chapter four;

week by week, day by day

    It becomes routine. Baekhyun invites her over - and sometimes it’s Lu Han who invites her - and one time it was Kris - but the end result is that Ri Ahn leaves spare clothes and pajamas at Lu Han’s apartment, and she spends her Monday and Wednesday nights after chemistry lecture at Lu Han’s apartment, bullying Baekhyun, cuddling Kris’s dragon, and getting piggy back rides from Chanyeol.

She learns that Lu Han is inherently quiet, perhaps because his friends are all so loud, and it’s an interesting balance. He talks to her during chemistry, though, when Baekhyun and Chanyeol aren’t around to interrupt, and Ri Ahn finds he’s a bit of a dork, just about as awkward as she is, with a terrible addiction to games. She teases him about it all the time, and Lu Han always sniffles and whines about it.

“You’re only allowed to be mean to Baekhyun,” he pouts, and Ri Ahn snorts.

“Lies. I’m allowed to be mean to any and all boys,” she says back, and Lu Han crosses his arms and sulks petulantly.

    -- -- --

“Do you only own like, three shirts?” Ri Ahn asks one day, squinting at Lu Han. Chanyeol bursts out laughing, and Lu Han flushes red.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve literally seen you wear that green shirt like four times this week,” Ri Ahn gestures, and Lu Han looks down at his shirt as if it has only just occurred to him that he’s wearing it.

“I-- you’ve only seen me like twice this week, what are you talking about?” he shoots back, and Ri Ahn raises an eyebrow at him.

“You’re not denying that you only wear three shirts,” she points out, and Lu Han opens his mouth then closes it, puffing his cheeks out.

“I own clothes,” he says stubbornly, and Ri Ahn shakes her head, grinning.

“Okay, Lu Han.”

    -- -- --

Lu Han pokes her in the leg. Ri Ahn turns to look at him. “What?”

He blinks at her. “I’m bored.”

Ri Ahn snorts; she won’t argue with him, their chemistry professor has a way of making even the most boring teachers Ri Ahn has ever had look interesting. But Lu Han literally looks like a child right now, fidgeting in his seat and staring at her like she’s able to come up with something entertaining to do while the professor drones on about something she should probably be paying attention to, considering her lack of knowledge involving chemistry. She’s good at coding, not chemistry.

“Whatchu want me to do about it?” she asks, and Lu Han huffs, crossing his arms.

“Play with me,” he whines, poking her everywhere, making her laugh and squirm away, despite not being ticklish.

“Stop it,” she laughs, and Lu Han grins, shaking his head. “You’re the worst.”

Lu Han beams, and Ri Ahn has about had it with him - how could anyone possibly be this cute?

    -- -- --

“What are you drawing?”

Ri Ahn learns pretty quickly that Lu Han questions anything and everything when no one else is around to interrupt him. She nudges the notebook closer to him so he can see, then points. “The back of that guy’s head.”

Lu Han chuckles briefly, his fingers resting on the spine of her notebook. “This is really good, Ri Ahn.”

Ri Ahn shrugs, shaking her head slightly. “I - thanks. Thank you.” She’s never been particularly good at accepting compliments when it comes to her art. She grew up drawing, loved it, and then had it shoved into her face that it was impractical, useless, worthless.

It’s a part of how she ended up on the computer science track, but Lu Han doesn’t really know that yet.

He smiles at her, and pushes the notebook back to her. “Do you draw a lot?”

Ri Ahn nods, pulling her phone out of her pocket and opening up a folder within her photos and shows it to him. “I wanted to be an artist as a kid,” she explains. “But.. I guess art isn’t practical, and I don’t mind computer science, so I just…” she trails off, and Lu Han scrolls through the photos, looking at each piece carefully, more carefully than anybody else had before. He studies them and seems to genuinely appreciate them, and Ri Ahn tries not to feel too uncomfortable.

Art is personal for her. She’s afraid that people will see her work and find it foolish, but most people only scan quickly over her work whenever she shows it to them. Lu Han is taking his time, and she’s scared he will see flaws in her work.

“How’d you end up a CompSci major?” he asks, turning to look at her. “You’re good at art, you know. Most art kids - they would hate to step into the math and science world.”

“I took a class in high school,” Ri Ahn says. “It fulfilled a requirement of some sort. I liked it, and I knew it would make a good job in the future, so I took two more classes and thought if I could get through those then I could do it in college and maybe the rest of my life. Now…”

Lu Han waits. “Now…?”

She smiles wryly, twirling her pencil around in her hand. “I don’t know. I love art. I want to go back to it. Don’t get me wrong, computer science is good too. What math kids don’t understand about computer science is that there is a certain level of creativity involved. All they see is hard facts and logic. Math. Numbers. I see new ideas in a constantly developing field. CompSci kids - they know computers change quickly but they don’t realize that it takes more than a couple lines of code and advanced math. It takes an innovative mind. Coding is nothing without an idea. You can’t rely on what is already there - you can’t rely on the math and the code. You need someone who can invent, and that’s what I saw in coding when I finished my first year of computer science. That’s why I thought, okay, this can work for me. It does for me what art does for me. It’s frustrating, it’s hard work, but the end result is almost always worth it. By the end of it all, I have created something. I’ve completed something, and it means something.”

She pauses, then realizes she’s been talking for absurdly long, and immediately feels embarrassed, sinking into her seat. “Sorry,” she mumbles. “I got a little carried away with that.”

Lu Han smiles, and hands her phone back to her. “I like the way you think, Ri Ahn. About computer science. I’m glad you stuck with it.”

She turns to look at him, and his smile is warm, his eyes gentle. He’s looking at her a little differently now than he was before, and it takes Ri Ahn a little while, but she realizes what it is.

Respect. Admiration.

Ri Ahn doesn’t know if she deserves it, least of all from a boy three years older than her, but it warms her anyway.

Lu Han understands her.

    -- -- --

“Wanna come play soccer with me?”

Lu Han plops down onto the couch, and Ri Ahn blinks at him. “Now? Isn’t it a bit late? And cold?”

Lu Han smiles, amused. He reaches out, ruffling her hair, startling Ri Ahn with the contact. “You’re cute. No, I’m talking about Saturday.” He hums, thinking. “Around four?”

“I - I’m not really good at… coordination,” Ri Ahn says hesitantly, and Lu Han chuckles.

“That’s okay. You can just watch, if you want. Bring those boys - who was it, BamBam? Jinyoung? Bring them with you, if you want. Or anyone. We’re all just gonna hang around and play some sports by the gym, do whatever, maybe hit the dining hall after, you know.” He shrugs, and Ri Ahn nods. She doesn’t understand when Lu Han laughs quietly, patting her head. “Go to sleep, Ri.”

The nickname sticks in her head, and so does his touch.

Ri Ahn doesn’t understand herself sometimes.

    -- -- --

Ri Ahn drags almost all of her friends with her to Lu Han’s little soccer event. Or at least - she tries to. She manages to get BamBam and Jinyoung to come, which means Jaebum shows up too. Mark gives her a warm smile when he says he’ll come, and Ri Ahn thinks she’s probably a little too fond of the sophomore year transfer student. Jackson tags along and where Jackson is, Youngji follows, and Sulli decides she doesn’t want to stay at the dorm alone, so she tags along too. Even Youngjae emerges from his dorm to join them, though Yugyeom is busy and gives her puppy eyes thinking that Ri Ahn will be mad at him for saying no. She’d only laughed, tip-toed to pat him on the head, and told him it was okay, he could make it up to her any other time.

It takes a little (a lot) of pleading to get Jongin to come. Jongin for some reason has some kind of bias against Jackson, but he’s fond of Jinyoung and Jaebum, so he caves eventually.

“Well would you look at that, girl really does have game,” Baekhyun grins when he sees her, and Ri Ahn leans back a little, giving him a once over.

“Would you look at that, boy actually does get up off his once in awhile,” she comments, and Baekhyun clucks his tongue, tugging her into a back-hug.

“Sassy little brat,” he growls, lifting her off the ground, laughing when she squeals, kicking uselessly to be let down.

“Baekhyun!” she shrieks, and then she’s wrestled out of his arms and onto Kris’s back. She clings to him, Kris chuckling lowly at the way she grips onto him tightly.

Jackson wolf-whistles teasingly, shouting, “Ri Ahn, exactly how many boys do you have wrapped around your little finger, huh?” Youngji nudges at him to behave but Jackson just wriggles his eyebrows, doing a little dance with it. Ri Ahn rolls her eyes, sliding off Kris’s back.

“Does it matter?” she calls back. “Youngji loves me most, that’s all that counts, right?” She runs over and grabs Youngji’s hand, leaving Jackson open-mouthed, shouting incoherently as he chases after them, shouting, “Baby! Youngji! I’m your number one! Why aren’t you telling me I’m your number one??”

    -- -- --

“You don’t want to play?” Ri Ahn sits down next to Jongin, who turns to look at her. He shakes his head, smiling. Jackson is bolting up and down the field, Youngji cheering him on with Sulli chanting at him to trip. The rest of the boys are also on the field, but it’s clear that Lu Han and one of his friends - was his name Minseok? - dominate the field. When Ri Ahn watches them, it feels like it’s just Lu Han against Minseok, and she knows she’s not the only one when Baekhyun and Chanyeol begin exaggeratedly defending each other in places where the ball isn’t even remotely near.

She smiles at the sight, then Jongin pokes her in the side. She swiftly turns to look at him, and he grins mischievously. She pokes him in the leg, and he responds by wrapping his arms around her shoulders, tugging her towards him. “I’ve missed you!” he declares, and she squeaks out of surprise, squirming and trying to get out of his grasp. He laughs, ruffling her hair and poking her in the sides, and she whines, grabbing onto his wrists. He grins widely at her, and then his gaze softens into a gentler one, staring at her. She feels her heart rate kick up a notch, and loosens her grip on his wrist. He leans his head onto her shoulder, sighing contently, and Ri Ahn wishes Jongin wouldn’t play with her heart like this.

Lu Han looks up to see her and Jongin together, and he blinks, wondering what their relation is. It’s clear that Ri Ahn has a lot of male friends, but there is definitely something different about Jongin. He nearly runs into Chanyeol as he’s thinking but refocuses quickly, kicking the ball into the goal before Jinyoung can block it. He’s panting, and when he looks up, Ri Ahn is looking down at Jongin’s head on her shoulder with a soft smile. She pats Jongin on the head, running her hands through his hair, and Jongin leans into her touch.

Lu Han furrows his eyebrows, but then he hears someone call his name, and a wide grin spreads across his face. “Yoona!”

    -- -- --

Ri Ahn meets Yoona.

Yoona is some kind of goddess, because there is no way a human could be so pretty and so kind and all sorts of generally perfect. She’s a biology major with a near perfect GPA and when she smiles Ri Ahn is almost ninety-nine percent certain angels sing.

Her self-esteem drops about three hundred percent, but Yoona seems to find it adorable when Ri Ahn squeaks instead of saying “hello” like a normal human being. Sulli snickers and Ri Ahn elbows her.

Upperclassmen boys scare Ri Ahn. Upperclassmen girls terrify her.

BamBam looks like he got the breath knocked out of him, and not from running around the soccer field. Ri Ahn tries not to look too amused considering she’s in the same boat, though probably for different reasons, and Youngjae mutters something only BamBam hears, but something clicks in BamBam’s head at whatever it is Youngjae says and he recollects himself.

“So you guys are Lu Han’s old students,” she says, smiling warmly. Lu Han has an arm wrapped around her waist, and he shakes his head.

“Only some of them,” he says, pointing. “The rest of these guys are Ri Ahn’s friends.”

Yoona hums. “The token female. I’ve heard you’re good at keeping Baekhyun in his place, so I’m assuming you can handle all of these boys.” Yoona laughs good-naturedly, and Ri Ahn shifts her balance from her left foot to her right.

“I try,” she says, and Yoona chuckles. Ri Ahn doesn’t miss the way Yoona can’t seem to stop glancing at Lu Han even when she’s speaking to Ri Ahn; Yoona looks positively enamoured, and Lu Han always returns her glances with a smile.

Ri Ahn feels her heart clench and she forces herself not to look at Jongin.

She would never be so lucky to have Jongin look at her that way.