn’t expected to walk right into a terrified intern and a tense manager standing in the middle of the chaos. The lighting crew and other staff were keeping well clear of the duo.

    “Is there something wrong, hyung?” Jason called out, stepping in between the two men.

    “The background music file for the next act is corrupted and there’s no back-up file.”

    “What song is it?”

    “Tiffany and Jessica were going to sing ‘Heaven’,” the manager stuffed the baseball cap he’d been holding onto, back on his head, “It’s their duet.”

He knew that song.  It was one of his favourites because… Now, wasn’t the time for memory lane. Even as manager-hyung paced back and forth, Jason could already hear the notes in his head, imagine the keys.  His mind drifted back to the melodies of the past… Could he do it?

    “Do you have a keyboard?” He asked abruptly. Manager-hyung pointedly looked at the intern.

The pale young man cleared his throat, “Yes, sir. We have one from the previous show.”

Jason nodded, his brain working quickly.  The current song was nearing its end, he could hear it from where he stood, they didn’t have much time before Tiffany and Jessica went on stage.

    “Hyung, is the duet version the same as the original?”

    “No, it sounds higher,” the older man fished his phone out of the oversized pocket of his jacket, plugged in earphone and handed them to Jason, “Here.”

Jason took the offered device, and put the earbuds in.  The manager tapped a few buttons on his phone and the familiar opening bars of ‘Heaven’ filled his ears.  It was an acoustic version, at a higher key.  His eyes closed of their own accord. He held his hands out in front of him and his fingers danced across imaginary keys as he shifted the old keystrokes to a higher key.

His eyes snapped open, “Can you please get me the keyboard?”

The intern ran off at once, both glad to escape the berating and to be finally be useful.  Jason handed the earphones back to manager-hyung, who looked at him with hopeful eyes.

“I can play it.”

His shoulders sagged with relief, “Thank you. I’m going to go tell the girls the change of plans.”

The older man ran off with an enthusiasm that belied his age and size.  Jason inhaled deeply.  It wasn’t true.  At least… not the whole truth. He did know the song and he was confident that he could shift it to a higher key with no difficulty, but he didn’t know if he could actually play it.  His keyboard was back home in Australia, covered in dust.  It was unused and untouched. Has been so for years now.  Jason flexed his fingers, praying that they wouldn’t stumble.

The current song’s notes were fading. He turned to see the lighting dim.  It was now or never.   The girls filed off stage to the other side, he could just see their manager take Tiffany and Jessica aside.

    “We’ve set up the keyboard, it’s on stage.”

It was a startled Jason that was pulled forward by the overeager intern, “On stage???”

    “Yeah, that’s where all the cables for the instruments are after all.”

Sure enough, there, in the back corner of the stage was a lone keyboard.  There was no choice now, it was too late to change anything.  Jason strode forward, rolling up his sleeves, loosening his tie and undoing his top button.  He needed as much freedom of movement as possible.  

    “Don’t put the light on me! It’ll be better if I stay in the shadows,” he called over his shoulder.  The intern nodded, flashed him two thumbs up and scampered off to relay the message to the lighting crew.

There were two stools in centre stage, two microphones on stands directly in front of them.  Two silhouettes walked on stage and say down, Tiffany and Jessica he presumed.  Slowly the stage started to lighten. Okay… Here goes.  Jason put his hands on the black and white keys before him.  

3… 2… 1…

The stage was flooded with light.

And he pressed down.

The first notes played throughout the quiet crowd.  Jason kept his gaze and focus on the melody he needed.  His brows furrowed in concentration.

    “Ohhh… Thinkin’ about all our younger years…” Jessica’s voice flowed perfectly with the music.  

A bit of the tension left his body.  The key was right for their voices… Good. It wouldn’t clash.  The audience was captivated – hands in the air, swaying in time to the song.  With it all working out, he let himself feel the rush.  Standing in front thousands of people, performing… No wonder they love it – it’s exhilarating.

“We’re in heaven……”

The final notes faded away.  The stage darkened.  And applause from fans boomed from every corner of the room.  A crew member came in from his left, and unplugged the keyboard.

    “It’s okay. I’ll carry it in,” the words escaped him before he realised what they were.  She just nodded and rushed off to help set up for the next act.  He picked up the keyboard under one arm and lifted the stand in his other hand.  

Jason sighed and walked off.  In a daze, he walked past crew members, make-up artists and all other staff, without even really seeing them.  Just registering them enough not to run into anyone.  The emotions he had pushing away from the moment he heard the name of the song were threatening to break free.  And he absolutely refused to lose control in a public place.  There was no way his public mask was going to slip.  

His feet brought him to some far off corner, away from everyone else.  He put down the stand and sat the keyboard atop it again.  Jason stood there, facing the wall, eyes trained on the instrument.

“I didn’t know you could play the piano.”

He looked up.  Tiffany grinned at him, eye smile sparkling with joy.  

His lip quirked, “If you knew everything, I’d have no surprises left. Where’s the fun in that?”

He stared back down the instrument beneath his fingertips.  He had almost forgotten how beautiful the black and white keys sounded together. How soothing it could be to lose yourself in song. It had been too long…

“Why do you look so sad?” she stepped to his side.

He shut his eyes and smiled sadly, “This is the first time I’ve touched a keyboard for a very long time.”

“How long?” she whispered.

“Five years,” his voice cracked, “Not since I was 20. I used to play for my mother.”

She lay a gentle hand on his shoulder, “What happened?”  She didn’t know why she asked, she could already tell what the answer was, but maybe… Just maybe there was some other explanation…

“She died,” a tear slipped out and left a trail on his face – like a crack on his wall, “And suddenly, there was no one left to play for.”

She couldn’t remember a time like this.  She’s seen him tired, panicked, afraid, angry, but not like this.  Never this...broken, where he’s hunched over a borrowed keyboard, trembling as he traced the keys with his finger, lost in a memory, but all too trapped in reality, “Play for me.”

His eyes snapped open, “What?”

She didn’t flinch.  And she was serious. He could see it.  It was in the way her jaw clenched, the way her eyebrows furrowed in a frown and the way her eyes hardened.  They were strong and fierce and steady, never once leaving his own.

"It doesn’t have to be right now. Or even tomorrow. But if you ever want to play again, I’ll listen. So, play for me.”

It didn’t really make sense.  He was still broken, his mother was still gone and his keyboard was still in his childhood home back in Australia.  But… It felt easier to breathe, as if Tiffany had opened a window in the suffocating room he had been trapped in and fresh air had rushed in to fill his burning lungs.  

Tiffany hugged him, and he was bombarded by the scent of strawberries and Ana Sui perfume. Jason knew he should have pulled away sooner, let her go faster, but just this once, he wanted to do what he wanted, not what he was supposed to do.  He wanted to hold on to the warmth she made him feel, just for a little longer.  In the midst of a show SNSD had guest appeared in, tucked away in a quiet corner, he let his mask slip.  

Just once.