❝chapter04;
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                                   "I trusted you, I really did."

 

< THROWBACK > 

 

July, 2011

 

Starring at the empty spot beside her, Ji Ae sighed as her fingers ran across the bed. 

 

 

It used to be you here, right beside me.

 

Holding me to sleep.

 

Cuddling along with me.

 

 

Getting up once more, she took her phone from the bed stand and checked, no messages or call from Kai. 

 

 

The clock read 1:25am. 

 

 

It all started a few months ago, when Kai started to spend more time outside home, for what he calls for business and work. He no longer has time for Ji Ae. It was just slowly becoming a routine for him coming home way past midnight, and Ji Ae waking up to the sound of the opening door, speaking a few words to him before he says he is tired, and the both of them retreating back to bed.

 

 

Without ending of the day with a goodnight kiss, or telling each other how much they loved one another, just like how they used to. 

 

 

It was just different from the past. Way different, that she was starting to doubt his love for her. 

 

 

"W-Where are you Jongin? She spoke into the phone hesitantly as she heard the male at the other end pick up the phone, with noisy background sounds. He's in a club, she thought. 

 

 

"I'll be home late. Don't bother waiting." He replied shortly. Ji Ae could hear that he was slightly drunk by his slumber tone. 

 

 

"But.. Come home quickly okay? Don't stay out too late and-" 

 

 

"Oppa, what's taking you so long?" A female voice sounded at the other end and Ji Ae stopped speaking immediately. Her heart was heavy. 

 

 

"I have to go now, Ji. See you." Kai interrupted Ji Ae before she heard the phone went off.

 

 

Staring at the blank space in front of her, she bit her lip and reluctantly ended the call. Ji Ae felt tears gather at the brim of her eyes. "He's just busy." She reminded herself once again. 

 

 

Busy? She laughed to herself internally, busy to the fact that he doesn't have time for his girlfriend anymore, but has time for other girls? 

 

 

Ignoring the bitter feeling she felt at her heavy heart, Ji Ae wiped her tears before going to the living room to wait up for Kai once again, until he reaches home safely.

 

---

"Thanks Chanyeol," Ji Ae said as she placed Jongin's arms over her shoulders for support, "Did y'all drink a lot?" 

 

 

"Sorry. Do we smell real bad?" Chanyeol's eyes widened and stared apologetically at her.

 

 

Chuckling softly, Ji Ae shook her head, "No, it's fine." 

 

 

Her expression changed the moment Jongin leaned closer to her. He was lurking of alcohol, and a strong perfume, that doesn't belongs to her. 

 

 

"Chanyeol.." Ji Ae started hesitantly, looking at the taller guy beside her, "I-I.. I have something to speak to you about, actually." 

 

 

Chanyeol raised his brows, "Sure Ji Ae. What is it?" 

 

 

"The thing is," she let out a small sigh, her eyes turning to Kai lying peacefully on her shoulders, her heart clenching at the thought of saying those words. It's not like she wanted to suspect her boyfriend of 5 years. Her heart was just unable to take it anymore. 

 

 

"Jongin.." Ji Ae started, her face changed, "Does he hang out with anyone else outside? Other than you boys?"

 

 

Other girls, Ji Ae thought bitterly, that was what she wanted to ask. 

 

 

"Anyone else..?" Chanyeol looked at her face worriedly, "Is everything okay, Ji Ae?" 

 

 

"He seems more distant these days." She mumbled in a low voice, staring at the wooden floor. 

 

 

Chanyeol could hear the sadness in her voice.

 

 

"It's fine," she shook her head and flashed him a small smile, "I'll bring Jongin up now. Thanks, Yeol."

 

 

"Are you sure? I'm sorry, for whatever Jongin has done, Ji Ae. You can talk to me whenever you want, okay?" He placed a hand on her shoulder, giving her a reassuring look.

 

 

"I'll see you guys around."

---

July, 2012

 

"How was work?" Ji Ae asked the moment the door opened, rushing towards Kai who walked into the house, "Did you have a good day, Jongin?" 

 

 

The man shrugged lightly, no sign of expression on his face, hardly making any eye contact with Ji Ae as he replied, "Mmh."

 

 

Her smile fell as he walked alway from her without saying anything much, again. "Would you like dinner?" She tried again and walked towards the dinner table, "I made your favourite today and-" 

 

 

"Please Ji. I'm tired, let me rest. Alright?" Kai snapped, turning to look at her.

 

 

"I..I just-"

 

 

"Stop nagging, will you?" He looked at her sharply, raising his voice at her. A look that Ji Ae never imagined him doing it to her, and a tone that she never expected him using it on her. "I'm tired." 

 

 

His words were attacking her like a knife. Ji Ae stood rooted to the ground, as she blinked several times to hide her tears that were forming. She looked down on the floor, eyes avoiding his.

 

 

Kai saw the hurtful look on her face. He had only felt a small tinge of regret. Frustrated at himself and as well as the whole situation, he walked away to their bedroom, living Ji Ae standing there alone. 

 

 

"What happened to us.." She mumbled as her eyes followed Kai's back leaving the scene, a tear trickling down her cheek. 

 

 

In the meantime, he was in the bedroom thinking. Sitting at the edge of the bed, Kai stared into blank space. He could heard Ji Ae's soft cries outside, and his heart was just hurting a little. 

 

 

Just that little.

 

 

He hated to see his girl cry, have always been there when she needed a shoulder or when she was feeling down. However, why is it that this time, he no longer felt the urge to do so..? 

 

 

"Kim Jongin, you really are a jerk." He scolded himself, but couldn't bring himself to face her anymore. 

 

 

He continued to blame himself, "It was not her fault at all. This whole time, she did nothing wrong. It wasn't her. But you, Kim Jongin." 

---

Aug, 2012

"Will you be back for dinner tonight? I made your favourite." 

 

 

"Sorry Ji, I-I'm busy. Got lots of client to attend to tonight," Kai rushed through the phone call, "Go to bed without me, I won't be back early. Love you." 

 

 

And the call was ended.

 

 

Love you? 

 

 

 Ji Ae let out a small laugh as she wondered how her boyfriend could still bring to say that he loves her, when there was nothing to the word 'love' anymore. 

 

 

The tears rolled down her cheeks as she turned to look at the dinner that she had took 3 hours to prepare today. Just for this special night. It was their anniversary tonight. And it was also the first anniversary where she had to spend it alone. 

 

 

On their anniversaries, Kai would always make sure to treat Ji Ae even more like a princess, bringing her to fancy restaurants, bringing her to the beach where they would stargaze as their lay on the sand, run in the sand with their hands interlocked, and where Kai would swoop her into his arms bridal style and whisper sweet nothings into her ears. They were cheesy, but Kai knew his girl loved it. 

 

 

As Ji Ae thought back about those memories, she smiled bitterly remembering all those happy moments. 

 

 

But this year, Aug 14 2015, Kai was nowhere to make her feel like the luckiest girl she always felt.  

 

 

Ji Ae was not totally not expecting him taking her out to restaurants or whatsoever, but she was just hoping that he could come home for a simple dinner. 

 

 

Just then her phone buzzed and it was a call from one of Kai's friends's girlfriend. 

 

"Hey, where were you tonight?" 

 

 

"Home. Why?" Ji Ae closed her eyes tiredly and laid her head on the sofa. "Are you at the pub..? What's with all of the noise?" 

 

 

"Home? Didn't Jongin tell you about the gathering tonight? No wonder.. That jerk." 

 

 

Ji Ae's felt her heart sink, "What is it, Jessica?" 

 

 

"There's this , and she can't stop getting her hands over Jongin.. Look, you should come down and show her who's-" 

 

 

"I got it. Thanks. Bye." With that, she ended the call.

 

 

So Kai didn't invite Ji Ae to the gathering? And he said he was working, while over at the pub he was flirting with another girl? 

 

 

Grabbing her jacket, Ji Ae slammed the door shut and made her way to the pub, with a sinking heart. 

 

 

What she was most afraid of, was just standing right infront of her now.

---

The music was blaring and the lights were bright as heck. Ji Ae walked through the crowd, feeling uncomfortable as guys stared at her from head to toe, giving her eye winks and whistles. 

 

 

Where are you when I need you, love? 

 

 

The whole time, Ji Ae's head was spinning with thoughts and doubts. Why has she come to the pub? She had to confirm her doubts. But can she really bear to see him now? How she wanted to turn back so badly and turn away from all the doubts she had. 

 

 

I'd rather not face up to the truth now, Jongin. 

 

 

There was no other turning back. Her eyes laid on the man infront of her, whose back was facing her. From his back, it was too familiar for her to recognize that he was none other than Kai. And just standing inches away from him was a girl who was putting her hands all over him. Kai didn't seem to push the girl away.

 

 

Ji Ae stood rooted to the ground, not believing what she was seeing. So he lied about work. And he was out here at the pub flirting at 2am. And it was their anniversary. She watched bitterly as Kai's hands s around the woman's waist. 

 

 

"Jongin?" Ji Ae called out with a shaky breath. 

 

 

The moment their eyes came in contact, she felt her heart drop as she stared at him with sad eyes. Yes it was him, but it definitely wasn't the Kim Jongin she fell in love with 5 years ago. The look in his eyes, she knew she had lost him. 

 

 

"Ji-Ji Ae? What are you doing here.. Aren't you-" He stuttered, pushing the girl's hands off his body. 

 

 

Ji Ae found herself speechless as she felt a throbbing pain in her heart. She opened to speak, but no words could come out, infront of her was her boyfriend of 5 years, with another girl who looked way prettier and curvier, dressed in a short and tight dress, with her hands all over her man. 

 

 

"Oppa, who is this we have here? She looks like a wreck." The girl spat and shot Ji Ae a disgusted look, eyeing her from head to toe.

 

 

Immediately, Ji Ae felt self conscious and her eyes fell to the ground, the tears threatening to fall any moment. Of course, she looked a hundred times way better than Ji Ae. Which guy can resist a Barbie looking girl? 

 

 

Leave, Ji Ae, get out of here. She told herself. It was humiliating to look like a wreck infront of her boyfriend and his flirt for the night, and also, she was almost going to break down at any moment.

 

 

Keep it in, Ji Ae, not now.

 

 

Kai felt like . , . He saw the look Ji Ae had. He knew she felt insecure all of a sudden. And he hated whenever she felt that way. Hastily, Kai went up to Ji Ae and whispered to her, immediately holding onto her, looking her in the eyes, "Ji Ae, listen.. Listen to me."

 

"Let go, Jongin.. Please-" Ji Ae cried shakily, as she looked at him with tired and teary eyes for the first time. A look that Kai would never forget that night. 

 

 

"No, I'm sorry, I can explain, please listen-" Kai tried again urgently. He could feel the world slowly crashing down on him.

 

 

"So your the girl that Jongin's dating now?" The girl snickered and walked up to Ji Ae, "you think he truly loves you? He's just toying with you." 

 

 

"Shut up!" He yelled furiously at the girl, then turn back to Ji Ae, "It's nothing like that. Listen to me, alright? Let's talk." 

 

 

"Jongin told me you were a burden, a burden that he had to handle with everyday when he goes back home," she continued, "Know where you stand, and quit being so clingy to my Jongin oopa, kid." 

 

 

No wonder he told her she was annoying,

No wonder he was so distant,

No wonder he shuts himself off from spending time with her and talking to her anymore,

No wonder she felt that there was a tension separating him and her,

No wonder she felt that he no longer had the love for her 4 years back.. 

 

 

The tears started to sting at her eyes as Ji Ae took in all the words. She tried to think of a way to respond. Why couldn't she fight back? Why was she that weak? The tears started rolling down her pale cheeks.

 

 

" off," Jongin hissed at the girl who was putting her hands over him as he clenched his wrist and slammed it onto the table, the drinks spilling over, "Get the off, now." 

 

 

Ji Ae saw Kai's expression darkened as he chased the girl away with his dark orbs. He was angry, no, mad to the core. It was a sight he never showed to her. She turned away, it was too much to take, her heart was aching, and her head was spinning. So many voices were telling her different things, how can she trust him?

 

 

Turning his attention back to Ji Ae, Kai shook his head and softened his gaze as he picked up her wrist, closing the gap between the both of them, "Ji Ae.. Whatever you just heard, forget it, okay? Let's talk. Please? I'm sorry, Ji Ae. I'm really sorry, talk to me, please?" 

 

 

"What's there for us to say to one another now, Jongin? What can I say now that I have seen the truth?" Ji Ae finally said with a soft voice, there was no energy left in her to fight back.

 

 

Kai shook his head hopelessly and tried to get his girlfriend to stay. His heart was sinking seeing her broken look. He hated it when she was hurt, but how is he the one causing her the hurt now? 

 

 

Such a bastard, Kim Jongin, you're such a ing bastard, he cursed himself. 

 

 

Slowly, he felt Ji Ae removed his grip on her wrist, as he saw a tear roll down her cheek, and she turned to leave, disappearing amongst the crowd. 

 

 

Nothing hurts more than knowing your loved one betrayed your feelings.

 

---

It has been a night since Ji Ae hasn't came home. A night since Kai came home to an empty house. That familiar scene of Ji Ae cooking back facing him at the stove was gone. The familiar laughter that will sound through the living room whenever he would tickle her sides just for her to give him a kiss. 

 

 

That night Ji Ae caught Kai cheating, he had came back late to see that she was gone, and that most of her belongings were cleared. His heart fell, and his world crashed. It has never daunted to him how much devastation he would have felt when she left him. He thought, that despite having some fun outside, Ji Ae would still always be by his side no matter what. He was bored, he wanted to try new things. He was getting too used to Ji Ae, although now, all he wants to do is to just hold her in his arms once more to tell her how sorry he is, and how much he loves her. 

 

 

It was only after she left, that he felt that sense of emptiness.

 

 

That night, he cried. Kai, who never sheds tears, he sat at the living room and cried for long, staring at the photo frame of the once blissful couple. His fingers ran across Ji Ae's face on the photo frame, murmuring, "My love, I'm so sorry.." 

 

 

But it was all too late. What's there to say sorry about when he has already broken the girl's heart? He still clearly remembered the look on Ji Ae's face when she caught him at the pub. She was utterly disappointed with him. The broken look she had on her face, and the tears that ran down her pale face.

 

 

She has left. It was enough for her to take. And Kai was filled with regret, remorse. 

 

 

What did I do.. What did I do to us, Ji Ae.. Please come back. He clutched onto his heart as he sank down onto the floor against their bedroom door, hanging his head low with shame even though Ji Ae wasn't there. He felt all the regret, all the pain that was gripping onto his breaking heart. 

 

 

Kai fell in love with Ji Ae the moment she stepped into the bus. But he didn’t just love her for her gorgeous looks or the light floral scent that fills the air everytime she passes by him. He loved her especially for the way her eyes turns into crescent shaped ones whenever she laughs; the way she always chews on her lips whenever she is nervous or shy; the way she looks so adorably attractive whenever she wears his shirts; the way she is able to push all his sorrows and worries away just by taking him into her arms; the way she fits so perfectly into his chest; the way she always puts others before herself.

 

 

The way she made him so heads over heels for her.

 

 

He wanted his girl back.

 

 

Why did he have to hold other girls? Why did he have to fool around outside and give her the cold shoulder whenever he's back home? Why did he leave her alone in this house waiting for him everyday? So this was how it felt, he thought, this sense of loneliness and emptiness that Ji Ae felt all the time in the past, waiting for him to be home. It pained him. It pained him so bad to imagine the look on Ji Ae's face during the times he hurt her. When he saw that torn look on her face, he knew that he ed up, badly.

 

 

The heart could only take that much. And that's why she left. 

---

Her phone rang for the nth time of the week, but Ji Ae hasn't found the courage, or the strength to face him. She made a decision to leave him. Why? After all these years together, how could she bear to leave the love they had? Part of her tried finding so many ways to hate him, blame him, get angry at him for cheating on her, cheating on their relationship.

 

 

Cheating on what they had, for 4 years. 

 

 

But her heart just couldn't do it. She loved him so much, so she left. She wanted him to be happy, she wanted him to find his happiness. If being with her meant having to deal with a burden, she was going to leave, so that he could have a better life.

 

 

"Ji Ae.. Please pick up your phone, please talk to me.. It was a mistake, I swear. I don't love her. It's you I need.. I never meant to hurt you, I swear, I-I.. I was just so stupid. I made a ing mistake, I screwed things up. I screwed us up.. I'm so, so sorry. Without you, life has been a wreck.. I can't function without you, Ji Ae. I miss you. Please, give me a chance to make things up to you? You know I still love you. Forever and always. Please call me back.." 

 

 

Ji Ae sighed. She longed for him, missed him, but after all, he cheated. 

 

 

I just can't believe that you who I love and care so much for, could just do that to me.

Why did you have to betray what we had, Jongin?

I trusted you, Jongin, I really did. 

 

---

a/n; wow this was a really longg chap to write. just in case anyone's confused, this whole chapter is a throwback of what happened four years ago. hope you liked it <3 

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