I don't remember when I woke up. But when I did, rays of sunlight pierced through the curtains and burned the living daylights out of my eyes. It didn't help either that my eyes were swollen and red from hours of silent sobbing. My stomach grumbled at the scent of my sister's cooking. She may be a brat but she was an undeniably good cook.

I flopped off the bed and onto the cold, wooden floor. I mustered all my core strength to flip me up but immediately every inch of my body ached. This wasn't unusual though. It  came as a result of my ridiculous sleeping positions that were eager to see what extreme angles could my body bend to. Somehow I had managed to get off the floor, it was hard and tedious, but the promise of a sister-made breakfast made the pain bearable. I reached out to the handle of the door until I jumped at the sound of my father's voice. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. Shouldn't he be at work by now? I thought to myself. I let out a breath in exhaustion, remembering the events of last night. My blood began to boil once again but I forced myself to calm down. I knew I was better than to whine about it, it would make the situation worse anyway. With a deep breath in I opened the door.

The waft of waffles and chicken beckoned me to the kitchen and just as I made my first step out of my room, my foot was met by the coolness of paper rather that the familiar carpet. I looked down onto the now crumpled paper and picked it up. I blinked a few times to ready my eyes to read, I didn't have the best eye sight in the morning. My eyes trailed down the paper with words flying in and out of my head until I reached the bottom of the page

I, Seong Oh Bae, the parent/guardian of Yoo Mi Bae, accept the terms and conditions of the SM Entertainment Trainee Contract and allow my child to pursue as a trainee in South Korea. 

Signed ************

I continued to stare blankly at the page in front of me, body shaking in excitement and anxiety, just like I did when I received the contract. Words couldn't describe what went through my mind as I was just in complete disbelief. This was actually going to happen. I was going to become a K-Pop idol.

That was two months ago. After that, the following month went in a blur. There was all the legal proceedings, my visa, my passport etc. Then there was the packing and the preparations for the flight to South Korea. And then, finally, there were the goodbyes. One of the obvious downsides of becoming a trainee was having to leave everyone you loved behind, and it was heart aching to think about how long it may be until I would see my family and friends again. 

I remembered how I was holding onto my father and sister so tightly and for so long that even after we let go, I could feel the warmth and scent remain. My friends, although I had only known them for a term, made me cry when I had to say goodbye. Everyone wished me luck and waved goodbye and cried as I pulled my bags into the gate. 

I arrived at Incheon Airport at around 10 at night. It was around a 11 hour flight from Sydney to Seoul. I was barely able to stand when I was processed through customs and waiting for my luggage to come around. I picked up the last of my bags, with the help of an airport employee, and made my way to the exit. A wave of anxiety and fear crashed over me as I soon realised that I was a 15 year old girl, all alone in a foreign country. Yeah, I did know how to speak Korean, and yes I knew the basic customs, but it never occurred to me until now that I was all alone. 

People pushed pass me as they made their way to the exit and gave me concerned looks as well. I looked pathetic. A 15 year old girl who was foolishly following her dream in a place she had never been to, and I was crying like a baby. I yearned to be back in Australia, back with my dad and my sister, back home in comfort and safety. I wanted to turn around and jump on a flight home. 

And then, as if there to save my self from collapsing on the spot, I recalled the promise I made to my father.

"Abeoji...I won't take this opportunity for granted. I promise to show you that you're decision was the right one. I will work hard and I will make the debut. I promise to make you proud."

I slapped myself at my own weakness and stupidity and whipped the tears and snot from my parker sleeve as I followed the last of the passengers to the exit. 

It's been almost a month now since I arrived in Seoul and I was given no time to rest after my tiring flight. My schedule had already been planned out from the moment we submitted the contract. At first, it was a handful to take in, the schedule I mean, but I knew what was coming and so I adjusted to the strict life of a trainee as fast as possible. 

 I've made few friends in my first month, but it was hard to miss the feeling of tension and rivalry between us. We're competing for the debut line up after all. I admit, it was easier making male friends rather than female friends, the guys were friends and the girls were just competition. And I say that guys were more approachable as my first real friend was Hae Jae Ha. Rumor has it that he was on the lineup for Exo back in 2012 as they prepared to debut but he got into an accident when he broke his leg in a fall. When I heard this, I could only feel half of the destruction it would've left in him. Imaging three years of training and the chance to debut with one of the most popular idol groups being ripped from your grasp. What I liked most about Jae Ha was that he didn't expect pity. He didn't want to be sympathised by others, he didn't want to look weak. I could relate to him in that sense. And on top of that, he was also a foreigner, he was born in the US but moved to Korea when he was 11 after his father died and when he was twelve his joined SM. I guess Jae Ha and I were alike. 

The crash of a metal platter on the table shocked me out of my thoughts,

"Hey, Yoo Mi, are you gonna eat that?" Jae Ha asked as he reached out to my serving of side dishes. I slapped his hand with my chopsticks and he laughed and returned to his own meal. "You alright? Looks like you've been spacing out for a while,"

"Ha, yeah, I'm fine," I stuttered, "just thinking about some things." He flashed his white teeth and returned to eating. It was early morning, around 7 am, and so both Jae Ha and I weren't really in the mood to have a conversation creating silence between us. But I wouldn't say it was an awkward silence, even though we had been friends for less than a month, we were already close. Besides I was more preoccupied with the homework due today. Suddenly the building vibrated with the screams and squeals of girls on the level below us. I glanced up at Jae Ha and Jae Ha looked back at me,

"My bet's on Girls' Generation," Jae Ha grinned, 

"Today, I think it's Exo," I replied, with a glimmer of hope that it was in fact Exo. Throughout the time that I have been training with SM, I never once got a glimpse at any Exo member. I did have short and fast interactions with other idols, but as much I respected my sunbaes, they weren't the Exo I've been dreaming of meeting for a long time. Despite the fact that us trainees rarely got a break to enjoy ourselves, I tried to make a small amount of time in my day to catch up with Exo on the news, which was ironic seeing how I was in the same company as them. 

The screams continued for another few seconds until I reckoned that whoever it was was inside the SM building. I could feel all eyes watch the stairs that led from the main floor up to the cafeteria, waiting in curiosity to see which idol or idols would appear before us. It was always an event when waiting to see idols in person not as fans but as trainee and sunbae. I admit, it was exhilarating. By sound of several footsteps on the stairway gave away that it was a group with various members and at that moment my heart began to race. My hopes of seeing Exo in person escalated through the roof. 

Everyone in the cafeteria stopped eating to watch the Exo members enter the cafeteria. Pushing back my immediate desire to run up to the boy and squeal at them, I kept it clean and proper. Being the closest to the members of Exo, got out of my seat and bowed to them as they were my sunbaes, 

"Anyounghaseyo," I said, and one or two members who managed to hear my attempt of a greeting greeted me back. My cheeks flared to the brightest pink possible as I sat back down. Although it only lasted less that 10 seconds, it was one of the best moments of my life. My first interaction with Exo. I begged myself to stop smiling like a fool, but I couldn't wipe the happiness off my face. Even slapping myself was ineffective, it only made my face redder. I decided that the best thing to do was distract myself, homework, school, food, I repeated to myself. But I just couldn't help myself. My eyes trailed upwards to see them again but rather than seeing my favourite idols, I instead met the eyes of Jae Ha. 

He seemed to be staring and someone and I whipped around to see who it was. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest, there they were again, Exo. I was about to fall back into my fan girl moment when I looked back at Jae Ha. I realised that he wasn't staring out of amazement like the majority of us in the cafeteria. His eyes were dark and sorrowful. I wanted to throw up at what a thoughtless idiot I had just been. It must not be easy to see your friends debut and leave you behind. When Jae Ha saw me catch on, he quickly lowered his head to his food, pretending as if I hadn't seen anything. I knew he hated it when I worried for him, so I continued eating as well.

Rather than thinking about consine and sine rules, my mind was preoccupied thinking about Jae Ha and Exo. What would have happened if Jae Ha had gotten to debut? He would've been the maknae rather than Sehun, Jae Ha was only 19. What do the Exo members think of Jae Ha? This question stuck in my mind for the rest of breakfast. Do they pity him? Do they look down on him? I had been so deep in thought that I was oblivious to the fact that I had already finished my breakfast,

"Are you done? Let's go, Yoo Mi," Jae Ha said coldly. I assured myself to not take it personally, Jae Ha had his reasons. He took my tray to the disposal bin and together we made our way to the back exit of the SM building. Before we left the cafeteria, I wanted to get one last glimpse of Exo, after all I was still an Exo-L. I hastily peered over my shoulder and over to the Exo members eating their breakfast. Just as I was about to turn away, something caught my eye. Instead of eating like the rest of the Exo members, one member was staring right at us, his eyes trailing along with us and we left the cafeteria. He looked at us with a sorry and concerned look. 

Who was it?

Park Chanyeol.