I’m not going to lie.

It still hurts.

This pain, will it ever go? Will I ever be happy again?

I’m looking now at this special memory you left me.

Life’s a bit better when he’s with me.

It’s kind of bittersweet, you know.

You crushed me yet he made me whole again.

**

I closed my eyes for a moment and breathe heavily. I could smell the aroma of coffee from a distant café shop. I could hear people in their day-to-day conversation with that beautiful Italian accent. Finally, I reached Milan and I couldn’t wait to see him.

“Sophie!”

I beamed with joy as I saw my bestfriend running towards me. We hugged like we hadn’t seen each other for years (FYI, we just went backpacking to China last month). But we were like that, inseparable twins, just what our dads used to call us.

“I missed you, Soph!” Jessie muttered after removing her body from me. I rolled my eyes with her dramatic tirade. She was a photographer and she stayed in Milan most of the time after graduating Fine Arts in Seoul University where I met her. Her mom was a Korean who fell in love with an English man when the latter had a vacation in Busan. Her parents were staying in England for good.

I pinched her cheek playfully. “You are such a kid.”

“Ouch! Uncle is so unlucky to have you as his daughter. Seriously, “she deadpanned.

“Same thing with how unlucky Uncle Pete is to have you.” And we laughed like crazy… yeah, we were crazier when we were together. Jessie grabbed my other bag and we started walking towards her car.

“By the way, are we going directly to the field?” She asked while opening the trunk and putting my stuff.

“Is he there?” I couldn’t help my excitement. I came to Milan for only two reasons: my dad and him.

It was time for Jessie to roll her eyes. “He’s actually resting right now. I heard he got injured last game.” She shrieked when I frantically grasped her shoulders.

“Is he alright? Why you didn’t tell me!” Jessie took my hands away from her body and dragged me inside her car. She went to the driver seat after. She looked at me wearily.

“He’s okay. A friend told me it was just a minor accident. And really Sophie, stop worrying like you’re his goddamn girlfriend!”

Okay, that kind of slapped me. Jessie , upon seeing the pain in my expression, carefully took my hand. “Hey, I’m sorry. That’s… that’s a mean thing to say.”

I sighed. “You’re right. I should stop doing that.”

“I don’t know why you can’t let go of him but Soph, you have to. Or he might hurt you over and over again.”

“I know but how can I move on if we’re not even together?”

Jessie became silent after that. I patted her hand. “I will be okay. Maybe I just need to see him one more time and after this season; I’ll go home and forget him.”

“Well, you really should! There are lots of gorgeous Korean men. Ugh, I miss Seoul.” I smiled at her. How could I tell her that he was actually what I wanted? That I wished I could be with him every second of my life. Pathetic but just like any unrequited love, this was my story.

**

My real name was Seo Joohyun but people who were closed to me used to call me Sophie. I got the nickname after I joined Mama Mia musical five years ago. Yeah, I was a theatre actress.  It was a huge moment of my career. A talent scout from an entertainment label even wanted to recruit me but I refused. That KPOP stage, it was not just my thing. And since I came from a well-off family, the fame and wealth it offered didn’t change my decision.

There was only one more dream I wanted to achieve, to be with Jung Yonghwa.

He was one of the few Korean athletes who made it to the bigger team, to be specific, an international team. Jung Yonghwa was one of the best forwards of Manchester United. My dad, Seo Minhwan, was one of the assistant coaches of the team. A good friend of him advise