Maybe we're friends, maybe we're more

Maybe it's just my imagination

But I see you stare just a little too long,

and it makes me start to wonder

So Baby, call me crazy, but I think you feel it too

Maybe I, maybe I

just gotta get next to you

 (Jordin Sparks – Next to You)

 

| IOI Chatroom |

*jieqiongzhou is online!*

 

jieqiongzhou said:

guys, I want to confess.

I'm in love.

 

*som_swag is online!*

 

som_swag said:

o.o

 

uyj_s said:

O.O unnie???

I'm all ears.

 

dodo_swag said:

O_O

ok

spill

 

jieqiongzhou said:

you guys won't believe it.

I—

 

g9_mina said:

you...?

 

dodo_swag said:

yes?

 

uyj_s said:

what is this suspense

jieqiongzhou SAVE US

 

som_swag said:

unnie you better spill it soon or I'll scream Cheer Up upon your ears.

 

jieqiongzhou said:

I......

 

som_swag said:

grandma version.

 

jieqiongzhou said:

I FALL IN LOVE WITH TIFFANY SUNBAENIM'S LOVE

towards pink.

there I said it.

 

g9_mina said:

...............

 

uyj_s said:

...............

 

dodo_swag said:

...............

 

som_swag said:

can someone smack jieqiong unnie for us please?

 

jieqiongzhou said:

D:

you guys just don't understand!

 

dodo_swag said:

jieqiongzhou we truly don't.

 

uyj_s said:

jieqiongzhou dodo_swag thankfully.

 

jieqiongzhou said:

I acquired her sns ID and

I'm about to PM her asdsadgasjhfdgka

what should I do??

 

som_swag said:

jieqiongzhou you what??

I......

I can't believe jieqiong unnie is actually a sasaeng.

 

*g9_mina is offline*

 

jieqiongzhou said:

som_swag excuse u, what??

u must be confusing me with nayoung unnie

 

uyj_s said:

jieqiongzhou omg unnie

bye

it's nice knowing you

 

dodo_swag said:

jieqiongzhou you'll be missed...

try to appeal to chungha unnie's good side

 

jieqiongzhou said:

wait what

 

som_swag said:

now all we have to do is waiting nayoung unnie to go online.

 

dodo_swag said:

and watch jieqiong unnie getting kamehameha-ed from this chatroom.

 

uyj_s said:

*sheds a single anticipating tear*

 

jieqiongzhou said:

......were you guys discussing my virtual doom?

 

uyj_s said:

what else?

 

dodo_swag said:

you know nayoung unnie is passionate about fangirling.

 

jieqiongzhou said:

um

surely nayoung unnie can take a joke

 

som_swag said:

wait, she can?

 

dodo_swag said:

som_swag hul

bye maknae.

those who are about to die salute you.

 

uyj_s said:

is today the battle royale day or something?

 

jieqiongzhou said:

ANYWAAAYS GUISE

what should I say?

 

som_swag said:

hello.

 

jieqiongzhou said:

hello?

 

dodo_swag said:

it's me

 

uyj_s said:

I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet

 

*s_sohye is online!*

 

jieqiongzhou said:

......I hate you all.

 

s_sohye said:

what hate

you who

WHY ALL??? D:

 

som_swag said:

to go over

everything

 

s_sohye said:

um, are we talking about practices?

 

dodo_swag said:

they say that time's supposed to heal ya

 

uyj_s said:

but expired milk begs to differ

 

jieqiongzhou said:

uyj_s main vocal-nim pls

you didn't even get the lyrics right

 

*sejeong_k is online!*

 

sejeong_k said:

hi c:

what's going on, why's jieqiong pouting?

 

dodo_swag said:

sejeong_k we recited Adele's Hello for her, unnie.

 

sejeong_k said:

huh... yeah I can see that

but

why are you reciting Hello? @_@

 

som_swag said:

to give an advice

ehuehuehuehe

 

uyj_s said:

jieqiong unnie was panicking about what to say to someone as a conversation starter.

 

s_sohye said:

someone?

 

sejeong_k said:

oh.

ask what she likes c:

then spam with pics of what she likes.

 

jieqiongzhou said:

sejeong_k :'D

finally a sane advice!

 

sejeong_k said:

who is this someone by the way

 

som_swag said:

tiffany sunbaenim.

 

jieqiongzhou said:

we both love pink (/^v^)/

 

dodo_swag said:

then just spam her with pink pics.

 

uyj_s said:

I remember chanmi unnie saying tiffany sunbaenim likes fish.

 

sejeong_k said:

um......

 

som_swag said:

uyj_s oh!! I remember

especially the eyes, right?

 

s_sohye said:

then you can spam her with fish eyes?

 

jieqiongzhou said:

did she really??

I don't have any fish pics D:

especially the eyes omg what to do

 

dodo_swag said:

google exists

and I can contribute

/pics of fishes/

/pics of fish eyes/

 

sejeong_k said:

um...............

 

uyj_s said:

what's wrong sejeong unnie? c:

I'm gonna contribute too!

/pics of fish bones/

/pics of fish x-rays/

 

sejeong_k said:

nothing ^^;;

/pics of Jellyfish' logo/

 

som_swag said:

OH ME TOO ME TOO!

/pics of tiffany photoshopped next to a fish/

/pics of herself holding a fish/

/pics of fish eyes zoomed in/

/pics of sohye's right eye zoomed in/

 

jieqiongzhou said:

whut

whose eye was that??

 

dodo_swag said:

s_sohye

probably

 

s_sohye said:

D:

DDD':

som_swag BRUH I'M A PENGUIN!!

 

som_swag said:

bruh aren't penguins related to sharks anyways?

 

s_sohye said:

NO!!!!! DDDDD""""":

*runs away and cries*

 

*s_sohye is offline* 

 

*i_nayoung is online!*

 

i_nayoung said:

*sighs*

hi guys

and first off, why is sohye sulking in the kitchen?

 

uyj_s said:

somi questioned the family tree of penguins

 

som_swag said:

whut when

I did not!

 

jieqiongzhou said:

okay first off,

WHO THE FORK SAID TIFFANY SUNBAENIM LIKES FISH EYES

 

i_nayoung said:

someone said that?

doesn't tiffany sunbaenim hate fish eyes with passion

 

jieqiongzhou said:

YAH

SHOW YOURSELF!!!

i_nayoung T__________T

 

uyj_s said:

whoop whoop

 

*uyj_s is offline* 

 

som_swag said:

SORRY

 

*som_swag is offline* 

 

dodo_swag said:

It was chanmi unnie!!

 

*dodo_swag is offline* 

 

 

~~

 

 

It had been a while since the last time Sejeong sat by herself to pick apart her feelings.

It had been her little habit; to sit alone and examine her feelings carefully whenever things got messy or the world started being too much to take. So as to avoid diving head first, preventing herself from acting recklessly or judging with unclear mind.

The last time had been after the first elimination, after she got a taste of the highest seat in the pyramid of trainees. She didn't have the time to contemplate much while the cameras were still rolling, so she merely tried to get her expression back in check, stopping her seemingly endless tears, and swallowing the lump down .

All were hard, but necessary.

The moment they came back to the dorm, she had carefully waited until her roommates fell asleep, then, and exited the room when no one could notice. She sat by herself, noting the absence of other trainees from other rooms. She sat by herself with silence surrounding her as a company.

Then she laid out her heart, only for herself to know and pick apart.

The feelings she had grasped, the rush of excitement and disbelief—Sejeong listed them all, carefully threading each emotion with her mind. She pulled the positive ones, wrapping them in her layer of determination, wishing for it to last in her memory, especially in those days she was less confident with herself.

Along with the positive ones, Sejeong faced her demon—a little voice in the back of her mind that loved to sing a false tune. A little voice that came out a little too confident, a little too proud, a little too satisfied, a little too selfish, a little too snarky, a little too individualist.

It wasn't after she made a peace with the negative ones that Sejeong finally slipped back to the room, ready to grant her body's wish for a short, but much needed, sleep.

Returning back to the present, honestly... Sejeong didn't think she would practice it again so soon.

Sure, she had speculated—maybe later, when Jellyfish finally told her a debut date for the group she'd be in. Or when her time with the other ten was about to come to an end. Those two events, Sejeong was certain they would mess her mind.

Something inside her clenched suddenly, and Sejeong shook her head at the last thought. She pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled slowly through .

The point was, Sejeong hadn't—never—thought it would be this soon.

And the cause, Sejeong mused, is Chungha.

At the thought, her heart thumped louder.

Chungha, the gentle friend in the practice room, the fierce performer on stage.

Chungha, the dance master of their group.

Chungha, the deep sleeper.

Somewhere along those lines, Sejeong's lips curved upwards—forming a smile that came by a little too easy. When had such simple words gained the ability to bring out a smile from her? Sejeong shook her head. On the other hand, like two sides of a coin, there would be a frown that unconsciously etched on her expression, a little too easy, a little too often—over small things she shouldn't have minded.

She's too close.

She isn't looking at me.

She's walking away.

She looks tired.

She isn't here.

She's already asleep.

Chungha just had to be around, and Sejeong would feel all sorts of emotion she usually wouldn't...

It was strange.

At first, her logic offered her a word as a reason of those feelings; fond.

Sejeong had accepted it, because it was true. She had always been fond of the older girl. She's never good at lying to herself anyway—so if her mind said it was fondness, then fondness it shall be.

Case closed.

Until that day.

"Why are you so persistent?"

Sejeong closed her eyes, a crease forming between her eyebrows, as her mind replayed for the umpteenth time her reply to the question.

"Because seeing you with your hair mussed up makes me either want to tie it, or graze my lips lightly over yours."

Sejeong had been taken aback when she thought of those words—what more, decided to voice them out loud, without filter. She remembered the rising panic then. She had excused herself from Chungha's presence, mentally kicking her brain repeatedly and screaming inside.

Her face had been flaming red by the time she reached her room.

And who was she kidding—

It's way beyond fondness.

In the rush of calming herself, Sejeong had decided to put a distance.

To carefully avoid Chungha, if only so she could clear her own mind and decide if it's only a one time thing. That was what her mind reasoned when her heart came up bruised, hurt from the times she had to slip away from Chungha's side. Saying that it was necessary, even as her fingers itched to brush against Chungha's to the point it felt painful.

How could one decide about one time thing by avoiding the subject and taking no interactions?

Inside, Sejeong wondered if she'd only been trying to fool herself.

"Sejeong unnie, have you seen Chungha unnie?"

Chungha.

Even the mere mention of the name brought a flutter, one Sejeong wasn't familiar with until recently.

She swallowed and looked up, her eyes meeting Mina's questioning gaze. She drew up a smile, shaking her head in negative—

"Oh." Mina's disappointment was clear, and Sejeong wondered if something had happened.

"Why, are you craving for her goguma snack again?"

"No..." Mina fidgeted, as though unsure of what she was about to say. "I... just want to see if she's okay."

Sejeong's brows shot up, a twinge of worry settling inside her stomach. "Why wouldn't she be?"

"Uhh......"

"Mina."

"It's just that—" Mina exhaled, "—you know... why don't you check yourself, unnie? I still need to find Chaeyeon unnie, bye!"

Then Mina scampered off, leaving Sejeong with an unanswered question.

What was that?

Sejeong frowned, her gaze flickering to where her gadget was placed.

Let's see.

 

 

~~

 

 

| 96-line Dungeon |

sejeong_k said:

test...

 

chungha29 said:

sejeong_k hi :)

 

sejeong_k said:

chungha29 hi unnie :)

mm......

where are you?

 

chungha29 said:

with jieqiong :) why?

 

sejeong_k said:

can I...

ask you something?

 

chungha29 said:

you're across the room.

just come.

 

sejeong_k said:

no I can't

 

chungha29 said:

eh, why?

 

sejeong_k said:

it's my turn next...

 

chungha29 said:

you were the second.

you're already done.

I saw your turn.

 

sejeong_k said:

ahhh D:

I just can't

 

chungha29 said:

that doesn't answer anything at all

 

sejeong_k said:

I can't see you right now;;

 

chungha29 said:

...why not?

 

sejeong_k said:

I just can't...

please let me ask here :c

 

chungha29 said:

:|

alright, ask away

 

sejeong_k said:

would you sit next to me on our way back?

 

chungha29 said:

...............

that's it?

 

sejeong_k said:

:((((((

 

chungha29 said:

why should I sit next to you?

 

sejeong_k said:

please ; - ;

/pics of puppy/

/pics of two puppies/

/pics of even more puppies/

/pics of a puppy hugging a photoshopped goguma snack/

 

chungha29 said:

don't you like sitting with chaeyeon or somi nowadays;;

 

sejeong_k said:

.____________.

I like sitting with you too!

 

chungha29 said:

mmh

sejeong?

 

sejeong_k said:

yes?

 

chungha29 said:

if this is about this morning, it's okay :)

don't feel guilty, it's not your fault.

just sit with chaeyeon.

 

sejeong_k said:

asdfghajgdjsgajdsa

nooo

I told you I want to sit with you D:

 

chungha29 said:

besides, I've promised yoodaeng to sit with her

 

sejeong_k said:

I've asked yoojungie

she doesn't mind

 

chungha29 said:

o.o

you what?

 

sejeong_k said:

just sit with me :((

or I'll continue blaming myself

/pics of a depressed goguma doodle/

/pics of a puppy with a photoshopped depressed goguma doodle/

 

chungha29 said:

sigh

sejeong_k you don't play fair

 

sejeong_k said:

sometimes fair is merely a matter of perspective...

 

chungha29 said:

alright okay I will

 

sejeong_k said:

WOO!

/pics of a happy goguma doodle/

chungha29 see you then;;

 

*sejeong_k is offline*

 

 

~~

 

 

Talking through written words was easy.

Talking face to face was an entirely different league.

Sejeong blinked, fingers fidgeting on her lap as Yeonjung entered the vehicle. Not her. Sejeong didn't know if she had to feel relieved or even more nervous. Mentally, she went over the best approach she had thought of, reciting the words she had to say—

Chungha boarded on, Sohye in tow, laughing over something they had witnessed, and Sejeong's practiced plan crumbled down without preamble. She swallowed visibly, trying not to show the mess her brain was as she watched Chungha making her way to the very back, where a seat was reserved next to her.

Come on, palms, stop sweating.

"Hi, sneaky."

Sejeong paused over the greeting, blinking. Chungha settled on her seat, putting down her belongings and leaning back. Chungha glanced at her, seemingly waiting for a response, and Sejeong blinked again.

"Sneaky?"

Chungha smiled, "Aren't you?"

Sejeong wanted to feel offended, but it was hard to do with Chungha smiling teasingly like that.

Not fair.

"What did I ever do to deserve such title?"

Chungha shrugged, a sigh escaping her lips as she leaned sideways. A few seconds was all it took Sejeong to find herself trying to keep her breath even as Chungha nestled her head against her shoulder.

"I'm tired."

"Ah, are you?" was all Sejeong managed to say.

"Yes." There was a little shift, a slight nuzzle, and Sejeong's breath hitched. "So don't make me feel even more tired by saying the s-word."

Now who's supposed to be sneaky again?

Sejeong inhaled deeply, willing her heart to calm down. It would be a little bit easier if Chungha wasn't this close, wasn't this warm. What was the plan again? Was there a plan at all? Why did her brain refuse to assist her when it mattered the most?

"Why are you so quiet?" Chungha's voice interrupted her mental breakdown. Sejeong let out a chuckle. She hoped it sounded right.

"Sorry, I was trying to remember something."

There was a pinch to her hand, and Sejeong yelped.

"Why did you pinch me??"

"I told you not to say the s-word," Chungha replied. There was an underlying tone of amusement in her voice.

"Well," Sejeong gruffly said, "then I apologize, my lady."

Chungha's response was an airy laugh that sounded like a soothing music to Sejeong's ears. When the laughter subsided, Chungha told her a word fondly,

"Sneaky."

Sejeong snorted. Another silence followed that one word, and Sejeong chanced a glance.

Chungha's eyes were closed, a serene smile playing on her lips.

"You're quiet, again," Chungha said without opening her eyes.

Sejeong closed her eyes and allowed her head to rest lightly against Chungha's. She let the silence to linger for a while more, while her brain wastrying to focus back on her initial plan—she did have one—especially now that she had the means to skirt around Chungha's s-word rule.

"Unnie?"

"Mmh?"

"I want to apologize."

Chungha let out a resigned sigh, and Sejeong smiled.

"It's not your fault," Chungha poked her hand with a finger, "but I should've known you'll feel that way anyway."

Sejeong mummed. "Does it hurt still?"

Another poke. "If I say no, are you going to move your shoulder?"

Her fingers itched.

This time, Sejeong caved in.

She reached over the poking finger, letting her fingers to wrap around the other's as she replied,

"No."

I like this position, was what Sejeong didn't add.

Chungha let out a satisfied hum, snuggling closer to Sejeong's side.

It felt like someone had dumped a bucket of gasoline over Sejeong's already blazing heart.

Such simplicity, lined with her own heart's reaction, dragged Sejeong towards a box filled with a certain conclusion. A solution to her countless questions that her brain couldn't answer.

But would she dare?

"Unnie," Sejeong softly whispered.

She had to make sure.

Chungha didn't budge, but she did answer. "Yeah?"

I have to make sure.

"Can you say my name once?"

There was a slight shift, a stretch of silence, and Sejeong imagined Chungha's brows furrowing in confusion over her sudden request.

Then,

"Sejeong-ah."

It was spoken gently, rolling off Chungha's tongue in a whisper with a touch of affection that sent warmth to set off inside Sejeong's chest—and Sejeong was sure she wasn't supposed to be able to notice nor react that much from a mere mention of her name.

But she did.

"Thank you, unnie."

Along with a squeeze to the fingers in her grasp, Sejeong opened the sealed box and took a peek on the answer; although she had known what would be written.

I have fallen.

"So what are you testing?" Chungha asked, voice laced in amusement, and Sejeong's focus zoned in that comfortable voice.

"Your vocal chord."

Chungha pinched her finger, and Sejeong quickly moved to intertwine their fingers instead.

"Stop pinching me," she whined.

"Stop using your dry sense of humor," Chungha retaliated. Sejeong lifted her head in disbelief—she had a perfect sense of humor!—but Chungha just had to snuggle against her shoulder again, sincere words escaping her lips,

"I've missed you."

Then Sejeong's snarky comment ran over a wall, crumbling into pieces.

"I'm—what?" she dumbly replied, not expecting those words. Chungha chuckled, giving their locked fingers a squeeze,

"I've missed you. I might sound unwilling in our chatroom, but I'm glad you asked me to sit next to you." There was a joking tone as Chungha continued on, "You hang around others so much, are you bored because we're always beside each other on stage?"

Sejeong swallowed the honest reply in . There was no way she could tell Chungha the real reason.

"I'm sorry to make you feel that way," Sejeong whispered.

"Mmm," Chungha hummed, "no 'I miss you too?'"

Sejeong squeezed back, resting her head against the other's again, mentally answering you have no idea.

"I miss you too."

"You're going to slip away from my side again, aren't you?" Chungha mused, the slight stretch in the end of sentence clued Sejeong that she had begun to feel sleepy.

"Why?"

Chungha yawned, and Sejeong smiled softly, trying her best to make her shoulder comfortable.

"Because you have apologized. Your mission is accomplished," there, Chungha moved their joined hand to slightly pump the air, "yay!"

"Yay!" Sejeong followed. She then lowered down their hands, feeling the weight on her shoulder a tad bit heavier.

"Will you?"

The faint whisper was laced with sleepiness, but Sejeong heard it nonetheless. Will I? She thought to herself, considering her words carefully, even as she knew that Chungha was almost out of it.

"If I was there with you, I probably wouldn't have to say sorry at all..."

Chungha made a disagreeing voice. "I said, it's not your—"

"So no," Sejeong cut her off gently, "I'm not going to slip away from your side."

There was silence as Sejeong waited for a response, but the only reply she managed to get was a soft snore. Chungha had fallen asleep, and Sejeong didn't know how much of her answer Chungha managed to hear.

Sejeong's gaze averted towards their hands, her heart musing about how well they fit together.

Then again, her heart was biased.

"You're going to slip away from my side again, aren't you?"

Sejeong closed her eyes, knowing then that she was about to make a silent promise to the sleeping person beside her.

I'm not going to slip away from your side, I will stay here next to you.

As long as fate allows me to.

Sejeong smiled, a twinge of sadness lingering over her mind. There was an opened box rested comfortably in the corner, having been opened and acknowledged. But even amidst her discovery, her brain knew not to include 'forever' in her silent promise.

Even if it was tempting to say.

Even if she wanted to.

Because forever is what we're never going to have.