:||: Title: 3/5 :||: 

A Maknae’s Letter

Well I can tell you it didn’t really give me much excitement or thrill to see what the story is about but it definitely gave me a sense of what the story was going to be about. Also, it’s just maybe me, but by “Maknae” I figured it was going to be about Taemin but I think that’s just me since I’m a Shawol.

So my overall reasons of your score are:

1)It wasn’t eye catching
2) It gave me an insight to what the story was about
3) It wasn’t long and it wasn’t short but it was lacking a bit.

:||: Description/Foreword: 7/10 :||:

Description:

Your description was way too short but it did capture my attention. It made me want more and to see what the story was going to be about. I wanted to know what was happening and I wanted to press the ‘next’ button. Even though it was short I still personally liked it and I guess that’s what it always comes under. Besides, it’s not like there’s some AFF law where you have to write an exact amount of words on your description.

So because I was interested and curious, I’ll let the short thing slide.

Foreword:

I was quite disappointed here. I know there’s no rule or anything but I wanted to know what the situation was before I continued reading and not just the disclaimer or other author’s notes. I wanted to know the characters and more about the story but seeing as it is a oneshot, I do understand the need to keep it under lock and key so that there’s still something to write onto the next chapter.

But I have to give you credit for making your first page sweet and short, that way people will be wanting to click on the next chapter, right? Or maybe I’m just over thinking it. It’s still a great strategy though.

:||: Story Flow: 20/20 :||:

For a oneshot it was done pretty well but maybe you could’ve slowed down at some parts and I would’ve liked to have seen more individual comments to the other members. But all in all it was perfect.

It flowed very smoothly since it was just one chapter of course the chapters wouldn’t connect but that final chappie was definitely smooth. It was well written and it had a nice transition from one topic to another. You explained what had happened clearly in the first paragraph so the readers wouldn’t be left confused and I liked that.

I also like how you kept with one topic per paragraph and that’s what paragraphs are for which is great! It shows your understanding of such things.

:||: Character Development: 15/15 :||:

It was developed really well. I swear I almost believed for a second that Taemin was actually feeling those emotions (I hope he doesn’t). You explained his feelings very well and showed us what sort of person you’re trying to portray Taemin as.

I have no other comments, you nailed this one perfectly.

:||: Formal Language: 13/15 :||:

Spelling:

Well You did misspell ‘i’ the whole way through. Instead of capitalized I it was a small letter. I would think it was just a typo and let it slide but then it’s very consistent so you got points deducted for that.

Vocabulary:

For a story which targets audiences that are around 13+ your vocabulary was pretty good. It matched well with Taemin’s age and personality. Your words weren’t too complicated and it wasn’t too simple. You had a very good balance of each which is really good. Your vocab also matched your theme. If it was fluff simple words would be welcomed but it’s not, it’s light angst which matches perfectly well. (I know I’m repeating myself, bear with me).

Grammar:

Your grammar wasn’t all that bad. There were some things to watch out for but considering as I didn’t really bother about them since your story was near perfect. Your grammar wasn’t as bad as others and they were just silly mistakes I’m sure which is why I would let it slide.

:||: Originality: 11/15 :||:

Well to tell the truth, the originality let me down. Even though it’s well written and all there just wasn’t much twist in it. It’s usual to have some sad angst about a star’s insecurities and end up with suicide, that’s usual. I think you could’ve threw in something in it to make it more exciting.

Alright, I realize I’m being unreasonable here since it’s a oneshot and it’s not very lengthy. There wouldn’t have any more twists I can think of that could fit nicely in your well written not so lovely story. I can see your effort though and since this is for your personal needs so I won’t complain that much. Who am I kidding? Nothing is original these days.

:||: Overall Enjoyment: 20/20 :||:

I enjoyed it thoroughly. Okay that sounds wrong considering Taemin died but let me explain.

From your foreword to the end of chapter one, you got me hooked. Your chapter length wasn’t long and it explained a whole lot already.

The story flowed nicely and your formal language was near perfect. Everything about it was just written really well. I know I keep saying it’s written really well but you can’t stop me from saying it!! Bwahahha…… well this is awkward I’m not being formal at all like I should be. See, I’m on a high after reading such a wonderful story of a not so wonderful story… I’m not sure if that makes sense. Full marks for creating a heart jerking story in just one chapter! Well done mate!

:||: Comment :||:

Okay let me just get this out there. I love your background and how you had this happy image of Taemin as your poster. I love the aura it created and not something depressing even though the story was a well written story of a not so good story. I just love the concept you created. I for one am relieved that we still have authors like you that can write something amazing and use their own emotions to convey the main character. It’s just so well put together!
I've gotten too soft. No, it's just that your story is really well written. <--- Like I said, bein informal and totally on a high// can't stop me from say "really well written" either! 

Another thing, about your person reason for creating this fanfic, I want to say I admire you. I admire you for actually singing and not rejecting. I admire the way you crawled out of so called shells teachers always go on about and did something for the school. And you mentioned you were singing louder than the juniors, right? I admire your confidence. I think that’s the confidence I need. And also, stuff all those people that laugh. I mean seriously they can’t even do something like that so screw them. Fighting!

:||: Total 89-/100 :||:

fizz-peaze 

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