"Is he really performing?" Anonymous whispers made their way down the hall, spreading from one person to another.

"I think I heard him practicing. It was a love song, do you think he's singing it for someone?"

"You think he's going to ask someone out?"

"Doubt it, he doesn't talk to anyone but that one blond kid and they still don't talk a lot. Plus the blond has a boyfriend."

"I see him talking to Jisoo sometimes."

"Yeah, like once every full moon."

"They still talk"

"Yeah but Jisoo has a boyfriend too."

"Well if he's not asking someone out then why a love song?"

-

"What? Seungcheol, we always go to Friday Frenzies." Jun was speaking but everyone in their group stopped to stare at him.

"Soonyoung and Seokmin are performing this week," Minghao brought up from his usual spot beside Jun. Seungcheol looked down at the table, he knew it wouldn't be easy.

"I forgot you guys were performing," he bit his lip and gave them the most apologetic look he could muster. In truth, he was sorry, but not because he forgot. "You all know how Doyoon doesn't like watching the shows," he looked down and tried to avoid Wonwoo's gaze as he dug deeper into the lie. "I was thinking it would be okay to miss one Frenzy."

"You must really like Doyoon if you're canceling on us like this," Jeonghan said around the grape in his mouth. "You've never canceled, even for that one clingy girl. She broke up with you because of that right?"

Even though Seungcheol rolled his eyes, he didn't correct Jeonghan. He'd been dumped several times because he wouldn't miss Friday Frenzies with his friends.

"Sorry," he apologized again. If he tried to stretch the lie even further one of them would find out the real reason he wanted to ditch.

"Can't you just cancel on Doyoon? I mean you can go on dates whenever but you know how hard it is to get a spot on the list." He couldn't blame the request but even if he saw it coming he felt a bit of irritation. Something in the back of his mind made it seem he wasn't mad that them, though.

Friday Frenzies were small concerts held by their student council every week. Yinnin High was one of the best fine art schools in the world, filled with prodigies and those gifted with talent. With the number of students attending and the chance to get noticed by musical companies, sign-up sheets were filled before Monday ended at the least.

Seungcheol could remember that one Monday the ambulance came.

As Freshman turn into Sophomores and Sophomores turn into Juniors, the competition dies down. People realize that they aren't perfect in their talents and work to better themselves, but there were still several people wanting to perform. Whether it be for their friends or to get noticed.

"They've waited a really long time, how long?" Even Jisoo wanted him to cancel on Doyoon. They all looked at the missing couple from the days before.

"A month, but it's okay!" Soonyoung held his hands out in front of him, shaking his head and dismissing the topic. "Really, we could just record it for him, no biggie. They just started dating I don't think it's right to cancel on a date during the start of the relationship."

Seungcheol still felt guilty, and even wanted to blurt out the real reason, but Soonyoung announced Doyoon was coming and he forbid anymore talk on the subject.

-

"Mom~ he doesn't like me!" six-year-old Seungcheol tried to bring himself in the opposite direction his mother was bringing him.

"Now why would you think that? Haven't you only met once before?" His mother used all of her strength, both her arms, to drag Seungcheol into the living room.

"I made him cry!" Seungcheol was tearing up at the memory, the small droplets of salt water about to find their way down his cheeks was enough to stop his mother.

"Seungcheol, honey." Her face was right in front of his and her hands came up to wipe away his tears. "That was two years ago and he was three, I'm sure he doesn't remember."

Seungcheol wiped his eyes himself, feeling a little foolish for acting out like that. He felt hands make their way under his armpits and soon his feet left the floor. "What if he does?" He watched his mother's lips come together in a hard line as she thought.

"If he does, then I guess you'll just have to make him like you with your charms!" He felt fingers touch his side and squirmed, a smile replaced the frown he had on earlier.

-

Seungcheol squeezed his way through the door along with the rest of his classmates. As he turned the corner he saw a familiar black figure in his peripheral vision and sighed to himself, knowing what it was.

"Wonwoo."

"He's finally performing, yet you're skipping?" There was anger but it was almost completely masked by confusion.

"I know..."

A sigh left Seungcheol's mouth for the second time.

"Seungcheol why don't you want to watch?" He's never been able to hide from Wonwoo, they knew everything about each other after all.

"I just," he paused, trying to organize his words so Wonwoo would leave him be. "I heard he's performing a love song and I would break down if it wasn't for me. I would rather be curious for the rest of my life than know it's not me."

"Seungcheol I think you should watch his performance. It could be the only time you'll get to see him."

"Next time," Seungcheol excused himself before his feet brought him to his class. The usual silence followed but Seungcheol's thoughts were screaming at him within his own head. There was no way he'd focus in his next class.

-

"What are you writing about?" Seungcheol looked over the nine-year old's shoulder, the blurred letters filled up the paper line by line.

Nothing but silence followed the question. There was a slight tilt to the paper and Seungcheol took it as a sign he should move. The boy didn't want him to see what he was writing.

The swivel chair creaked under Seungcheol's weight but he was the only one that seemed to notice. He relaxed after noticing the boy wasn't bothered by the small disturbance. He listened to the sound of lead marking paper and the hands of the clock turning every second.

Seungcheol wondered if the boy even wanted to be in his room, the only thing he touched was the side of the bed, he would sit on the floor despite Seungcheol's invitation to a table. He spun in the chair a few times, wondering if the boy was writing a note or in a diary.

There was a small grumble coming from the nine-year-old and Seungcheol was immediately alarmed.

"Did you want something?" Seungcheol spoke to the top of the boy's head, the only reply Seungcheol got was a slight cough.

"I'll get you some water, do you want water?" He stood up from the chair and made his way towards the door. When he looked back he was able to catch the small head bob.

-

Seungcheol sighed and tried to set the group chat settings to mute. The only messages were pleas to come. Not to mention Wonwoo was texting him separately. He didn't know whether he was mad because they were right or mad because the vibrations were annoying. His back felt the support of the chair as he waited for Doyoon to show up.

The coffee shop was a usual place people go for dates and he couldn't help but smile at the normality of it all. The workers are probably starting to talk about him, he wouldn't be surprised. He spotted some whispering a while ago, he thought of messing with them and saying he was dumped.

A small vibration went off in his pocket, he could have sworn he muted Wonwoo, there were already so many degrading messages. He ignored it, at first, he knew Friday Frenzy was starting soon, their group of friends would never let him text during the show.

The vibration came again, was it Doyoon? He picked up the small device he doubled checked all his contacts, it couldn't be.

'Hey, this is Jihoon. I know we haven't spoken a lot but I was wondering if we could meet up after Friday Frenzy?'

-

"Are you two texting each other?" Seungcheol looked up from his phone, the question registered through his brain before he shook his head. He felt his back realign under his mother's glare and he coughed.

Eyes landed on the other boy addressed, his eyes were flying across the screen along with his thumbs. Seungcheol spotted the earbuds and knew he didn't hear.

"Jihoon," the boy's mother called again, a bit more strictly. The brown hair flew up for a moment, apologetic eyes met the two ladies' and he tucked the phone into his back pocket as his back straightened as well.

"I'm sorry, I was writing lyrics." He took the earbuds out of his ears and tucked the buds into his shirt before picking up the once abandoned fork. "This is very good, thank you."

"Oh, so you weren't talking to each other, Seungcheol what were you doing?" The question stopped a fork halfway on its journey into Seungcheol's mouth. It returned back to its plate as there was a request to repeat.

"What were you doing on your phone?" his mother complied.

"Talking... to Wonwoo..." he let out, his eyes flickered towards the boy across from him but he was busy picking at his food.

"Give me your phone." Seungcheol immediately followed directions, handing over his phone, they weren't talking about anything his mother didn't know about.

"Jihoon, may I have your phone too please?" With his name being called he looked up, he blinked once before fulfilling the request.

The two boys ate in silence as the mothers whispered to each other.

"Okay, here you go boys." Seungcheol's mother handed out the two phones. Seungcheol gave a look to Jihoon as if to tell him he could get his phone first.

-

'This is still Seungcheol, right? If it's not then you can just ignore these messages, I'm sorry.'

'No! This is Seungcheol, I thought you were my friends messaging me, sorry for the late reply.' He felt his breath and heart rate speed up, Jihoon was finally texting him. He's been waiting 7 years and it was finally time.

He kept his phone on, not wanting to keep the message unread for more than a second. There wasn't any reply, he checked the time, Friday Frenzy must have started by now, Jihoon had texted him 3 minutes after 9, he's the second act?

"What'er you doing there?" Doyoon's joy-filled voice filled his ears and he vaguely remembered where he was and why he was there.

"Oh, I got a text, nothing big really. Did you order something already? I wanted to pay."

"No, I didn't order but I ate before coming here, who was texting?"

Seungcheol bit his lip, he couldn't lie. "Jihoon texted me."

"Oh," Doyoon's voice immediately changed pitch and Seungcheol closed his eyes.

"I know, I've come to you about him a lot... I'm sorry but I -" His phone went off in his pocket and he reached down to check it but on his way he caught a glimpse of Doyoon's forced smile.

He reminded himself that he was with Doyoon right now. Doyoon really likes him and he doesn't deserve rejection.

"I'm sorry." He repeated again.

"It's okay..." The corners of Doyoon's lips turned down and guilt spread throughout Seungcheol's chest.

They stayed in an awkward silence for a long time, Doyoon never sat down.

"Do you still like him Seungcheol?"

-

Seungcheol fumbled with the button at the hem of his shirt, the collar was irritating the outside skin of his throat but he knew his mother wouldn't approve of his hands going anywhere near it.

Footsteps could be heard on the other side of the door and a light "One minute," could be heard. Seungcheol looked towards his mother, unsure about how things would turn out.

"Seungcheol, Jihoon is just a shy boy. He's probably been waiting for you to text first." He felt her fingers rest on his shoulder.

"But mom I-" the creaking of door hinges cut off the end of his sentence and both heads faced the host.

"Oh, Seungcheol, I forgot to mention that Jihoon is at the library, he said his teacher assigned a group project but he doesn't have a group." The salty smell of soup filled his nostrils and the sound of other grown-ups laughing further into the room filled his ears.

"Oh," he filled the silence, not really knowing what to do. As they entered the house, Seungcheol was allowed to stay in Jihoon's room. He sat in the middle of the floor, scared to touch anything as if it might break.

There was an open notebook on the desk, the pages were tempting the bored boy. He scolded himself, remembering that Jihoon deserves his privacy and he wouldn't like if Seungcheol went looking through his stuff.

The other, stronger side of his brain thought otherwise, he felt his legs straighten perpendicular to the floor as they brought him closer to the ink-covered pages. At first, he just stood there, looking only at the word 'but.' He couldn't bring himself to sneak a peek at the other words.

As time passed, the good part of his mind was being taken over. The only thing left was a plan to make sure he wouldn't get caught. Skipping over several more words his eyes flickered to the corners for page numbers.

He studied the position of the book and decided it was only safe to read the page the book was opened to. Several words and added lines decorated the paper, Seungcheol was thankful he could read music notes.

-

"Seungcheol, you're doing it again." Wonwoo knocked on the wooden frame to his door. Seungcheol barely looked up from his phone, his eyes were only able to catch Wonwoo's shoes.

"I'm just making sure I don't miss anything," the phone slowly moved away from his face but it was brought between two eyes within a second. Wonwoo's sigh caused one of Seungcheol's to come out too.

"You've been waiting 3 years, I'm pretty sure he'll be able to wait a few minutes, no, he'll only be waiting a few seconds because once you get the notification you'll be whipping your phone out before the vibration even ends.

"Wonwoo you don't understand, today is Wednesday, I met him on a Wednesday. He was probably waiting for a Wednesday to text me and it could just be that this Wednesday-"

"Seungcheol you sound like you're on drugs. Put the phone down and come with us, it's the first Friday Frenzy of the school year, Soonyoung and all of them want to go. For all you know he could perform there, you know his abilities. If he wanted, he'll be chosen to join a company in no time. If you don't watch him perform now, you'll probably never watch him ever.

"I could watch him perform if he becomes famous," Seungcheol grumbled, still looking at his phone screen though now the brightness was no longer stinging his eyes.

"Are you willing to wait that long? There's also a chance you'll never see him live, hear his singing live, experience his facial features as he sings, all live-"

"Live, I get it, move."

-

"You're sick, and you're not leaving this household." An icy cold hand burned against the skin of Seungcheol's forehead as the brain on the inside was trying to figure out whether he was hot or cold.

Seungcheol had one foot out of the blanket and the opposite arm on top. He couldn't breathe through his nose nor could he keep his eyes open, there was only one thing allowing him to sit upright, the bedrest.

"Mom, I can't miss the show, Jihoon might be performing."

"Has Jihoon ever performed before?" Seungcheol avoided the question by trying to clear his nasal cavity. "Seungcheol, don't push yourself too hard, I'll call Jihoon's mother and ask if he's performing..." his eyes were filled with hope.

The feverish color to his cheeks and the sadness that appeared when he thought of missing Jihoon's performance was strong enough to bend his mother's willpower. "You can go. You can only go if Jihoon is performing, and you're leaving right after he finishes."

The pillows suddenly felt much softer, and his nose was finally clearing up, his brain made the decision he was hot. The blanket was thrown to the side of the bed for a while as he waited.

The words, "he's not performing," escaped his mother's throat and suddenly he was cold, the pillow was hot, and he felt the mucus running towards his lip.

"Seungcheol you're overreacting, do you want to ask Mrs. Lee yourself? Actually, don't talk. I'll put her on speaker." A button was pressed before a static greeting came through.

"Hello?" The static asked, Seungcheol recognized it as Jihoon's voice and smiled weakly, nodding to his mother that he would be okay before his eyes began to put him to sleep.

His eyelids twitched with every noise his mother made. They sounded like grenades going off in the distance. The last thing he heard was Jihoon's nasal voice coming over the speaker in one broken "Thank you"

-

When Seungcheol came out of memory land, he noticed the cars in front of him. The parking lot, Seungcheol could see his car from where he stood. Doyoon must have wanted to end the night already. Running his hand through his hair he blinked away the first tears of guilt.

"I thought I was over him, I really, really thought I was over him Doyoon. Please believe me," he confessed. He knew this was unfair to the other, that he deserved better than this.

He was angry with himself, why couldn't he get over Jihoon? Why can't he like Doyoon? Why isn't he happily on a date with the other?

There was a deep breath but neither of them knew who it was from, they were too busy focusing on other things, like how the other would react to certain movement, and certain words. Certain looks even.

Eyes were avoiding each other before a single sob was let out.

"I'm trying, I'm trying really hard to feel the same way about you." The guilt had eaten too much of Seungcheol's heart, he didn't know what he was saying anymore. He took a step forward but never shifted his weight. "I want to feel the same way about you, I really do. I promise. I do."

Doyoon remained silent and watched the tears roll off of Seungcheol's chin all the way down to the pavement. Seungcheol was gripping his phone but Doyoon didn't know if it was to ignore the message or keep it from crashing to the floor.

"You're kind, wonderful, and I want to like you back, I want to have a real relationship with you."

Want. The word 'want' hit Doyoon like a thousand bricks falling from the sky. He knew that if he looked at Seungcheol now, he wouldn't be able to stay for the whole speech.

When he closed his eyes he felt a tear on the verge of spilling over, it couldn't be saved but if he focused, it wouldn't roll.

"I want to forget about Jihoon. I don't want to like him, I don't want to torture you like this."

Setting his two lips between his teeth, Doyoon prepared himself for the next sentence. His head was dizzy, he wanted to tell Seungcheol to stop.

"I want you to be happy." The sentence could have gone unheard if Doyoon were trying to ignore it.

Though it reached ears, it reached a mind, and it reached a heart, forcing the tears being held back over the wall guarding them.

He finally moved and felt warm tears wet the fabric of his shirt and strong arms bring him closer. It would be a lie if he said he felt completely content, Seungcheol may be hugging him, but he had also explained he was still in love with Jihoon, and how he couldn't stop loving him.

The hug was one wanted, one that can keep a person content, but can't fill them up again. Seungcheol can want anything from Doyoon and he would give it.

He could want Doyoon to hold him, to kiss him, to cheer him up. He could want Doyoon to drive him places, and pretend that they are a couple. He could want Doyoon to pretend nothing is wrong, and he can want Doyoon's love.

But he will never need Doyoon, at least, not in the same way he needs Jihoon