Life, to me, was study and the future. Not as in the sci-fi future with hovering cars and AI's and such. I mean my future, my career, and although I had just entered the 10th grade, my life was already planned out for me. I liked it, however. I liked being smart, I liked being the top of my year and I liked to think that my life was guaranteed for success. Most of all, I liked to think that all the effort my parents put into my future, all those years and all the money spent on tuition, would all be paid off. 

But that was my parent's dream, not mine. My true dream was the complete opposite of a professional career. 

I stared long and hard at the sheets of paper given to me by the manager. The sheets trembled in my hands with both anxiety and excitement. Anxiety in having to present the contract to my parents, and in excitement for the sheer possibility of becoming a trainee at SM Entertainment. In my hands was what would change my life. The thought that if my parents signed the contract, I would be on my way to Korea, on my way to live as a trainee and may even get the chance to debut. The thought of performing in front of thousands of fans, with all my favourtie idols, and to just simply sing was enough to light my face with joy. I held back the urge to release all the excitement within me with several bursts of weird sounds as I bowed to the manager and made my way out of the building. 

The mid-day sunlight reflected harshly off the sleek cars that were parked in front of the office building. I squinted at the papers, reading it over and over again, determining whether this was all a dream. 

Dear parents/guardians of Yoo Mi Bae, 

We, the audition managers of SM Entertainment, would be pleased to inform you that your daughter has successfully passed through our Global Auditions and has been selected to train with our company. 

The attached papers include information about the trainee process, Trainee Contracts and various other information. 

Please take the time to thoroughly read through the provided papers before handing in the contract at **********************.

Thank you for auditioning and we hope that you can begin your journey with SM Entertainment,

Sincerely, the Audition Managers. 

I grinned to myself until the muscles in my cheeks began to ache. I still couldn't stop shaking. This feeling was unreal, I was actually chosen to become a trainee. Yet again I started to create all these scenarios and fantasies in my head, dreaming of all the things I once believed could never happened. Now I had the chance to live up to those dreams. I quickly tucked the contract into my backpack, careful not to create and folds or creases, these sheets of paper became more important to me that my own life, they were literally my life.

I whipped out my phone and was greeted by the beaming face of Park Chanyeol. His "happy virus face" smiled at me, and I smiled back. It then hit me, if I joined SM, I would have the chance of meeting Exo, and more especially, Chanyeol. I basked in the feeling of extreme happiness. This was every fangirl's dream, meeting their bias, in person and not as fan and idol, but as label mates. Of course I wasn't only just interested in meeting my future husband, I was eager to perform with my favourite idols as well. I tried to imagine my self singing ballads with D.O, dancing with Kai, collaborating with other groups. All my hopes and dreams were one step closer from becoming true. After good amount of time thinking of all the things Chanyeol and I would do on We Got Married, I called my sister to pick me up.

"Yo, Yoo Mi," my sister, Yoo Jin, repiled. Her voice was breathy, she was probably at the gym,

"Pick me up, yeah?" I asked her as I plopped myself down on to a bench by the road,

"Pick me up, unnie," Yoo Jin repeated, "Where's the respect." I rolled my eyes at her childishness,

"Seriously, Yoo Jin? I'm not a kid anymore,"

"But we're Korean, and therefore I shall only answer to the call of noona,"

"Wow, really?" 

"..."

"Soo Jin?"

"..."

"Soo Jin I don't want to ruin the mood I'm in right now honestly seriously Soo Jin answer me stop being so childish aren't you meant to be more mature than this are you twelve Soo Jin,"

"..." I bit back my tongue before I was going to assure myself a long tedious train ride home. With a deep, calming breath I returned to the phone,

"Unnie, I need a lift home, can you pick me up, please?" I asked with the sweetest, fakest voice I could conjure up,

"Sure, fam," and my sorry excuse for a sister hung up. I was thinking of placing a curse on my sister until thoughts of becoming a Korean idol returned to my head space. This was real. This was going to happen. 

"No," my father firmly replied. The words echoed endlessly in my mind, and every resonance of the word brought my hopes of Korean stardom came crashing down. It was as if I had won the lottery, but had the money taken back without a word. 

"Abeoji... this means so much to me," I pleaded,

"Yoo Mi, this career path, becoming a singer, there's no guarantee in anything," my dad sighed in return with the contract papers resting on the table in front of him. Before I could begin a second round of pleading my father interupted me, 

"Look, Yoo Mi, do you know the rate of trainees that even get to debut. Besides that, do you know how low the rate of rookie success is? Trust me, there is no future in becoming a trainee," 

"But, abeoji, this is an opportunity I can't give up. I was chosen out of thousands of people, to be even selected to become a trainee is an honour on its own. And besides, SM is a big company, every group is a success." I started listing the SM groups and explained their success stories in complete detail, praying for any swing in opinion.

"What about your studies, Yoo Mi? You've worked so hard into getting into this school. Why give up your education for this? What happens if you don't debut, what will you do then. No education, no future." My father said. I knew that this fight was heavily against me, after all my father wasn't completely wrong. There was no guarantee that I would be able to debut if I became a trainee, and if I didn't debut, what would I do then? Yes, I would still have an education, but what use would a Korean education have for me in Australia? The cruel realities of becoming a trainee hit me like a bus. Would I even be pretty enough to debut? What happen's if I show no improvement? What if I get involved in a scandal? etc. etc. All these doubts and fears pounded me constantly, it was heart wrenching as tears welled up in my eyes. I turned to look at the floor, avoided the disapproving eyes of my dad. I thought I would be able to face my father and tell him that this dream of becoming and idol wasnt just a dream to me, it was my goal, my passion, it was what I wanted to pursue as my career. 

"Yoo Mi, I just want what's the best for you. I want you to have a successful career-"

"Abeoji," I said as I dropped onto my knees. The carpet of the living room floor rubbed against the skin of my knee, producing a god awful carpet burn, but that was the least of my concerns. 

"Abeoji, please," I pleaded in Korean, "I've never wanted something so much. And I know how much effort you've made in getting me to do the best I can and I know I've worked for so long to get into the school. But abeoji, this is not what I want. This is your dream. I want to sing, I want to perform."  I spluttered word after word about how I wanted to become an idol and how I would work as hard as a trainee as I did to get into my current school, switching between Korean and English for some reason. 

"That's enough, Yoo Mi," my father finally said, "go to bed." I opened my mouth to reply but he raised his hand to end the conversation. I let loose to the tears that blurred my vision as I dragged myself to my room, slamming the door behind me. I didn't want to seem childish and like a brat by arguing with my dad, but the frustration of my father's arrogance and ignorance forced me to scream into my pillow. I glanced over at the life-size poster of Chanyeol who waved with a bright smile in contrast to my tear sodden face. It seemed that all the thoughts of performing with Chanyeol were vanishing into nothing.