Yixing yawned as he turned over in his bed, the soft white sheets sticking to his bare, sweaty body. It had been one hell of a warm night, and with the body heat of four people filling the room, it didn’t make it any easier. Plus, Luhan had successfully ed with the air-con, so it was down to him to get it fixed.

He let out a soft sigh as the warm morning light filled the room, casting a glow over his three sleeping friends.

A glance at the clock on his table told him it was almost nine, and he knew that he was to meet Junmyeon at half past.

They’d been meeting for breakfast a lot over the past week and a half since they were both pretty early to rise when on holiday, wanting to make the most of the time that they had away from home.

He peeled himself out of bed, and grabbed a towel from the pile they had on the side before heading to the bathroom. He’d long since forgotten about being modest around his friends, since they’d all seen the best parts of each other over their time, so it wasn’t unusual for him to be sleeping . And with the heat of the night, he had had no other choice.

Which happened to be convenient in the end as he switched on the shower and stepped under the steady flow, ridding himself of the clamming feeling that had taken over his body.

He took his time about washing his hair and body, just enjoying the warm water relaxing his muscles as he closed his eyes and just breathed in the moist air.

Once he deemed himself ready, he switched off the shower and went about drying himself, leaving the damp towels on the side of the bath and heading back into the room to find some clothes.

“Hey y, I’m loving the view” Luhan murmured sleepily as he peered over his covers at Yixing, his eyes barely keeping open.

Yixing chuckled, “Thanks babe” he said, bending over to rummage through his draws until he came up with a pair of boxers, socks, shorts and a tank top. He moved over to his bed and sat down easily, “Why are you awake?” he asked as he began to dress himself.

Luhan let out a soft yawn, “S’warm” he said, “And I’m gonna go see if Sehun wants to eat soon”

“Is that so?” Yixing smiled as he put on his socks then reached for his converse, slipping them on and lacing them with practiced ease. “What’s the deal with you two now?”

Luhan shrugged, watching as Yixing pulled on his tank top and smoothed it down over his toned stomach, “Dunno. The kid is still frit to death of the idea of being gay, so I guess we’re nothing… But… I don’t know, I have a bit of a soft spot for him, I’ll admit”

“I can tell” Yixing rolled his eyes and got back to his feet, he walked over and ruffled Luhan’s hair cutely, leaning down and giving his best friend a kiss on the forehead as he did, “Just be careful, okay?”

Luhan chuckled tiredly, “Mm, will do mum” he joked, “Have fun with Junmyeon. Tell him hi from me”

“Maybe” Yixing said as he stood back up properly and grabbed his phone and keys off of the bedside table to put into his pockets, “See you late, Lu”

“Mm, bye”

Yixing chuckled quietly to himself as he headed out of the door and walked down to room ‘65’ where he gave a light knock on the door.

It was barely two seconds later that Junmyeon answered. Yixing caught a glimpse of Baekhyun and Kyungsoo sleeping wrapped up in one another’s arms before Junmyeon stepped out of the room and pulled the door closed behind him.

“Hey, you” the slightly older man greeted, leaning in and giving Yixing a lingering kiss on his lips.

Yixing couldn’t stop the grin that blossomed over his face, “Hey yourself” he answered, reaching out and taking Junmyeon’s hand in his own, lacing their fingers together as he did.

“Breakfast?” Junmyeon prompted as they began to walk down  the corridor.

Yixing nodded, “Breakfast” he affirmed, “You look really handsome today, just to you know”

Junmyeon flushed slightly as he glanced down at his outfit. He was clad in beige shorts and a checked short-sleeved shirt, the top few buttons left stylishly undone. And on his feet he matched Yixing’s black converse with a pair of white ones over simple white socks.

He’d done his hair up again too, since he had cottoned onto the fact that Yixing seemed to like it best that way.

“Well, I kept getting complaints about my favourite top” he joked, “Figured I’d mix it up a little”

Yixing couldn’t help but press a kiss to Junmyeon’s cheek then, “Well even in that hideous yellow shirt, you’re still the most handsome person on this boat”

“Nah, that would be you” Junmyeon shot back quickly, a genuine smile on his lips as he looked at Yixing with all the fondness in the world.

“Oh stop that” Yixing said, surprisingly bashful as they headed up to the restaurant for breakfast. They made their way up to the breakfast bar first and grabbed what they wanted to eat before heading over to a quiet table by the window, allowing them to look out over the ocean as they ate.

Junmyeon laughed softly as a bit of milk dribbled over Yixing’s lip and down his chin, “Can’t take you anywhere, can I?” he joked as he reached over and wiped Yixing’s chin with his thumb.

“Are you saying you want to keep me inside all day, because I don’t see a downside to that” Yixing shot back, waving his fork in Junmyeon’s general direction before resuming eating his breakfast.

Junmyeon smirked back at him, “You know, I don’t see a downside either” he purred before laughing again, “But I’m not selfish like that”

“I am” Yixing shrugged, “I’m all about getting what I want”

“And what do you want?” Junmyeon pressed easily, spooning cereal into his mouth.

Yixing shot him a genuine smile, “You” he answered without batting an eyelid, “Which actually brings me to something I was meaning to ask you… I, um, you know when we get back, I was thinking that maybe, if you want to, we could keep in touch?” there was a vulnerable nervousness in his voice as he spoke, and it was clear he was genuinely worried about the possibility of a rejection.

Which in Junmyeon’s opinion was absolutely ludicrous. He was so smitten with Yixing that it was almost laughable. Still, he reached across the table and took Yixing’s hand in his own, savouring in the softness of the Chinese man’s touch, “Of course I want to keep in touch” he said, “You think I’m putting in so much effort only to throw that away when we’re home? I like you, Yixing. A lot. And I’ll be damned if I let you slip through my fingers so easily”

Yixing gave Junmyeon’s hand a grateful squeeze, “I’m so glad I met you” he said, “Oh” he added thoughtfully before using his free hand to reach into his pocket and pull out his phone and hand it to Junmyeon, “Put your number in”

Junmyeon took Yixing’s phone and added his number before sending himself a quick message whilst they had a signal. He felt his phone buzz in his own pocket a moment later and smiled, “There we go” he said, handing it back and watching as Yixing popped it back in his pocket. “So now we’ve got to stay in touch. And maybe… Maybe we can go on a date or something when we’re back?”

“I would love that” Yixing said, finishing off his milk, “Luhan keeps teasing me because of how much I already like you”

Junmyeon chuckled, “Well, this is coming from the guy that hooked up with Sehunnie on like day three of this thing, so…” he trailed off pointedly, but there was no malice to his words, he liked Luhan to be fair. Sure he was a little warped and kind of creepy sometimes, but if he was Yixing’s best friend, he couldn’t be that bad. And it was easy to see that he had a genuinely kind heart.

“Very true” Yixing chuckled, “But he means no harm by it. Luhan is just… Well, Luhan. But I think he genuinely has a soft spot for Sehun. I remember him talking about this amazing one night stand that he wished he’d managed to get the number of, and now it’s like… fate or something weird like that” he shrugged, “Are you finished?”

Junmyeon hummed, “Yeah, shall we head out?” he asked, earning a nod from Yixing, “And yeah. Like, I don’t know either of them too well, but I like Sehunnie a lot. He seems like a really sweet kid that’s just really not found himself yet”

The two of them moved away from the table, their hands still together, though they had laced their fingers together as they stood side by side and began to walk out of the restaurant and outside towards the back of the boat.

“Yeah, that’s true” Yixing smiled, “I’ve met a lot of great people on this trip, but you’re still by far my favourite”

Junmyeon smiled softly, “You’re mine too” he told Yixing honestly. “Oh, I know this song” he said as they came to stand by the railings at the side of the boat, the air bouncing off of the blue waters and bathing them in a cool breeze.

“You know Chinese music?” Yixing asked in surprise.

Junmyeon flushed slightly, “Ah, not a lot of it” he admitted, “I know some. This song… I heard it a while ago. It’s you exist in my song, right?”

“It is” Yixing grinned almost proudly, “Dance with me?” he whispered softly, his free hand wrapping around Junmyeon’s shoulder as he began to sway them softly to the music.

Junmyeon’s smile was unusually shy as he wrapped his arm around Yixing’s waist and pulled him closer. He smiled as he felt Yixing press a soft kiss to just below his ear.

“nǐ cúnzài, wǒ shēnshēn de nǎohǎi lǐ,  wǒ de mènglǐ, wǒ de xīnlǐ ,  wǒ de gēshēng lǐ, nǐ cúnzài, wǒ shēnshēn de nǎohǎi lǐ,  wǒ de mènglǐ, wǒ de xīnlǐ ,  wǒ de gēshēng lǐ” Yixing sang in a hushed voice, sending a shiver of pleasure through Junmyeon.

Yixing had a really lovely voice, the kind of voice that made you want to close your eyes and just drift away listening to it for hours upon hours. Junmyeon didn’t doubt that he couldn’t listen to Yixing sing or talk or just laugh all day long. He would never tire of hearing the sweet melody of the slightly younger man’s voice.

“hái jìdé wǒmen céngjīng, jiānbìngjiān yì qǐ zǒuguò, nà duàn fánhuá xiàngkǒu” Junmyeon attempted in broken Chinese, making Yixing chuckle, but he found that he wasn’t embarrassed so much as thrilled to have coaxed the gentle laughter out of Yixing.

Yixing turned them easily to the beat of the music as he whisper-sang back to Junmyeon, “jìnguǎn nǐ wǒ shì mòshēngrén, shì guòlùrén, dàn bǐcǐ háishì gǎnjué dào le duìfāng de, yí gè yǎnshén, yí gè xīntiào… yì zhǒng yìxiǎngbúdào de kuàilè, hǎoxiàng shì, yì chǎng mèngjìng, mìngzhōngzhùdìng”

“You’re voice is so pretty” Junmyeon told Yixing, his voice gentle as they listened to the song and danced slowly together, finding no need to rush or to go about doing anything other than just being with one another.

As the song ended, they still danced slow and sweet, not caring that it didn’t quite match the beat of the next song, or the one after that, but they were too caught up in one another to care, too busy just being there in the moment, enjoying the way that the other felt in their arms.

It was nice, that they could be like this with one another, that not everything equated to kissing or being intimate in that respect, because they both found that there were intimacies like just holding one another in a slow dance that were so much more meaningful that a kiss or a caress. These were the intimacies that nobody joked about, that nobody knew about, because they were things you couldn’t really put into words, things that would always just be between you and that one person that made you feel like you were flying even if you were laying on the ground.

“You know,” Yixing said, they had stopped dancing by this point in favour of just holding onto one another. Yixing had his back pressed softly against the railings as Junmyeon pressed up against him. His arms were wrapped loosely around Junmyeon’s neck as Junmyeon’s arms circled his waist, keeping them pressed together. “I’m really surprised you knew a Chinese song” he laughed, “It makes me kinda happy though. Do you know what any of it means?”

“Ah, not much… I know it says in the chorus you exist, deep in my mind, in my dreams, in my heard and in my song. But other than that, my Chinese is pretty shoddy. You should show me more sometime” Junmyeon suggested, “And I’ll show you some Korean music. I actually have this recording of Baekhyunnie and Jongdae singing Really, I didn’t know and they sound so good… But anyway, yeah, you should show me more”

Yixing smiled softly as he looked at Junmyeon with overflowing fondness in his eyes, “I will, I promise” he said, “A lot of the music I dance to is Chinese, so you should come see me practice at some point”

“Definitely” Junmyeon nodded eagerly, “Just tell me when and where and I’ll be there” he told Yixing.

Yixing raised a teasing brow, “If you tell me that I’ll just tell you to come and see me all the time”

“What makes you think I’d be opposed to that?” Junmyeon replied slyly, pressing even closer to Yixing as he did.

Yixing let out a sweet laugh and tightened his arms around Junmyeon’s neck as he found himself flush against the Korean man, not that he minded in the slightest, “You’ve not even seen me when I’m dancing yet. I’m a nightmare, I’m telling you”

“I’ll believe it when I see it” Junmyeon challenged easily, “So sign me up for whatever you’re offering. I’m game for anything with you”

“Is that so?”

“Mm”

Yixing rolled his eyes before leaning in and kissing Junmyeon rather than dignify the elder’s cheesy flirting with a verbal response.

Though part of it may have been purely selfish, because truth be told he could never get enough of kissing Junmyeon. He would do it for the rest of his life if he could to be quite honest.

Junmyeon kissed him back eagerly his tongue teasing along the line of Yixing’s thick bottom lip before pressing into the Chinese man’s mouth and playing with his tongue, earning himself a soft whimper.

Yixing couldn’t help it, Junmyeon just had ways of making him feel so good without even trying. Maybe that’s what made it all so special, because Junmyeon was just everything without putting on a front or trying too hard.

In Yixing’s opinion, he was completely perfect because he wasn’t trying to be anyone but himself. Seeing people try too hard or put on a front grew tiring after a while, but Junmyeon had been nothing but himself since the very beginning and he loved it, he loved every god damn minute of it, and now that he knew they would be seeing each other when they were off the cruise, he was over the moon.

He could feel his heart racing as Junmyeon’s hands slipped beneath the material of his vest as the back, pressing his warm fingers into the muscular curves of Yixing’s back, making the slightly younger man keen in delight.

It was the simple things that had them both reeling, and they both felt as though they could never get enough.

“God, I am so, so glad I met you” Junmyeon murmured against Yixing’s lips as Yixing continued to press soft kiss after kiss to his.

Yixing hummed, moving from Junmyeon’s lips to pepper kisses over the elder’s face playfully but also fondly, “Me too, you’re all kinds of wonderful. So much so that I’d even go on a date with you wearing that shirt you love so much” he teased.

“You’ll come around. That shirt is brilliant” Junmyeon laughed, then groaned as Yixing’s lips found his neck and opted to a possessive red mark into his milky flesh.

Yixing’s only response was his teeth grazing over the mark he had just made before soothing it with his tongue, then he moved back to Junmyeon’s lips to kiss him breathless once again.

Junmyeon doubted if he would ever get used to the way that Yixing made his knees feel weak, or the way that there was always a niggle of nervousness in him when he saw the other. It was how he always imagined it would feel to have butterflies.

He had never really felt that shy feeling around anyone before. He remembered when he was younger, his dad would always tell him that he would just know when he found the one, because his heart would skip a beat and you would just feel it in the pit of your stomach. And he’s assumed the old man was just a hopeless romantic, but then he looked at Yixing and suddenly it was like it all made sense.

“You’re thinking about something” Yixing said softly, one of his hands coming up to play with the back of Junmyeon’s hair.

Junmyeon smiled, “Yeah, I was just thinking about this thing my dad used to tell me when I was little… And how he’s a lot wiser than I gave him credit for”

“What was it that he told you?” Yixing asked curiously.

Junmyeon smiled, “How it feels when you meet the one” he admitted, “Not to scare you off or anything, I’m not asking for your hand, I promise” he laughed awkwardly, making Yixing roll his eyes.

“You’re hopeless” Yixing said, an obvious fondness in his voice, “But don’t worry, I don’t scare away that easily. It’s nice to know that you’re really into me” he teased.

Junmyeon pressed a soft kiss to Yixing’s lips in return, “Of course I’m into you” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “You have no idea how amazing you are, do you?”

“Maybe you should keep telling me until I know” Yixing joked, “But I’m glad you’re into me at any rate, because one sided interest is never fun”

Junmyeon hummed, “Ain’t that the truth” he chuckled.

“Junmyeon… Do you think that this will all still be okay when we leave this boat?” Yixing asked, suddenly sombre, “I… I just don’t want it to be like the magic wears off when we’re no longer taking a break from life, you know?”

Junmyeon smiled softly, one of his hands coming up to cup Yixing’s cheek in gentle comfort, “Yixing, nothing is going to change between us unless it’s to be something more than this. I don’t know how it will be for you, but the magic will never wear off for me, because I care about you a lot. I know it’s silly, but I’ve become really attached to you over the short time that we’ve known each other, and I can’t imagine that not carrying on once we’re back home. We’ll make this work, I promise”

Yixing nodded, he trusted Junmyeon’s words, and he hoped by God that they rang true, “I just ruined the mood, didn’t I?” he sighed.

Junmyeon let out a soft, tinkling laugh, “Not at all, love” he assured, “If you ever have any worries, I’d rather you tell me outright so that we can work on resolving them. It doesn’t ruin any moods, it makes them. And right now, I think I like you more than ever”

“You’re just saying that because you want me to kiss you again” Yixing teased easily, his fingers still playing with Junmyeon’s hair.

Junmyeon snickered, “I’m saying it because it’s true” he rolled his eyes before grinning, “But also because I want you to kiss me again”

Yixing rolled his eyes back, but then he was leaning in for another kiss, so Junmyeon figured he’d won anyway.

--

Sehun yawned as he opened his eyes a crack, letting himself get used to the light of the late morning. He looked around and saw that Chanyeol and Jongin were already gone before looking at the clock, which told him that it was only ten.

He waved off the fact that it was weird for Jongin to be awake before midday before rolling out of bed and stretching his limbs lazily.

He barely had time to run a tired hand through his bed-mussed locks before there was a soft knock at the door.

He let out a long breath as he walked over and pulled it open to reveal Luhan, who offered him a small smile.

“Good morning. I didn’t wake you, did I?” he asked, moving into the room as Sehun stepped aside to let him in.

Sehun shook his head, “Nah” he said, his voice still thick with sleep, “I did just wake up though, so I probably stink. Fair warning”

Luhan hummed, “I only just got up too” he said, “Well, I mean I’ve showered and stuff so I don’t stink, but yeah”

“Fair” Sehun acknowledged, “Wanna wait in here whilst I grab a quick shower?”

Luhan nodded as he made his way over to Sehun’s bad and plopped down on it, resting with his back against the headboard, “Yeah, take your time. I’m not in a hurry” he waved the younger off easily, reaching over to the bedside table and grabbing the book that was laying there, “Isn’t this Kyungsoo’s?” he asked.

“Mm, he let me borrow it yesterday. It’s a good book, I’m almost finished with it actually” Sehun smiled, “Maybe he’ll let you borrow it”

Luhan chuckled, “Yeah, I’m not really one for the reading” he admitted, “I’m more of a wait for the movie kind of guy”

“Ouch, I need to work on getting you out of that habit” Sehun said, “Books are ing brilliant”

“Pretty sure I can think of far more things to do with my time than read” Luhan smirked slightly, raising a brow at the taller man.

Sehun rolled his eyes as he grabbed a towel from the side, “If you seriously try to flirt with me right now, I’m gonna go get breakfast with Kyungsoo instead of you”

“You wouldn’t dare” Luhan snorted, “you like me too much”

“God only knows why” Sehun shot back, “Don’t… touch anything” he said before turning around and making his way into the bathroom to brush his teeth and shower.

Luhan laughed softly to himself, at least Sehun was admitting that he liked him. Maybe it wasn’t in the way that Luhan wanted him to, but it was a start, and there was quite obviously something between them.

Luhan was a patient guy when he wanted to be, and there was something about Sehun that made him feel like it would be worth the wait.

And so wait he would.

But no matter how patient Luhan was, he was also a nosy er, so when the bathroom door closed, the first thing he did was have a nosy through Sehun’s beside draws.

“Well this is boring” he sighed, “Ah, wait… Oh that’s Chanyeol’s” he rolled his eyes as he shoved aside a gay mag without so much as caring, choosing instead to continue to leaf through Sehun’s things. Once he’d been through it all, and decided there was nothing worth snooping for, he picked up the magazine and began to look through it boredly.

All in all it wasn’t anything special, just the usual over posed . Luhan wasn’t against by any means, hell he owned enough of it to last a life time, but the magazines just never really did it for him. Sehun’s face was a lot better to look at when he came than the guys all dolled up for the mag.

Still, it didn’t stop him casually drawing patterns on his own thigh as he leafed through it to see if there was anything actually worth looking at.

He made a mental note to hook Chanyeol up with some better stuff when they got back home.

It wasn’t long later that Sehun emerged from the bathroom, clad in just a towel with his hair dripping water onto his broad shoulders.

“What are you – is that gay ?!” he hissed, “Why do you have that?”

Luhan snorted, not bothering to look up from the magazine, “It’s not mine” he said, “I have taste, thanks. It’s Chanyeol’s. I got bored and it was there, so I occupied myself”

Sehun let out a strangled noise, “Look, Luhan, I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep having every time we hang out turn into some weird… thing. This is hard enough as it is without you confusing me all the more”

“Whoa there, bucko” Luhan looked up finally, a frown on his face as he watched Sehun’s contort in something akin to panic. He set the magazine aside and got up, moving over the room to stand in front of Sehun. He placed a hand on either of Sehun’s bare arms and sighed, “I’m not trying anything here, I swear. I honestly was just looking. Sehun, when we… What we do… I want you to know that I would never pressure you into anything. If you don’t want to do something, don’t ever feel like you should because I want to. I know this is really hard for you to make sense of right now, but it will get better. And I’ll be here to help you, I promise. But please don’t feel like I only come to you for – as you so well put it – things. Because I actually like you, and I want to be able to build and maintain a friendship with you. So, calm down, don’t panic, it’s okay. It’ll be alright”

Sehun’s lip quivered slightly, “How do you know it’ll be alright?” he pressed, obviously trying to bite back the upset that was attempting to take over him.

Luhan smiled softly, letting his hands move up Sehun’s arms and around his shoulders so that he could pull Sehun into a warm embrace. He smiled a little more as he felt Sehun’s arms wrap tightly around his waist in return without any hesitation, “I just know” he said, “Believe it or not, I’ve been where you are. I know how hard it is to… accept that you aren’t exactly who you thought you were. To not want to prove people right. But it gets easier, I promise you that much. And I know that you have such supportive friends, so they will all help you through this. I’ll help you through this”

“You’re making this so much harder for me” Sehun whispered, “Because I don’t want to feel this way about you… But I can’t help it. I don’t want to… to lead you on, when I don’t even know if I’ll be able to give you the things that you want”

“Hey,” Luhan said, his voice more gentle than Sehun had ever heard it, “Don’t worry about me right now, okay? This isn’t about me. It’s about you. And I’m a grown man, Sehun. I can handle myself. I just want to help you come to terms with these feelings you’re having, that’s all”

“I won’t use you” Sehun said determinedly.

Luhan smiled, burying his face in Sehun’s shoulder, “I’m not asking you to. I’m just asking you to let me help as best I can”

“You’re helping a lot more than you know. I… You are making this harder, but you make it a lot easier at the same time.” Sehun sighed, “Maybe harder wasn’t the right way to put it… You make it complicated” he amended.

“The best things in life are always complicated” Luhan joked, pulling back slightly to look at Sehun, “Really though, I’m sorry if you ever felt like I was pressuring you”

But Sehun shook his head, “No. No, I made the choice to do what I did with you. You didn’t pressure me into it. I wanted it, I know I did, I was just scared and I still am. , I’m terrified of all of this, but I… I mean, I don’t regret it. At least, I think I don’t”

“Well that’s something” Luhan reached up to brush Sehun’s wet bangs out of his eyes, “It’s a start. And that’s a big step into coming to terms with it all, you know? You’re doing so well. And I can’t even apologise enough for running my big mouth that night in front of everyone”

“It’s okay” Sehun said softly, “Well, okay, it isn’t. But who am I kidding, it wasn’t like they didn’t know. Or, like they didn’t suspect. But I just… I’m not embarrassed by… well, you know. It’s more that I just don’t know how to handle it. It’s like, in my own head, I know what I’m feeling, and who I’m attracted to, but the minute I go to say it aloud or go to admit it, I choke. I have no problem with it, but at the same time… It’s like… I… I… ing hell, I can’t even put it into words. It’s just so ing frustrating, you know?”

Luhan nodded, his fingers carding through Sehun’s hair comfortingly, “I know” his voice was barely above a whisper as he replied. As much as he didn’t want it to, it hurt him to see Sehun so broken by something that was beyond his control. He wanted nothing more than to take away Sehun’s burdens, to convince him that it was okay for him to feel how he did about men. Tell him that it didn’t make him any less of a person.

But it didn’t matter what he said, what anyone said, because he knew from experience that until Sehun was ready to face the facts, was ready to simply accept what was and not worry about what might have been, that there would be no convincing him otherwise.

So many factors came into play, so many things that Luhan knew that he didn’t know. And it pained him, because he wanted to take away Sehun’s hurt. He wanted to make things okay, but he didn’t know how. He just didn’t know how!

Instead, he pressed a hard kiss to Sehun’s lips before taking a step back and watching Sehun watch him in confusion.

“Let’s not do anything today” Luhan said, “Put some clothes on, and we’ll just… rest for a while. Just me and you? Maybe talk a little”

Sehun nodded, “I’d like that” he smiled sadly, before walking over to the closet and grabbing out something to wear.

To his credit, he didn’t bother to go into the bathroom to change, knowing that there was no point in trying to hide himself from Luhan. The elder had already seen it all. Had seen him at his most vulnerable, so it didn’t matter.

Luhan sat on the bed and watched as Sehun took his time about drying off and slipping into his clean clothes before towel drying his hair with his back to Luhan. As much as he felt a lot calmer in Luhan’s presence, he wasn’t quite ready to look at him yet.

He wasn’t ready because Luhan brought all those feelings that he was trying not to face right to the surface. Luhan made him notice things that he tried so hard to hide. Made him want things that he had been denying himself for so long, and he didn’t know how to handle it.

And the sincerity in Luhan’s eyes when it he told Sehun that it would be okay, that he would help him through this, it just tipped him over the edge and Sehun knew that there was no going back now. He knew that he would have to open that door and finally step out into the light, but he had never been so scared in his life.

He knew that Jongin and Chanyeol would be there to help him. , even the new friends he had made – Baekhyun, Junmyeon and Yixing in particular – would have his back in this, but it didn’t make it any less scary.

He felt like a baby taking it’s first steps. Or as though he was about to board a plane for the first time. There was an excitement to the nervousness, but above all he just didn’t know what the outcome of this would be.

He didn’t know what would happen once he accepted himself and that, that was what scared him the most.

He felt almost like a broken record to be going over it again and again, but he couldn’t help it. One moment he felt as though maybe it would be alright, maybe he could just do it, like ripping off the Band-Aid, and then the next it was like he was standing in front of a crowd to perform a song that he didn’t know the lyrics to.

“You can turn around” Luhan prompted gently, “I don’t bite”

Sehun let out a shaky laugh, “I know that” he said, slowly turning around to face Luhan, dropping his towel carelessly to the floor after drying off his hair as best he could.

He offered the elder a small smile as he walked over to the bed and sat down next to him. They remained there awkwardly for a moment until Luhan took Sehun’s hand and nudge him upwards so that the two of them could crawl better on to the bed and lie down.

It was without prompting that Sehun took Luhan into his arms and held him close, grateful for the company that Luhan always offered him.

Luhan let himself be wrapped up in Sehun’s embrace, clinging to the younger as he did.

“When I was younger, I used to get scared a lot” Luhan told Sehun, “I… My mum and dad separated when I was young, because my dad wasn’t the nicest of people. He… He was a bad person. And after he left, I was always scared he would come back and hurt us again. And I would have these terrible nightmares. My mum would come in and sing to me until I fell asleep again. It always worked. It was like magic, you know? Like as long as she sang to me, then nothing to get me, nothing could hurt me… It soothed me a lot back then, and it… it still does now. So I thought maybe… Maybe I could lend you her song?”

Sehun let out shaky breath, “You… You’ll sing for me?” he asked almost nervously.

“If that’s okay? I just thought it might help calm you down a little. I can see how worked up this makes you, and I don’t want you to have to feel like that. Not if you don’t have to” Luhan explained carefully. “I’m not much of a singer, but…”

“No, please, sing” Sehun interrupted, “I want you to. Please, just… sing for me”

Luhan nodded before taking a shaky breath, “When your tears are spent on your last pretence, and your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defence. When it’s in your spine like you’ve walked for miles, and the only thing you want is just to be still for a while..

 “If your heart wears thin, I will hold you up, and I will hide you when it gets too much, I’ll be right beside you, I’ll be right beside you…

 “When you’re overwhelmed and you’ve lost your breath. And the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless. When you try to speak but you make no sound, and the words you want are out of reach but they’ve never been so loud…

 “If your wears thin, I will hold you up, and I will hide you when it gets too much, I’ll be right beside you, I’ll be right beside you…

 “I will stay, nobody will break you… Yeah… Trust in me, don’t go away. Just trust in me, trust in me. ‘Cause I’m just trying to keep it together, because I could to worse and you could do better.

 “Tears are spend on your last pretence, and your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defence. If your wears thin, I will hold you up, and I will hide you when it gets too much, I’ll be right beside you, Nobody will break you…

 “If your wears thin, I will hold you up, and I will hide you when it gets too much, I’ll be right beside you… Nobody will break… you…”

Luhan smiled softly as Sehun held onto him slightly tighter. Sehun didn’t say anything, but his breathing was calm and even, unlike it had been when they had laid down, so that was something.

Sehun didn’t think he would ever be able to tell Luhan how thankful he was that he was just here for him. He knew that his friends were trying their best to help him, but the way that Luhan pushed without pushing was a genuine help.

The way that he was just there was honestly more than Sehun could have asked for.

And he only hoped that he wouldn’t end up hurting Luhan in his journey to find himself.

“Thank you” he said softly, not knowing what more that could be said.