Running was the only thing that made sense to me at that moment in time. What else was I supposed to do? Jin didn’t want me home at the moment. I felt tears start to roll down my cheeks again, all I could do was run faster.

I knew what I did wrong. I should have just stopped. I should have stayed, helped him with dinner even. I didn’t need to see Jungkook, I didn’t even really want to see Jungkook. I shouldn’t have let my disappointment turn to anger. I shouldn’t have let the fight start.

This was my fault.

As much as I wanted to blame Jin for always being at work and making me feel lonely, it wasn’t. Sure he was almost never home, but when he was he showered me with so much affection it was almost suffocating. Not that I was complaining. I should have just let it be, maybe talked to him about it. I shouldn’t have let Jungkook make a move, I should have stopped him.

I felt anger bubbling in my stomach as I thought of why all of this was happening. No matter how many different ways I looked at the situation, it was my fault. I wanted to blame it on Jungkook, I wanted to say it was his fault for making a move. I wanted to say it was his fault for getting too close. But it wasn’t his fault, after all I’m the one who sought out his company. I’m the one that let it happen, he would have stopped if I told him to.

There was literally nothing that drove me to Jungkook besides my own selfishness.

I hated myself.

I had to end this thing with Jungkook, right then. I had to. My pace picked up until I was in a full on sprint as I made my way to Jungkook’s apartment.

I didn’t bother to wipe the tears off my face as I started pounding on the door. The door was opened quickly, but not by Jungkook.

“Tae?” I locked eyes with Jimin’s concerned ones.

“Jimin” I pulled him into a hug, burying my face in his shoulder.

“Hey, Tae” He cooed rubbing my back “What happened?”

I shook my head, not trusting my voice at the moment, burying my face deeper into his light sweater as I felt sobs raking through my whole body.

“Hyung?” Jungkook’s voice came from his kitchen “Who’s here?”

“It’s Tae” Jimin called back “Taehyung, what happened?” he whispered to me.

“Jin... he…” I gasped out through the sobs “… I don’t…”

“Hey, it’s ok it’s ok.” He hummed swaying us slightly

“Taehyungie hyung?” Jungkook’s voice came closer “Why are you… Are you ok?”

“He and Jin had a fight.” Jimin answered for me as I tightened my arms around him.

“You guys should go in the living room.” Jungkook told us. “I’ll get you some water, ok hyung?”

I didn’t say anything as I let Jimin walk me to the couch. I watched him sit next to me while he pulled his phone out.

“I’m just telling Yoongi hyung that I’m spending the rest of the day with you.” He answered my question before I could ask.

“You…” I took a deep breath “You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do.” He answered sternly “Taetae you’re my best friend, I’m not leaving you when you’re crying.”

“What happened exactly?” Jungkook asked as he walked in, handing me a glass of water and sitting next to me.

“I’m not sure.” I shook my head trying to wipe my tears “I don’t know what happened”

“Well…” Jimin sighed “Start from the beginning? And then, we can try to understand.”

 “Umm…” I hesitated, trying to find the words “We haven’t really been talking much lately and…”

“And?” Jungkook cut in

“Shut up and let him talk Kook” Jimin frowned

“And when I confronted him about it…” I swallowed slightly “He said that we need a few days apart, so here I am.”

“So he just kicked you out basically.” Jungkook scoffed

“Jungkook!” Jimin snapped at him “Have some tact for god’s sake!”

“Just for tonight.” I sighed.  “I hope at least.”

“Speaking of hope” Jimin jested as he looked at his phone “Hoseok hyung is almost here.”

“Why is Hobi hyung coming?” Jungkook wondered

“Well, when one of your friends shows up crying” Jimin explained “You’re gonna wanna help, at least that’s how Hyung and I are.”

“You make it sound like the rest of us are cold hearted bastards” Jungkook rolled his eyes.

Before Jimin could get another word in Hoseok burst through the door in a frenzy.

“Ok!” We all jumped at his voice ringing loudly through the apartment loudly “What’s going on?”

“Hobi hyung!” Jimin smiled as the elder made his way to them kneeling in front of me.

“Hey.” He smiled softly as I sniffled “You ok?” and all I could do was nod.

“He and Jin hyung had a fight.” Jungkook answered Hoseok’s unasked question

“I have an idea.” Hoseok said after a moment of ruffling my hair “Jungkook, come with me to the grocery store.”

“What? Why me?” Jungkook whined

“Because this is your house.”

“But”

“Jungkook stop arguing and just go.” Jimin interrupted with a sigh.

Jungkook relented after a moment of hesitance. He and Hoseok left with the promise of snacks and a movie to watch.

Once they were gone I was left with a heavy feeling in my chest as Jimin surveyed me.

“You seem awfully broken up about this.” Jimin sighed

“O-of” I stuttered “Of course I am.”

“Of course you.” Jimin echoed “It’s only reasonable for you to be upset sense you love Jin so much.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I really do.”

“You really do.” He echoed me again

“Jimin?” I raised my eyebrows as he looked at me “Why do you keep repeating what I say?”

“I know.”

He knows? Knows why he’s repeating what I’m saying? From the look on his face I could tell that’s not what he was talking about. What could he- oh no. he couldn’t mean that… could he?

When I looked him in the eyes, I was met with a stone cold expression, I knew that he knew. I wasn’t used to that expression on his face, his bright smile completely gone from his face. And I knew if looks could kill, I’d be dead three times over.

“I don’t want this.” I whimpered looking away from him.

“What ‘this’ are you talking about, Tae?” Jimin asked

“Jungkook.” I answered “I don’t want this with Jungkook.”

“Then what do you want Tae?”

“I want it to be how it was before.” I cried “I want Jin hyung!”

I saw his face soften slightly as he patted my back. I couldn’t the tears back anymore and I began to sob.

“I’m sorry! I’m so ing sorry!” I bawled “I ed up so badly and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“Hey, Tae” Jimin worried “it’s ok. It’ll be ok.”

I frowned at him. How would anything be ok? There was nothing ok about the stupid ing situation that I created.

“You can fix it.” He said pulling me into a hug. “I know you can fix it if you try.”

“I can’t.” I shook my head “Nothing will be the same. Even if I end things with Jungkook it won’t be the same.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Jimin answered “If you want to be with Jin hyung, then ing be with Jin hyung. Screw Jungkook if he doesn’t want you to be happy.”

I didn’t a chance to answer as Hoseok walked back in with his hands in his pockets and a frown on his face.

“So?”

“He wants to be with Jin.”

“Then the is with Kook?”

“Where even is Jungkook?” I cut into their weird conversation they were having as if I weren’t there.

“I ditched him at the store saying I forgot my wallet and for him to just wait there.”

“What?” I raised my eyebrow “Why?”

“So he could see what the deal is.” Jimin answered

“So you want to be with Jin hyung?” Hoseok asked as I nodded my head frantically. “Then what’s with Kook?” he repeated his question from earlier

“I don’t know how to break it off.”

“We’ll give you a month.” Jimin sighed

“A month?”

“To break it off with him on your own.”

I nodded as Hoseok turned back around and started leaving

“I can’t leave the poor kid at the store forever.” He said walking out the door.

And after eating the snacks they got, the three of them all fell asleep during the movie. While I, personally, locked myself in Jungkook’s restroom and cried until I thought I could fall asleep.

I got a text asking when I’d be back home in the middle of breakfast and I almost choked on my food from cheering.  I ignored the worried gazes from Hoseok and Jimin as I quickly typed that I’d be home in less than an hour. I really needed to go home, I needed to go to my hyung. All I could think of to do was steal Jimin’s chap stick and run out of Jungkook’s apartment with a quick “Bye guys” and run home. I fixed my hair on the way and apply the chap stick. And although I was happy to be going home, I was still nervous about facing him. I slowed down as I neared our apartment, taking a deep breath as I slowly opened our door. I heard that game he liked to play playing from the living room, and I couldn’t help but cringe as the front door creaked as I closed it. I walked over to the entrance of the room, rubbing my upper arm awkwardly watching him. I didn’t look good. Dry lips, messy hair, his eyes were red and puffy. I felt bad, especially because I still thought he was pretty.

I saw him staring at me. I had to think of something to say.

“I’m back” I said after a moment, my voice cracked. Like a lot. Lotta cracking in two words.

He stood up with out a word and slowly started walking towards me. Any and all anxiety in my body doubled and I couldn’t help but to stiffen.  And suddenly, I was encased in a hug.

“Welcome back Taetae.” He muttered as he nuzzled my neck. I immediately relaxed and hugged him back tighter the he was probably hugging me but I didn’t care as I took his t- into my fists. “I missed you.” I heard him add quietly.

“I’m back.” I repeated, hugging him tighter “I missed you too, Hyung.”

We were both quiet, neither saying anything as we just hugged each other. I could hold back my tears, whether they be tears of guilt or relief or what, I could hold them back. I felt his fingers slowly running through my hair.

“I’m sorry Hyung.” I sobbed. I was really just, sorry. “I’m sorry for everything.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” he whispered. He was so wrong. I had everything to be sorry for. “I’m sorry too.”

Hearing him apologize actually broke me. And I cried. Cried harder than I had last night, or any of the days before. I cried and cried and all I could do was tell him I was sorry over and over again. And I heard him whispering that it was ok in my ear until I calmed down.

I uttered one last apology as I pulled away from the hug to look at him.

“You look terrible.” He laughed his beautiful laugh as he shook his head. “Go take a shower”

“You don’t look much better” I grinned at him

“You’re all I need to feel better.” He said, his face settling into a smile.

“Me and a shower.” I joked as he rolled his eyes at me.

I couldn’t help but to smile as he ushered me into the bathroom. And once I had finished cleaning up I grabbed one of Jin’s shirts. I knew it was one of his, after all, his shoulders were big enough to land a plane on. I felt it falling off my shoulder slightly as I made my way to join Jin and watch the TV. I heard him chuckle as I sat down next to him, and the next thing I knew he had leaned over and fixed the shirts position for me. I had to smile at him.

I really, really did love Jin.

I knew I was going about this the wrong way. I knew leaving without telling Jin was wrong. And I knew lying about where I was going when he asked was wrong too. But I had a month to end it and I was going to end it. But every time I looked at Jungkook I lost my nerve and I’d end up not doing it. I always felt bad about lying to Jin. Always. But I couldn’t stop. Sometimes he’s tell me to be safe, and to come home carefully, and I’d smile and nod at him. When I’d come home late we’d argue, but we’d always be back to normal after a little while. It wasn’t ideal but at least I was with him.

Coming home at 2:30 in the morning was not planned either.

“You’re home a little late.” I turned to seeing Jin sitting on the counter with a cup of soothing steaming in his hands.

“Yeah, sorry” I coughed after I got over the initial shock of him being there. “I thought you’d be in bed by now Hyung.”

“Couldn’t sleep” I watched him shrug as he stood up and handed me the mug. It looked like tea and I hesitantly took a sip.

“I’m sorry” I sighed as he ruffled my hair.

“How was your ‘study group’ Taetae?” he asked. The way he said ‘study group made me cringe.

“It was…” I paused trying to figure out how to phrase the lie I was about to tell “It was ok. I’m still confused on some stuff but I’m getting better.”

“That’s good.” He tried to smile. “Just try to get home earlier next time though, okay?”

I was surprised he wasn’t angrier at me, he normally got angry at me.

“Aren’t you gonna yell at me?”

“There’s no point.” He sighed “I don’t want another meaningless argument Tae.”

“But”

“I’m tired” He interrupted “I’m just tired. I don’t want another argument.”

And just like that he left me there with an empty feeling in my stomach and mug of warm tea.

Movie night was fun, you know, usually. It’s fun when I have Jin sitting me on the love seat and the other guys were scattered wherever else they pleased. I enjoyed making comments to the movies while pressed against Jin’s side. This movie night was not what I enjoyed. I didn’t like seeing Namjoon and Hoseok on either side of Jin, with Jimin behind him on the couch. I didn’t like having Jungkook next to me on the two-person couch. It wasn’t a love seat, unless I was with Jin. I let Jungkook hold my hand, but I didn’t really hold it back, just kinda, played with his fingers. I kept my eyes on the TV, watching the home movies we had made before, I remembered this day and any second now-

“Jin Hyung look!” I called excitedly to him a grin on my face “It’s us!”

I watched him jump and look to the screen where there was a video of the two of us hugging was playing. He turned to me and smiled as I grinned happily back at him.

“Aww look Taetae!” he cooed with laughed “We used to be so cute.”

“What do you mean used to?” I jokingly scoffed “We’re still cute”

And I laughed as he rolled his eyes.  We all went back to watching after that.

“Hey guys” Hoseok called holding and empty bowl up “We’re outta popcorn.”

“V-Hyung and I will get it” Jungkook grinned, grabbing the bowl as I cringed.

“We will?” I frowned, not making an attempt to move

“Yes!” the younger grinned as he started pulling me by the wrist to the kitchen

“Make it quick you two!” Hoseok called and the smirk that crossed Jungkook’s face scared me.

The moment we in the kitchen I felt Jungkook’s hands move from my wrist to my waist and I frowned.

“Jungkook” I grimaced as I tried to take his hands off of me “Don’t”

“Don’t what Tae?” he smirked “Every time you tell me to stop you don’t really mean it.”

“I do Jungkook. Stop it.” I scowled “I don’t want this and you know it.”

“And yet” he grinned pushing me up against the counter “You’re letting me do this.”

 And with that he pressed his lips to mine, and I decided that it wasn’t worth the effort, and possible drama to push him away. I silently thanked the gods when I heard the microwave beep for the popcorn. And when we joined the others back in the living room, Jin wasn’t there.

I tilted my head to the side and asked where was.

“He’s going to go get more drinks.” Yoongi shrugged “He said we’re out”

“But there are plenty in the fridge?” Jungkook frowned.

And at that moment I ran out of my apartment to find him. He had to have seen. That’s why he’s gone.

I ed up.

I did it! I finally ing did it and ended it with Jungkook. I had lunch with him and told him to off and I’m really proud of myself. I just got home and I could hear Jin shuffling around in the bedroom. I must be cleaning day again. I shrugged and pulled my phone out, happily scrolling through my newsfeed.

“Tae” Jin sighed as he came over and sat with me.

“Yes Hyung?” I smiled looking up from my phone at him. I watched him close his eyes and shake his head. “Jin Hyung? Is everything ok?”

“Not really” he continued to shake his head. I was worried.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, panicking slightly “What can I do to make you ok?”

“Tae…” he paused as tears started trailing down his cheeks.

“Hyung?” I frowned, my concern raising even more when he opened his eyes, they looked so sad.

“Tae I think…” he paused taking a deep breath “I think we should break up.”

I froze. Everything stopped, my breath, my movements, hell I’m pretty sure at that point my heart stopped. Maybe I didn’t hear him properly, maybe I was wrong. I waited for him to continue.

“I know about Kook.”

“W-what?” was all I could force out of my suddenly dry mouth, as tears continue to fall from his eyes.

“It would be better if we just ended things instead of dragging this any longer” he smiled shakily at me “Don’t you think?”

“Jin no.” I shook my head as I felt tears pricking the corners of my eyes “You don’t understand”

“Tae.” His voice wasn’t really strong but I could tell he was trying “I saw you two. Don’t tell me I don’t understand.”

“Jin Hyung” I cried “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! Please don’t leave me.”

“I have to Tae.” He sighed as he stood up.

No, I couldn’t let him go. I couldn’t, not like this.

“Jin!” I grabbed his hand looking him in the eye “Jin please. I love you.”

“Taehyung.”

My blood ran cold. Did he just call me Taehyung? He never calls me by my full name. I couldn’t breathe.

“I have to go.”

“Jin please” I begged

“Taehyung.” He frowned wiping his tears “Don’t you get it?”

“Jin I…”

“Taehyung.” He cut me off. I watched him drop his gaze as he gnawed on his bottom lip. I knew he was about to lie to me. “I hate you.”

Although I knew it was a lie, I felt the air get knocked from my lungs. My grip loosed as I tried to get my breath back, and he yanked his arm from my hand.

“Jin hyung” I gasped shaking my head again “No.”

“I do Taehyung.” He frowned as he walked to the door. “Let’s stop this.”

“Jin what happened to you only needing be to feel better?” I sobbed following him “Because I need you hyung”

“I don’t need you Taehyung.” He stated as he grabbed his bag, when did that get there? And he walked out.

“Jin!” I cried as loudly as I could “Kim Seokjin!” I hoped that his full name would make him come back.

He didn’t come back. I followed him calling his name. He didn’t turn around. I ran, trying to catch up to him and I grabbed whatever I could through my blurred tear filled vision. Hand, hip, shoulder, I didn’t care as long as he just stopped.

“Seokjin…” I sobbed as I grabbed his shoulder “Seokjin hyung please! I’m sorry, please believe me!”

“Taehyung, we need to stop this.” I choked out through tears. I didn’t know what else to do, so I pulled him in I pressed my lips to his, trying my best to convey all my feelings to him, hoping, praying he felt what I was trying to convey to him.

“I’m sorry hyung.” I cried when we separated

“Yeah.” He sighed brushing the tears from his cheeks again. “Me too.”

And with that he was gone and I was left in the middle of the sidewalk sobbing over losing the love of my life. 

I am so sorry that this took so long oh my god. the teaser for fire infired me (I'm sorry that was lame) and i suddenly felt the need to finish writing this. 

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