Seungcheol tapped his foot on the wall behind him, searching the gates for Doyoon. The school day was about to start and he wanted to get the conversation over with as fast as possible. By groups, students walked through the metal doors chatting and laughing with each other. Seungcheol caught someone's eyes and they immediately began to whisper into the ear of their friend.

Furrowing his brows he watched them walk past through the other set of doors, he could barely hear Jihoon's name. He turned his head in attempts to hear the rest of the conversation but everything they were whispering about was overpowered by the other conversations going on in the hall.

He continued his search for Doyoon, more groups walked through and there were more groups talking about Jihoon, occasionally he would hear his own name but he could never figure out the rest of the sentences. 

The long blaring of the bell resounded through the courtyard and Seungcheol had no choice but to get to class his eyes took one more sweep across the right gate, fountain, and left gate, still no sign of Doyoon.

-

First period went by faster than he remembered it would. The first thing he knew was that Mr. Ake was getting side tracked by all the underachieving students that always talk then complain about how they don't understand what he was trying to teach. Seungcheol blocked out their remarks about how Mr. Ake didn't know how to teach and the next thing he knew, he was going to his English class.

He opened the binder and a small folded paper fell to the floor. 

'After school, I must walk with you along the road

Saying "Good Morning" and "Goodnight" with you so you can't let go of your phone

I have a lot of plans but when I start I can't say anything.'

Seungcheol's brows were knit together when he read the three lines over and over again and wondered if it was for Jihoon. He wished he wrote the date down to know whether it was written before or after he and Doyoon got together.

He flicked his pencil around in his hand as they read Shakespear for the fifth time. Not paying attention to Hamlet swearing upon the blood on his palm to keep his father's secret he turned his head when he heard his pencil hit the carpeted floor. Leaning over in his chair he checked the tip and examined the chipped edge, sighing he marked a piece of paper to dull down the lead.

As he traced over the same spot repeatedly he felt a sense of deja vu. He grabbed onto the memory and trailed it back to a room but he couldn't figure out exactly where it was. It wasn't his room, his room had curtains instead of blinds and his desk was black, not wooden with a built-in light. 

There was a journal on the desk and he read it, guilt began to settle in his gut but he couldn't point out exactly why.

-

"Wonwoo." Seungcheol pulled on the other's arm to get his attention, his friend turned and slowed his pace so they could walk together.

He teased a little before addressing Seungcheol's concern, "Mingyu's going to nag about me being slow again but what's up?"

"Who's Jihoon?"

"You remembered him?" Wonwoo's face held shock and relief, causing confusion to spark in Seungcheol's brain.

"Is it a good thing? Why are you so happy?" Fixing his composure by clearing his throat, Wonwoo shook his head.

"Nothing, you just seemed different when you don't know about him. He was your childhood crush." Wonwoo caught the sight of Seungcheol digging through his pockets and pulling out his phone.

"'Was' you say. When did I get over him and why do  I have a heart by his name when I'm dating Doyoon?"

"You like Jihoon, even now, but you're dating Doyoon because you didn't want him to be rejected. Do you remember how many people you've dated?" Seungcheol stopped walking to focus on the question.

"I've dated a lot of people," he dumbly stated. Wonwoo nodded and pulled him so they would continue to walk. The hallway was almost empty and he was already anticipating the long lecture from Mingyu about being late.

"You dated them all but you've always liked Jihoon. You've liked him ever since you met, but he rejected you so you vowed to never reject anyone or break up with them."

"Why?" Seungcheol thought of how he was before and questioned his own logic. He saw Wonwoo's shoulders bob up for a moment.

"How should I know? I've been telling you throughout your whole life that you shouldn't be dating someone just so they don't get rejected but you never listened to me."

"You dated me too, I remember that." Seungcheol brought up. Wonwoo blushed at the embarrassment.

"I wanted to protect you, I guess I developed a small crush at that time, but it was more caring than romantic. I eventually got over it and broke up with you then you played cupid with Mingyu and me."

"Oh. How long have I known Jihoon?" He felt like a child, following Wonwoo as if he were lost in a store and they were bringing him to customer service.

"You sound so vulnerable it's kind of funny." Even though Seungcheol thought something similar he still felt his pride getting threatened and pulled his arm back to briskly walk beside Wonwoo. "Sorry, I'm just used to being the one to ask questions, you're rarely ever confused. You've known him since you were four."

"And Doyoon?"

"Since fifth grade."

"Does Doyoon like Jihoon? How come you never mentioned him?" They entered the cafeteria, Mingyu was frantically waving them over and Wonwoo put his hand up telling him to wait a little longer. The tall boy pouted and sat back down, Seungcheol saw him mentioning something to the rest.

"You only got back yesterday, your mom took away your phone and I was busy after school. I don't think Doyoon liked him, you've told me about fights between the two of you started because of Jihoon."

"How long has Doyoon liked me?"

"I have no idea, you'll have to ask him when you see him." They made their way towards the table seating their group of friends and Seungcheol immediately asked them about who Jihoon was.

"Oh, you mean the guy everyone's freaking out about?" Jeonghan raised his eyebrow, "Jisoo knows him."

"Just because we're in the same class and we were assigned a project together doesn't mean I know him. He's really quiet and doesn't talk much, why are you asking?" Jisoo rolled his eyes at his unphased boyfriend, Seungcheol smiled a bit at the interesting exchange.

"I think I had a dream about him-"

"That's weird-ow" Jun doubled over and rested his head on the table, clutching the spot Minghao elbowed.

"Anyway," Seungcheol continued, throwing Minghao a thankful glance and getting a smile in return, "I think I had a dream about him and I was just wondering if you guys would know why."

"You've asked me about him a couple of times, I used to bug him and eventually got close but we stopped talking because I started to spend time with Seokmin. Jisoo's right, though, Jihoon's a really quiet person."

"Why is everyone talking about him?" Seungcheol backtracked towards the first thing Jeonghan said.

"Oh, he performed at Friday Frenzy and he was really good, sorry you can't see him that one well, I was backstage with Seokmin."

When the video played Seungcheol heard a familiar tone, a high note getting echoed to become lower and lower then another sharp beat was hit, it repeated four times before a voice began a low rap.

"If I was your boyfriend I'd never let you go, I could take you places you ain't never been before. Baby take a chance or you'll never ever know, I got money in my hands I would really like to blow." There was a moment for Seungcheol to realize that yes, Jihoon was the person in his dream. He couldn't see the entirety of his face but the side profile was enough recognition. A smiled immediately formed on his lips, he caught Wonwoo's eyes and tried to control it. Over the general noise from the lunch area and the cheering in the audience Seungcheol could faintly hear the rest of the lyrics.

"I'd like to be, everything you want, hey boy, let me talk to you." Seungcheol felt a single heartbeat during the pause, did Jihoon just say...

"If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go. Keep me on your arm boy, you'd never be alone. I can be a gentleman, anything you want. If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go, yeah I'd never let you go." The verse was repeated right as it ended but Seungcheol couldn't find it in himself to pay attention to the rest of the lyrics.

Instead, he watched the way Jihoon would move his hands on certain beats to match the song and the way he would turn his head to the side slightly when he had to make a higher note. He studied the way Jihoon's mouth would move towards the other side of his face and how it looked like he could drop the mic at any second.

The crowd began to cheer and Seungcheol was able to bring his face away from the phone screen.

"He changed the lyrics," were the only words he could say. Soonyoung nodded and put his phone away in his pocket as Seokmin began to explain something.

"Soonyoung couldn't pull his phone out on time but he said the song was dedicated to someone but he didn't say who. I saw some people bothering him about it on Monday but he scared all of them off. I'm guessing he confessed and got shot down." Seungcheol's mood darkened and he felt his heartstrings tug in certain places and his mental gears shifting.

He unlocked his phone when the bell rang, knowing his class was close he delayed himself and saw the conversation he had with Jihoon.

-

Throughout the rest of the day, Seungcheol couldn't help but wonder why Jihoon texted him. He should have asked when the performance was, he was confused as to whether Jihoon texted him for comfort or to confess.

They said Jihoon was a quiet person and Jihoon had told him that they hadn't spoken in a while, the evidence was more on the confessing side but he argued that Jihoon wouldn't like him if they never spoke.

-

Coming home in a daze he almost completely overlooked his boyfriend next to the door. Doing a double take he shook his head and focused in on the familiar face.

Doyoon wore a bittersweet smile, it didn't go with the faded pink flannel over the white shirt and black jeans, his outfit was bright and happy but his face held sadness and urgency. Seungcheol's guilt came back in a tenfold.

"Hey, where were you at school today?" Seungcheol brought him into his arms  and noticed the dust on his back.

"I was packing," Doyoon was able to say the statement without a problem but it struck Seungcheol to the core.

"W-was there a trip you told me about? Did I forget about that?" Seungcheol's heart rate sped up and he held Doyoon a little closer.

"No, I..." He could feel Doyoon swallow, "this was supposed to be quick and easy. When I read the text last night I knew you remembered Jihoon so I thought..." A cold laugh followed the bitter unended statement.

"You didn't like him did you." Seungcheol sat them both down, he didn't want to let go of Doyoon just yet.

"Honestly?" There was a short pause before Doyoon answered. 

"No, I didn't. I envied him," arms slowly brought themselves to hold Seungcheol's shoulders and he felt tears seep through his shirt. "You know, I've liked you since the last day of fifth grade, I thought we wouldn't hang out over the summer and when I got scared that's when I realized. Then when you told me you were willing to date in sixth grade I knew it wouldn't have been the same if you liked Jihoon."

Doyoon took a deep breath through his nose and let it out slowly, Seungcheol rubbed his back gently and waited for the rest of it.

"I didn't want to go out with you until you liked me back but I knew it wasn't going to happen anytime soon, then my parents announced we would be moving and I just had to know what it would be like to date you before then. I knew it wouldn't be the same. I knew you were always thinking of Jihoon. I-" Seungcheol's ears caught the break in the other's voice and felt a pressure building up in his throat.

"I'm sorry for making you date me," the weak, meaningful apology made it harder for Seungcheol to swallow the guilt.

"You didn't make me do anything, I wanted to date you." He felt a tremor go through the other when he said those words and closed his eyes. "Doyoon, I should be the one apologizing. I wasn't able to give you my feelings-"

"You loved someone else. You never have to be sorry for loving someone. You have no reason to be sorry Seungcheol." Doyoon's voice was blocked and had a nasal ring to it breaking Seungcheol a little more.

"You never made me do anything." He repeated.

"I took advantage of you." Doyoon took another breath through his nose before pushing away and wiping his tears with his flannel, making a spot of pigment a little more noticeable. "I knew you wouldn't say no to going out with me so I took advantage of it so I could have you as my boyfriend. I'm a terrible person." His hands shook in the air and he refused to make eye contact with Seungcheol. When he reached his hands out Doyoon flinched away.

"No, I don't deserve it. I'm terrible-"

"Doyoon you're not terrible."

"Yes, I am!" The sudden outburst caught Seungcheol off guard and he flinched slightly but not enough to be noticeable without close observation. "I'm horrible because I was happy when I heard you lost your memory in the car crash."

Silence. Breath.

"I was happy you got memory loss, Seungcheol I was happy you forgot about Jihoon. I was happy you forgot about the person you loved just because I thought I would have a better chance with you before I left." The back of his hand was pressing against his chest and Seungcheol found himself staring.

"I was happy you got injured for my own selfish desires." Seungcheol opened his mouth to try and comfort the other but he couldn't find the right words. "You don't have to make me feel better, I already told you I don't deserve it." He continued to wipe his face and Seungcheol closed his mouth. 

They sat in silence again, both looking at each other and trying their hardest to avoid eye contact. Doyoon had moved from his side to setting his back on the door and Seungcheol followed his lead. They sat, staring at the opposite wall for five minutes thinking about the recent words and left them floating around. Once he was calm enough, Doyoon broke the silence to say what he came for. 

"You know even now I can tell you don't like me." Doyoon leaned his head against the door and smiled up at the roof in irony. Seungcheol tried to reach his hand out again, Doyoon allowed the gesture this time. "I meant as something more than a friend. You don't like me in a romantic way. Even when you don't know who Jihoon is." He locked eyes with Seungcheol for the first time since they started talking.

Something in his eyes was broader and forceful than before. Seungcheol anticipated the next set of words.

"Promise me you're going to be with Jihoon." The tearstained cheeks weren't elevated in a smile, and dark-brown eyes held no sadness, just a firm commanding stare.

"Doyoon-"

"I mean it Seungcheol. The only way I'd be content with breaking up with you is if you end up with Jihoon. I'm making Wonwoo send me updates. Please." 

Seungcheol stayed silent for a while, searching for any doubt. He seemed set on making Seungcheol promise and nothing wavered.

"When are you moving?" Doyoon looked away again, his neck slowly straightened and he was examining the same pattern from before.

"Tomorrow."

"What?!" Seungcheol stood abruptly, blinking hard at the sudden head rush. Doyoon hung his head between his arms in an apology. 

"I know it's sudden and I was going to tell you yesterday but I just... couldn't." He slowly pushed his weight off the door to stand. He stood for a moment, hesitating on his next move but if he didn't do it now he didn't know when he would have another chance. He brought Seungcheol into another hug.

"I'll be leaving in the morning," he whispered into the other's ear. His eyes hurt from the previous tears and he blinked the fresh ones away. He felt an object begin to wrinkle in his pocket and slowly moved away.

"Remember when we first met and you gave me an acrostic poem with my name?" He pulled out the slightly dented paper and held it out for Seungcheol to take. "I tried to make one of yours." He closed and opened his mouth several times, he must look like a fish out of water.

"I love you Seungcheol, we'll keep in touch right?"  I want to at least be invited to the Jicheol wedding."

"Jicheol?" Seungcheol smiled amused, he felt fresh tears form in his eyes whilst receiving the small paper.

"Yeah you know, 'Ji' for Jihoon and 'cheol' for the last part of your name. If you put them together, you get Jicheol." He held out his hands and made and option-weighing motion. Seungcheol let out a single laugh, mixed with a sob before bringing Doyoon in for one last hug.

'S - Sorry. This is what I feel even though you might say I have nothing to be sorry for, I do.

E - Empty. That's what you're feeling and I don't want you to feel that way.

U - Understanding. This is what you are and I hope you understand that: one, I at this. And two, I want you to be happy.

N - Nice. Another word that describes you, I hope Jihoon sees it and goes out with you.

G - Gut. I have a feeling in my gut that we'll both be happy, so don't worry about me too much okay?

C - Careful. Be careful about everything, on the streets and with your own feelings. If Jihoon rejects you don't go back to dating everyone, it's not good and they know you don't like them. You might think you're covering it up but you're really not.

H - Happy. I already said I want you to be happy and I really mean it. You better be happy or I swear I'll never visit.

E - Effort. At least make an effort to talk to Jihoon or become his friend, you haven't been trying and I guess that was part of the reason I was made.

O - Off. I don't know, I needed an 'O' word. Never turn your feelings off?

L - Love. I still love you and I'm sure it'll change from romance to friendship eventually now that I've accepted your love for Jihoon. I'm sorry for all the fights we've had about it, don't forget about me okay? I'll be texting you and I'll come back during the summers.'