Dear Luhan.

It's been a while. How've you been? I've been fine, as usual. I don't think anyone notices that about me; how I'm always "fine". When anyone asks, I just tell them that I'm fine and change the subject, even if I'm crying. As you've read, I tend to be a crybaby. To be honest, a part of me didn't want you to read that. Of course, that's hypocritical of me, since I made it all public and stuff. Well, now that you did... I'm sorry. I tend to say that a lot, huh. I wonder how you found my story...
You're still having attacks? I wish I could do something to help. I don't know anything about those things, you know. But I wish you wouldn't cry. You should just forget about me... Easier said than done, huh? I think about you a lot. I think I was too clumsy and inexperienced in love - or anything, really - back then. I still am, now. Baekhyun is helping me. I think. We're doing fine, I guess.
I don't think I know who this River person is, or if Baekhyun talked to them before. But then again, I was always bad with my memory.
You know, I wonder about you sometimes. When I think about you, nothing really comes to mind. I should've paid more attention to you. I've realized that I didn't know as much about you as I had originally thought.
I'm currently going to therapy every Tuesday. The only thing I've learned there was that I don't know anything about myself. I haven't opened up to the therapist yet. I don't know if I ever will. The therapist told me that I shut off my feelings, that I'm numb. I guess I knew that. Maybe I shouldn't even be with Baekhyun, at this point. I've come to a realization that the only thing I'm good at is hurting other people. I've hurt Jongdae by lying to him, I've hurt Kyungsoo, I've hurt so many other people, I've hurt you. I think I've hurt Baekhyun, too, but he wouldn't say that. I'm sorry I'm talking about him so much. I'm probably hurting you more, with this letter.
I'm actually thinking about leaving "college". It became a burden for me, honestly, since I've become a (somewhat) key figure. More people are noticing me now, than before. I don't think I'll actually leave, though... You know, if you want, you could add or message me anytime. You could have me back in your life. Obviously not as lovers, as I'm still with Baekhyun, but just as friends. I'm selfish, aren't I? Asking you to come back even when I know how much I've hurt you. I'm really sorry for everything.

From,
Minseok.

P.S. I actually wondered about the jar... Maybe you could use it as a place to keep your thoughts. Writing down your feelings apparently helps. I wouldn't know, though. If you really want to send it to me, just message me; I'll send you my address. We don't have to talk if you don't want to.

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JonesyKyah #1 Jun 9, 2016 13:52:18

CrownClownCole #2 May 14, 2016 17:13:09

Chapter 1: [/Part2/] "Chanyeol" is still just a friend and everyone I know that I told about you, hates you. I could never hate you though. I hate that you're always on my mind but I can't hate you. I still have that picture of my name and the screenshot of your confession that day in summer. I lost my phone where I had more of your sticky notes and our names and it's upsetting.
I didn't know you and "Baekhyun" would have gotten together, last time I talked to them; I got a panic attack and cried to River as it increased. Whenever I get attacks, I think of us and it worsens. River had told me that "baekhyun" told them about me which is strange to me. I hope "Baekhyun" is doing well. I miss her but it's better that I don't talk to her.
Nowadays, I've been getting "better" as my therapist says. But I don't think I could tell her how much I think of you and the pain I feel.
Recently, I bought a poem book. And most, if not all, remind me of you and let myself sink into this world of words and pictures.
Lastly, I will always have you on my mind. I will always think back to us, the poem, ink, and books.
I'm sorry and I love you.

CrownClownCole #3 May 14, 2016 17:05:01

Chapter 1: [/Part 1/] Strangely enough, I read this because the title was similar to mine. And the first sentence just clicked everything in my mind as I pulled up my side of the story. I read them both and I tried not to cry. But I read through it while shedding two tears on spot and then going into the bathroom and trying to calm down from my attack. I've put on the facade of "I'm over it" to everyone but it seems to me like everyday I think of you. And worst enough, Sundays. I always stare at my phone on Sundays and think. The ty thing is, I've let it suppress mostly everything so when I read this, it just hurt more that I forgot about it. And I'm sorry that in mine, you were more on the "careless side" as "Kyungsoo" told me that you were heartless. Of course, a broken hearted teen would take this seriously as I did. I remember one day you telling me you made me something, maybe that was the letter. I still have the jar. It still has everything I wrote in it. And I cried going through it. I wanted to continue writing the sweet nothings but I don't think I ever got your address. I wanted to ask "Jongdae" for their address so I could send it and have them give it to you but I didn't want to seem so stuck as they and I are friends. I'm still stuck on you, it's suffocating that I can't let you go.