The tiring days on which time seems to drag on forever

Today was their anniversary, 2 years going on none. 2 years hiding from half the team, the company, the fans, the world. 2 years clinging onto a hopeless relationship. They both knew it was helpless but they couldn’t let go, their relationship temporarily stronger every time their eyes met.

The lingering touches on stage could be played off as fanservice but it was very much real. But they had to be careful, they couldn’t show too much or linger for too long. They would find out. It has happened before, with other idols. Their lives were ruined, they were kicked out of the industry and haven’t been seen since. Fans always go too far, read in too deep, deep enough to see the truth in the lie. The lie that was a lie.

They knew it wasn’t allowed, underlined in red in their contracts. NO DATING. It wasn’t just that rule they were breaking, with the late night touches and the words whispered before sunrise. The unspoken law. Though not really illegal, to the public it would be shocking, unnatural, an abomination. To be in love with another man was considered the lowest of the low.

They craved for it, the fans. They spent nights awake writing stories of their relationship, when infact they were up simultaneously experiencing it. But, if they knew it was real they would immediately turn their backs and squeeze their eyes shut, wishing for it to disappear. They should make their minds up. As it goes, be careful what you wish for.

Dorm arrangements weren’t made by them, but the company thought they were best friends and that it would be better to pair them with people they felt comfortable with. Little did they know, the two were a lot more. They should be thankful really, it would make things complicated if they had to sneak into a room that contained another member when they just wanted to cuddle or do anything intimate.

They weren’t sure how the company hadn’t figured anything out yet and they weren't sure they ever would, but they were sure they had to keep hiding. It was tiring. After the first year their bright smiles towards each other were worn, and the touches seemed less sincere. They would constantly dodge questioning looks sent their way from the other members.

Back before the debut of the group, it was known among the trainees that Taemin had a male lover, only later did everyone find out his mysterious boyfriend was Jongin, their soon to be team mate. When the company heard they were forced to part ways, it’s rumored they tried to carry on in secret, but as soon as Jongin debuted as Kai, their schedules clashed, so they ended up officially breaking it off. That wouldn’t happen to them because they were in the same group, but there was something worse than breaking the original dating rules and worse than being gay, and that was dating another person within the group you debuted with. So who knows what punishment would be waiting for them.

It became harder that year, 3 of the members had left for ‘personal reasons’, well they all knew that is was their deteriorating health, but the managers were keeping closer watch on their personal lives, tracking their internet history, standing in when they took a private call, sometimes sticking their head into your room to see what you were doing. They had figured out the rota after a few months, but within those months they nearly gave up.

They had only small pockets of time alone together, without the other members watching eyes. It wasn’t really the members they were concerned about, they seemed pretty neutral with everything, and they both believed that Jongin and Kyungsoo were struggling to hide their own suspected relationship. It was the managers they were most concerned about, and they would never know which member would snitch.

Jongdae, who was the closest to them, had figured out around half a year ago, and managed to keep it a complete secret. He could be trusted with anything unless it was to do with the effort you put into your work. If D.O. and Kai were dating as expected then they could be trusted too, but neither of them were sure. Sehun would probably accidently give it away considering he was such a whining blabber mouth, who got Luhan permanently kicked out even though he had only left because of his illness, as Sehun had revealed that he was biual. Not only did Sehun get his best friend kicked out, but also his potential lover, the part he missed because he was a moron. Yixing was away most of the time anyway so it wasn’t hard to hide from him, and Tao and Kris had left, probably to pursue relationships back in China (with each other), where a company wasn’t watching their every step. The members they had to look out for the most were Xiumin and Suho. Being the oldest and the leader adds on the maturity so out of every one it would probably be them who’d tell.

Being gay wasn’t actually rare anywhere, definitely within an original group of 12 boys, there are bound to be a couple of queers. But the general public don’t agree, so the rules set by them have to be followed if they still wanted to make money for their dragon of a company. Half of the public themselves were probably queer and too afraid to admit it. So, instead, they damn them to this eternal hell.