Love, Kang Seulgi realized is something wonderfully frightening thing. 

Love is something she could use to describe what she feels for her family, for her friends, her members, for the fans who consistently gave her so much support to go through every trials her dream required for her to face and perhaps most of all, it was love she felt for her ex best friend, Im Jaebum. 

It was love she felt for the people who helped her become who she is today, love who kept her going yet it was also love who brought her pain and sadness overwhelming. She felt burdened with the amount of love she received from everyone else to the point she felt inadequate because she couldn't repay them. And on days like today, it made her feel almost empty. 

Truth is, even until now, she hadn't yet given an answer to Jaebum's confession nearly a year ago. She liked him, yes, they spent some evenings strolling around Gangnam's busy streets, visited him at school to bring some packed meals Joohyun or Seungwan helped her prepare and even talked about the mundane aspects of their lives until dawn over the phone, just like any drama couple's routine and yet she still couldn't give him the answer that's been gnawing at the back of her mind, demanding to be told because that alone could set her free. 

Seulgi loved Jaebum. 

That much she was sure, except in the face of her career and the sweetness of success luring her, it felt inadequate to just be in love with him. She wanted the kind of love she was used to giving, wholeheartedly, never holding back and being truthful about it, but the sad reality is living the life of an idol means you have to let go of a whole lot of things in your life for your career. 

Seulgi wanted the simple things, date nights, cuddling under the stars, never minding about the 3AM schedules you would have to be caked in makeup for, and she wanted to proudly announced to the world that she's in love with her childhood friend. But alas when she chose to audition that day, all those years ago, she unknowingly drew the line that would one day separate their paths. 

Regret wouldn't be something she could manage right now because that would be stupid and selfish as she dearly loves the life she's leading this very moment, finally walking the steps she so dearly wished to walk on ever since her first day in the practice room, perhaps the better term should be melancholic, sad without a proper reason other than longing for what didn't happen. 

***

It wasn't until late November that year did Seulgi finally mustered the courage to give her answer, in the evening after Jaebum's class had finished. 

He's attending a late night class for a major subject in his college program he's not allowed to miss, apparently despite the promotion period of their latest repackaged album coinciding with his exams, he was required to attend otherwise his professor would mark him failed should he not show up. 

It was at the most, unfair but it seems it's not something to be debated about so Seulgi kept the questions to herself, besides her goal for that night should b