chapter one;

week by week, day by day

Ri Ahn meets him first in a classroom.

He stumbles in a little late, red and black backpack slung over his shoulders, clumsy with an embarrassed grin. She remembers because that red and black backpack becomes an odd landmark in her life, and also probably because he proceeds to drop it in the least coordinated manner possible - as in, when he dropped it, he almost went down with it.

He announces an apology to the class, sheepish grin and all, the grin sliding off his face when the class collectively blinks at him blankly. He winces a little, looking kind of like he wants to shrink into himself after that, and settles for mumbling something about getting set up.

He emerges after a variety of entanglements with wires, and shuffles over to the front of the room, rubbing his hands together. “So,” he lets out a puff of air. “I’m your peer mentor - er, recitation teacher - thingamajig. For computer science. I’m uh, I’m Lu Han, I’m a senior, and uh, a CompSci major - obviously, ha - uh... “

He trails off, looking sufficiently embarrassed, and blurts, “Hi.”

He gives an awkward, stiff wave, and Ri Ahn kind of has to kick herself for thinking, oh, he’s cute.

The blunt truth is this: Ri Ahn is one of two girls in this class of fifteen or so, in a field dominated by males. Femininity is a sign of weakness that the more arrogant boys in the field pray on, and she can’t afford that. If anything, she has to use her girl-ness as a weapon, and all other matters aside, developing an unwarranted crush on the cute recitation teacher really isn’t going to help her in the long run.

Lu Han puffs his cheeks out, looking equally as awkward as the entire class probably feels. Then the kid sitting up front and center either takes pity or finally notices that class has, you know, started, and pauses his game long enough to throw Lu Han a grin. He’d waved at Ri Ahn with a greasy grin when she’d first walked in, but he screamed of the relatively harmless class-clown type.

“Sup,” he says, nodding his head at Lu Han and wriggling his eyebrows. Ri Ahn makes an active effort not to drag her hand down her face exasperatedly.

Lu Han just seems relieved that someone is interacting with him. “Hi,” he repeats, and the boy grins.

“Guess what,” he says, and Lu Han raises an eyebrow, looking uncertain. “My name is Li Han.”

Han isn’t exactly an uncommon name around their campus, but Lu Han still furrows his eyebrows and stares at the kid. Li Han beams.

Ri Ahn resists the urge to sigh loudly, and prays for class to end quickly.

    -- -- --

At the end of it all, Ri Ahn has to give Li Han some credit.

It takes Lu Han point-five seconds to notice the Super Smash Bros in the background of Li Han’s laptop, and the ice breaks like that. An eager Thai boy named BamBam peers at the screen and a kid named Jinyoung joins into the banter about video games. Even the quiet red-head transfer student, Mark, who has slight difficulty understanding sometimes, seems to know exactly what’s going on, looking on curiously. Lu Han proudly declares himself a Starcraft player - but not a League player - yet. Ri Ahn wants to roll her eyes and say, typical, but all of her friends are gamers, and it feels familiar. Ri Ahn likes familiar.

She finds that she enjoys her newfound company, and when BamBam smiles at her and introduces himself, she smiles back.

    -- -- --

“Li Han!” Lu Han scolds, then looks slightly taken aback, considering he’s basically yelling his own name. Li Han twists to face forward again, flashing Lu Han a grin, and Lu Han just sighs.

He looks like he regrets a lot of the decisions in his life that lead up to him teaching a bunch of hooligan Freshmen, but the smile twitching onto Lu Han’s face says he’d do it all over again anyway.

Ri Ahn would have to agree. She regrets almost all the decisions in her life that lead up to her being a computer science major, but when BamBam snickers from behind her, Ri Ahn doesn’t think she would take it back even if she could.

    -- -- --

“It’s hot in here,” Lu Han complains one day, tugging at his collar. He frowns, and Li Han shrugs and says, “Sorry, my bad.”

BamBam snorts, Lu Han sighs with a slight smile, and Ri Ahn can’t resist when she quipps, “Where’d you get that line, seventh grade?”

Jinyoung’s jaw drops and the rest of the boys in class go “Ohhh” like it’s some kind of a big deal. Ri Ahn feels heat crawl up her cheeks but she feels slightly proud of herself, especially when she hears Lu Han laugh, Li Han sulking in his seat with a defeated grin. Jinyoung gives her a thumbs up of approval.

Ri Ahn has a smug smirk on her face, because feigning cockiness is one of her specialties. It turns into a shy smile when she spots Lu Han eyeing her with chuckles still falling from his lips, though, and she ducks her head, biting her lip.

She feels warm, in a good way. College is new and nerve-wracking and she’s no good at making friends but -

They accept her. She fits in.

Ri Ahn smiles.

    -- -- --

“Want a chip?” BamBam offers, and Ri Ahn shakes her head, though amused by the pile of bags of chips he has on his desk. He shrugs, then offers a bag to Jinyoung, who takes it without hesitating. Lu Han is late as usual, and BamBam waves another bag in the air when he shows. “Want one?”

Lu Han hesitates. Ri Ahn can see the want in his eyes, but Lu Han is still awkward even after so many classes and he shakes his head politely. “Maybe later.”

BamBam shrugs again. “Offer stands, then.”

They start class, getting into groups, and Lu Han wanders past BamBam’s desk where BamBam has left a bag open and sneaks a chip. Five minutes pass and he wanders back to the open bag of chips, grabbing another handful, and Ri Ahn ducks her head and tries to hide a smile. The third time he passes by, Ri Ahn is brave enough to call out, “You may as well take the whole bag, Lu Han.” She laughs, and Lu Han has the decency to look embarrassed, hunching his shoulders and grabbing the entire bag like he’s stealing it. Ri Ahn grins, and Lu Han shoves another chip into his mouth, cheeks pink. Ri Ahn chuckles.

    -- -- --

It takes a couple weeks, but eventually Jinyoung joins her on BamBam’s side of the classroom, and Li Han, in need of an outlet, follows along and takes a seat on their side of the classroom. By the time they’re all done moving seats, half of them are crowded on Ri Ahn’s side of the classroom.

Lu Han meanders in late (again), but this time dripping wet from the rain outside, and he shakes his head, flicking water everywhere. He sets his things down and grunts a greeting to the class, looking thoroughly displeased by the weather.

By the time he’s done complaining to himself about the rain and his lack of umbrella (not his lack of intelligence, no, his roommates did not warn him about the rain today, jackasses), class is ten minutes in and he finally realizes that all the boys who had previously sat on his side of the room are now sitting on the other side of the classroom with Ri Ahn.

Ri Ahn can’t even be bothered to kick herself when Lu Han outright pouts, extending his arms and wiggling them up and down, whining. “Why are you guys all the way over there?”

He seems to realize what he’s doing seconds after the fact, and quickly pulls his arms back to his side, ears red. He goes back to his table at the front and ducks behind it, mumbling something about giving the other students in class some more time to filter in because of the rain. He looks like he wants to recollect his masculinity, but isn’t sure where from.

Ri Ahn bites her lip and tries not to smile too much. She admits; Lu Han is adorable.

    -- -- --

“How are midterms for you guys? I know the first year must be rough,” Lu Han says sympathetically. BamBam moans, his head making contact with his desk, and Lu Han winces. Ri Ahn laughs, albeit slightly pained.

“Chemistry will be the death of me,” BamBam says solemnly when he lifts his head back up, and Lu Han perks up at the mention of the subject, while Ri Ahn nods in agreement. BamBam and her have been studying for days on end, and neither of them have the slightest idea what’s going on.

“You guys are in chemistry? Which lecture?” Lu Han’s eyes are bright, and after a bit of confusion, they figure out that Lu Han and Ri Ahn share a lecture, though the hall is so big it’d be a wonder if they ever found each other.

(Ri Ahn still makes it a point to search for him anyway, and she spots him sitting alone off to the far left-hand side of the lecture hall. But Ri Ahn sits next to a close friend from high school in this class, so Ri Ahn opts for never approaching Lu Han unless he finds her first.)

    -- -- --

Their first semester in college passes quicker than Ri Ahn thought it would, with Lu Han ending their class almost as awkwardly as he had started it. He says curtly, “Well, you’ll probably never see me again, unless on the off-chance we share a chemistry lecture,” he nods at Ri Ahn, and Ri Ahn offers a small smile. “But even then, you probably won’t see me. So. Bye.”

He waves, and the class laughs slightly at how blunt he is, and then that’s it, their four months of class together are over. Lu Han boards the same bus they do when they all rush off to their next lecture, and Ri Ahn takes more glances than she cares to admit at the doe-eyed senior year student who sits with his red and black backpack, black earphones plugged in, staring aimlessly.

Ri Ahn knows better. Lu Han is - was - her teacher, and truthfully, hardly a friend. And while she’s made friends with the other boys in her class, Lu Han isn’t the same, because Lu Han, despite it all, has kept that distance between student and teacher.

Ri Ahn, outside of a classroom, doesn’t know Lu Han.

And if Ri Ahn had known what was to come, maybe she would’ve left it that way.