It took Jackson longer than usual to fall asleep. Even when he did, it was a fitful sleep. Not exactly the most relaxing. He couldn’t forget about the fact that Mark hadn’t messaged him back. That it was well into the day on the other side of the world and he still hadn’t heard anything from the older boy.

He started questioning himself, wondering if he said or did something to make the other upset. There was no use counting how many times he’d reread the messages, inspecting them for anything and everything that might have gotten taken the wrong way. But no matter how many time he looked, he could never find anything. Well, except for his last message. But even that didn’t seem like enough to earn him full silence.

When he walked into the studio the next morning, Jackson felt sluggish and drained. He was used to working on very little sleep, but he could usually rely on his mental well being to carry him through the hard points. This time, though, the constant worrying and wondering had exhausted before the day even started. The reds and greens around him seemed a little duller than usual. He wasn’t sure if that was just because he felt like a walking sack of potatoes or if it was because of something else. He didn’t really want to think about the alternative.

“You look like ,” BamBam said as Jackson walked through the door. The older shot him a look telling the other not to bug him, pushing his silver blonde hair out of his eyes. BamBam just brushed off the look and when back to stretching. They all had their off days.

Practices were usually less intense during promotions. The boys wanted to keep their energy up for their actual performances, so they tried to keep rehearsals simple. Even with the lowered demand, Jackson still found himself stumbling and panting through it all this time around.

“We may as well just stop,” BamBam sighed about an hour in. “It’s almost lunch anyway. Maybe some food will wake you up.” The boy wasn’t usually a pointed person, but when it came to getting work done, he got frustrated quickly. He wasn’t about to let anything hold Titan back, themselves included. It was a side of him very few people ever saw and one that Jackson truly admired. Well, most of the time.

There was no use in arguing. Both Yugyeom and Jackson knew that he was right. What was the point in continuing to practice when Jackson just messed up every time? It only took Jackson a minute to gather up his stuff and walk out of the studio. Food actually did sound good right about now. Heading out the back door to avoid the fans that were no doubt waiting en masse at the front, he beelined straight for a nearby cafe that he knew had good sandwiches.

The guy at the counter wasn’t the kind of guy who know what any pop star looked like. He didn’t even bat an eye when he took Jackson’s order. All a blessing in disguise for an idol who was doing his best to avoid being noticed. Jackson picked a small, slightly hidden table near the pick-up counter and pulled out his phone from his bag. He even made sure to peel the case off of it. He’d been caught once before because someone recognized it.

As usual, his Instagram notifications had blown up since the last time he checked. The amount of times people tagged him in something made it pretty much impossible to clear all of them away. He tapped through to his tagged photos, expecting to see dozens of shots from their performance the day before. He liked seeing what people had to say about anything he did. But when he looked, it wasn’t his face at all that stared back at him.

The overwhelming array of pictures all showed the same thing. The familiar jawline that appeared in Jackson’s dreams night after night. The plump, pink lips that Jackson desperately tried to remember feeling press against his cheek. The thin, perfectly proportioned figure that crept into his thoughts at the least expected moments.

Mark. It was all Mark.

Yet, it wasn’t any of those things that caught Jackson’s attention this time. At least, not right away. It was that the boy who was currently giving him the virtual cold shoulder was at a club in a mesh shirt. If it could even be called a shirt with how little it left to the imagination.

Some of the pictures were crappy cellphone shots taken from far away. Mixed with the darkness of the club, Jackson could barely make out that the figure was Mark. Other pictures were professional quality, stamped with fan site names or logos. With each picture he looked at, Jackson felt more and more surprised. The Mark he knew never would have gone to a club looking so… revealing.

Then again, Jackson didn’t know Mark. Not like he wanted to. He didn’t know what Mark did when he got bored or how he acted when he got frustrated. He didn’t know if he could cook or if he ordered food almost every day like Jackson. He knew that he roomed with at least three other guys, but that was only because of the pictures from the airport, not Mark telling him.

No, in reality, Jackson knew nothing about his soulmate. It infuriated him that he had no idea why Mark wasn’t messaging him back and that he was as good as clueless when it came to the other’s life or habits. Not to mention the jealousy the festered in the back of his mind, reminding him that other guys were at that club, seeing Mark in all of his semi-exposed glory and no doubt doing their best to win his attention, all while Jackson was in Seoul, preparing for yet another performance. He’d never quite resented his life as an idol as much as he did at that moment. What he would give to have the freedom to drop everything and just jump on a plane to the States.

Jackson did his best to push down the scowl that had spread across his face as he went to pick up his order from the counter. The workers didn’t deserve to be glowered at when they did nothing wrong. But no matter how hard he tried to block them from his thoughts, the pictures of Mark - jaw set and lips just barely parted in one of the hottest expressions Jackson had ever seen - flooded his brain.

It was a good thing sandwiches didn’t feel anything. With how hard he tossed it against the back of the chair once he got back to the studio, it might have screamed in pain if it could. Emotions took control of Jackson’s actions, the jealousy and anger simmering inside him making him rougher and more impetuous. Before his even hit a chair, Jackson had pulled out his phone again and was already typing out a message to Mark.

What’s with the cold shoulder, huh?

He deleting the message before he could even consider sending it. It was too harsh and all wrong. That much he could see. He’d never talk to Mark like that. Besides, it’s not like he’d even tried messaging the other yet.

Noticed today was your first day back at work

Too creepy.

How’s it going?

Too boring.

Got tagged in some pics of you at a club. Hope you had a good day. I’d love to hear about it sometime.

He stared at the screen for a moment. It wasn’t exactly the next great work of literature, but it was alright. Nothing weird or angry about it and it encouraged Mark to contact him back, something that Jackson desperately hoped he would do soon. As he sent the message, he knew he wouldn’t get a response right away. That didn’t stop a part of him from secretly hoping he’d be proven wrong.

The next few hours were the slowest hours he’d ever felt in his entire life. From eating to driving to the music show set to recording then performing live, everything passed at a snail’s pace. No, it all felt slower than a snail. More like being stuck in a traffic jam that isn’t even moving slow. Every minute was an eon to Jackson. How the day dragged on drained all the extra energy out of him. The smiles and cheers and cute little gestures were nowhere to be seen, instead replaced with someone going through the motions, lost in his own thoughts rather than interacting much with anyone else.

People noticed. Of course they noticed. When did anything ever go unnoticed? The trio barely got home before their phones all blew up with messages from friends and SNS notifications from fans, all asking if Jackson was alright.

He didn’t seem like himself.

Is he sick? He looks sick. You guys work too hard.

Just let me know if you guys need anything. I’m always here to help.

BamBam and Yugyeom changed into more comfortable clothes before coming back out to the living room to find Jackson sprawled on the couch, arm dangling off the edge with phone in hand.

“What’s going on, Jackson?” Yugyeom asked, taking a seat on the edge of the couch next to the older’s feet. “You’ve gotta talk to us.”

“Yeah, you’re acting really strange,” BamBam said, squirming his way under Jackson’s knees. “I mean, strange even for you.” Jackson might’ve considered hitting the kid in the crotch if it were any other time. But now, he just didn’t feel like it. “Aww, come on,” Bam whined. It’s like the lack of physical pain disappointed him, in a way.

Instead of answering the two, though, Jackson just unlocked his phone and passed it over. One of the better pictures of Mark was already on the screen, ready for whoever’s viewing pleasure. Jackson already saved a few dozen pictures and videos, telling himself he was only using them as reference to see what kind of place Mark worked at. Such a lame, half-assed excuse. BamBam and Yugyeom both grabbed at the phone, holding it between them as they looked at the picture.

“Ohhhh, who’s this?” BamBam cooed out of habit. They’d always been a tight knit group, which meant sharing pictures of hook ups and love interests whenever they came around. It didn’t even occur to BamBam who the guy in the picture was until Yugyeom nudged him, muttering under his breath. “I think that’s, you know…” he trailed off.

The realization hit BamBam a freight train. “OH MY GOD!” His grip on Jackson’s calf tightened to an uncomfortable degree.

“Yah!” Jackson cried, slapping Bam’s hand away from his leg.

“THAT is your boyfriend?” The disbelief in his voice normally would’ve annoyed Jackson, but even he had to admit it was amazed that someone as gorgeous as Mark had been named his soulmate.

“I don’t see what you’re so upset about,” Yugyeom added. “Is it a bad thing that he can pull off a shirt like that?”

BamBam snickered at the statement. It wasn’t that the youngest was clueless about guys, it was more that he was just generally clueless about anything when it came to relationships. He’d only really tried out dating a couple times here and there, none of the relationships really working out like he thought they would. He was a golden child filled with innocence. Compared to Jackson and BamBam, who were more often with someone else than they were single, he was a saint.

“He hasn’t messaged me back since yesterday,” Jackson muttered, not wanting to look at them. It all sounded childish when he said it out loud. Not being messaged back after a day shouldn’t be something that affected him this much. But he couldn’t help it. His body had taken over, throwing sense and logic out the window.

“Well what happened?” Yugyeom asked. “I mean, he wouldn’t just stop talking to you, right?”

“I don’t know what happened,” Jackson admitted.

“I’m sorry, Jackson,” BamBam said. His voice had dropped to a quiet almost-whisper. The boy’s fingers moved back onto Jackson’s leg, this time massaging the muscles instead of squeezing them to a mush. It was his best effort at giving some immediate comfort. “Is there anything we can do?”

“I’m just gonna turn in,” Jackson muttered, moving his legs away from them as he got up. The two glanced at each other, neither used to this calm, somewhat depressed side of their hyung. They didn’t take their eyes off of him until the door to his room clicked shut behind him.

Turning in early gave just enough time to go through all of his nighttime routine, something that he hardly ever had the chance to do anymore. The distant familiarity was enough to lull Jackson into a sort of groggy, half-asleep state. The taste of organic toothpaste coated his lips and gums while a green tea-based scrub soaked into his pores. Something about the mixture of smells and relaxing sensations soothed him into a trance.

Even with the added effects of his routine, though, Jackson still tossed and turned as he slept. Images of Mark surrounded by other guys, smiling and laughing as they doted on him and told him jokes while Jackson was stuck in place, never able to get closer no matter how hard he tried.

Whenever he jolted awake, Jackson felt awful. How could he be so absolutely pathetic? So what if Mark laughed around other guys? So what if he had a good time? What kind of person did it make him for wanting to take all that away? For wanting to be the only person Mark smiled at?

He woke up dozens of times throughout the night. But when he woke up around 3 am, it wasn’t because to the recurring nightmare. His cell phone vibrated on his bedside table, inching closer and closer to the edge of the nightstand with each buzz. Jackson groaned and propped himself up enough to glance at the screen. It only took a second to register the name in the yellow bar across the top.

SilenT93

Mark. It was Mark.

Jackson’s fingers couldn’t wrap around his phone fast enough. He pulled up the messages, noticing there were only two short ones.

SilenT93: I’m assuming this is Jackson. Hopefully you’re awake.

SilenT93: And no, I’m not Mark.

Jackson only hesitated for a minute before responding.

852Puppy: Who is this? Where’s Mark?

SilenT93: I’m Mark’s friend, JB.

SilenT93: He’s still passed out from last night. Messaging you while I could grab his phone.

SilenT93: Now look, I’m not usually one for getting mixed up in other people’s drama

SilenT93: But Jinyoung and our neighbor have been fighting for hours. I just want it to stop.

SilenT93: Since you’re pretty much the source of it all, the only way to make them chill out is to hear your side.

Jackson’s eyebrows furrowed together. He had no idea who Jinyoung was. He really had no idea what was going on in general. But, obviously, something had happened.

852Puppy: My side? About what?

SilenT93: Man, you really don’t know what’s going on, huh?

SilenT93: Mark saw some message from you about telling people about you guys. Then our neighbor came over and showed him some picture of you hugging some other guy and he put 2 and 2 together.

SilenT93: He had a tiny mental breakdown.

SilenT93: Jinyoung found out from him last night while he was at work. So he pretty much dragged our neighbor over here this morning to demand an explanation. They’ve been yelling at each other for hours. But you can stop it.

852Puppy: What do you mean?

SilenT93: Just tell me what happened.

Ohmygod. I feel like it's been forever since I updated this. Siiiggghhh. Well, good news is I'M UPDATING NOW! Hahaha. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, but at the same time it was a little infuriating. Jackson's such a mess of emotions and he doesn't know what to do with all of it. Talk about new experiences leaving you confused, huh?

As always, let me know what you think in the comments. If you want a crazy daily dose of Markson, as well as updates on anything I'm writing, whether it be the next BC chapter or a new real-life inspired one-shot, be sure and follow me on Twitter (@infectiouskpop).