“I write answers to the questions which haven’t
got answers – I now get to have doubt instead
of crush “

I laid in bed staring at the ceiling. Taehyung had only been gone for about an hour or so but it felt like so much longer. I let my mind wander to all the questions that have plaguing it for weeks. ‘Why’ being the main one.

“Why are we being like this?”

“Why did we change?”

“What happened to us?”

“What did I do?”

“Why is he with Jungkook?”

         Jungkook.

     Jeon ing Jungkook.

I felt anger bubbling in the pit of my stomach when I thought of the youngest in our group. Taehyung was with him right now. I sent him to Jungkook. This was my fault. I spent too many hours at the office, I neglected Taehyung. It was my fault. Everything was my fault. My frustration raised as tears started to escape my eyes. I jumped up from my bed when I heard my front door open.  I moved into the hallway to see who it was. I knew I wasn’t going to be Taehyung; he never came back before the time I asked him to. I saw Namjoon standing facing the kitchen, one of his hand running through his pink hair. I heard Yoongi’s voice in the kitchen and small clanking sounds, he was probably making something to eat.  I quickly brushed the tears away from my eyes and approached Namjoon.

“What are you guys doing here?” I asked lowly praying that I could keep my voice in check.

“Jimin texted me saying that Taehyung showed up at Jungkook’s house crying.” Yoongi answered “We figured you guys had a fight so, we’re here to comfort you while the other three comfort Tae.”

“Right…” I brought my hand up to massage my temples “I guess you could call it a fight. Singular.”

“Are alright Hyung?” Namjoon asked as he patted my shoulder. “Do you need anything?”

I only shook my head, hand still placed over my eyes as I tried not to start crying.

“I’m making you something to eat Hyung.” Yoongi told me. “You two should go wait in the living room.”

I let Namjoon lead me into the other room and onto the couch. I stayed stiff, and alert. I couldn’t let them know that Tae was cheating on me. I didn’t want them to hold contempt toward him.

“What was the argument about?” Namjoon asked cautiously after a moment.

“Which one?” I scoffed as leaned over placing my face into both my hands. I could feel him stiffen next to me. I knew he was staring at me, and I didn’t even need to look at him to see the confusion and shock on his face. Everybody thought we had the perfect relationship, that we never had any problems. The only people who knew otherwise are me, Taehyung and Jungkook. 

“What do you mean hyung?” he asked after a minute of silence.

“Nothing.” I sighed “How long do you think Yoongi will be with the food?”

“About two ing seconds.” Yoongi’s gruff voice called from the kitchen “Literally just have a little patience Jin Hyung.” He said as he came into the living room with a plate in hand.

I thanked him when he set it down and front of on the coffee table. He sat next to me, I could tell he was trying to appear relaxed but his stiff shoulders and intense stare gave off his actual tension. I ate quietly as the two on either side of me stared at me.

“Aren’t you going to ask me anything?” I snapped after a moment.

“Do you want us to?” Yoongi replied calmly as he messed his green hair so they covered his eyes.

“I don’t care.” I answered “I’m just sick of you guys looking at me like that.”

“What happened?” Namjoon asked

“I ed up.” I answered “I spend too much time at work.”

“Was that what the argument was about?” Namjoon continued

“One of them.” I sighed again.

“One?” They chorused. I nodded slightly.

“We’ve had a few this week.”

Yoongi stayed quite, only rubbing small circles on my back as his way of comfort.

“Why’d he leave?” Namjoon gulped at his own question.

“I told him we needed a day or two apart.” I sniffled, tears starting to bloom in my eyes again. “We needed time to cool down and release tension.”

“Why’d he go to Jungkook?” Yoongi asked after a moment. “I mean, everyone normally goes to Jimin with their problems so, why Jungkook?”

I stiffened, noticeably too. I glared at the plate in front of me as they looked at me. I bit my tongue so I wouldn’t say anything. The circles that Yoongi was rubbing into my back slowed slightly.

“Do you know why Jin hyung?” Namjoon asked slowly. “Why he went to Kook instead of Jimin.”

I kept my head down. I didn’t respond. I didn’t want to lie, but I also didn’t want to tell them. I felt like if I were to actually say it out loud it would be real and I would have to accept it. For now, I just wanted to keep it to myself and pretend it wasn’t real. I couldn’t say it out loud, not yet.

“Hyung.” Yoongi’s voice was low, just above a whisper. The calming circles his hand was making disappeared. I lifted my head to look at him. “You know why he went to Jungkook, don’t you?”

I stared at him. I saw pity in his eyes. I didn’t know what he was getting at.

‘Does he know?’ I thought, I started panicking.

“You’re not that stupid Hyung.” He continued “You know why; you just won’t admit it”

“H-how…?” I stuttered, unable to finish the sentence.

“I’m not blind Hyung.” He looked away from me. “It’s kind of obvious what’s happening.”

“Also Jimin told us.” Namjoon added quietly. I clenched my jaw. I wasn’t even angry anymore I was just frustrated. Everyone knows. They know, and I’m just making myself look like a fool. I am an idiot.

“They’re not really very good at hiding it.” Yoongi sighed “Jimin figured it out almost immediately when it started.”

“Yeah.” I smiled bitterly “Me too.”

They watched silently as I curled into a small ball and began sobbing, and laughing at the same time.

“Jin…” Namjoon tried to comfort only to be shrugged off.

“I’m an idiot aren’t I?” I laughed at myself. “I let this happen.”

“No.” Yoongi shook his head, still not looking at me. “You’re not an idiot, nor are you at fault.”

“It’s my own fault Yoongi.” My bitter laughter rang loudly through my mostly silent apartment. I could only laugh more as I saw small drops falling onto my jeans. “Look at me crying, I let this happen, I shouldn’t cry.” I blamed myself.

“It’s not.” Namjoon objected angrily. “You have a right to cry.”  He pulled me into hug. Yoongi’s hand returned to my back and began repeating the circular motion from earlier.

I slowly fell apart in front of the two.

I answered my own questions as to why these things were happening that day. The answer was because of me. I doubted that we could keep this up much longer.

“If I get lonely with you,
I get lonely alone”

Namjoon and Yoongi stayed the night, only leaving after they’d had breakfast and it was confirmed that Taehyung was going to be back within an hour. They asked if they should stay for a while after Taehyung was back, just to make sure I was ok, but Namjoon had to get to work and Yoongi should really get back to Jimin, I didn’t want them to be apart any longer than necessary so they don’t drift apart like Tae and I. I told them I would be fine by myself and they left only after a little hesitation. I looked in the mirror in the bathroom. I looked like . My eyes were red and puffy, lips chapped, and dark circles under my eyes. I sighed a splashed some water on my face hoping it would help. It didn’t. I shook my head and walked into the living room to wait for Taehyung.  I sat on the floor in front of the couch. I couldn’t help but feel lonely, the apartment was empty after all. I hated feeling lonely, it felt like I was isolated. I felt empty and no one was going to be around when I need them. I grabbed my phone, hoping playing a game would ease the loneliness. It didn’t really, it only distracted me until I heard the front door creak open slowly. I looked up as Taehyung came into the living room standing awkwardly a few feet away. He didn’t look any better than I did honestly. His eyes were red, and he had dark circles under them as well. The only real difference was his hair was a little neater than mine, and his lips weren’t cracking.

“I’m back.” His voice cracked. I stood and walked towards him slowly. He looked nervous as I drew near to him.

“Welcome back Taetae” I mumbled into his shoulder as I brought him into a tight hug. I felt him relax against me as his arms wrapped around me as well, balling my t-shirt in his fists. “I missed you” I added.

“I’m back” he repeated. Squeezing me in the hug “I missed you too, Hyung.”

We stayed like that for a while. I felt my shoulder getting damp, and he was shaking slightly, and it took all my will power not to start crying as well. I ran my fingers through his hair slowly.

“I’m sorry Hyung.” He sobbed into my shoulder. “I’m sorry for everything.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” I lied. “I’m sorry too.”

He started crying harder. Sobs shaking his whole body, I could see his face turning slightly red too. He shook his head furiously as he uttered out more apologies. I felt a tear escape my eye rolling down my cheek onto his torn t-shirt.

“It’s ok Tae.” I whispered to him over and over again until he stopped crying.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized again as he pulled away from the hug.

“You look terrible.” I laughed shaking my head “Go take a shower.”

“You don’t look much better.” He smiled at me.

“You’re all I need to feel better.” I smiled

“Me and a shower.” He joked

I rolled my eyes and ushered him into the restroom. I went back into living room once I heard the water start running. As I sat on the couch I let the feeling of loneliness take over again, knowing it would go away once Taehyung was out of the shower. I shook my head slightly turning the TV on to ease it a little. The feeling didn’t go away even as I laughed at the program on the screen. Taehyung came back after fifteen minutes or so. He was wearing my t-shirt which was a bit too big for him and I hung off his shoulder slightly. I chuckled slightly while fixing it when he sat next to me. He smiled at me and then focused on the TV.

‘He’s still cute.’ I thought as let my gaze linger on his face.

Somehow, even with Taehyung sitting less than a foot away from me I still felt lonely and isolated.

“I don’t wanna know
All same excuses every day
I don’t wanna do
All same arguments everyday
It meaningless, I am tired”

I thought maybe after all that we would have gotten better, at least a little. We didn’t. In fact, he stopped telling me when he was leaving. He’d just walk out the door at random times without even saying the normal ‘good bye hyung! I’ll be back!’ or anything. He’s just leave. When I’d ask he’d give a random excuse like ‘study group’ or ‘lunch with some friends’ or something similar. I didn’t want to hear any more excuses; I knew very well where he was going. I stopped asking after he’d started reusing them. I’d still stop him when I could just to tell him to be careful, or to come back safely. He’d always smile his adorable rectangular smile at him and nod. Sometimes he’d come home late, well later than normal, and we’d argue. Only small arguments that would be better after a shower, or one night’s rest. They pent up in my mind over time though, and slowly I was becoming exhausted.

“You’re home a little late.” I stated from my perch on the kitchen counter when I heard the front door open at 2:37 in the morning. The warmth from the tea I was drinking seeping through the mug almost burning my hands as I gripped it. He looked at me with a shocked expression for a moment.

“Yeah, sorry.” He coughed after regaining his senses. “I thought you’d be in bed by now Hyung.”

“Couldn’t sleep.” I shrugged standing up handing the mug to Taehyung. He took it hesitantly, taking a small sip.

“I’m sorry.” He sighed after swallowing. I shook my head as ruffled his hair.

“How was your ‘study group’ Taetae?” I asked emphasizing the last part. He stiffened.

“It was…” he hesitated. “It was ok. I’m still confused on some stuff but I’m getting better.” I could tell he was lying.

“That’s good.” I attempted a smile. “Try to get home earlier next time though, okay?”

“Aren’t you gonna yell at me?”

“There’s no point.” I sighed “I don’t want another meaningless argument Tae.”

“But…”

“I’m tired.” I cut him off. “I’m just tired. I don’t want another argument.”

I left him standing in the middle of our kitchen without another word.   

“We fell in love like crazy
I was dragged by you like a fool
You did too much,
you crossed the line”

We all sat in the living room watching the images on the TV. Namjoon and Hoseok on either side of me while we sat on the floor, Jimin and Yoongi were on the couch behind us and Taehyung and Jungkook were on the “two-person couch” a few feet away. We somehow ended up home videos instead of an actual movie because literally none of us could agree on one. The one playing at the moment was of us all in an abandoned pool, Hoseok and Jimin were doing some sort of dance, I remember being the one holding the camera for that. I let my eyes drift to where Taehyung was playing with the maknae’s fingers while staring at the TV. I frowned as I closed my eyes leaning my head back against Jimin’s leg that happened to be behind me. I felt his hand rub the top of my head for a minute, I figured that was a sort of comfort.

“Jin hyung look!” I heard Taehyung’s excited voice ring out “It’s us!”

My eyes snapped open to see a video of us hugging, both with big smiles on our faces. I turned to face him, smiling back when I saw the grin that was painted across his face.

“Awe look Taetae!” I laughed “We used to be so cute.” I joked.

“What do you mean used to?” He faked a scoff “We’re still cute.”

Everyone laughed as I rolled my eyes.

“Hey guys” Hoseok said after a few minutes. “We’re outta popcorn” he held up an empty bowl.

“V-hyung and I will get it!” Jungkook popped up and grabbed the bowl. I cringed slightly at the nickname Jungkook had given Taehyung.

“We will?” Taehyung questioned from his spot on the couch.

“Yes!” Jungkook grinned as he grabbed Taehyung’s wrist pulling him from the couch.

“Make it quick you two!” Hoseok called after them. I thought I saw Jungkook smirking slightly before he disappeared into the kitchen.

I frowned as I laid my head back onto Jimin’s leg again. His hand began running through my hair again.

“I’m sorry Hyung.” He said quietly, a frown painted where there was normally a smile.

“It’s not your fault Jimin.” I shook my head

“We’re still sorry.” Hoseok added.

“I’m gonna grab another drink.” I sighed as I stood up, walking to the kitchen. I felt their eyes on me as I walked. I could only shake my head. I didn’t want to hear them apologize, it wasn’t their fault. I didn’t want pity either. I had to leave before they started a full on pity party.

I should have stayed for the pity party.

I walked into the kitchen just in time to see Jungkook push Taehyung up against the counter. I froze in my spot as I saw him attach his lips to my lover’s. Taehyung didn’t fight back; he didn’t make a move to stop the younger. This was what crossed my line. I felt myself start to shake. I had to get out of there. I backed up quietly, making sure neither of them saw me before slowly walking back to the living room.

“Hey guys.” I coughed “We’re outta drinks, I’m gonna go buy some more.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” Namjoon offered

“Nah, I can do it myself.” I silently congratulated myself for my voice staying consistent

“Are you sure?” Hoseok asked

“It’s fine Hobi!”  I attempted a smile “I’m the eldest Hyung! Let me do this for you guys”

“Ok, Hyung.” Jimin nodded “Be careful!”

I nodded and immediately walked out to the front door. Just before I closed it I heard Jungkook and Taehyung join the others. I froze.

“Where’s Jin hyung?” I heard Taehyung ask.

“He’s going to go get more drinks.” Yoongi answered “He said we’re out.”

“But there are plenty in fringe?” Jungkook responded.

I ran.

 “I hate you, hey no no
I don’t need you, hey no no”

To say I was nervous was an understatement, so was saying I was scared. I was downright terrified. I was about to change everything in my life and I wasn’t even sure if it was the right thing to do. Actually scratch that. It was the right thing to do, I just didn’t want to go through with it.

“I’m still in love with Taehyung but I have to do this.” I thought.

I took a deep breath as I put the last shirt that would fit in my suitcase down. I shook my head and slowly stood up bringing the bag up with me. I took it to the front door as quietly as I could, knowing that he would only notice it was there if I made a noise. I slowly approached Taehyung in the living room. He had just gotten back home after having lunch with “Friends”, meaning Jungkook. He was looking at his phone still.

“Tae.” I sighed as sat next to him on the couch.

“Yes Hyung?” he looked up from his phone and smiled at me. I felt my resolve start to crumble when I saw that stupid rectangle smile of his. I closed eyes and tried to keep my composure.

“Jin Hyung?” He asked again “Is everything ok?”

“Not really.” I shook my head.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, I could hear the concern in his voice “What can I do to make you ok?”

“Tae…” I trailed off when I felt tears start to trail down my cheeks.

“Hyung?” I opened my eyes to see his concerned ones.

“Tae, I think...” I took a deep breath “I think we should break up.”

He froze. I could tell he was waiting for me to say something.

“I know about Kook.”

“W-what?” his voice cracked. I looked at him with sad eyes, tears still spilling over.

“It would be better if we just ended things instead of dragging this any longer.” I gave him a shaky smile. “Don’t you think?”

“Jin no.” he shook his head furiously “You don’t understand.” Tears started falling down his face.

“Tae.” I said in the strongest voice I could muster. “I saw you two. Don’t tell me I don’t understand.”

“Jin Hyung.” He started crying “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! Please don’t leave me.”

“I have to Tae.” I shook my head and stood up. He followed my movement.

“Jin!” he grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes “Jin please. I love you.”

“Taehyung.” I watched his eyes widen. I never, ever called him by his full name in our whole relationship. “I have to go.”

“Jin please.” He begged.

“Taehyung.” I wiped the tears from my eyes “Don’t you get it?”

“Jin I...”

“Taehyung,” I cut him off. I had to stop this, even if I had to lie, I had to leave or else I wouldn’t be able to through with it. “I hate you.”

I felt his grip on my hand loosen just barely and I yanked it out of his grip.

“Jin hyung.” He shook his head furiously “No.”

“I do Taehyung.” I started walking toward the door. “Let’s stop this”

“Jin what happened to you only needing me to feel better?” He sobbed. “Because I need you Hyung.”

 “I don’t need you Taehyung.” I lied again as I grabbed my suitcase that I had placed by the door earlier. I walked out.

“Jin!” I heard him sob loudly. “Kim Seokjin!”

I was crying too hard to hear the foot steps behind me as I walked.

“Seokjin…” He cried grabbing me by my shoulder. “Seokjin hyung, please! I’m sorry, please believe me!”

“Taehyung, we need to stop this.” I told him through my tears. The next thing I knew he was cupping my face and his lips were on mine. I closed my eyes and let myself have this last kiss.

“I’m sorry Hyung.” He sobbed when he finally detached his lips from my own.

“Yeah.” I said quietly as I brushed more tears away “Me too.”

I turned and walked away from the love of my life. I walked until I couldn’t walk any more before I finally broke down under the tree that Taehyung and I carved our initials in on our first date. 

A/N: i'm so sorry. i have nothing to say here. i actually cried while writing this Because TaeJin is actually my OTP but... yeah...

i was thinking maybe i could write Tae's POV later but idk, what do you guys think?

Comment and tell me your thoughts and opinions!