[Tae POV]

Months later I find myself moved into a college dorm room, my old apartment abandoned with a new couple having moved in. I don’t talk to the others anymore, just Jimin. Sometimes Hoseok will text me to check in but otherwise just Jimin. My brown hair gone, it reminded me too much of when Jin left. Replaced by an orange red, close to the color I had in high school – back when we first got together, I couldn’t help but to live in the past a little bit

My new friends were ok, but they weren’t where I really belonged, they were just whoever my roommate would bring over sometimes. I became a hermit for the most part; I only ever went out for classes and to get lunch with Jimin. It wasn’t how I would’ve liked to live but I couldn’t help it, nothing felt right anymore.

“They ask about you sometimes you know” Jimin told me one day during our normal lunch meet up

“Who?” I asked, the statement throwing me off guard

“The hyungs.” He answered “You kinda cut off all contact with them, they thought you died at first.”

“Oh” was I all I could say as I looked down at my half-eaten sandwich “Sorry.”

“I’m never really sure what to tell them though.” Jimin chuckled “You don’t talk as much as you used to, I don’t know every detail of your life anymore.”

“Actually you kinda do.” I laughed slightly “I don’t really have a busy life anymore.”

“So what? You just stay home all the time?” he asked light heartedly, laughing until he saw my solemn expression “Wait, seriously?”

I just shrugged, taking another bite of my sandwich. What was I supposed to say? That I go out as often as I did? That I have as many friends as before? That I was still happy with my life? Because I’m not. I don’t go out anymore. I don’t really have any friends beside him. I couldn’t lie to him, so all I could so was shrug.

“Tae…” Jimin sighed “What happened to you?”

“You know what Chim.” I gave him a shaky smile “You know what I did.”

“Tae, you tried.” He told me “You tried to fix it. You were just too late. You shouldn’t put yourself down so much.”

“It shouldn’t have happened in the first place.” I frowned “It’s fine, this is what I deserve”

He frowned at me as he leaned back in his chair. I watched him cross his arms over his chest.

“Tae…”

“Jimin?” I heard a familiar voice from behind me, and Jimin’s face lit up

“Yoongi Hyung!” He smiled waving his hand “What are you doing here?” he asked as I heard foot steps behind me and I stiffened.

“I’m picking lunch up for Namjoon and Hoseok.” He answered “What are you do- Taehyung?”

I looked up meeting Yoongi’s eyes. He had black hair now… it looked good. I smiled shakily as I stood up.

“Hi hyung.” I greeted “I should get going, um... Nice seeing you hyung, Jimin.” I bowed and speed walked to the door

“Did Taehyung just” I heard Yoongi say before I could leave “Did Taehyung just bow to me?”

And with that I was out of there.

--

I missed them. I missed everyone so much. Seeing Yoongi hyung just reminded how much I missed them, how badly I ed up. I felt my guilt raising more and more as I walked stiffly back to my dorm room.

Shaky was the only word that could describe what I looked like when I stumbled into my room. Jackson, my roommate looked up at me while I ran my hand through my hair.

“You ok, man?” he asked raising an eyebrow

“Yeah.” I swallowed “Yeah I just… yeah.”

“You sure?” he asked again “You can tell me there’s something wrong.”

“I’m fine” I insisted with a small smile “I just need a shower or something.”

“Alright” he grinned “Oh, I invited a friend over to watch a movie marathon tonight, that’s fine with you right?”

“Yeah sure.” I nodded “I don’t mind. Which friend is it this time? Mark?”

“Nah” he shook his head “I mean I invited Mark but he had plans with Jinyoung already. I actually don’t think I’ve introduced you yet.”

“oh, I see” I nodded walking towards the restroom “Well, I’m gonna shower so… just let me know when he gets here.”

“Will do”

And sure enough within twenty minutes of me trying to wash some of my guilt away there was a knock at the door and Jackson’s happy voice telling me his friend had arrived. I took another five minutes under the water before I finally decided to go out clad in a T-shirt, sweatpants and hair still dripping.

“Finally you’re out.” Jackson grinned looking up from his dvd collection. “Namjoon, this is my roommate Taehyung.”

My breath hitched as I watched Jackson’s friend, Namjoon, turn around. It was my Namjoon, of course it had to be my Namjoon. I watched his eyes widen as he looked at me.

“Tae?” he said looking me from head to toe

“H-hi hyung.” I attempted to smile, it probably turned out as more of a grimace “You uh, you changed your hair.”

“So did you.” Namjoon nodded

“Wait” Jackson interrupted us scrunching his eyebrows together “You guys know each other?”

“oh uh” I stuttered “Yeah we’re uh… we’re”

“We’re friends.” Namjoon answered confidently “Sense high school actually.”

“Really?” Jackson gawked “But you said that you guys changed your hair styles.”

“We haven’t seen each other in few months.” Namjoon shrugged “How long has it been Tae?”

“Five.” I answered looking down at my bare feet “Five months.”

“Aish Taehyung” Jackson shook his head “You really are antisocial, like damn, you even lost track of a high school friend for five months.”

“Yeah…” I awkwardly nodded. I saw Namjoon’s eyebrows shoot up but he didn’t say anything which I silently thanked him for.

“Well stop standing over there like a weirdo. Come on sit down” Jackson urged me to move from my spot. I made my way to my bed slowly sitting and bringing my knees to my chest “What movie do you think we should watch Taehyung?” he asked looking back to the collection

I just shook my head with a quiet “I don’t care” as I grabbed blanket to wrap around myself. I saw Namjoon send me a concerned glance before turning back to the collection as well.

I wasn’t paying attention to what they two were doing really, I was just staring blankly at the back of Namjoon’s head. I felt my gut twisting tighter and tighter the longer I stared but I couldn’t bring myself to look away. Namjoon turned and grinned at me, dimples and all, and it took all my will power for the tears pricking the corners of my eyes not to fall.

He had to have known what I did. He had to. I know he knows, so why is he treating me like nothing happened? Something was off.

I frowned, wrapping the blanket tighter around myself as they decided on some random action movie I’d never heard of before. They asked if it was ok and I repeated that I didn’t care as Jackson started it on the small TV we shared in our room. I watched the two of them settle into the other bed a bowl of popcorn between them. Namjoon asked if I wanted any, to which I declined with a shake of my head, curling my knees up to my chest. I wasn’t ready to face him yet, nor the other hyungs, I could barely even face Jimin. All I could do was silently thank the gods that Jackson was here making loud commentary, keeping Namjoon from asking me anything.

I was starting to relax just a little bit when Jackson suddenly paused the movie. I raised an eyebrow at him as he stood and started putting his shoes on.

“I’m hungry” He said simply “I’m going to go get us some dinner. You guys are friends; you don’t mind if I leave for a little while.”

And he was out the door before I could make a move to protest. I stared wide eyed at the closed door, shifting in my seat slightly as Namjoon cleared his throat.

“So” He started “It’s been a while Taehyung.”

I nodded.

“How are you?” he continued

I just shrugged in response, not meeting eyes.

“You look good.” He told me

I snorted. I didn’t mean to, but I did. I looked good? That was ridiculous. I saw him jump slightly, raising an eyebrow at me.

“You and I both know that that’s bull hyung.” I said wrapping the blanket even tighter around myself (If that was possible) and turned to him.

“Tae.” He frowned “What happened to you.”

“Do I really need to answer that?” I muttered “I mean; you already know the answer don’t you?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing slightly “You couldn’t have changed so much over-”

“But I did.” I cut him off. I didn’t want to hear him say it.

“So you just” he paused, probably looking for the right words “You just let yourself fall like this just because You and Ji-”

“You know what I did.” I interrupted tears threatening fall again “I don’t deserve to be like l used to. I ed up and-”

“And you tried to fix it but you were too late.” Namjoon finished for me “Hoseok told me what happened. Why won’t you talk to any of us anymore Tae? We miss you.”

“That doesn’t mean I deserve to be friends you guys anymore. You guys are too good of people for someone like me. You, Yoongi, Hoseok, Jimin” I paused to take a shaky breath “Jin.”

“Tae…”

“Namjoon hyung.” I shook my head “I can’t face you guys. I don’t deserve to face you guys.”

I heard him sigh moving from Jackson’s bed.

“Namjoon hyung” I frowned “I don’t understand why you seem so nice at the moment”

“What?”

“I was expecting you to be mad at me.”

“I was mad at you.” He answered stretching his arms over his head “But we all stopped being mad at you after two months, and most of us have forgiven you.”

I looked at him for a moment, a mixture of feelings swimming through my head. Most, I already had an idea of who hasn’t forgiven me yet, which was fair. I hadn’t forgiven myself yet either, why would Jin? Though I was grateful that the rest of them had forgiven me, I still felt a lump form in my throat.

“How” I swallowed thickly “How is he?”

I saw him look at me for a moment. I couldn’t read the look on his face, as he walked over and sat on the edge of my bed.

“He’s good” he nodded “He quit that job he had”

“Good.” I smiled a little “It stressed him out and he hated it.”

“He dyed his hair recently too.” He continued

“Really?” I asked turning to look at him a little better “Did he go back to that purple red he used to have?”

“No” Namjoon chuckled “He actually dyed it light pink”

I blinked at him, not able to process it.

“He’s got pink hair?” I asked and Namjoon just smiled

“Yeah, you wanna see a picture?”

I shook my head, knowing if I actually saw him I’d probably cry. Namjoon looked like he was going to say something more but there was a sudden buzzing coming from his phone across the room where he set it on Jackson’s desk.  I watched him slowly make his way to it, raising his eyebrow as he swiped the answer button.

“Yeah?” he asked “No, I told you earlier I was watching a movie with Jackson tonight.”

I watched him sit back down on Jackson’s bed rolling his eyes as he did.

“Jeez you really have been acting more and more like a mom everyday Jin hyung”

And at that my head snapped completely in his direction, my wide eyes meeting his as his hand flew up over his mouth. We blinked at each other for a moment neither of us even breathing until Namjoon jumped out of his initial shock.

“What? Oh uh” Namjoon paused again “No it’s not just me and Jackson, actually someone else is here.”

He met my eyes again and I shook my head frantically at him, I didn’t wat him to tell Jin he was with me.

“Just his roommate” Namjoon sighed after a moment and I let out the breath I was holding. “Why do you want to know his name?”

I frowned at him as he told Jin that he did know me.

“He wants to remain anonymous” Namjoon sighed into the phone “Because he just does Jin.”

I didn’t like this. It was already too much for me. First seeing Yoongi hyung, then Namjoon hyung showing up, and now? Now Jin hyung, the love of my life, the most important person to me, the person I hurt and lost, was on the phone. I whimpered, pulling the blanket closer around myself, pressing my face into the fabric hoping it’d get rid of the dampness of my eyes

“Hey- listen Jin hyung I uh” Namjoon paused “I gotta go, yeah talk to you later bye”

I heard him sigh as he set his phone down, moving closer to me and I instinctively flinched away.

“Taehyung” Namjoon spoke softly tapping my knee lightly “Are you ok?”

I shook my head breathing out a shaky “No” without moving my face from the blanket

“Tae. Are you…” He paused before sighing again “Are you still in love with Jin?”

“Of course I am” I whispered “But I ed up and I lost him”

“So are you crying because of guilt or because you love him still”

“Both probably”

He sighed “So?”

I looked up, raising an eyebrow “So what?”

“What’re you gonna do about it?”

What was there to do? What did he mean? Namjoon what the ? I shook my head “Nothing” I muttered

“Nothing” Namjoon repeated “You’re not gonna do anything”

“yeah” I coughed “I aint gonna do anything hyung. Nothing to do”

Namjoon’s eyebrows furrowed “Nothing to do?” he scoffed “So you both still ing love each other but you guys aren’t gonna do anything because what? One mistake”

“Well what do you expect me to do?” I bit out quietly “He won’t take me back, I don’t deserve to be taken back”

“Jesus Taehyung just-”

The front door flew open revealing Jackson holding a bucket of chicken, effectively shutting Namjoon up

“Yo I only got one bucket” he said, sitting on the floor between our beds “Hope that’s alright”

I shrugged “’M not hungry”

“You sure?” Jackson asked

I just nodded, mumbling about eating a late lunch with a friend

“I’m sure that’s enough for the two of us” Namjoon said settling next to him on the ground starting the movie back up

I fell asleep somewhere near the end of it I think, at least I don’t remember the movie ending. When I woke up Namjoon wasn’t there, the sun was barely rising and I sighed, running my hands over my face because I was sure it’s been at least 10 hours but I was nowhere close to feeling rested

I laid there for a while, staring at the ceiling unable to fall back to sleep. And that’s when I did something stupid, digging my suitcase out from under my bed and pulling out a single pink hoodie. I used to hate the color pink, but now not so much. Jin loved it though, so he’d bought this hoodie for himself – wore it almost every day. I couldn’t think of why he’d left it but sometimes I’m glad he did. It smelled like him still – smelled like home and that’s all I need when I pulled it over my head. I shouldn’t have, of course, it makes it harder to get over him but honestly? I didn’t care. I fell asleep quickly after that, the smell of home lulling me to sleep.

--

 My new friends were… a lot like my old ones in their own ways. Like the energy level was always 100% no matter the time of day, and even for me 7 in the morning is too early to be pulled along with people half yelling – all of a sudden I understand Yoongi on a spiritual level. At least it’s only Jackson and Bambam and we weren’t accompanied by the other four, otherwise it might’ve been too much for my poor tired . Jackson shooed Bambam and I away to find a table as we entered a café that Mark suggested a few weeks ago.

I listened to the younger man talk about how one of his best friends (Yugyeom, I think his name was) was out exploring Japan and studying abroad for the semester, and I nodded along with the story up until he pulled out his phone.

“He made a Korean friend while out there” He’d told me, scrolling through his phone “They decided to go around the country together instead of by themselves” he paused, clicking his phone “Ah, here’s a picture Yugyeom sent me” he grinned handing his cell over to me.

My eyes widened as I stared at a selfie of two boys with brown bowl cuts, one I’d never seen before and the other “Jungkook?” I frowned, zooming in on the boy with bunny teeth that I hadn’t seen in months, almost a year now.

“Yeah that’s his name” Bambam nodded, furrowing his brows in confusion “How’d you know that?”

“I uh-” I cleared my throat looking down at the table “Used to be friends with him” shrugging as I handed his phone back. Silently thanking the universe my hand didn’t start shaking.

He didn’t get to answer before Jackson sat down with the three of our drinks “The barista is cute” he grinned, nodding his head to the counter behind me

“You’re in a relationship” Bambam half scoffed

And Jackson snorted, rolling his eyes “Yeah, but Taehyungie here isn’t” he chuckled “Why don’t you take a look Tae? The blonde one there with broad shoulders”

“I’m not interested” I sighed, not even pausing to think about it as I took a sip from my bitter coffee “Thanks for the drink”

“Humor me?” Jackson pouted “Please”

I rolled my eyes “Fine” and slowly turned around to look at the barista my roommate wanted me to check out. And oh, that was a mistake.

There he stood, as beautiful as ever with blonde hair falling over his forehead and plump lips formed into a professional smile as he took a blushing girl’s order. Kim Seokjin in all his handsome glory. I felt my eyes widen, and hands begin to tremble as I snapped back to the table. I pulled the pink hood of the jacket over my head- just on instinct.

“Cute, isn’t he?” Jackson grinned at me, but it sounded distant barely heard over my heart pounding in my ears.

I coughed for a second, trying to keep my voice steady “Yeah he – he is” I nodded “I gotta go.”

“We just got here Tae” Bambam pouted

“I gotta go” I insisted, standing from my spot, not even trying to grab my coffee with how badly my hands were shaking “See you guys later”

I ignored the calls of my name as I ran out, hoping, praying, that Jin didn’t see me.

--

Jackson confronted me when he got back to the dorm later that night.

“Dude” he said to me, bewildered “What the hell was that about this morning”

I looked at him for a minute before sighing “I don’t want to talk about it”

“We’re talking about it now, just the two of us” Jackson insisted “Or I’m calling an intervention with the rest of the guys, because there’s something going on with you kid and it’s worrisome”

My eyebrows furrowed “I’m… fine?”

“Nope” he denied with a shake of the head, sitting the foot of my bed and closing my laptop gently “Namjoon told me that you used to be loud and energetic and weird when he knew you. Tell me what happened”

I looked at him and I’m sure that my eyes were sad, or something because of the way his face softened “The uh, barista from earlier…” I hesitated, knowing on my bottom lip for a moment, blinking away tears “Was my e-ex boyfriend and I-” I choked down the sob suddenly building in my throat “I couldn’t stay there”

That was the first time ever I explained why I moved into the dorms in my last year of college, why I didn’t go out to party anymore, why I wore this dirty old pink hoodie. I explained everything, each word hurting more than the last. And by the end of the story, I was curled into myself choking back sob after sob. I was told once, that sharing my hardships would take weight off my chest but , if anything it just hurt more because I know how much I ed up.

Jackson’s face was blank throughout the story, not once did he interrupt. Not once did he ask a question or for clarification. I was expecting disgust to cross his face, or some sort of emotion but he just stared at me blankly for the longest time. it felt like hours before he spoke.

“You ed up buddy” he told me and I nodded my head rapidly, because I know “But… you can fix it”

I scoffed “Fix it?”

“You either gotta get over this Jin hyung” Jackson informed “Or make things up to him”

And honestly, I didn’t think I could do either.

--

Jackson makes me go with him to that café once a week, every Tuesday no matter what. He didn’t tell anyone my past, which I appreciated, but he was also was insistent that I fix myself and Jin. So once a week, I find myself sitting in this little café, staring over the at the counter longingly while pretending to listen to Jackson and whatever friend he’d brought with us that week. My hood was always up, so he wouldn’t notice my orange hair subsequently, me.

It had taken 3 months of torturing myself before Jin didn’t show up to work. I didn’t question it, he was either sick or he’d changed his schedule. Jackson asked the other guy at the counter, his name tag read Jaehwan I think, where he was in the least creepy way possible only to get a shrug of ‘Took the day off’ before getting back to his job and Jackson sitting down with the rest of us.

It was Jackson Mark and I, and they both knew I wasn’t paying much a attention so they began speaking in English to each other and I didn’t much care. I sipped on my bitter coffee, staring blankly out the window, god I hated bitter things and I really don’t know why I kept ordering my coffee black. I felt a tap on my shoulder as Jackson and Mark stopped talking.

“Kim Taehyung” and I froze, eyes widening almost comically I’m sure, at the familiar voice.

I looked at Jackson for confirmation earning a curt nod before slowly turning to face the man. He’s still so perfect up close, clear skin and soft looking hair, wrapped up in a white sweater. “H-hyung” I stuttered out

“Can I steal you for a few minutes?” he asked me calmly pointing to the door “Would your friends mind?”

Jackson motioned for me to go, and I stood up on shaking legs, nervously following Jin out of the café, trembling hands stuffed uncomfortably in my jean pockets.

Jin was the first to break the silence, always was when it lasted too long for either of us to breathe properly.

“You’re nervous” he stated, folding his arms over his chest as he leaned against the wall

I looked down, staring at my sneakers “Yeah, a little” it wasn’t a question, yet I found myself answering it anyways.

I heard him huff slightly “And that’s my sweater?”

“Yeah”

We paused again, the silence stretching on a long time again. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say, I wanted to apologize again but at this point I was too scared to say anything.

“Why?’ he asked me

At that point, I coughed trying to calm my nerves “I’m sorry” I answered “I know we broke up like eight months ago, it’s just… really comfy” I lied through my teeth

“I see you haven’t gotten over your habit of lying to me then” he chuckled. And I felt my heart sink into my stomach “I would know better than anyone to know when you’re lying. Why’re you really wearing it?”

I sniffled “It smells like you…” I paused “It’s the only thing that feels like home since…”

He sighed as I glanced up through my eyelashes, a look on his face that was hard to decipher.

“How’ve you been Taehyung?”

I swallowed, shrugging “I dunno, surviving” I paused “How about you hyung? A-are you doing well?”

“Well enough” he smiled, and my knees were weak

I nodded, wiping my sweaty palms on my pants “That’s good”

“Why do you keep coming here Taehyung”

“My roommate?” I answered, attempting a smile but I’m sure it came out as a grimace “He uh I dunno thought it’d help me”

Jin hummed lowly not bothering asking what it’s supposed to help me with. I’m sure he already knew.

“Seems painful” he said instead

And I laughed, it was a little empty “Yeah, you can say that again” there was another pause, and I wish we could just stop having the awkward moments “I’m sorry hyung, really”

“I know you are” Jin said “I forgave you a long time ago Taehyung”

I stared at him with wide eyes he turned to smile at me “Jimin complains a lot y’know, that you never hang out with him anymore, Hoseok too.”

“Sorry” I shrugged “I don’t go out much anymore”

I saw him quick an eyebrow before I looked back to the sky

“Tae. You should come back” I snapped my head to look at him and he just smiled at me “I’m not saying that we should necessarily get back together yet, if ever, but… the five of us miss you, Kook too but from what I hear he’s in Japan.  You should come back to us, be our friend again”

And if I cried, Jin wouldn’t tell anyone. I smiled fully for the first time in months, and tears streamed down my cheeks freely. “I’d like that, I would really, really like that” I nodded.

I made my way back into the café once I’d cleared my tears, a smile still on my face. And I laughed as Jackson and Mark scrambled to take a picture of my smiling face – what a rare occurrence according them. They had to share it with the rest of the group.

And I couldn’t find it in myself to care because – even if we’re not dating again, we’re something again. We’re not just a bad memory to each other anymore. And I haven’t been this happy in almost two years.

A/N: YALL WANTED A HAPPY ENDING  this is the happiest its gonna get. tbh 62 votes for a happy ending is terrifying lmaoooo my original plan was gonna leave it where it was but yall wanted more so here ya go. i'm the kinda person who wont forgive cheating but you guys wanted something happy so without going aganist myself i made this bitter sweet ending i hope this satisfied you guys,,,,, comment and let me know how you feel about it!