§§§§§

Eventually, they began house hunting. The first week was unsuccessful. Sehun’s mother tagged along with them the second time around. That wasn’t the worst part. What felt most awful was that Sehun’s head was in the clouds, his body with her but his mind over and above the mountains. Once in a while it seemed like he did pay attention to where they were, what was being talked over, and how she was doing. Once in a while he would help tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear and smile at her. Once in a while it really felt like he cared about their future.

That was complete nonsense.

A quarter of the way through summer Namjoo began working at Yunyeong’s sister’s company. To become a wedding planner was no tedious subject to study for, but business politics was the bigger end to look at. She was welcomed kindly by Yunyeong’s sister Nayoung, who was married with three kids. A smart, wise lady she was.

“I hear you’re getting married soon,” Nayoung commented walking her through the hall toward her designated office.

“Yes, I am,” Namjoo replied with a nod of the head. She both looked forward to it and feared it.

“Have you decided on where to have your wedding?” Nayoung wondered. “Just to let you know, we give a 35% employee discount.” Namjoo broke into a grin upon her wink. “This will be your office. There’s still some cleaning up to do, but it should be all right for now.”

“It’s ok, I like it,” Namjoo glanced around her roomy office. There was a desk ready to be used and a computer hooked up to it. Walls were bare but that was no big deal. Namjoo imagined putting pictures of her and Sehun at their wedding on her desk beside her computer. She would look at it every time she sat down. A file cabinet sat behind her and a small garbage can had been placed beside her desk. Above her head a swirl of dust floated simultaneously. Leftover staples and bits of things she didn’t know lie all over the wooden floor.

“Yunyeong is down the hall, so come out when you’re ready. I have a few customers coming in shortly. Stay around and see what goes on, so you get an idea of what we do here,” Nayoung said. “Take your time.” then she exited the office.

Thrilled with having her own space so early on in her career Namjoo walked around, opened the file cabinet to peer inside, then circled the office again before sitting down in her chair with a happy sigh. Namjoo eagerly pulled out her phone hoping that Sehun might have texted her. He had given her well wishes this morning before leaving for her first day of work. There was nothing from him. Telling herself not to be disappointed Namjoo got up and headed out to find Yunyeong.

“There you are!” her friend greeted when she spotted her. A flush of excitement and happiness soared through Namjoo. Skipping happily toward her friend Namjoo stopped by the fancy white table she was at.

The main lobby was a large one. Purple curtains, creamy white walls, an easy atmosphere and most importantly a building that was inviting. Not too big, not too small but perfectly sized for the purpose of its business; to cater to its customers’ dreams. Donned with flyers and thick magazines Nayoung even included examples of wedding treats alongside the wall tables for guests. The successful business had been started up 10 years ago and was still going strong. Business expertise ran through Yunyeong’s family it seemed. Even her father was a strong handyman in his corporation.

“Hey, look at this,” Yunyeong pointed to a model in a wedding gown on the front of a magazine. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

When she didn’t say anything Yunyeong turned to look at her. “What?” she asked. “Something wrong?”

“I don’t know.”

First peering around to make sure they were alone, Yunyeong pulled her off to the side, “Something is bothering you. Tell me.”

Namjoo looked at her trustworthy friend. She wanted someone to talk to too, but if it wasn’t a big deal she didn’t want to make a scene of it.

“Sehun went to see Seona a few weeks ago.” Namjoo quietly said. “I think he broke up with her.”

“Good for him! He should!”

“He’s been kind of quiet since…”

“Well, damn him!” Yunyeong scolded. “Should I go wring his neck?”

Namjoo shook her head. “Maybe it’s not that. I’m probably just thinking too much.”

“Maybe you should talk to him then?” Yunyeong suggested.

She had wanted to, but it was hard to even say anything pertaining Seona. Namjoo wished it was that easy. How could she explain the difficulty in words when it was so simple to deal with?

“Here’s the thing,” Yunyeong helped, “you just have to think this way. There’s no time for regrets now. You two already decided on marriage, even your parents are preparing for it. Stopping dead in your tracks would cause havoc. Right now, you have to know all your relatives, even Sehun’s, is rooting for you two. Only focus on the fact that you’re going to become family. The third person isn’t important anymore. No one can break through your wedding ties. And just remember, in our modern times, there’s no such thing as a second wife.”

§§§§§

If he had known then, he wouldn’t have taken up Seona’s offer to join her PR team. Seeing her face to face after what he’d just done the other week made his guts twist. As they stood across each other from the U-shaped table, Sehun fought to stray his eyes while she stared at him. He couldn’t process the Head of Department’s speech through his brain. Too focused on trying to focus made him feel utterly shameful.

Sehun tried to quickly escape to his desk when they were released after introducing themselves. Just a few steps from the door and he heard, “Sehun!”

Hwang Seona bounded up like a jolly puppy to his side, touched his arm affectionately, and even wrapped fingers around his limb. “I was a bit nervous back there. What about you?”

“Oh…it was ok,” he numbly answered.

“I don’t know anyone here, so I feel out of place. I’m glad I have you here with me,” Seona smiled relieved.

This wasn’t right. She needed to let go of him. If others saw they’d think they were a pair. They weren’t. Yet, the guilt that strung him made it impossible for him to be mean. Instead, Sehun slowly pulled his arm out from her grasp.

“We should get to our desks,” he managed to say.

“You’re right. We shouldn’t get in trouble on our first day,” Seona agreed. “Oh, do you know what you’re having for lunch? You didn’t pack anything, did you? I packed us both lunch, so lets meet up later.”

She wouldn’t give him any space to say even a word. Seona was already around the corner when he finally managed to breathe. This was going to be really difficult.

After a few hours of getting acquainted with his work Sehun broke away from the task at hand. Outside in the hallway he pulled out his phone. No new notifications. Heading into his contacts he sought for Namjoo’s name, pressed on it, and hit the message button. The many conversations they’d had through text came up and he wondered what to say. Would he tell her work was going well and he was enjoying it? Or should he be straight up and tell her that he was actually working with Seona?

He couldn’t tell her. And he couldn’t tell her about his feelings, the guilt and remorse plundering him endlessly. That would hurt Namjoo, and if they drew back the marriage now his parents would go ape on him. Ruining everything wasn’t an option he had when he was first to decide this solution. Sehun couldn’t be irresponsible. Not this way.

Putting his phone away in his pocket he stared down the busy hallway. Everything right now was supposed to be going well. He should be happy, be feeling blessed. Now he had a job, he was making his own money, he would be getting a home of his own, a wife, and his future was setting in motion. A man jumping in joy, throwing a fist in the air was what he should be.

It was all but that.

Troubled and nothing more or less.

Around lunch, Seona first found him. Sehun had no choice but to follow her to the cafeteria where he watched her set out their lunch onto the table. She’d made a feast. It must have taken her all dawn to prepare everything. Once more, he felt utterly sorry toward her.

“Why aren’t you eating?” she asked. “Is it not good? Too salty again?” Smiling giddily, she recalled, “Remember when my first meal was too salty and we ended up drinking a liter of water together?” Laughing happily, “It feels just like yesterday.”

Yesterday seemed so long ago when he first confessed. He had been innocent all before he messed up. Deplored, his eyes searched the delicacies in front of him for an answer to the shells breaking in his heart.

Then he wondered what Namjoo might be having for lunch…

Looking up he started, “Seona. The wedding date has been decided.”

The light in her eyes merely dimmed out for a few seconds before she miraculously smiled merrily. “Is that so? Are you inviting me? If you do, I’ll come. It’s just a one-day celebration. Afterward, we’ll still see each other again. Right?”

“Seona…”

Sticking her spoon of food into his mouth she said innocently, “Eat up. Why are you starving? Homemade food is much healthier than food you get elsewhere. I can cook for you every day from now on, so don’t bring lunch. Ok?”

§§§§§

On the way home Sehun sunk into his own silence. It might not matter that he was stuck in traffic or that his stomach was grumbling. His heart, beating madly inside his chest, ached the most. Facing Namjoo when he returned home would be difficult. One bigger matter was that none of the adults knew of his relationship with Seona. Why hadn’t he said anything about her? Why hadn’t Namjoo said anything?

She knew, his instinct sensed it. Because he’d told her about going to see Seona, Namjoo must have sensed something. She hadn’t bothered saying anything or confronted him. It was as if the communication between them had been cut off again. Did she know his heart? What went through it, what he was actually thinking about them…about the other woman?

Sehun jumped out of his thoughts when his phone rung. Assuming it was Namjoo he quickly picked up only to hear her mother’s voice. “Are you on your way home?”

“Yes,” he replied. “I’m currently stuck in traffic.”

“Then take your time,” she said. “Would you mind stopping at the grocery store on your way home?”

“No problem. What should I get?”

Namjoo’s mother covered the ear piece to talk to someone else then returned, “Green onions, chili pepper, oh, and some tofu. Namjoo wants to eat tofu tonight. That would be all. Thank you and drive safely.”

Hanging up he set the phone aside. All day, again, this time around, he’d been with someone else other than the wife-to-be.

Guilt.

Guilt.

Guilt.

When the car ahead moved Sehun stepped on the accelerator.

§§§§§

“Why’d you bother him?” Namjoo called from the table where she was busily chopping up leeks.

“Well, what’s the matter asking my son-in-law to get food?” her mother asked then teased, “Are you worried about him? You’re worried and you’re jealous I’m asking him to do something? Aren’t you?”

“Mom,” Namjoo frowned at her. “He just got off work. He must be tired. Why didn’t you ask dad?”

“Oh, I’ve been ordering him around for 30 years,” her mother smiled.

Namjoo scoffed. Focusing on the task at hand she began, “Mom.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m thinking about taking some time off from school.” Namjoo told. “I want to save up some money and get used to being married, just to settle in for a semester or two. Is that…is that all right?”

When she looked up she found her mother smiling gently at her. “Well, if you feel that won’t be a problem then it’s fine. Who am I to make the decision for you?”

Smiling Namjoo nodded.

“Don’t forget to tell Sehun. Now that you’re getting married he needs to know everything that goes on in your life. You need to trust him and tell him everything. Even though it feels like you know everything about each other, no one reads minds,” her mother advised. “Understand?”

“All right. I know.”

§§§§§

Dinner was the usual. He told Namjoo’s parents everything about work, but his mouth excluded Seona. He promised himself about bringing it up some other day. Namjoo also exchanged stories about her job before they called it a night.

After showering Sehun sat on his bed and stared at the wall like he’d done many nights. Life was quickly unfolding before him and was moving too fast for him to keep up. In the blink of an eye he would be getting married, be getting his diploma, and living life the way everyone else did. Only so many things were out of place and his heart couldn’t find where it belonged. This uneasiness choked him.

He couldn’t sleep. Wouldn’t be able to. He felt like he needed to say something to Namjoo before going to bed, so he waited for her to finish showering. Tomorrow he would be back at work, he would see Seona, and most likely eat her lunch the way he always did when they dated. He detested himself. Being indecisive was a man’s worst trait.

When the door clicked open he waited a moment then left his room. Namjoo’s door was closed but when he touched the knob found that it was unlocked. Namjoo quickly sat up from where she’d been lying in bed watching something on her phone when he walked in.

“You’re not asleep?” she asked moving her legs over the edge of her bed.

“Not yet.”

The lights were still on. Sehun looked around and noticed that she had cleaned up her room somewhat. “What were you doing?”

“Catching up with a drama,” Namjoo said. “Do you need something?”

Yes, he needed to tell her something but he didn’t know what exactly it was. If his heart could be his mouth so many things would pass between them. He might even make her shed a thousand tears.

For a long moment he stood there looking at her. Namjoo stared back. The silence that passed between them allowed their hearts to beat in a rhythmic manner, their eyes speaking in a language the mouth wouldn’t say. Thoughts passed through and he recalled the friendship that once bound them so closely like soulmates.

Feet moving on their own he fell onto his knees in front of her and pulled her into his arms, burying his face against her shirt. The cloth smelled like her. It brought him calm and the disaster that had been in his heart died away.

“What…” she began confused.

“Just a moment,” he pleaded. “I need a moment.”

Namjoo looked down at him, “Did something bad happen at work?”

“No.”

“Then…”

Other than smelling wonderful she was a bundle of warmth. This was good and probably all he needed in order to start breathing again. Letting go and ignoring the wacko expression she gave him he moved to sit on the bed beside her.

“Are you sick?” she asked him. She touched his forehead, sat back and observed him. “You feel fine.”

Grinning, he moved back onto the bed and under the blanket. Suddenly overwhelmed with playfulness and in a good mood he suggested, “Lets sleep together tonight.”

“Are you crazy?”

“Then I’m sick,” he said. “Come on, I have a fever.”

Leaning up to grab her he tugged her toward him and forced her to lie down with him then threw the covers over them.

Namjoo let out a yelp before pulling the blanket from her face, “I can’t breathe!”

“Can you breathe now?” their eyes met and his heart jumped a thousand miles from normal.

“The lights are still on.” Namjoo moved her eyes away from his and shifted away a little.

“Then we’ll sleep with them on,” he said. Easing his hand against her back he apologized, “Sorry, for being aloof lately. I had a lot of things on my mind.”

Her eyes settled back on his then away again. Quietly, she said, “I know.”

“Lets get married soon, Namjoo.”

***I haven't been in the mood to write lately but this chapter came out so easily. The last part had me exploding with stars. Sehun becomes unsure about everything in his life until he can find the confidence to believe what he is doing is right again - and until he discovers where his heart belongs and who he loves. Well...that is until he starts tripping over his own words. And Seona has finally turned for the worst all because of one person's lies that changed everyone's lives. We've yet a rocky road to walk, hang on!