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It was early afternoon by the time I got back to my bunk. The doctor told me that I had a heat and the only remedy was a lot of water and an equal amount of rest. I was the Captain and I felt like I was slacking. No matter what I said to my Lieutenant, he would deny me. But by the time I reached the door, I was ready to collapse. Knowing this, the doctor asked Kyungsoo to me. Kyungsoo was my second in command but a Captain to others.

I almost tripped over my own two feet when I finally made my way inside my bunk. Kyungsoo tightly wrapped an arm around my waist- trying to keep me steady. Everywhere hurt- I could still feel the scathing sun against my skin. Just the thought of changing my clothes made me want to pass out. “Will you be okay on your own?”

I unlatched myself from Kyungsoo’s body and practically crawled to my bed. “I’ll be fine.” I croaked, laying down and trying to keep my breathing steady.

“Someone’s bringing water right now. The doc told me that he was going to send someone over.” He walked over to me and stood beside me, laying a calloused hand against my forehead. “You’re still pretty warm. Here.” He grabbed something from my bedside table and began to fan me. A wave of exhaustion crashed through me. My head spun a little and I rubbed the base of my skull, trying to soothe the ache.

A sudden loud thud irritated the ache even more and I groaned. Kyungsoo mustered an all-too-coherent curse under his breath and put the make-shift fan back on the table. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to deliver the water.” The voice was deep and calm.

“The doc sent a newbie?” Kyungsoo shifted from beside me and stood at a more attentive stance, obviously trying to assert his authority.

“I guess.” This newbie definitely didn’t know the rules. One: don’t respond to higher officials with a passive tone.

“I guess?” Kyungsoo crossed his arms against his chest and walked over to the newbie. I felt a spasm of panic squeeze my chest. My plan to relax was out the window.

I slowly got up and coughed, making sure to catch both of their attention. “It’s- it’s fine. What’s your name?” Despite my entrance, Kyungsoo continued to stand in his “imma-whoop-your-” position.

The newbie stood at attention. “Captain. My name’s Junhong,” he started, “I’m a General in division 49.”

Dressed in an army combat uniform, he stood at a solid six feet or more. His skin was strangely pale despite being under the sun all day- which was a requirement for all ranks below Lieutenant. He looked flushed, probably because he ran all the way here. He seemed to have a little bit of an attitude- but nothing some good old training couldn’t fix.

“No. You’re going to move to division 15.”

“Thank- wait what?” He stuttered, visibly taken aback by my words, taking an instinctive shaky step back. “But I’m already in division-”

“No questions asked. If anyone has a problem with it, tell them to come to m- Captain Kyungsoo.” I quickly modified my suggestion- I didn’t want to deal with any crap from those of lower ranks. All problems would be repudiated anyways. Kyungsoo looked at me with amusement but didn’t utter a single word or complaint. I looked at Junhong and assessed his stature and eye movements: he was either nervous or annoyed. I could play the ‘kind captain’ card with him. “Start training with us tomorrow. You’ll fit right in.” I sounded more sardonic than chirpy.

Junhong’s eye twitched as he tried, but failed, to display some sort of joy. I couldn’t hide a chuckle from escaping my lips. He was a sight to see- even helping me focus my attention on something other than my scathing skin. “You can leave. But be at the training grounds section 3 tomorrow morning by 6:30 a.m.” I nodded him off.

His brown eyes flared with opposition but he still gave me a decent salute and turned to leave. I only knew one person that could salute perfectly. Damn him.

“Why?” Kyungsoo asked, picking up the cold water jugs that Junhong delivered. He undid the clasp that kept the bottles together and began to set up.

“I don’t know. It just seemed right.” I took my time laying back down and groaned as my head hit the pillow. The scent of soap and oranges still lingered on my bed.

Kyungsoo seemed to sense my mental affection towards someone who wasn’t there, and didn’t respond. He kept busy and set up the water jugs in a way where I could easily drink and refill. He looked good in a combat uniform. He wasn’t the tallest of the bunch but he definitely had a lot more agility and strength. Plus, he graduated as the valedictorian of his high school. He was two years older than me but I was still in a higher rank- just because I started earlier.

“Okay. I have to go and check up on our boys. Call me if you need me.” He handed me my slick black iphone from his pocket and placed a hand on my forehead, calculating my temperature again

“Why do you have my phone?” I asked

“You dropped it when you fell. Your temperature is pretty normal now. But you might have heat flashes so be careful.” Kyungsoo clapped his hand and turned to walk away.

“Wait- who, who’s the one that caught me? I- I heard you talking to him in the infirmary.” I hesitated, already guessing as to who it could’ve been. Kyungsoo turned back around and looked at me. I didn’t understand what he was trying to tell me. His eyes looked almost sad, with a tinge of curiosity.

“It was Chanyeol.” I grimaced as I tilted my head forward, trying to sit back up.

“Aeri”, he said, “Why did you guys end things?” It was just one question but I felt like I was being pelted with a barrage of bullets. I wanted to answer his inquiry but I didn’t know the answer. I wasn’t the one that decided to cut off all relations with each other- it was Chanyeol. He so graciously removed himself from all aspects of my life. He just disappeared one day. The man that I casually ‘bumped into’ from time to time, isn’t the Chanyeol that used to rub my back to sleep. Or the Chanyeol that would massage me after a long mission.

So I answered in the only way I knew how. “Get out.” Kyungsoo didn’t push any further. He simply obliged and vacated my bunk. The stillness of the air left me restless and nauseous. I grabbed for water and cursed as the ache in my temple re-appeared. These were the days where it was so hard to fight. Being in the army wasn’t ideal but it’s my life now. All I do is train, train and then train some more. ‘Breaks’ are for the weak.

I finally grabbed a jug of water and dragged it to my bedside. It was around three gallons of water and made for a hefty weight. I lifted it up and guzzled at least half the thing in one sitting. A soft knock filled my senses, I wouldn’t have heard it if it weren’t for the loud cough and awkward “hi” that followed. I put the jug of water down to inspect who could be bothering me this time.

“I was told to check up on you- by the doc.” Chanyeol ran a hand through his short hair, leaving his mane looking tousled. I stared at him, both anxious and intrigued.

I stood up, leaning against my small bedside table for support. “What are you doing here?”

“I told you, Captain. I was told to check up-”

“Bull.” I fired back, not caring for his petty excuse. I couldn’t understand him even if I tried. One second he wants to kill me, next second he acts like he’s interested in my health.

Chanyeol’s stance and glare didn’t waver, so I gave him another chance. “Cut the crap. Why are you really here?” For a long quiet moment, it was just us two in the room. The birds stopped chirping. The wind stopped blowing the long golden trees. The glass windows weren’t creaking. It was as if we weren’t even breathing. There was just me, Chanyeol and the lingering scent of soap and oranges.

“I don’t know.”

“What don’t you know?” I asked

“I don’t know why I’m here, Aeri.” My name on his lips was enough to have me reeling.

“Then leave.” But I would never let him take any bit of control or leverage over me. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Shame on me. Instead of listening to me, Chanyeol did the opposite. He took six large but slow steps until he was in front of me.

“What-”

“Don’t ask, because I don’t know. I don’t know.” He whispered. His breath fanned my face and the lingering scent of soap and oranges was reinforced- shooting up my nose. Excruciatingly slowly, he lifted his right hand and placed it against my flaming cheek. He rubbed once, twice, three times before I closed my eyes and let myself fall into his warm and demanding presence. Then he lifted his left hand and placed it against my other flaming cheek.

We stood there for what seemed like hours until he rubbed my bottom lip. I automatically whimpered and his eyes flashed obsidian. But I instantly regretted it because they returned right back to his vacant dull brown eyes.

“Chanyeol-”

“. I’m- I’m sorry Captain. I’m sorry. Forgive me.” He let go of me as if I were a poisonous snake- as if he’d never touched me before.

I clenched my fists together for what I hoped to be the last time. “No. I don’t forgive you. You can go to hell. I'm pretty sure the devil has a special place ready just for you. You are no longer allowed to be near me. Do not ever come back here. If we do happen to meet, stand at attention until I pass you.” Chanyeol stood rock solid and looked behind me, not meeting my eyes.

“Am I clear?” Chanyeol mustered a little ‘yes’.

“Can you not hear? Am I ing clear?” I raised my voice, testing uncharted waters.

My angry chest immediately deflated when Chanyeol gave me his perfect salute and answered “Yes Captain.” My heart clenched so I raised my chin even more. I swat a hand in the air, signaling for him to leave. He hesitated but left just as he came. I stood there for a while until I could hear the birds chirping, the trees bending beneath the wind, and the windows creaking again. The usually comforting scent of soap and oranges seemed to suffocate me as I sat back down on my bed. So I slowly made my way over to Eunseo’s bed and laid down. Even if my mind wasn’t clear, at least my senses were.