Perhaps Seungri wasn't in his right mind at that time.

He was always glowing. Always shining. Everything he does, Seungri notices. He notices the passion he has, working hard more than anyone else. He notices how his eyes glimmers each time he performs on stage. He notices every single detail about him.

Seungri has always been watching, always observing.

xxxxxxx

It was an ordinary afternoon. It's their day off but Seungri's at the studio practicing. Trickles of sweat rolled off of his neck. He was sweating, sweating more than the usual. He danced more than the usual, he moved more than the usual. Perhaps he was uneasy. He didn't know why, but it bothered him.

Seungri's the lesser member. At least that's what people regards him to be. But he knew better than to pay any heed to it. Each time people would label him as the black sheep, he would only turn a blind eye and strive to become better. That's what he learned from Youngbae. From Youngbae who had always been behind Jiyong's shadow. The one who couldn't escape being in a comparison. But Youngbae was more than resilient. He worked harder than anyone else, and Seungri had the utmost respect for him.

Such a beautiful person. Just radiant as the sun he is. Everything he does is flawless, almost perfect. Seungri admired him.

Seungri worshiped him. 

xxxxxxxx

"I'll help you practice," he said. "It's alright. Hyung, you're nervous about it, right? I'll help you." 

Youngbae seemed like he couldn't utter a word. Seungri was looking right at him, eyes so bright, so sincere. Youngbae was fazed.

"Don't kid around, Seungri," he said, frowning. "Just what do you think that means?"

"It means exactly what I just said, Hyung," Seungri said, keenly. The eagerness as he wholeheartedly said those words struck Youngbae; the boy was anything but joking. "You don't have any experience with any girl, right? How can you do it if you haven't even kissed someone?"

"It's alright. We're friends. Friends help each other out."

They said there was a commotion before the show started. A bunch of fans swindled by frauds who sold them sham tickets. At the line to entrance, a couple of women fainted from a said stampede. People getting inside the venue without legit passes, bystanders given the right chance to sneak inside, the whole event was in disarray. But it's not like they can do anything about it. The guys just have to perform like what they're meant to do. 

The show ended eminently. Just like any other show. It's like the typical thing, except now they're more exhausted than usual. Probably because of the country's humid weather. The usual smile on Daesung's face after every show was nowhere to be seen. The one who always initiates the afterparties doesn't even look like he's in the condition to go drinking, and Jiyong wasn't even awake to notice how tired they all are. Youngbae was just silent. Quietly sitting in the corner as he tapped away on his phone with his hair in total mess.

It wasn't like the usual scene, and Seungri found himself disappointed.

"Shhh."

Seungri woke up to the pressure against his mouth. The room was dark, only the moonlight passing through the windows illuminated parts of the room. He could see Jiyong sound asleep on the other bed next to him. His silent breathing breaking the vacuous quiet.

"Hyung!" he whispered.

Youngbae was on top of him, hand covering up the boy's lips, his other one pressing against his chest. 

"Stay quiet. Jiyong might wake up."

The man then inches closer to him, enough for Seungri to breathe in what he breathes out. With that alone, it's enough to intoxicate Seungri, send him pleasure nothing in this world could ever give. Youngbae's skin against him, Youngbae's warmth on him, Youngbae's everything, he would gladly take anything from him.

Seungri worships him.

Maybe it's for the best that it wasn't like the usual morning. Jiyong was just on the other bed sleeping, and Seungri wakes up with bruises everywhere. Youngbae wasn't there, and maybe it's for the best. 

Seungri could faintly remember scenes in his head as if last night was just a dream. Youngbae inside him, repeatedly and violently entering him as he suppresses each moan attempting to escape his lips. It was bliss; Seungri couldn't be any happier. 

Maybe it's not that bad to get your hopes up, but Seungri didn't want to do any wishful thinking. He knows it, but he can't help but think about all those times they made love after Youngbae gets drunk. He can't help but think about how Youngbae would always say that he was so drunk, he couldn't remember anything from last night. He can't help but think about how the next day, Youngbae would get drunk again and sneak into his room again.

And he can't help but think about how last night, there wasn't any alcohol present in Youngbae's mouth.