Grown up

Chapter 3

Hanbin looks up and meets Bobby's eyes, getting flustered when they hear Gwihans reply. Hanbin and Bobby don't know at first what they should say, but after letting it sink in for some time Bobby pats Gwihans back and smiles gentle. “So you want a brother or sister?” Gwihan nods his head fiercely and hugs Hanbin tighter. “...only if it isn't a bother...I know I get scolded a lot but ...but I will be a good boy...so please do that a lot, so I can get a dongsaeng real fast.” Hanbin super embarrassed, yet his heart throbs so fast hearing his son say that, sounding so lonely and desprate. Without even considering his words more, he smiles and Gwihans hair. “Gwihanie, that needs time.” Gwihan looks up and nods his head cutely, letting his fluffy curls fall into his face. “I know that...I know...” He lowers his face and tightens his grip on Hanbins shirt more until his fingers turn white. “I know that...but...I just...” He suddenly feels frustrated and rejected when Hanbin smiles and starts playing with Gwihans bangs. “Araso...but ...you ...you need to give us time....this doesn't happen so fast.” Gwihans lifts his head and a bright smiles builds on his face when he hears Hanbins reply and nods his head. “I will wait and be a good boy.” His eyes sparkle and stands on his toes to kisse Hanbin and Bobby on their cheeks. Bobby stares speechless at Hanbin when Gwihan grins at them. “I go get changed now.” He leaves excited the room to change when Hanbin sighs while Bobby on the other hand, just looks worried. Hanbin turns to Bobby, feeling his suddenly cold aura and frowns. “W...what?” Bobby looks as if he is pain and remembering how he almost lost Hanbin by Gwihans birth makes his chest ache. “Hanbin-ah?” Hanbin avoids Bobby's face, knowing what he means to say and looks at his hands, trying to change the topic. “He kind of surprised us, right?” He smiles briefly but Bobby shakes his head and caresses Hanbins cheek frowning. “I didn't mean that...Are you sure about what you just said?” Hanbin lifts his head then blushes and lowers it again. He acts as if he doesn't seem to understand, why Bobby is like that. “I...I guess so...” Bobby looks even more concerned and caresses Hanbins face. “Do you really want another child?” Hanbin blushes and doesn't reply. He knows the difficulties and the risks, so he takes some time to reply him with a honest answer, but nods anyway after some time. “I know why you look like this, I know you are worried, but...” Bobby clicks his tongue and grabs Hanbins face. His eyes look as if he is about to cry. “Worried?...Worried? ...I am scared to death.” Hanbin opens his mouth when Bobby tells him that but he doesn't let himself get irritated to continue. “...I thought about that already a year ago...but...then we had the comeback to plan so...I didn't bring it up...and you never really talked about it either.” He lifts his head and looks at Bobby. Bobby bites his lips and almost yells at him being scared of losing him again. “As if I let you go through that again! I...I...” He grabs Hanbins arms tight that it stings Hanbin, before Bobby let go of him. Hanbins is scared but his voice sounds still warm and serious. “Don't you want another one?” Bobby clicks his tongue and shakes his head. “That's not it...that's not the issue here!” He grabs Hanbins shoulders again and his face looks as if he is about to cry. “That's not it...but...are you sure about this!” He frowns and whispers. “...that time...” His eyes become dark when he remembers that he almost lost Hanbin and he tightens his grip on Hanbins arms as if he needs to make sure he is still there. Hanbin understands him but Bobby's lips whisper the words that are actually too hard for both of them to bring up. “...what ….what if ...what if this time you won't wake up again...” Hanbin, breaths in and his lips tremble. He frowns and reaches out to kiss Bobby. He holds on to Bobby's face to gentle press his lips on Bobby's. Bobby let out a soft moan when their lips meet and he shuts his eyes. Hanbin holds the kiss for some time then let go and leans his forehead against Bobby's. “Listen. Stop remembering that! I won't let that happen! You hear me! Stop being scared of that! I want another child...I want to give Gwihan a dongsaeng. I always wanted a family. I want a family with you.” Bobby mutters and grabs Hanbins wrists and tightens then loosens his grip. “We are already a family...” Hanbin smiles and looks at Bobby showing him he is really serious about having another child. Bobby looks at Hanbin and sighs against his lips. “...I ...I can't lose you...” Hanbin lifts his arms and caresses Bobby's face while he smiles at him. “I told you, I will not let this happen...araso?” He looks at Bobby's face and his cheek. “Araso?” Bobby shuts his eyes and reaches out to kiss Hanbin and to pull him into his arms. He breaths in Hanbins scent and stays like this. Hanbin shuts his eyes, feeling Bobby's body warmth makes him feel secure. Bobby Hanbins back, then let go of Hanbin and leans back to face him. “You....you better promise that, otherwise I will not touch you. I will never touch you, even it kills me.” Hanbin voice sounds as if it would hurt to talk, yet he laughs faintly and sighs. “Are you blackmailing me now?” Bobby nods and let out an agreeing sound then leans on Hanbins shoulder. “Just say yes, pabo-ah.” He sighs and his worry is clearly to hear from his voice. Hanbin chuckles and nods as he seeks with his hand Bobby's to entwine their fingers. “I promise.” Bobby shuts his eyes trying to feel relieved and holds Hanbin tighter. “I love you.” Hanbin nods and turns to Bobby to reply to him facing him. “I love you too.” They hold on to each other then let go but keep their hands intertwined. Hanbin faces their fingers and laughs troubled and shy. “Seems...we know what we have to do now....” Bobby joins him, smiling defeated and surprised. “I can't believe he told us to do it a lot.” Hanbin grins and Bobby shuts his eyes to lean his head on Hanbin, sighing deeply. “He got his bluntness from you.” Hanbin smiles almost apologetic when they hear Gwihans footsteps come back. Gwihan opens the door and is wearing his pyjama but totally wrong buttoned. Bobby and Hanbin look up and their mood change as soon as they see their son. They both smile when they see him looking troubled. Gwihan looks down his body and sulks cutely. “Appa, this feels uncomfortable.” Hanbin and Bobby laugh and Bobby shows Gwihan to come closer to fix his shirt. Gwihan stands patiently in front of his dad and sticks his baby belly while he already tired on his thumb. Hanbin brushes gently through Gwihans curls and simpers, as his soft feather like hair slide through his fingers. Bobby finished the buttons and smiles at Gwihan. Bobby and Hanbin get up from Gwihans bed so he can put him under the covers. Gwihans crawls on his bed and snuggles himself into the sheets. Hanbins walks to turn out the main light and put on his blue star night light. Bobby covers Gwihan with his blanket. “Who is allowed to sleep by your side today? Nimpf?” Referring to a small hippo plush toy. Gwihan shakes his head and looks as if he has to bring up a lot of tension. “I will sleep alone today. I am a big boy.” He nods his head as if he giving himself strength and looks on the ceiling with a cute concentrated face. Bobby and Hanbin chuckle confused from his sudden change of actions because he always sleeps with a toy. Hanbin walks next to Bobby and kneels down to him, patting Gwihans belly. “Gwihanie? Don't you need Nimpf? Or Bunny?” Gwihans eyes look as if he is about to cry and his lips tremble, urging to say yes but he frowns and shakes his head. “I am old enough now...I will be a good hyung...or oppa...I can sleep alone.” Bobby looks at Gwihan and he can't stand this any more. He grabs Gwihans shoulders and pulls him into his embrace as he pats his bum. Bobby's voice sounds hurt and sorry. “You little pabo-ah! You can sleep with as much toys as you want. You don't have to hold back just because you want to show us you are all grown up. We know that already but you are still a baby. Don't grow up so fast and don't worry about stuff that adults should worry about...” He frowns and holds on to Gwihan and Gwihan suddenly starts crying clinging on to Bobby. “Appaaa...I want to sleep with my toys...” Hanbin sighs and his eyes are watery from tears. He grabs Gwihans bunny and hands it to him. Gwihan takes it and reaches out his other small arm to hug Hanbin too. Bobby wraps his arms around both of them and holds on to them. “Why are you two so good in stirring me up?” Hanbin laughs faintly and holds on to Bobby and their son, while Gwihan doesn't understand what Bobby means and tries to calm down his tears. Bobby and Hanbin hold on to Gwihan and stay by his side until he calmed down and fell asleep. Then leave the room to let him sleep.

On their way to their bedroom Bobby stops on the hallway and without saying anything. Hanbin notices that Bobby stopped walking and holds up to turn around. Bobby faces the floor and seems in thoughts. Hanbin walks back to him and grabs his hand. “Jiwonie-hyung?” Bobby looks up and when he sees his reflection in Hanbins clear eyes he clicks his eyes and grabs Hanbins head and pulls it on his shoulder. Hanbin bumps against him and automatically wraps his arms around Bobby's waist. Bobby kisses Hanbins hair and his hair. “Please go and see doctor Lee.” Hanbin leans back and looks confused. “Wae?” Bobby caresses his hair. “I won't touch you until he said it would be okay for us to have another child. I don't want to risk losing you. I want to know if there will be more risks to occur with another pregnancy. I...I...just need to make sure.” Hanbin frowns and wraps his arms around Bobby's waist. “Araso, I will go call him tomorrow for an appointment. Ne?” Bobby sighs slightly relieved and holds Hanbin in his arms letting him feel how precious Hanbin is to him. He leans down to kiss Hanbin and they stay like that, letting time seem to have stop, while they cling to each others lips as if they pour their lifeblood into each other. Just when they need to breath they let go of each other and Bobby shows Hanbin to hug his shoulders as he lifts him up and carries him into their bedroom. Hanbin falls on the bed and Bobby bends over him, making Hanbin catch his breath. “I thought you wouldn't touch me.” Bobby smiles softly and presses Hanbin back into the sheets to lay down on his chest. “That's right, but I want to sleep like this, hearing your heartbeat.” Hanbin blushes and his heart starts pounding in his chest. “Jiwon-hyung...we didn't change our clothes yet.” Bobby frowns and puts his palm on Hanbins lips. “Shhh...I can't hear your heart.” Hanbin throws his head back and sighs. He shuts his eyes and tries to calm down his pulse while he feels Bobby's body become heavier on his and his breathing gets slower until he falls asleep. Hanbin now not tired at all caresses Bobby's hair and whispers gently. “I love you...I want us to get old together and see our children grow up. That's enough reason for me to stay alive. Jiwon-ah, I promised to make you happy, you told me I am your happiness, you think I would take your happiness that slightly away from you?” He waits and shuts his eyes as he stops caressing Bobby's hair. “...never., I promise.” Hanbin feels the sleepiness win over his body and he falls asleep while Bobby still heard him. He holds on to Hanbin as tears quietly fall down his cheeks. “You better keep your promise.”

to be continued...