Chapter 5

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“The turning-toward happiness as a valid goal and the conscious decision to seek happiness in a systematic manner can profoundly change the rest of our lives.”

Yoojung woke up with a pounding headache the next morning. She released a small groan and opened her eyes, squinting at the bright sun that shone through her windows and hit her directly in the eyes. She went to move her hand up to block the brightness only to realize her left arm was stuck under Doyeon’s body. Remaining calm, Yoojung stayed still, not wanting to wake the girl.

With coincidental timing, there was a knock on Yoojung’s bedroom door before Jieqiong walked in.

“Shh.” Yoojung whispered, flickering her eyes between Jieqiong and Doyeon. Her best friend raised an eyebrow but did not question it.

“My parents and I are going to pick her and her family up from the airport. Do you want to - “

“I already told you I don’t want to.” Yoojung replied coldly, planning out how she could escape from Doyeon’s hold without waking the younger girl up.

Jieqiong sighed. “You’re going to have to face her eventually, Yoo.” She said quietly. Yoojung glared at the older one, who was completely unaffected by it. “I won’t make any promises that she won’t try to come see you.” Jieqiong said before exiting the bedroom and closing the door.

Yoojung laid back into Doyeon’s embrace and closed her eyes, trying to ignore the incoming wave of painful memories that were bound to come with the girl who was arriving to her town in less than a few hours. Doyeon had awoken right after Jieqiong had come into the room but she made no sign to show it, quietly listening to the conversation between the two. She felt Yoojung’s head rest against her shoulder, listening to the girl groan a little bit.

After a moment, Yoojung released a sigh and tried to carefully move her arm out from under Doyeon. The taller girl used that moment to pretend to wake up, eyes fluttering open. With her now free hand, Yoojung covered as she spoke.

“Morning.” She said. Doyeon blinked, her hold on Yoojung’s waist loosened as Yoojung pulled away. “I’m going to go to the bathroom first and then you can wash up.” She squeaked before hurrying to the bathroom, desperate to brush her teeth and get the nasty morning breath gone.

Walking back into her bedroom, Yoojung saw Doyeon on the edge of her bed, hair a mess. “My house layout is practically the same as yours. The bathroom’s just down the hall.” She said. Doyeon stood and looked around for her sweater, finding it on the ground a couple steps away from the bed.

Yoojung couldn’t help her wandering eyes, her eyes scanning over Doyeon’s toned legs that were shown off because of her shorts. Once Yoojung realized what she was doing, she looked away entirely.

“Unless you just want to go to your house to freshen up. Your house is right next to mine.” Yoojung said with a weak chuckle, cheeks pink. Doyeon nodded and picked up her sweater.

“Would you like to go to the barn with me afterwards? Help me feed the horses?” Yoojung asked, a bit of fear creeping up at the thought of Doyeon denying her offer. The girl just nodded once again. Yoojung smiled, the heaviness lifting off of her chest. “I’ll meet you down there. We’ll eat breakfast together afterwards.”

-

“We should go shopping together after breakfast.” Yoojung suggested randomly. Doyeon frowned, turning to the girl who wouldn’t look at her in the eyes. Yoojung shrugged, her hand holding Doyeon’s in place as they fed Haru together. “All we ever do together is walk to school and feed the horses… I mean - “

Doyeon pulled her hand away from Yoojung’s and stepped away from the girl.

Yoojung stopped talking immediately, eyes snapping over to meet Doyeon’s. The girl seemed a bit annoyed - hurt, even, her eyebrows curled and eyes intense.

Yoojung inhaled and exhaled, knowing exactly what Doyeon was thinking.  She felt like Yoojung was just using her as a distraction - to use her as a tool to help her run away from the problem she had with her other friend. It wasn’t fair to Doyeon. “Sorry.” She murmured, shifting her gaze. “I just… I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry.” Yoojung replied with a little more power. “I’m not just… I’m not using you for anything, if that’s what you think.” She turned her head. “Honest.” She said. “I really do like y-- being around you.” Yoojung stumbled over her words before she caught herself.

For Yoojung, talking to Doyeon would sometimes be like walking on glass. Other times, talking to Doyeon would be like laying on your back and floating on calm water.

Right now, Yoojung was trying to avoid as many glass pieces as possible.

“It’s fine. You don’t have to go anywhere with me.” Yoojung mumbled, turning her attention back on Haru, rubbing the horse’s mane. “Like Jieqiong said, I’d have to face her eventually.” She was talking under her breath. “It’d be stupid of me to ask… Yeah, no - nevermind. It’s fine.”

Doyeon couldn’t shake off the feeling of guilt that began to build inside of her. Had she been too insensitive?

“I…” Doyeon started off before feeling her tongue dry up. Yoojung veered her eyes over to Doyeon. Her eyes showed that she was paying attention, but her eyes also showed that she wasn’t expecting anything. The look sparked an ember in Doyeon’s heart, making her gulp down the lump in . “It’s okay.” Doyeon choked out.

Yoojung’s heart raced as she smiled. “Your voice is very pretty.” She commented, freezing after she said it. Had that been too creepy? Did she just manage to scare Doyeon off?

But no, Doyeon just lowered her head, allowing her hair to cover her burning face.

Doyeon had never felt the way she did around Yoojung with anybody else. Although it wasn’t like she really had anybody else. It made a lot of questions run through her mind. Was this just how it was with everybody she communicates with? Was it just the way her body worked after not talking for so long? Would her heartbeat pick up this much if it were anybody else and not just Yoojung? Doyeon didn’t know.

And Doyeon didn’t want to find out.

-

“Okay, ready? Be careful.” Yoojung put one hand on Doyeon’s waist and one on Haru’s back, steadying both the girl and the horse. “Just put your foot on there and then lift your body.” She pointed to the stirrup connected to the saddle. Doyeon didn’t move. Yoojung squeezed Doyeon’s waist slightly. “It’s okay. I’m right here.” She assured the younger one.

Doyeon took a step back and pouted, turning her body to face Yoojung. The shorter girl smiled. “It’s okay. We don’t have to do everything now.” She unclipped the helmet from Doyeon’s head and stood on her toes to take it off. Doyeon was still pouting.

“Don’t give me that look.” Yoojung narrowed her eyes playfully. “It’s okay, Doyeon. It took months for me to actually get near a horse.” She said, leading Haru back to her stables.

“Ah, the fair is still open.” Yoojung called over her shoulder as she entered the stables. Doyeon stood, waiting for the girl to come out from the stable. The brunette walked out, patting her hands on her thighs to rid of the dust. “Would you like to go today?” She asked.

This time, unlike anything Doyeon had seen before, Doyeon could see a tinge of hope in Yoojung’s eyes. It caused her stomach to churn.

She nodded with a small curve of her lips. Yoojung’s smile widened. “It’s prettier at night, but if you want to go now, we can.” She was standing in front of Doyeon now, looking up with bright eyes.

Doyeon bit down on her lower lip. She stared at the girl who had gained her trust in a little under five months. How? How did she manage to do it?

“Let’s go at night.” Doyeon said quickly. Yoojung giggled and nodded. “Sounds like a plan.” And, just for a moment, Yoojung forgot about her old friend coming to visit. That was until she heard Jieqiong’s voice from the field. Doyeon noticed the quick change of expression on Yoojung’s face.

“Already?” She asked under her breath. She looked away from Doyeon. “My friend is kind of… loud. If she asks you any questions, I’ll cut in for you.” She took Doyeon’s hand in hers. “Let’s go meet up with th - “

Her words were cut short as she saw Jieqiong and another girl at the entrance of the stables.

She had matured, most definitely. Her hair was no longer her natural black color but, instead, a dark brown. Yoojung froze. Doyeon could feel the tension in the air.

The taller girl was the first to speak. “Hi, Jungie.”

Doyeon furrowed her eyebrows. Jungie?

Yoojung gulped and nodded. “Somi.” She replied.

Jieqiong just sighed. The three of them would never go back to what they were before Somi’s departure - not with the way Yoojung and Somi interacted now. Not after what had happened…

“How was the U.S?” Yoojung asked politely, her grip on Doyeon’s hand loosening. The younger girl tightened her own grip, not letting Yoojung let go. The least she could do right now was be there for the girl.

Somi shrugged her shoulders. “Alright.” She said. “I missed you.”

She turned to look at Jieqiong as well. “I missed both of you.”

Her words were full of meaning - and Doyeon could tell her words deeply affected both girls. It was silent for a full minute, all three girls just soaking in the words.

And Doyeon suddenly felt alone. So alone.

She tugged her hand away from Yoojung’s and walked by the two girls.

“Doyeon!” Yoojung called out to her, but Doyeon kept walking. Her pace increased with each step until she was jogging back to her house.

Yoojung had been stopped at the entrance by Somi, a soft hand circling her wrist. Yoojung’s heart raced as she pulled away from Somi’s touch. The brunette was hurt but did not say anything. She didn’t have to - Yoojung could tell just from her eyes.

But Yoojung had been hurt, too. Far, far more than Somi.

“I’m sorry.” Somi whispered. Yoojung let out a blank laugh.

“So am I.” She muttered. She pushed past Jieqiong and Somi, running across the field to Doyeon’s house. She had never been one to chase after Doyeon when the girl would do one of her escapades, but she had the urge to do so now.

She knocked on the back door, breathing heavily. “Doyeon.” She called out. “Doyeon.” She repeated, a bit louder.  The slide door opened with hesitation. “Why… Why did you run away?” Yoojung asked. Doyeon felt her hands curl into tight fists, refusing to cooperate with her brain. Yoojung looked desperate now - she was desperate. Doyeon standing next to her had been the only reason she hadn’t broken down right then and there in front of Somi - in front of the girl who broke her heart. Doyeon running away was equivalent to Yoojung’s composure disappearing.

Doyeon didn’t reply. She couldn’t. She began to panic, her mind running through blank thoughts as she stared at the distressed girl in front of her. Yoojung stepped inside and hugged Doyeon around the shoulders. “You don’t have to answer.” Yoojung whispered, catching on quickly to Doyeon’s fright, feeling the girl’s rapid heartbeat against her chest. “Just… please don’t run away from me anymore.” Yoojung pleaded. “Especially not now.” She whispered.

Doyeon’s breathing began to calm down as she carefully wrapped her arms around Yoojung’s waist. She wanted to apologize - but no words would come out.

She started to get frustrated with herself but her frustration completely vanished as she felt Yoojung’s forehead lay upon her shoulder. The older girl’s body began to tremble. Doyeon held on to the girl tighter, placing her chin on Yoojung’s head.

When words weren’t an option, actions were.

-

Yoojung laid on Doyeon’s bed, staring at the patterns on the ceiling. The younger girl sat next to her, neither of them saying anything to break the silence that enveloped them like a warm blanket. After Yoojung had stopped crying, they just hid in Doyeon’s room. Yoojung found the girl’s room to be extremely clean and extremely void of anything personal. There were no pictures hung up, no posters, nothing. Kim Doyeon was indeed unique.

The older one sat up suddenly. Doyeon looked at her in surprise. Yoojung huffed her cheeks. “Let’s go to the fair. Let’s just go and ride every ride there. Let’s… just go.” She turned her head to look at Doyeon, eyes glowing with determination. She was determined to not let Somi’s return get her down.

Doyeon nodded and Yoojung jumped off the bed, grabbing onto Doyeon’s hand. After making a quick stop at her house to get some money, the two of them walked hand-in-hand to the fair. The sun was only just beginning to set. By the time they arrived at the fair, the sun was just settling on the horizon.

Yoojung was the one who dragged Doyeon around the fair to go on the various rides. Doyeon was enjoying herself, though. Despite becoming slightly nauseated after a roller coaster or two, Doyeon was having fun. Admittedly, the girl latching onto her arm was the main reason she was having a good time, but Doyeon just liked to think it was because the rides were so exhilarating. It had been nearly three hours and Doyeon was positive that they had rode each ride at least three times.

Yoojung’s hand slid down from her grip on Doyeon’s upper arm to interlace her fingers with the other girl’s. “Let’s go on the ferris wheel and then call it a night.” She suggested, tugging Doyeon into the line for the ride.

Once they were in the cart, they sat on opposite sides, both with their heads turned to look at the view. The fair was lit up with various colors of light and the moon was shining brightly. Yoojung smiled at the pretty sight. Doyeon also smiled, although her ‘pretty’ view wasn’t what Yoojung’s was.

“Why are you looking at me?” Yoojung giggled once she noticed Doyeon’s frozen stare. Doyeon just continued to stare and Yoojung ignored the butterflies in her stomach. She turned to look out the cart again. “The sky is pretty today.” She commented.

Doyeon moved her gaze to the sky. Their cart stopped momentarily and it felt like the mood had dropped a few notches as the silence continued.

She heard Yoojung sigh. “Three years ago, Somi left to go to America.” Doyeon focused her attention on the smaller girl who sat across from her. Yoojung managed to keep her voice stable, eyes staring at the night sky illuminated with stars. “Coincidentally, a couple weeks before Somi left, I confessed to her.”

Doyeon just furrowed her eyebrows. Why was Yoojung telling her this?

“If…” Yoojung let out a deep breath. “I feel like if she would’ve flat out denied me, it would’ve been better.” She connected eyes with Doyeon. “She just ignored me - walked away and didn’t even say bye to me before she left.” She looked away. “I’ve known her since I was born. We met Jieqiong when we were ten… We were so inseparable that people called us ‘The Three Musketeers’.” She let out a bitter smile as the cart continued up the large ferris wheel before stopping once more. “Everyone called me Jungah back then - it was my nickname. Somi… Somi called me Jungie.” Yoojung leaned forward, placing her elbows on her knees and resting her chin on her knuckles. She let out a small smile as she looked up at Doyeon - a genuine one. “I figured since you trust me so much to talk to me - even if it’s just a few words - I should trust you enough to tell you about Somi.”

Doyeon didn’t know how to respond, so she didn’t. Yoojung seemed fine with it, continuing to smile as the ferris wheel began to move. “Do you think I should try to talk to her?” Yoojung asked mindlessly with a mumble. She was staring down at her feet now. “What if she asks if I still like her?”

“Do you?” Doyeon replied quietly, pressing her lips together after letting the words slip casually out of . Her heart skipped a beat. Yoojung’s eyes flickered up to Doyeon before looking back down.

“Honestly, I don’t know.” She said. “Maybe?” She whispered, more to herself. Yoojung sighed and closed her eyes. “I don’t know. I’m just so confused.”  

Their cart stopped at the very top. Neither of them said a word, eyes trained on either the town below them or the sky above them.

The rest of the ride was silent, but there was a difference in their silence - like something was wrong. Yoojung blamed herself for the slight awkwardness between them. She was confused on her feelings for Somi only because she was confused on her feelings for Doyeon. On the other hand, Doyeon blamed herself from the tense air between them. She felt a tinge of jealousy flowing through her veins - and perhaps it was what made the atmosphere weird.

Doyeon helped Yoojung off the cart and they began to walk home together, a small distance between them now. As they neared their houses, Doyeon began to walk up the path of hers. Yoojung opened to say something but she closed it just as quick. Doyeon was waiting for Yoojung to say something as she neared her front door but when she turned around, she saw Yoojung walking past her house, towards the field. Biting her lip, Doyeon hurried down her front steps and went to catch up with Yoojung, who was walking in the field behind their houses.

She watched as Yoojung stopped walking suddenly, watched as she tilted her head up, and watched as Yoojung gazed at the stars. Doyeon’s footsteps were what made Yoojung look over to her.

“I thought you went home.” Yoojung said, blinking away the tears that had started to form. Doyeon her lips as she took one more step closer, her head throbbing.

“I thought,” Doyeon began before her words got stuck in .

She counted to ten before continuing.

“I thought you were going to call me back.”

Yoojung never looked away. “I thought you wanted to be by yourself.”

Doyeon shook her head.

The brunette gave a small smile. “Looks like I have a lot of wrong thoughts, don’t I?” She sat down on the ground, legs crossed as she stared up at the stars. Doyeon sat beside her.

“Not wrong.” Doyeon mumbled, effectively getting Yoojung’s attention. “Just right in your own way…” Doyeon whispered, her voice trailing off at the end because of the way Yoojung was looking at her. Yoojung merely looking at Doyeon made the younger girl nervous - but it was a good kind of nervous. And that said something, considering Doyeon never knew of a nervous that wasn’t negative.

Yoojung smiled down at her lap. “You’re really something, Kim Doyeon.” She laughed a little. Doyeon felt her heart swell up and she looked away, towards the barn that was halfway across the field from them. There was the crunching of grass beneath the weight of Yoojung’s knee as the girl leaned over and pressed her lips against Doyeon’s cheek before returning to her original position. The soft lips made the blood rush immediately to Doyeon’s cheeks, eyes widening as she looked over at Yoojung, who looked just as embarrassed as she was.

“Thank you.” She said, eyes refusing to meet Doyeon’s. Doyeon didn’t say anything - couldn’t say anything, but she wasn’t speechless because she was scared. She was speechless because of Yoojung. And, despite the very long list of things Doyeon was afraid of, Yoojung was most definitely not something Doyeon was scared of.

i’ve been neglecting the readers on this story I’M SORRY I’LL REPLY TO ALL OF YOUR COMMENTS ASAP! but i have up until chapter eight written for this story so that explains the fast updates lol i’m updating more than i write and that really isn’t good i don’t normally write this fast asdfghjk I’M A REALLY SLOW WRITER TRUST ME!! but ooh yas yoojung making mooovesss! LOL. ok but upvotes n comments (of actual feedback) are always appreciated!!

-dd.