:||: Title: 2/5 :||:

To be honest, your title didn’t catch my attention at all. You didn’t need to add dip because you already put bad boy and that’s unnecessary. It would be better if it was Donghae, the bad boy. Overall, the title isn’t too long or too short. It was simple and easy to remember. Your title told me that the story would obviously involve Donghae and he is a troublemaker.

:||: Description/Foreword: 5/10 :||:

Your description is short. I don’t mind unless it’s written well. Unfortunately, it didn’t catch my attention because this plot has been used many times.

I’ve spotted some tense errors. It would flow more if you change it.
Yours:
Donghae, the infamous bad boy delinquent of SM High and member of famous gang Super Junior, wasn't really the guy to love girls. No... he just loves to break their hearts and a bunch of other things for the fun of it. That all changes when he meets a girl and falls head over heels for her. Problem? She hates his guts.

Should be:
Donghae, the infamous delinquent of SM High and member of famous gang, Super Junior, wasn't really the guy to love girls. No... He just loved to break their hearts and a bunch of other things for the fun of it. However, that all changed when he met a girl. Unexpectedly, he fell head over heels for her. There is one problem though-she hates his guts.

First of all, bad boy and delinquent basically mean the same thing. Choose one please. When writing, remember to use commas. They are amazing. They make your sentences not jumbled up together. The ‘problem?’ part is really confusing or I’m just slow on things. You need to explain or your readers will be confused. Problem? What problem? Donghae’s problem? The girl’s problem? Donghae’s sister’s dog’s problem? Remember to explain to be clear on things. I’ve fixed that for you.

Now, onto the foreword!
Your character profiles gave away too much. I know you didn’t write much about them, but it still did. We just found out Donghae slowly falls in love with her in the story. We didn’t need to know that before even reading the first chapter! Try your best not to reveal your plot. If it’s too hard; don’t put character profiles at all. We all want to see the development in the actual story.

:||: Story Flow: 12/20 :||:

Your story flow was alright until the fourth chapter. Donghae suddenly confesses to her. Uh, too fast! He was insulting her in the previous chapters and now he suddenly likes her? I suggest you to slow that part down. If you added some interaction/accidents that made them closer, then the confession would be alright. For example, you could’ve done something similar like:  Min Jee was casually walking down the stairs and trips. Out of nowhere, Donghae suddenly catches and both of them have three seconds of eye contact. I know that this is really cliché, but it’s just an example for you to understand.

:||: Character Development: 8/15 :||:

There wasn’t any character development. I don’t blame you because you’re only posted the fourth chapter. I highly suggest you develop your characters though! Donghae and Min Jee are a bit plain right now. Donghae is the usual bad boy, while Min Jee doesn’t care about what others think. Describe their feelings and actions more, so we readers will know their personality a bit better and anticipate what might happen to them next depending on their characteristics. Then, your characters will seem realistic.

:||: Formal Language: 7/15 :||:

I did not catch any spelling mistakes. Well done! However, you need to tweak your fanfic. First of all, do not use AKA. It makes you, the author, sound extremely lazy. It hurts the eyes. It wouldn’t hurt to spend an extra second to type more, right?

I’ll point out some mistakes that you need to beware of.

Chapter 2
Yours:
Min Jee, now 16 years old, and a junior in high school, is now heading over to SM High AKA the third time she had to transfer schools.

Should be:
Min Jee is a teenager who is currently sixteen. Junior in high school, she is now heading over to SM High. This was her third time she had to transfer to a new school, in hopes of getting a better education and having values in life.

I’ve bolded the things I’ve changed. As you can see, I’ve changed the whole sentence. If you had the AKA, it wouldn’t make sense. Even if you change it to as known as; it will still make no sense.

Remember to read your work many, many times, because you might not spot mistakes when typing. You can ask a friend to check for you too.

You need to elaborate your sentences more please. It’s too short and not descriptive at all. Like I said before, in order to make your characters realistic and believable, you need to describe!

This is optional but I highly recommend you change this. For thoughts, many people usually put it in italics. It’s easier that way and clearer.

Yours:
'Just when I think I can escape from gangs, God just wants to go and make my life miserable. Maybe I should transfer out of the school but then that would be too much. Too much money to move and I don't have any.' Min Jee thought.

Should be:
Just when I think I can escape from gangs, God just wants to go and make my life miserable. Maybe I should transfer out of the school but then that would be too much. Too much money to move and I don't have any.

You don’t need to post images during the chapter! It’s just unnecessary and lazy! It would be great if you introduced f(x) (example) and how they walked in with style and what type of clothes they were wearing. Boys drooling, while girls rage with jealously. You see my point? It’s much creative and fun to read that way.

Yours:
"Here comes f(x)!" One guy yelled and all the men just started to scream their lungs out while some girls looked at them with admiration.

And Danger comes on just as they arrived in a hot car and Min Jee had a good and clear look at what the school was made out of....

Then everybody cleared a path for f(x) to have room to walk.

'It's just like my old schools.... everybody just worships the gangs as if they're gods.' Min Jee thought with a frown.

"Wow... they're so cool." A girl said.

"Amber, please marry me!" A guy yelled.

Should be: (just a suggestion)
“Here comes f(x)!” A male student shouted in excitement, making large groups of students crowd the school’s entrance to take a glimpse.

Arriving in a sleek, flaming hot red convertible, Min Jee finally had a clear look on what this school was about. Sighing in disappointment, students turned around and glared at her before making a  pathway for the f(x) girls.

Five hot and beautiful looking girls stepped onto the pavement of the school. Boys drooled helplessly at their figures, while the female students raged with jealousy at those goddess like girls. F(x) consisted of the five good friends: Luna, Amber, Victoria, Sulli and Krystal. They were well known as the queenkas of the school. Everyone would do absolutely anything to become their friend.

“It’s just like my old school, where everyone worshipped gangs as if they were Gods. Pathetic.” Min Jee muttered angrily under her breath.

I don’t really have many ideas so my example . I’m sorry. Anyway, you get it? Instead of dialogue, dialogue and more dialogue, you should elaborate more.

Chapter 3
You don’t need to capitalize when shouting.

Yours:
The teacher wiped her tears away and sniffled before saying, "Yes. Just wait for a while." Then she stepped into the classroom and bellowed out, "EVERYBODY, PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS AND BE QUIET!"

Should be:
The teacher wiped her tears away and sniffled before saying, "Yes. Just wait for a while." Then she stepped into the classroom and bellowed out, “everybody, please take your seats and be quiet!”

Just use italics.

Do not ever use emoticons! It is very unprofessional. You don’t see random emoticons at random places of a book, don’t you? Please change it.

You don’t need to put ‘BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’, it is informal and you need to be formal when creating fanfics. I’m not going to lie; I’ve done that many times. Don’t use sound effects, okay? You can say: There was suddenly a loud sound/explosion.

Chapter 4
Wow. That was one long chapter. Unfortunately, it was very hard for me to read.

You don’t need different sizes of fonts. Just stick to one size. Second of all, the sheets were unnecessary. They weren’t interesting at all; people will just skip over that. Highlighting it doesn’t work well either.

:||: Originality: 10/15 :||:

Your description was too overused. However, when I was reading it, it wasn’t as cliché as I expected it would be. You should put twists often! I guess that’s about it.

:||: Overall Enjoyment: 11/20 :||:

If you explained a bit more on your characters thoughts, words and actions, it would definitely impact your fanfic in a good way. I like how the Min Jee isn’t the school’s nerd, hooray! Remember to lengthen your sentences, cancel out some dialogue and delete those emoticons.

:||: Comment :||:
I can't review properly these days. Ugh. What has vacation done to me, haha.

Anyway, I know this fanfic will get better and better in no time. Just pay attention to your formal language and remember to add twists, so your fanfic wouldn’t be too cliché. Make it original. Everyone enjoys a well written story that doesn’t have an overused plot. I really want to know what Min Jee is going to do next though!

If you have any concerns, feel free to comment below or send me a PM. Good luck with your future chapters! Hwaiting!

-          My-flaming-charisma

Overall Score:
55/100