3

Silence.

“What?”

“…Tae-tae ah…”

“I…”  She couldn’t say anything.  On one hand she wanted to fulfill what she had just told the other girl that she would promise.  But she couldn’t.  Not when her feelings tell her something different.

“Please.”

The girl nodded her head, but only a small action.  As much as she didn’t want to, she knew she had to.  It’s not what I want Fany-ah.   And I have already fallen in love with you.  I can’t change that.  But for your sake, for your happiness… I have to…

The girl’s lips met with her cold ones once again.

“…Tae-tae… please don’t leave me… not here… not all alone.  Please…”  Taeyeon could feel drips of tears on her face.

She wrapped her arms around the crying girl, and held her.

“I’m not going anywhere, Fany-ah.  Always here.  Always.”  Do you know much it hurts me to see you like this?  And that I can’t be anything else to you other than a means of escape…?

“…thanks Tae-tae.”

--

The broken girl didn’t drink anymore.  Instead of releasing all her emotions that way, she had her best friend, who would relieve her whenever she needed it.  She also questioned why her friend would go through all this just to help.  But whenever she thought about it, her mind would go back to him, and she couldn’t help but feel depressed again.  And when her emotional state got the better of her, she would go back to Taeyeon again.  It was like a never ending cycle that she thought she would never get out of.

It’s not like Jessica didn’t ever want to come back into her life.  It’s just that Tiffany distanced herself even more than she already had before.  She didn’t trust anyone, she didn’t talk to anyone, she didn’t connect.  The only person she trusted was Taeyeon, but even with her they barely talked.  Most of the time, all she had to do was ask the older girl a simple, “Can we…?”, and the girl would never say no.

This went on for over a year.  They couldn’t even count how many times Tiffany had had to relieve herself.  And every time she did, Taeyeon would cry afterwards.  Not that she ever knew.

“Sica…” she would always appear in front of the girl with puffy eyes.

“What’s wrong this time?”

“…”

“Her again?”

She nods.

“Sigh… Taeyeon-ah… come here.”  She pulled the girl in for a hug.

“…I c-can’t do th-this much lo-onger…”  She stuttered as her tears began to fall.

“It’s okay Tae-tae.  Do you think you’re doing the right thing?”

“I d-don’t even kn-know anymore…”

“Listen Tae.  This thing called love.  If I could ever experience it, even if it means being a fool for life, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second.  You got that?  And if you really love her, do what you think is best.”

Taeyeon took a second to take this in.  Jessica always knew what to say, and though the older girl didn’t know if the other girl was speaking the truth or just out of wanting to comfort her, she felt it was true.

“Do you think I’m doing the right thing?” She was a bit calmer now.

“Only if you think you are.  If you feel it’s right, then it is.  I’m just here to help you realize that.”

“But it feels hopeless… it’s not like she’ll ever realize, let alone accept it.”

“You can’t stop just because you think it’s never going to work out. Right?”

“I guess…”

“You better not back out now, after it took me that long to figure it out for you.” She stuck her tongue out.

The shorter girl laughed.  “Yeah.  Thanks Sica.”  Her heart was not fully convinced though.  Will this ever be enough…?  Will you ever be mine?

--

Gradually, even Tiffany didn’t need to depend on Taeyeon as much anymore.  She didn’t need her anymore.  And Taeyeon noticed this.  The time they spent together grew lesser and lesser, and although Taeyeon felt glad she wasn’t just an object to be used anymore, she felt even more distant.  Tiffany had moved out and they barely saw each other anymore.  The friendship that used to be, the tight bond that was present a few years ago shared by the three of them, was now almost completely gone.

What happened to us, Tiffany?  Where are you…? The real you.  Taeyeon would often think.

It wasn’t long after that Taeyeon saw Tiffany outside, with another guy.  Taeyeon really wanted to just go up to them and disturb them, but the look on Tiffany’s face stopped her.  She looked happy.  She hasn’t seen that smile in the longest time, and if he could give her that happiness, there was no way Taeyeon could stop him.  I don’t mind being that fool, Fany-ah.  Really.  If you can find happiness with him, go on.  I’ll be here watching over you.

And for the first time in months, Taeyeon called Tiffany.

“Hey, Fany-ah.  Do you want to have a drink with me?” 

“Yeah, sure.  I’m not busy.  How about later?”

“That’s fine with me.  See you then.”

The conversation was very distant, almost awkward.  At least she still wants to see me… Not like the first time, when she basically neglected the entire world.  I guess she’s learned.

The meeting wasn’t much better.  In fact, awkward would be an understatement.  There were barely any words exchanged other than the casual, “Hi,” and “How’s it going?”

But Taeyeon had had a reason to come out to talk to her.  After probably half an hour of awkward silence, Taeyeon finally spoke up.

“So… how are you doing?  With him, I mean.”

“Oh… you mean oppa?  It’s going pretty well.  I mean, he’s really nice.”

“Don’t be fooled Fany-ah.”

“I won’t.”

“I want to make sure, and get it into that stubborn head of yours.”

“Sheesh, I learned my lesson already…”  Taeyeon could tell she didn’t want to revisit memories again.

“I just don’t want you getting hurt again.”

“I get it.”

“No you don’t.  If he ever hurts you, just tell me okay?”

“Why do you even care so much?”  She was blunt.

Silence.

“Because.”

“What?”

“Because I’m your best friend.”  The older girl used that excuse again.

“I don’t want you to care so much.  It’s not like I’ve been much of a friend to you anyways.”

How can I not care about you?  I will never stop caring for you, not even if you abandon me.  I’ll always be somewhere near whenever you need me.  She thought, but what she really said was, “…Oh.”

“Anyways, I gotta run.  See you later Tae?”

“…Yeah.  Sure.”  All she felt was anguish.  So much so that she had to keep herself from crying.  I try so hard to protect you; I spend every day worrying about you.  But all you want is for me to back off and not care?  Why do I do this to myself…?

She calls Jessica.  “Hey, Sica…?  Can you be with me right now?”

“Of course.  I’ll be there in a sec.”

Almost fifteen minutes later, she blurrily sees a figure come in through the door.

“Yah, Taeng, what’s wrong?”

“I just met with Tiffany…” she couldn’t help herself from crying.  “She told me, that I should just back off and stay out of her life…”

This was the first time that Jessica didn’t even tell her anything back.  All she did was pull her into a hug, as she soothed the crying girl.

--

Ring ring.  Tiffany looks at her caller ID, and a surprised look appears on her face. 

Incoming Call: Jessica~

Jessi?  Why would you call me all of a sudden?  After how many years of not talking…?  She picked up the phone anyways.

“Hello?  Jessi?”

Silence.

“Meet me at the place.”  Beep.  The call was cut off.

What place could that be?  And then it hit her.  Her best friend, or former best friend, had been referring to the park that they used to go to all the time when they were just children.  She couldn’t help but reminisce about those times, when there was not a care in the world, and the only things they had to worry about were birthday parties and such.  She smiled.

When she arrived at the park, it was already night time.  And she saw a short blonde figure sitting on the swings.  Must be her.  She slowly approached the girl.

“…Hi.” 

The other girl turned around slowly.  She was never one to have small talk so she got straight to the point.

“Sit.”

The younger girl listened.

“Jessi, we haven’t talked in so long… Why did you suddenly want to call me out?”

“It’s regarding Taeyeon.”

“Huh?  Tae-tae?  I saw her today.  Did something happen to her?”

“Yes, something happened to her.  Something’s been happening to her for a long time.”

“What?  Really?  How come I didn’t know?”

“Because… You don’t care, Tiffany.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Sigh…  Have you ever noticed anything about her?  The way she acts?”

“Yeah.  Of course.  She acts like she’s my best friend.”  She was clearly confused.

“No, I mean, anything more?”

“Umm.  Not really.”

“Why are you so stubborn?”

“Excuse me?  Years of not talking, and all you have to say to me is that I’m stubborn?”

“Can’t you see that the little shorty is in love with you?!”

Tiffany was shocked.  Her eyes were huge, looking at the other girl in disbelief.

“Do you know how much pain she’s in?  As we are speaking?  She’s been in love with you for years now, but she was never able to tell you.  Because she cares about your happiness.  For your sake, she sacrificed herself, not caring when you wanted to take advantage of her.  She does it ALL for you, so YOU can feel better.”  As she was saying this, tears built up in her eyes without her even noticing it.

“I… don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t.  All you ever cared about was you.  You, you, you.  That’s why we didn’t even talk for the past two years.  I know you were going through a hard time, but you closed yourself from everybody.  The only person there for you was Taeyeon…”

“I know.  And I’m grateful, but… she even said it herself.  She did that because she’s my best friend.”  She replied remembering her countless conversations with the older girl.

“She only says that because of you.  That stupid promise.”

“What promise?”

“The one you made with her over a year ago.  When she gave her whole self to you.  That first night.”

She was trying to remember.  It was too long ago, not to mention, Tiffany never wanted to think about anything regarding that incident.  But suddenly, it hit her.  It was that promise.

“You told her to never fall in love with you…”

No response.

“But you didn’t even know, that she had already fallen in love with you back then.  Tiffany, you don’t know how much pain she had to endure, how much she had to suffer because of you.  Just so you can be happy.  Do you know that she’s crying right now?  She cries herself to sleep every night!”

“What?  But why..?” 

“Because she knows.  She knows that she’ll never have any chance with you.  That you think of her merely as a bandage.  You only need her when you’re sad… But she’s sad all the time.  Can you step into her shoes for a moment?  Why do you think she does all this?!”

“That’s what I’ve always wondered…”

“Well, now you know.  It was because of that stupid promise that day.  She can’t tell you because it’ll break you, and trouble you even more.  She loves you too much to put you through hell again.”

Oh, Tae-tae.  Why did you never tell me?  Why do you keep everything to yourself?  Why are you doing this to yourself?!

“And can you tell me that you never thought the same about her?  Huh?” the blonde kept questioning.  “Why did you suddenly just leave her after using her so many times?”

She had to think about this.  Why did she stop?  Why did she want to move on?  “It’s cuz… it’s cuz I didn’t want to cause her any more trouble.  I didn’t want to keep this on forever.  I felt bad for her.  I tried to distract myself by finding someone else, again.”

Realizing what she had just said, her feelings became apparent.  The whole time, she had been feeling apologetic to her best friend, and she didn’t want to keep hurting her. 

“I’m sorry Jessi.  I really gotta see Taeyeon right now.  Thanks…for everything.”  She smiled.

Tae-tae, wait for me.  I’m coming.  I’m sorry, to you, and to Sica.  Why was I so stupid?

--

Bang bang bang!  The girl was knocking so furiously on the door, she felt like her hand was going to break off.

“KIM TAEYEON!  OPEN UP!  I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!”

There was no response.

“Please!  Taeyeon!  I have something important to say!  Just please listen to me!”

Taeyeon was standing right behind the door, but she didn’t want to open it.  She still hasn’t recovered from her crying session yet, to face the girl once again.

“I’m going to say it anyways.  I don’t know if you’re listening or not.  If you are, please give me a response after, if you’re not, then I guess I ran out of luck.  But here goes.”

She took a big breath.

“Kim Taeyeon.  I have realized my mistake.  I never meant to do any of this to you!  I didn’t know you were hurting so much.  But it hit me today.  I found out why I made you promise to that stupid rule that time.  I didn’t want you to fall in love with me, because I knew that I would end up having feelings for you too.  And I was being a selfish jerk.  I didn’t want to go through all that again.  You know, falling in love.  It’s too painful…”

She suddenly heard a voice.  The voice replied, “I know.  I’ve been there.”  And Tiffany looks up to see the other girl.

She immediately pulls the girl into a tight hug, like she never wanted to let go, ever.

“I’m sorry, Tae-tae… I didn’t know you were suffering so much, all because of me.  I’m so stupid.  I don’t deserve you…”

“Don’t ever say that, Fany-ah.  You don’t know how much you mean to me.  All these years, what I felt for you.  I love you so much, and I never want you to get hurt.”

A tear fell down her cheek.  “But why?  Tae-tae, why did you keep holding on…even though I told you never to fall in love with me?”

She used her thumb to wipe away the tear.  “Because.  I guess I’m just stubborn.  I chose to be that fool, the fool who just stands on the sidelines and watches, hoping that one day the girl she loves would realize that she had been there all along.  I guess it paid off.”  She smiled.

She leaned in towards the taller girl for a kiss.  Her lips were warm and the kiss was just a chaste one, but it meant so much more than any kiss they ever shared before. 

“I’m never leaving, Tae-tae ah.  It’s too painful to let go of the one I love.”

And they kissed again.  You’re finally mine, Fany-ah.