the frozen dirt beneath kyungsoo’s feet crunches with every step he takes. his breathing is controlled, coming out in soft, shallow pants so as not to lose stamina. the chill of the winter morning stings as the wind blows at kyungsoo’s face, but he pays it no mind. if he loses concentration now, it could prove to be fatal.

at the sense of a faint presence nearby in the woods he freezes, being quick enough to dodge behind a tree just as the gunshot goes off. the bullet blows past kyungsoo, splintering into a tree behind him with a resounding crack. it’s silent for a moment, no one willing to reveal their own location nor stupid enough to make the first move so rashly. kyungsoo slowly reaches for the dagger strapped to his ankle, only to freeze empty-handed at the cold press of a gun barrel against his temple.

“hands up.”

kyungsoo pauses, slowly bringing his hands behind his head. he holds his breath, waiting for the perfect moment. he only has one chance…

“turn around.”

kyungsoo exhales, pivoting slowly on his left foot and dropping his shoulders ever so slightly in the process.

now.

as the other comes into kyungsoo’s peripheral view, he attacks, dropping low and to the left side of his opponent before leaping upwards to the opposite side. he pushes the gun out of the other’s hand as they try to follow kyungsoo’s movement while maintaining their aim and slams all of his weight through his shoulder into the center of his opponent’s chest, keeping a firm grasp on the barrel of the gun as he rips it out of the other’s hands. they fall to the ground with a grunt, the world momentarily going upside down for kyungsoo as the assailant throws him off.

he immediately scrambles back up to his feet, looking around for the attacker with their gun in his hand. the back of his neck prickles and he spins around, but just a second too late. a heavy blow to the back knocks him forward onto the ground, a foot kicking the gun out of his hand from behind before an arm quickly wraps tight around his throat.

kyungsoo taps the ground. “okay i give, i give.”

the weight quickly lifts off of him and he rolls around to look up at the assailant.

“sneaky little bastard,” he grumbles at the man standing above him with a triumphant smirk tugging at his lips, “you’ve been taking stealth lessons with minseok, haven’t you?”

the man puts his .45 caliber away, the smug look of victory quickly replaced with a childish pout as he plops down onto the ground next to kyungsoo. “how’d you know?”

“tch, those strategies and that movement were all practically patented by him.” kyungsoo sits down beside him. “you still got a long way to go jongin.”

jongin huffs in protest. “but i’ve gotten better, right?”

kyungsoo smiles softly. “yes, you’ve gotten very good.”

jongin sighs with a hint of a whine in his voice, his face falling in a manner that has kyungsoo’s chest feeling inexplicably tight. “but… still not good enough to be your partner?”

kyungsoo shakes his head. “no, not just yet.”

jongin kicks his feet around in the air childishly, slyly shifting over so as to rest his head atop kyungsoo’s thigh in the process. “i don’t understand why you won’t at least give me a chance. i’ve already been out in the field with some of the other guys and they said-”

“i don’t care what they say,” kyungsoo resists the strong urge to run his fingers through jongin’s hair, opting instead to prod the other in the cheek. “i’m not working with you until i think you’re ready.”

jongin almost seems to gravitate towards his touch, lips outlining with a pout when kyungsoo pulls his hand away. “you’re mean.”

“and you’re making my legs fall asleep,” kyungsoo gently pushes jongin’s head off of him to stand up. “come on, let’s head back to base.”

kyungsoo is in dire need for some chocolate pudding.

it’s just his luck that anything and everything chocolate related they’re able to obtain from supply scavenges is immediately devoured by their maknae.

“sehun did you eat the last pudding cup again?”

the aforementioned suspect sits up straight from his previous lying down position on the ratty old couch, where he was reading an old magazine jongdae had dug up from one of the abandoned gas stations they recently raided. “huh what?”

“the pudding cup,” kyungsoo repeats, “the last chocolate pudding cup in the fridge. the one that i wrote my name on and claimed as mine, so as to say that no one else should eat it. especially you.”

“what about it?” sehun does his absolute best to school his face into one of the utmost innocence. despite his efforts, the corners of his lips still twitch in the way that they do when he’s lying and kyungsoo knows he’s found the criminal. “did someone take it?”

unfortunately, kyungsoo isn’t so forgiving. he leaps up and over the piece of furniture in between them and tackles the maknae down to the couch with an avenging fury. sehun is smart enough to let out a shrill scream before kyungsoo grabs hold of the younger by the head to render him immobile and takes a quick whiff. chocolate breath. “remember anything now, you traitorous little thief?”

“okay, okay it was me! i’m sorry, i just couldn’t help myself,” sehun blubbers, limbs desperately trying to flail beneath kyungsoo so as to signal for some sort of help. “hyung!!!”

“you’re on your own this time twerpy,” comes baekhyun’s exasperated voice from the next room over, “we told you not to do it and you whined about not being able to resist and look where your lack of discipline got you.”

sehun struggles against kyungsoo’s iron grip but it’s no use. “hyung, you can’t kill me i’m the only other person that knows where jongin hid his secret love poems for you in our room!”

“wait, what?” kyungsoo only pauses for a brief second but it’s enough time for sehun. the maknae takes advantage of kyungsoo’s temporary confusion and forces himself upwards with enough strength to knock kyungsoo onto his back, scrambling off the couch and out of the room. kyungsoo lets out a heavy sigh of defeat as he stares up at the ceiling. he’ll just have to hide his chocolate pudding better next time.

“duped again, huh?” comes a familiar voice as minseok’s face peers down at him, “looks like even the maknae has figured out your only weakness.”

“again? what do you mean again?” kyungsoo sits up and scoots to one side so his best friend can take a seat next to him.

“jongin visited me just now,” minseok grins as he flops down beside kyungsoo, “to thank me for giving him a couple of tips. said he got you earlier today in the training arena.”

“tch, i went easy on him,” kyungsoo swings his legs up and onto the couch, or more specifically onto minseok’s lap, resting his hands behind his head as he lays down and looks back up at the ceiling. “he still has things he needs to polish up.”

“you? go easy?” minseok raises an eyebrow. “i’d believe sehun giving up chocolate for the rest of his life before i’d believe that. why can’t you just admit that he’s become your little kryptonite? the poor kid’s been pining after you for months.”

“so?”

“so? he’s been training ever since he got here, trying as hard as he can to prove himself to you and impress you. hell, he’s done better out on the field than some of the others, but all you tell him is that he still has work to do. why-”

“i never said that he had to work on his performance on the field or anything of the sorts,” kyungsoo corrects, “he doesn’t come to me for feedback on that. he wants to be my partner on the field, and every time i have to tell him no. because no matter how good he is on the field with others, it won’t work if he’s my partner.”

“you-” minseok’s eyes widen in realization, “you’re afraid that he’ll distract you out on the field?”

kyungsoo’s only reply is silence, but it’s enough for minseok to understand. he pushes kyungsoo’s legs away momentarily as he stands up from the couch with a frustrated groan, turning around to address his friend once more.

“god, you’re insufferable. if all you do is send cryptic messages to him thinking it’ll push him away, then all you’ll do is make things worse.” minseok crosses his arms with a frown. “the world’s kind of ending if you didn’t remember, so i don’t see why you’re killing any shot you could have at happiness at this point. you’re my best friend soo, and i want nothing more than to see you be happy. jongin’s a good guy, and we risk our lives everyday just to survive out here. why can’t you take a risk with your heart and give him a chance?”

he turns around and walks away, leaving before kyungsoo can give his reply.

min, that’s precisely why i can’t take that kind of risk. if i can refuse myself this happiness, then i won’t have anything to lose later on in this cruel, dying world.

kyungsoo draws in a deep breath at the sight of a familiar silhouette sitting in his usual spot as he climbs onto the watch tower’s roof. “pretty sure i had first watch tonight.”

“i know,” the night sky casts a dim glow down onto them, illuminating jongin’s bronze skin with an almost ethereal effect in the moonlight. kyungsoo forces himself to look away before it becomes apparent that he’s staring. “i just thought i’d come look at the stars with you.”

“you should go get some sleep,” kyungsoo mutters, sitting down and leaning back into the slanted roof to look up into the sky, “you’ll be too tired for your shift if you stay up all night.”

jongin crawls over, all but curling up into kyungsoo’s side. “i’ll get enough rest, i promise.”

kyungsoo can only manage a noncommittal grunt, ignoring how jongin’s body heat seems to seep right through his thick winter clothes and how their bodies are pressed so close together he can feel jongin’s faint but steady heartbeat.

“i never got to see the stars back when i lived in the city,” jongin starts and kyungsoo can see the other looking up at his face out of the corner of his eye. “you know, ‘cause all the pollution and stuff. it kind of that the world to go to for me to get to see them, but i guess there are other perks.”

kyungsoo already knows the answer to his question before he even asks. “like what?”

the cliché reply makes kyungsoo chuckle, puffs of his breath floating up into the air like clouds of smoke. “well, i got the chance to meet you.”

“cheesy and unoriginal,” he finally turns to look at jongin, the other’s eyes filled with a longing that has kyungsoo’s chest tightening over and over again. “have you been getting bad pick-up lessons from junmyeon too?”

“you knew.” it isn’t a question, but rather a statement. “you knew how i felt.”

“yes,” kyungsoo loses their staring contest, looking back up into the night sky. “you weren’t trying all too hard to hide it.”

jongin repositions himself so he can rest his chin on kyungsoo’s chest, eyes never leaving the elder. “maybe that means i wanted you to know.”

“and why would you want that?”

“because i needed to know how you feel about me too.”

“and if i were to say i returned your feelings? what would happen?”

“i mean, i guess i’d take you on a date or something if you’d let me. cuddle with you when the others are around. other stuff.”

“and then what?”

“what do you mean then what?”

“we just hold hands until we’re nothing but ash and dust? i invest all my emotions into you, only to live out the rest of my life plagued with the fear of losing you, knowing that we could die here any day now?”

“well, when you put it that way it doesn’t sound very nice.”

kyungsoo finally looks back down into jongin’s eyes. “jongin, that’s my point. i- i know i can’t deny anymore that i feel something for you, but i’ve seen far too much since this world fell to ruin. maybe it’s because i’m afraid, maybe something deep inside of me gave up a long time ago, but i’ve become a cynical and disillusioned person. you’re- you’re still so naïve and full of life. full of hope. i just know that if we make contact with another group of survivors, there’s just got to be someone better for you-”

“no,” there’s an angry tremble to jongin’s voice. he lifts his head off of kyungsoo’s person and sits up, reaching out to grasp kyungsoo’s face with both hands. “that’s impossible. i don’t want anyone else hyung. it’s you- it’s always been you.”

“you don’t mean tha-”

“i do!” jongin stares desperately into kyungsoo’s eyes. “i know you’re pessimistic and dumb and act like you’ve seen far too many dark days but we all have, hyung! i’m not the happy go lucky young kid that you picked up a couple of years ago back in the city. i- i had to kill my own family in a scouting awhile back when i was shadowing  chanyeol because the virus got to them first. ignorance doesn’t last very long when you’re fighting for your life. i don’t look forward and hope for a better tomorrow just for the hell of it like before, i- i just want to spend the rest of my days with you!”

“jongin…”

“i’m not giving up hyung,” jongin presses their foreheads together, their faces so close that kyungsoo can feel the younger’s warm breath fan across his face as he continues to speak. “now that i know you feel the same, i can’t give up. i’ll wait for you, until you’re ready. i’ll- hell i would do anything i could at this point if it meant i could be with you for just one more second. i’d save this broken world that’s trapped you behind those walls you’ve built around yourself if that’s what it took.”

“you’re the real dumb one,” kyungsoo chokes out, eyes stinging with tears but never once leaving jongin’s gaze. “how am i supposed to make you forget about me if all you do is ignore what i’m saying?”

“it’s a damn good thing i did,” jongin finally releases kyungsoo’s face, returning to his previous position resting his head back onto the elder’s chest with a small hmph. “you’re lucky you’re not very convincing.”

“just because i’m not convincing doesn’t mean that i don’t stand by my statement,” kyungsoo reminds him, “i- i just don’t want you to waste the rest of your life waiting for me. you have so much you can give and i-”

“i told you hyung,” jongin reaches over to hold kyungsoo’s hand and the elder can’t find it in him to resist the warmth that jongin and his words bring. “i’ll wait for you. i know you’re scared of losing anything more. i know you think that if you close yourself off you won’t be able to hurt anymore. but we weren’t given forever. all of us were going to die, end of the world or not. i just want you to be happy with me right now, whether we have years, days, or even hours left. isn’t that all that matters at this point?”

“i… i don’t know,” kyungsoo whi