Next morning I woke up at 9. For some reason I was feeling happy again. And the voice of yesterday’s guy was still ringing in my head on repeat. But while I was having a shower, I got a message in my phone from Dong Youngbae. ‘Can we meet today? We need to talk’, it read. I’m not gonna lie, I felt how something changed in my mood.

His message made it all better, even though I was quite uncertain about the reason why we were supposed to meet later. At the same time though, I felt a terrible sensation sending shivers down my spine. I felt as if there was something really heavy and cold inside my soul, waiting calmly to drop sad news.

I grabbed my phone as I finished dressing up and called him. My phone still had his name recorded with the petname I had for him, and as I dialed I reminded myself to erase that as soon as possible. ‘Ying?’, answered his voice at the other side of the line. My heart skipped a beat.
- Why-why do you want to meet today? – I asked, trying my hardest to sound detached. Impossible thing to do, with my heart beating faster every second
- I need to talk to you. There were things I didn’t say the other day and I think I can’t continue with my life if I don’t come clean with this.
Remember the terrible sensation? That’s what it was waiting for. ‘I can meet you during the morning’, I hurried, ‘I have to work later’.
- I was hoping you’d give me your entire afternoon, Ying. Part of me also misses you.
What is this? He wants to come clean, so that means bad news for me, but he also misses me. Why do I feel like he’s playing some sort of sad, sad game with my heart?
- I miss you too – I recognized. Let me go ask my father if he wants me to work a shift today. I’ll call you back later.
Saying this I just hung up the phone. My nose was itchy and I was about to cry, which would explain why my vision was blurry from the tears. It’s so hard to even begin to explain why is it that I miss him so much, why is it that his words are still carving a huge hole in my soul, in my spirit. I went downstairs to ask my dad if I had to work, he just shrugged.
I took that as a no. I want to see Youngbae.

I called Youngbae back and arranged a time.

I waited patiently until the time – 3 pm – arrived. I double, even triple checked myself in the mirror to see everything was fine and that I looked decent.

We met by the river, right were we had broken up. Bitter memories rushed to my head, as I could see him walking calmly to me. ‘It’s nice to see you now’, he greeted me, ‘I think it’s nice to see you after what happened’. I smiled weakly.
- How are you? – I asked softly, as we sat on a bench
- I’m fine. I just really needed to talk to you. I feel you’re the only person I can trust.
- What do you want to talk about?－ I asked, as he placed his hand on my knee.
- Ying, I want to apologize for the things I said