I was changing my guitar string when suddenly Jungshin and Minhyuk burst into my studio room. They take the seats next to me, humming some songs, pretending they didn’t even notice me. They knew that I broke up with Seohyun months ago, but at first they thought we weren’t serious about breaking up since we were often in the 'on-off-on-off' relationship.

“Hyung” Finally Jungshin decided to break the silence between them.

“Wae?” Still focusing on my guitar.

“Did you really break up with Seo?” He ask, cautiously. Maybe worried that I will get mad at him.

“Mmmmm” I replied lazily.

“Hyung, you know that you make up this morning headline news, right?” Minhyuk take turn interviewing me.

“Mmmm, wae?” Still with my lazy mood.

“You know, the news about you received the offer to…….”

“Ne. That’s right. Any problem with that?” I cut him.

“Are you doing this because you really wanted to do this, or you are just angry with her?” Jungshin ask angrily. Probably mad at me because after all, he is Seohyun’s chingu-Jungshin-chingu. Pfff, chingu my .

"Yeah, hyung. Why did you make such a stupid decision?" Minhyuk definitely not on my side. 

“That's it! I’m out of here” I took all my belongings, and slammed the door loudly. Yes, I feel so mad at her. How come she is so calm, denying our relationship here and there with a smile on her face? I do feel pity for her since she have to promote her new album in this situation, but, at least, don’t smile? Urghhh. It hurts my feeling, and pride too, reading the news about Seohyun’s side gave out official statement denying our relationship. Well, that off. It’s already a few months ago. I’m ready to move on now, or do I?

I was laughing loudly when Hyoyeon unnie told me her funny story during her trips to Toronto recently. Me, Yoona, Yuri and Sooyoung are wasting our time chatting and laughing while waiting for our van to pick up us since we already finished with our last concert tour tonight. What a hectic week. Finally, we are back to our own schedule again after this.

Suddenly, someone opens the door. It was Tiffany. She gives me this big-eyes-look and is wide open.

“Oh my god, Seo Joo Hyun!” She walks towards us quickly, like a child haven’t meet her mother for years.

“Why, did you see a ghost in the toilet, or it’s just your face again?” Hyoyeon’s jokes make all of us burst into laugh again.  

“This is not a time for joke, Hyoyeon-ah. And, you, maknae, how come you still can laugh happily here in this condition? Don’t you hear the news?” She’s a little bit yelling.

Okayyyyyy, why can’t I laugh? I thought.

Then, I saw this weird gesture from Sooyoung and Yoona to Tiffany. Like they sending her a signal to shut up. I look at Tiffany again, and I saw she nodded.

“Wait, is there something I need to know?” I hold Tiffany’s hand, preventing her from running away.

“Errr….hahahahhaa” She just gives me her eye smile. It’s pretty though, but seriously, what is it??!!

“Unnie! Whether you tell me now, or later, I’ll know it. So, just tell me now!”

All of them remain silent.

“Unnie, what is it about? Is it about Yonghwa? If this all about him, then I don’t want to know at all. Full stop.”

I took my phone and pretend to ignore them.

“Yonghwa will act in movie”

I heard Tiffany’s voice loud and clear.

I noticed that Yoona and Hyoyeon give her a deadly stares and Tiffany just like “whaat???”

So, they all knew about this.

So, that’s why they trying to cheer me up since this morning.

So, that’s why they took my phone and pretend to play hide and seek.

Well……

“I ne-need to go-to go to the toilet. Excuse me” I stuttered. I took my phone and quickly make my way out of the room.

I took a seat in the hallway and quickly open my phone. My hands tremble a bit.

YONGHWA IS CONFIRMED AS A MAIN LEAD IN AN UPCOMING MOVIE

CN Blue’s leader, Jung Yonghwa, one of the all-rounded idol in this industry is taking his level up by receiving the offer to act in an movie. Yonghwa, who is already succeed as an actor and singer saying that he always wanted to challenge himself to the fullest. Following his best friend’s steps in acting in an movie, he said that Lee Joon encourage him a lots. Regarding the numerous bed scene that he will act out, Yonghwa said that he will try his best and hope not to disappoint his fans.  Meanwhile, he ask for his fans understanding and support since this is just another step to become a world-class star.

I turn off my phone quickly. I can’t read further.

My head hurts.

My chest, feels like I’m being stabbed by thousands of knives.

My whole world, suddenly I feel like it turning dark and gloomy.

My view, becomes blurry. 

I thought that…… did he really dumped me?

Did we actually broke up?

Like really, really broke up?

Didn’t he said that he will never do anything that I don’t like?

I thought that we just need our space for a little while.

But, but why?

I always tried to become professional when he had to kiss his co-stars before, because I did that too. Obviously because both of us are idols. That's what we do.

But, this?

Just by knowing he have to act an intimate scene with some other female celebrities make my head wants to explode.

I don’t know what to feel anymore.

“Maknae-ah, kenchana?” Taeyeon took the seat next to me, taking my hand and holds it tightly.

I look at her with teary eyes. I don’t think I can’t handle my feelings anymore.

I hugged her tightly and burst into tears. I just cry, and cry, and keep crying on her chest.

“Cry as much as you want, Hyun-ah. You can stay at my place tonight if you want to.”

I decided to go home that night after spending two days at Taeyeon’s house. I have to go back home even though I don’t want to because I need to go to SM building tomorrow to take my schedule.

My life is still in a mess. For two days, I did nothing. Luckily we don’t have anything after the tours. But I think, I need to get busy myself so I can get rid all of this things on my head.

I key in the password to my house and turn on all the lights as soon as I entered. Suddenly, someone grabs my hand and push me to the wall. He trapped me using both of his hands, and we are standing very close to each other. Close enough even I can feel his breath on my face. Yes, it’s Yonghwa.

“You scared me” is the first word that came out from my mouth after a few months I didn’t meet him.

Standing very close to him tonight, I scanned his face that I’ve been missing and longing lately.

The last time we met, his hair was brown-coloured, now its back to black. His hair also grew a little longer than before, covering half of his eyes.

His face, clean, same as before.

I look at him in the eyes. I used to understand him just by seeing his eyes, feeling the pain, the pressure that he had, but now, not anymore.

“You still haven’t changed your house password, huh?” he stands closer to me, closing the gap between us until his forehead touches mine.

“It’s just that the number are easy to remember” I answered, but my voice didn’t come out properly. I wonder if he even heard it.

“Really? Not because you’re still waiting for me?” He answered back with his hoarse voice, and suddenly I can feel his soft lips touches mine. I close my eyes and let his lips stay on mine for a while.

I miss that kind of sweet, gentle kiss of him. I miss every single of his touch.

Suddenly, the reality snap back at me, and I decided to break the kiss slowly.

Both of us still trying to catch our own breath.

“Tell me honestly, Hyun. Do you still wait for me?” He ask again, while his thumb are rubbing my lips.

“Ani. Like I said, the number are easy to remember, and I don’t want to change it. And, as for your question, no, I am not waiting for you. Why are you so full of yours........”

His lips crashed on mine again. This time, it full wih lust and anger. No more sweet, gentle kiss.

I push his body a little, giving some space between our bodies. His hands still on my shoulder.

“Am I the reason for your tears few days ago?”

How did he know that? Urrghh, Taeyeon unnie. I knew he was staring at me, so I keep looking on the floor, thinking of words to attack him back, but nothing comes out from my mind.

My tears starting to roll on my cheeks. Damn. Why I’m so weak?? 

“Oppa, can you please not act in that movie?” I lowered my ego and gain my courage to look at him. I grabbed his shirt unconsciously.

“Wae?” He still using his hoarse voice.

“Just don’t” I’m still crying.

“I knew that they also sent the proposal of the lead actress to you. Just accept the offer, and be my co-star, Hyun. Then, I'll promise I never force you to reveal our relationship again.”

“You know I can’t do that, right? You know I can’t accept the offer, right oppa?” My grips on his shirt become tighter.

“I guess I just have to do it with other woman then. Besides, it's only acting, right?” Slowly, he bring me into his arms and kiss my forehead.

“You said that you wouldn’t do the things that I hate! Why, oppa, why??!!” I cried in his chest. 

“Then, date me! In the public! Tell the whole world about us!” He said with his soft voice, still trying to persuade me, probably hoping that I will softened a little.

“I CAN’T! YOU KNOW I CAN’T!” This time, I pushed his body harder, creating a big gap between us.

“I’m tired of this, Hyun. I’m tired, I just…..I just want to date like a normal person for god sake!” He turned away from me.

“We are not normal! We are celebrities! Idol! We have fans! Did you even think about your fans??!!”

"Is it wrong for me to show the whole world the person I love the most?" I heard him sighed loudly. 

"I....I....."

He walks closer to me. He caressed both sides of my cheek gently, and pulls my face up so our eyes meet with each other. His eyes are red, maybe because he's been trying to hold his tears. And, I know my eyes are red too.

"You push me away, then you pull me back. Then, you push me away again. Seriously, what do you want, Hyun? What do you want?" 

Chapter three T.T

Is it too depressing? T.T 

Thank you for your comments. I like reading the comments you gave me. Its really encourage me a lot. 

Kamsahamnida <3