Dear Hyoyeon,

No thanks, Hyo. I have firmer one. Yours are practically all limp and no one, I mean no one would ever like that. Even straight men.

So no, I don’t want your bolster. I love the firm one. Even it’s as hard as rock. Yes I am that whipped. I’m hundred percent sure you will also do the same if Nicole gave you one and ask you to cuddle it every night, though.

Dear Sooyoung,

Now you’re not Sooyoung. Sooyoung is always sarcastic, impolite, and straight bastard.

Dear Sooyoung,

I’m sorry. I thought you’re Shikshin Soo. How are you Joy? Are you going to see that Btob guy again or not? I kind of forget his name… Sungjae isn’t it? Krys’ your biggest fan ‘bout that.

Dear Joy,

I’m sorry I have to refer you with your stage name. Sooyoung shikshin came and thought the letter was for her doppelganger. Is this really your senior? Because at the moment, she’s shivering and holding me for life. I’m really sure she’s an idiot, regardless what people said.

Dear Tao,

You have guts to write to me after spamming my chat with Cookie Run invites, aren’t you Tao? I do not like running cookies. I like cookies on my stomach. I expect you to send me cookies for this letter’s reply.

Dear Kris,

Kris, I have a complaint for your friend, ex-groupmate, Tao. Attached to this letter is my letter to Tao. Apparently he doesn’t want to reply my letter. That’s rude of him.

Dear browtog09,

Taeny? Taeny… I could say they’re real, as sisters, you know? Only God knows how many times on the past do I have to sneak to Tiffany’s room when she’s alone and got caught by Taeyeon. Despite knowing why I, she always do that. Every. Single. Damn. Time. Taeng is like her guardian dog, really.

Dear Taeyeon,

I don’t know why you accuse me of that. Dogs are actually loyal creatures, you should be proud. They’re cute and lovely also. You have dog, are you not?

Dear jt4life,

I’m fine and still sane, for now. Thankfully those drunken letters are sent to Tyler’s, so I don’t have to face stressful papers. About relationship… I don’t know? When I’m still on the stage of courting Tiffany, everyone complained I became nicer. I don’t understand their logic, though. They are supposed to be happy I become nicer, right?

But don’t be a . No one likes es. Being makes you cheap. Or lack of something.                 

And none taken. My motto about relationship has always been ‘Be yourself’ and I’m not much of romantic, really. It’s Tiffany who’s like that.

Dear Taeyeon,

What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?

Dear Yuri,

Yul. Kiss Taeyeon asap. If she got here before I go home I swear I will haunt you till your seventh heir!

Dear Taeyeon,

You’re welcome. I have total control of anything if I want to, you know.

I will ask her if you are willing to agree on our peace treaty, you know.

Taeng,

I cancelled our last treaty because you’re the one who’s egging me to do that! If I had known you’ve been snogging with one of my gifts then I swear I won’t ever ask Unnie to do that!

But seriously? Snogging? With a… plush? Just go with Yuri or Sunny!

Dear Sooyoung,

Why the hell-Soo, I know I haven’t been such a good friend lately. Maybe it’s because of you annoying me every. Single. Damn. Time? Oh and replying to your letters are one of my sign I still ing care about you.

Dear Sooyoung,

I’m about to punch in the face because you have sent nearly a hundred of letters saying only ‘Sick a’, but I have to say congratulation to you. Your matchmaking skill is top notch, if I may say. Yultae is perfect. Thanks for the photos also.

Dear red_trunke,

You… again. Why do you always seem to underestimate me that much? Just because they call me Lazy Sica doesn’t mean I’m that lazy, you know. I deliberately attain that ‘title’ so I could surprise you all on athletic game, ‘kay? You do know I’m a former soccer player on my childhood, right?

Fanfic? What fanfic? And about your accusation, It’s still Tiffany and always will. I’m just… attached to my phone very much like you may call puppy love, but my Tiffany is the first of the first priority of mine. She cannot be compared to such machine.

PS: Thank God.

Dear Kyungsoo,

Yes I understand your position completely. Changmin oppa once sent me photos of y candids of Jaejoong oppa, mistaking me as Yunho oppa because at the time our number are quite similar. Changmin oppa never saves our number back then, maybe because I haven’t debuted yet. But I am feeling terribly sorry for you. I know your parents are horrified to see Minho’s photos on their mail.

Dear Kyungsoo,

Yes I will scold Tiffany for that. I know she bullies you often. I will give her scolding of a lifetime. But later when I am back to Korea.

Dear Kyungsoo,

No, I haven’t. I haven’t seen her nor I have time to reply to her letters. Because I don’t receive any of it. Is she forgetting me bits by bits? I'm stressed out right now.

Dear Tiffany,

Dear, why are you sending Kyungsoo some y photos of Minho? You often bully this poor kid, do you not? Kyungsoo is egging me to scold you, but I simply can’t do that, you know that right? But please stop sending that poor kid those… photos. We all know he doesn’t like Minho that way.

Dear Tiffany,

Oh I understand. Believe me, I’ve experienced it also. Except I'm in Kyungsoo's position. I guess we’re really are match made in heaven, no?

Dear Kyungsoo,

I have scolded Tiffany. But it seems it is your fault. Your address is similar to Taemin’s. And it’s also your fault on having family dinner on your place. In conclusion, it’s your fault.

Dear Chanyeol,

Did you snatch that letter before Kyungsoo got time to read? Oh well. Believe me, I’m not whipped. Tiffany is scary. Try to face her. State your objection and you will know how I feel. She’s maybe the nicest senior around, but she’s the scariest.

Dear Chanyeol,

I’m surprised you even managed to write six pages full of how scary Tiffany became after you blurted out someone’s birthday party. Who’s this someone? Now I’m dying of curiosity. I expect your next letter contain information of this person. And I thank you for the vivid explanation, It’s awfully very… explicit.

Dear Joonmyeon,

Suho, I have a complaint for your friend, or groupmate, Chanyeol. Attached to this letter is my letter to Chanyeol. Apparently he doesn’t want to reply my letter. That’s rude of him. Please give me bits of information about the person I point.

Dear Joonmyeon,

Ah I understand. Thank you Joonmyeon. I’m sorry I have to write you letters. My electronic devices are not useful at the moment and I’m quite picky with phones.

Dear Chanyeol,

I appreciate your doings. Very well, I will conceal this information like you want me to. Oh and please send this cookies attached to Joonmyeon and your friends. If you have a small reunion with Tao, do not give him one. He's rude. Let him starve.

Dear Tao,

Thank you.

Chanyeol,

Give him lots of cookies. I change my mind. Don't ask why.

Chanyeol,

No.