" I'm still okay." - Himchan has always silently chanting the sentence again and again in his head.

No mater how many times he prays for the negative feelings inside him to disapper but they keep growing bigger and bigger, especially when B.A.P comeback's day is being closer. Everyone is busy with the preparation, from dancing to recording songs. Then there is also the MV making process. All members are tired but content since they are doing what they love. But again, everyone feels happy except for Himchan. Everyday he struggles with the practice and the recording. He makes mistakes even though he is trying hard.

" Again, hyung. It goes like this, not like that. Here I will show you again. So watch closely, HImchan hyung." - Jongup tiredly says as he shows the moves again to Himchan.

Jongup doesn't usually get frustrated easily with Himchan's dancing but not today. During the whole dance practice, everyone is doing okay but Himchan keeps repeating the same mistakes over and over again. And this makes Jongup feel really tired.

" Really, hyung? It's wrong again. How many time does that make?" - Jongup gives up on showing Himchan the moves again.

" Sorry, Jongup. I didn't mean to. I will try again." - Himchan sincerely apologizes.

" I don't know what is wrong but get your act together, hyung. Aish, I'm tired. Let's take a break, hyung." - Jongup frustratedly says as he walks away from Himchan.

Himchan doesn't utter a sound at what Jongup says. He knows that he is being bother to everyone, especially at this period. But he doesn't know what to do and s are too busy to help him sort out his problem. Himchan walks to the corner of the room and sits there alone, not saying a single word. 

Zelo watches the whole scene. He knows that Jongup hyung is just tired so he doesn't really knows what he is saying. But Himchan hyung is somewhat different. If it's as usual, Himchan would have just scolded Jongup for being rude and gives him energy drink as apology. Now he just sits there, not saying anything and stare into a blank space. Zelo feels like his second oldest hyung is going to fade away and that thought scares him. Zelo carefully approaches Himchan.

" Himchan hyung, are you mad?"

" I'm fine. Why do you ask, Zelo?" - Himchan turns to Zelo.

To Zelo, Himchan is a cheerful hyung, who will always smile at him unconditionally. However, now Himchan just looks at Zelo with a totally blank face. He doesn't smile, or even show any expressions. Zelo frowns a littble bit and says again.

" Hyung, you don't look ok."

" I'm fine, Junhong. Just leave me alone."

" If you're upset about what Jongup hyung says, don't mind it. He doesn't mean it. You know?"

" I understand, Junhong. Just leave."

" Hyung..."

" I said leave, Junhong!" - Himchan suddenly raises his voice at the maknae.

It is the first time that Himchan raises his voice with Junhong as he usually adores the maknae. All members turns to Himchan to see him being completely expressionless while Zelo biting his bottom lip, not knowing what he does wrong.

" Hyung, Junhong is just trying to take care of you. Why are you mad? " - Daehyun tries to put his hand on Himchan's shoulder to calm him down.

But before Daehyun's hand even touch him, Himchan slaps his hand away.

" Don't touch me, Daehyun. Just leave me alone, can't you hear me?" - Himchan says without looking at s.

" What's wrong with you, hyung? We are just trying to help. Don't take it out on us! " - Youngjae, who is unable to stand the situation, raises his voice at Himchan.

" Help? If you want to help me, then leave me alone. You guys have done that so well until now so continue." - Himchan advoids any attempts of making eye contacts with s.

" How can you say that, hyung? Fine, if you are behaving like this, why are you even here? Everyone is working so hard. And what are you doing?" - Youngjae snaps back at Himchan's words.

" Yoo Youngjae!" - Yongguk finally speaks up to stop the situation from getting worse. " Everyone just calm down. Right now, we are all tired. So let stop this. I think we have had enough practice for today. Let go back to the dorm and rest."

As Yongguk commands, the members start to gather up their things and prepare to leave. Himchan knows that he is wrong to lash out like that but he can't control it. He was frustrated at himself. Himchan looks at s in silent. He can clearly see how hurtful Zelo and Daehyun are, how mad Youngjae is and how disappointed Jongup is. He looks at Yongguk as the eldest also looks at him. They don't say a word but Himchan knows that Yongguk is disappointed with his behavior.

Himchan has messed up a lot during the recording. Yongguk even sends him out of the studio once or twice. Yongguk is okay with that because he knows HImchan is trying hard. But today is not like that anymore. Himchan is Yongguk's best friend in the team, the only person that he can truly express himself. Yongguk hates this tense asmostphere. But as the leader, Yongguk knows that he will have to have a word with Himchan about today's incident, because that is his duty to the team. Before Himchan leaves the practice room, Yongguk calls out to him. 

" Himchan, stay behind for a bit. I want to talk to you."

Himchan doesn't say anything, just quietly nods. Now in the practice room, there is only Yongguk and Himchan. Yongguk sits down on the floor, waiting the younger to join him. However, Himchan doesn't move. He just stands there, look straight into Yongguk's tired eyes. The eldest sighs and starts speaking.

" Today..."

" I know I'm wrong. You don't need to say it." - Himchan interrupts.

" Himchan, what is happening with you recently? You're acting strange."

" I don't know. How do I usually act?" 

" What are you saying? You always make the same mistake in the dance practice. You doesn't prepare for the recording session. And today you even vent your anger at the members. That's not how you should act as a hyung."

" I know."

A heavy silent falls upon the two good friends. Yongguk has never seen his friend like this. It makes him feel like he is talking to a souless doll. Yongguk stands up from the floor and says again.

"Don't vent it out on our members. I don't want this happen the second time. You understand right, Himchan?"

" Yes, I got it, Yongguk." - Himchan formally replies to the leader.

As he passes Yongguk to get out of the practice room, Himchan thinks he would be angry, sad or hurt, but truthfully, he doesn't feel anything. He just feels so empty inside. Looking at the van waiting outside the practice room, for the first time, Himchan questions if that is where he belongs. He used to be certain that he was a part of  B.A.P. However, now, he is not so sure anymore. Right now, he just wants to be alone.

Himchan just stands still at the practice room door, before he decides to go and talk to the manager hyung.

" Hyung, I'm not going back to the dorm today."

" What are you talking about, Himchan? Get in the car. Everyone is waiting for you."

" I just want to be alone for tonight. I promise I will be at the practice room tomorrow morning. So just for today, please let me go." - Himchan pleads as if he were on verge of tears.

For some reasons, the manager can't bear to see that expression in Himchan's eyes. Right now, the once cheerful man looks like a dying man, so he compromises with the boy.

" Ok, I got it. But promise me that you will call to inform me where you are. And make sure to leave your phone on so I can call you anytime. Do you understand? "

Himchan nods to signified that he understands. He waves goodbye to the manager before walking away in the opposite direction of the dorm.

Before Yongguk comes out of the practice room, Himchan has already got on a taxi and left the place.

" Manager hyung, where is Himchan?" - Yongguk asks after he gets on the van, looking around for the familiar figure.

" Isn't he with you, Yongguk hyung?" - Daehyun asks.

" No, he comes out before me. He is not here?" 

" No. Himchan hyung didn't get in the van." - Zelo softly says.

Youngjae is still a little bit upset, while Jongup is too tired to care about the situation. Just then the manager informs that Himchan won't be coming back with them today.

" Wait, what? Why? Did something happen, hyung?" - Yongguk worriedly asks.

" He said he wants to be alone tonight."

" But that doesn't mean you should let him be. What if something happens? What are you thinking, hyung? " - Youngjae finally voices out his concern.

" Don't worry. I will call to check up on him every now and then." - The manager tries to reassure them.

" Aish, I don't care anymore. That hyung has been acting strange for days now. Yongguk hyung, you have to do something about it." - Youngjae lets out a big sigh before closing his eyes to rest.

The whole van feels into a deep silent. The dosaengs just slowly falls asleep since they are tired. But Yongguk just stares intensely at his phone, debating if he should call Himchan or not. In the end, he decides that Himchan might need sometime to be alone after all. 

" He will be back to normal by tomorrow." - Yongguk reassures himself and closes his eyes to rest as well.

However, Yongguk and the members would never have guessed from that day on, Himchan starts to fall apart. And the day they have to part would be coming soon.

Yes, chapter 3 :) I'm still working on how the story should go. But probably, in the next chapter, Himchan will be saying goodbye to B.A.P. It's sad but it's important that he needs to leave. As I have promise the story will definitely get a happy ending so don't worry.

Again thank you for reading! Love you guys.

Ps: I know I shouldn't do this but I have many ideas for Banghim couple so I want to write another stories in a different setting for them. But I can't write all of them at once so it would be great if you can help me choose which one I should write side by side this on-going story.

1. Yongguk is a single dad with a cute son, our Junhong, of course. Himchan is a kindergarten teacher but was fired because of some troubles caused by his ex-boyfriend at the school. Daehyun is Yongguk's friend and Youngjae is Himchan's friend. Of course, Daehyun and Youngjae is a couple. So when Himchan is trying to find another job, Daejae couple introduces him to be a nanny for Yongguk's family. And you know what happen? With the love power's of Daejae and little Junhong, Banghim couple will have to be couple ( because I say so :3)

2. Himchan is a genius pianist, with an attractive appearance, but his personality is a completely opposite. Yongguk is an amazing composer, who is not good at expressing himself. But when listening to Yongguk's music by accident, Himchan falls in love with Yongguk without knowing the guys. And so the story is about how a stoic composer slowly falls for a genius but annoying pianist.

3. The setting is in university, Himchan is older than Yongguk. Himchan is the most popular but mysterious guy in school. There are rumours about him. He is said to be the guys wanted by both man and woman. Yongguk is a stoic guy, who adores his family. Most importantly, Yongguk hates guys like Himchan. But what happen when Himchan force himself on Yongguk? Is it really hate that Yongguk feel for Himchan? Or is it love at first sight? ( This idea is pretty much based on a manga that I read. If you want to know the name, ask me privately and I will tell. >v<)

4. This one is the most funny one that I think of. Himchan has a sister. One day, his father coming home, saying that his boss want to arrange a blind date for his sister and his son. As his sister already got a boyfriend so she refuses. So Himchan is forced to dress up like a girl and go in his sister's place. When he thinks the blind date will end in failure, let just say a miracle happen. That guy, Yongguk, like Himchan, who is crossdressing. What will happen to Himchan who would have to keep crossdressing? Or maybe Yongguk has already know the secret? ( Ok for this one, basically, Yongguk knows Himchan was crossdressing but he finds it interesting so he doesn't say anything. There now you know. :3)

If you ask, I still got so many more ideas. But for now these are the one that I want to share with you guys. So if you can, please let me know which one do you want me to write into a story now. ( Trust me, I will slowly turn all these ideas into story someday >v<) Ok? Love Banghim couple so much. They have so many potential for stories. :))

I updated the story a little bit. Hope you guys don't mind for not updating new chapter. Sorry about that.