Solar developed a raging high fever after her visit to the psychologist. And, after stumbling back home with a medical certificate allowing her take four days off of work clutched in her hand, she swore up and down she would never return to see that Moon Byulyi and her weird mom jeans again. She immediately takes a nice, cold shower, texts Jaehyuk, and lies down in bed, pulling a thin blanket over her head.

She can feel the heat radiating from all over her body. She lays a hand on her forehead, and notes with some alarm how burning hot it is. Is this even normal? My Gods, is my body even functioning properly right now? I can probably fry an egg with just my body heat alone.

Solar feels a dull throbbing in her head; the crack in the walls where the monsters broke through pulsing with pain. Her hand shifts to her temple, a laboured groan of pain hissing from between her teeth. The back of her eyeballs seem to burn with liquid fire, which she attributes to the growing fever.

Sweat beads along her hairline, a drop rolling down the side of her face. As soon as she ventures back to the crack in the wall, the monsters fall upon her mind, clawing and tearing. She squeezes her eyes shut and her groans turn to sharp cries.

It was never this bad before. What the hell did that psychologist do to me? Is she some sort of demon who coaxed my mind into this state? Solar rolls over, curling up into a ball beneath her blanket, the burn behind her eyeballs intensifying. She curses and rubs her eyes, trying to alleviate the burning, but it doesn’t go away.

Eventually she falls into an uneasy sleep.

Solar is awoken by the sound of her room door opening. The blanket is peeled off of her, revealing a familiar male face. Solar tries for a smile, but it mustn’t have come out right, because the smile drops from the man’s face. Jaehyuk sits down on her mattress, which sags from his added weight.

Lithe, handsome, muscular, with a dazzling smile and a dazzling heart to match - Jaehyuk really is the most perfect guy.

Her fiance smells like soap and aftershave, shirt sleeves rolled up to the elbows, hair tousled and messily styled the way Solar likes it. It’s a comforting change from the people she’s been around today.   

“Solar,” Jaehyuk says, his voice full of love and concern. He smoothes a hand over her forehead, feeling the burning heat on his palm, pushing the hair from her face. “How did you get so sick? You were perfectly fine when I came by yesterday. Didn’t you go and see that psychologist?”

“I did. I don’t know.” Solar sighs, rubbing her eyes and trying to sit up. Jaehyuk assists her, pulling her up with his hands around her wrists. She coughs, pressing her hands to her forehead. “I mean - that psychologist is weird. She told me to cry my feelings out, and when I was crying - it was so weird, Jae. I felt like my brain was splitting in half. Then my head was so hot and feverish, it was unreal.”

“Hm. Maybe you need some food in your system?” Jaehyuk smiles again, dangling a several plastic bags in his free hand. Solar brightens up slightly. “Come outside. We can talk while we eat, yeah? I got your favourite fish porridge and some side dishes.”

“You’re the best, Jae,” Solar smiles. They walk outside together, and Jaehyuk has her sit at the dining table while he sets up the table. He places two plastic containers of porridge, a box of pig trotters and vegetables on the table, as well as spoons and chopsticks. Solar massages her aching temples as she waits, her eyes shut.

Jaehyuk sits, uncaps his own container. He pauses, gazing worriedly at Solar. “Hey, Sol, you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.” Solar opens her eyes again, forcing a smile. She pulls the lid off her container of porridge and warm steam rises from the soft, mushy grain. She inhales and lets the familiar smell envelop her. Jaehyuk opens the box of pig trotters and puts one of them in her container.

They eat quietly, Solar really feeling too sick to eat more than half her container of porridge. When she starts to feel nauseous, she pushes the container away slightly, blanching. Jaehyuk finishes the last of his porridge and leans forward, placing his hand on her forehead again. “You’re burning up again. Why don’t you go lie down? I’ll get some cold water and towels.”

So Solar returns to her room, lies down on her bed and covers herself with her blanket. Jaehyuk re-enters her room a couple of minutes later with a plastic container full of cold water and two handkerchiefs immersed in the liquid.

He squeezes one of the handkerchiefs of excess water and folds it into a rectangle, placing it on Solar’s forehead. The cool handkerchief leeches some of the heat from her forehead, and she sighs in relief. Jaehyuk smiles a little, caresses her cheek lightly.

“So, want to tell me about your trip to the psychologist in detail?”

“Mmmh.” Solar her dry lips. “I went there after lunch. The reception area was normal, but you should have seen the psychologist’s office, Jae. It’s not even like a normal office - it’s like some sort of attic and art studio combined. That psychologist - Moon Byulyi, she was weird.”

“Describe her?”  

“Um, we’re about the same height. She’s maybe a centimetre taller? Negligible, anyway. Long honey brown hair, very skinny. Kind of resembles a chipmunk. She herself isn’t the weird part - she was wearing mom jeans that were stained all the colours of the rainbow and mismatched socks and she tripped over herself while walking. That isn’t psychologist demeanor.”  

Jaehyuk swaps the now-warm handkerchief on her forehead to a cool one, dunking the warm one inside the water. He sounds contemplative. “This Moon Byulyi character does sound rather eccentric. But her being weird can’t possibly attribute to your sudden illness. What brought this on? Do you know?”  

“Getting to that part.” Solar coughs. “She told me to tell her about myself, so I did. I - um- started getting a little emotional, so she told me to just cry and let it all go. After I the waterworks, I - I don’t even know what. I think thinking about my stressful moments must have triggered something, because my head felt like it was being cleaved in half. I think something snapped in me, I don’t know. I started burning up after that.”  

Solar blinks a little dizzily, flashing back to those few moments with absolute clarity. She didn’t mention how the monsters crashed through, how the psychologist freaked when she looked at her for that one second, how she’d screamed and wailed.

“Must be the stress, then, not the psychologist. She’s just doing her job, Sol.” Jaehyuk gives her a gentle, placating smile, brushes the hair from her forehead. “Perhaps you should go back again. Just one session, and we’ll see how it goes. Maybe she can really help you to solve it since she’s seen how it happened.”  

Panic. “Jae -  I don’t think that’s a good idea. I shouldn’t go back there-”  

“Sol, listen. It wasn’t the psychologist that caused you to fall sick. It was the stress. Didn’t Hyejin recommend her to you? You can trust Hyejin’s judgement, right?”  

Solar closes her eyes, the monsters prowling suddenly perking up, swarming the crack in her mind’s walls. The back of her eyes burn again and she winces. She already knows that she’s getting stressed again. “I don’t know, Jae. What if it’s worse next time? What if-”

“There’ll always be what-ifs until we try, Sol. Just go for one more session. For me, okay?” Jaehyuk her cheek, smiling tenderly. But Solar can see the worry in his eyes, masked beneath a layer of love. Can see the hesitance. “I know, it may be hard for you, but I think she can help to sort this out. I’ll drive you there and bring you up to her office, alright?”

Solar hates to disappoint people. Especially the people she loves. “Okay. Okay.” She doesn’t open her eyes, but the burning behind her eyeballs intensifies and she sighs heavily through her nose.

“It’ll be okay, Sol. Let’s set an appointment for next Saturday. You should be fine by then. If it doesn’t work out I promise I won’t bug you about it anymore.” Jaehyuk smiles encouragingly, and Solar opens her eyes a little, sees the light glinting on his tousled brown hair.

“Thank you, Jae.” Solar reaches up, cups his cheek. The monsters slam against her mind and she flinches, her head pulsing with pain. Jaehyuk doesn’t miss it.

“Always here for you, Sol. Maybe you should rest, get some sleep. I think today’s really worn you down.” Jae swaps the handkerchief for a cooler one and lays it onto her forehead gently. His hand travels down to her neck, pressing against her jugular, feeling the heat emanating from her skin. “I think the fever’s getting worse. Wait, I’ll go get some paracetamol or something.”

“Third cupboard to the left, first shelf. All my meds are there.” Solar feels the bed spring back to its original position when Jaehyuk stands up and leaves the room.

Jaehyuk’s right. It isn’t that psychologist that caused this. I mean - I was just crying when this happened. Ugh, I’m so sick. She coughs again and flips the handkerchief on her forehead over, feeling the warm side with the palm of her hand.   

Jaehyuk returns holding a glass of water and a box of paracetamol. He pops a pill out and drops it onto Solar’s palm, waiting while she pushes herself up. She takes the glass and swallows the pill, washing it down with a few mouthfuls of water.

“Probably help you sleep better, these pills. Want me to stay over? I think I’ve got some spare clothes somewhere here.” He sets the box down on her nightstand and blinks at her, tapping his fingers on his thighs. “If not I’ll just drive back home and come back tomorrow. Either way is fine by me.”

Solar smiles at him gratefully. Smiles come easier when she’s around him. “It’s okay. You can go home. I’ll just be sleeping most of the time, anyway.”

“Do you think you can get up and pour cereal into a bowl?”

“Yeah, I think I can.”

“You sure?”

“Jae, I can stand up and move. Chill.” Solar slaps his arm weakly as she lays back down, trying to ignore the pounding in her head. She blows out a puff of warm air.

“Alright, alright. I’ll go back then. I do have some things to finish up. See you tomorrow, Sol.” Jaehyuk kisses his index finger, then presses it against Solar’s feverishly dry lips. “I love you, you big sack of germs.”

“I love you too, you loser.” Solar laughs, bringing her knee up under the covers and kneeing Jaehyuk in the . “Go back home before it’s too late.”

“Text Hyejin and Wheein okay?”

“Will do.” Solar smiles up at him, and Jaehyuk nods before standing and stretching. He ruffles his hair before he walks over to her door and pauses with his hand on the light switch.

“Good night, Princess.”

“Night, Jae.” Is the last thing Solar says before he flicks the switch and shuts the door, plunging her room into darkness and blissful silence. She closes her eyes, trying to edge the monsters away for just a bit and ease the burning behind her eyes. She hears the front door of her apartment opening and Jaehyuk leaving.

She exhales through . Inhales through her nose.

Moon Byulyi. I still have my doubts about you, psychologist.

-

The fever died down after a couple of days, during which Solar mostly watched a lot of cheesy sitcoms and tried to do some work before either her friends or Jaehyuk dragged her away from her laptop. But my inbox is overflowing, she’d protest, and they’d suddenly turn mysteriously deaf as they drag her back to the couch, swaddle her in blankets like a human burrito and turn on some drama channel.

Really, Solar is glad for the lack of work to do. The monsters hardly bother her now, simply patrolling at the borders of her mind, waiting and growling. But the crack in her walls cannot be repaired. She knows.   

The four days of worklessness pass, and another two where she spent hours overtime completing the things she’d missed. Saturday rolls around with such pleasant weather Solar almost couldn’t remember that she’d be clocking some time with hell’s psychologist in a couple of hours’ time.

“Why are you so grumpy, Sol?” Jaehyuk pouts a little, prodding her forearm with his index finger. “We’re eating pancakes. Pancakes and bacon, don’t you love that? And it’s nice and cool this morning.”