Chapter 2 Crush(ing)

             Two years later, it seemed like they’d been together forever at this point. All of them, together, like a family. While feelings had lingered for so long they became normal and no one notice anymore. JungKook could reach out and touch his hyung without any fear of being caught. He talked more and was more open with them. He still avoided Jimin’s aggressive attention seeking but these days he loved playing with them more. TaeHyung was the same as always and Kookie loved to sing with him. Hobi had started helping create their dance choreography and they were now singing NamJoon and Yoongi’s handwritten songs together. They had just topped the charts and won awards for one of Kookie’s favorite songs yet and together they were basking in the lights of fame. It was nice that they could still play around, be silly and be themselves in the face of idol’s fame. He was thankful to his hyungs for preserving that individuality for them. “Come here, Kookie” Yoongi called and Kookie followed him onto the set of the photoshoot to take pictures together. He really liked Yoongi these days. He was just as smart and witty as always, but he had longer bleached blonde hair now and he’d sort of grown into the father’s role for the members. He was precise and helpful whenever he could be. The shorter boy looked Kookie over once before straightening his collar and then smiled a parental smile. NamJoon joined them for a few pictures and Kookie had learned to keep his cheeks from reddening and his heart from jumping out of his chest. He was more comfortable now, not only with their leader but with all of them. He moved off set so the hyungs could take a few photos together and he could watch on. The two hyungs were silly but very handsome. NamJoon was perfect in a fitted suit with nice dress shoes. His photos would definitely turn out great. Yoongi abandoned the set and the next pictures were pictures of their handsome leader with the female MC for the show they’d just won an award on. Not that the leader seemed too interested but Kookie hated to see them touching. He hated to see how polite NamJoonie was with the pretty little singer. He hated how she looked at him with her pretty, wanting eyes. At this point the kid knew he didn’t have a chance with his leader. He knew. He knew that the deep voiced rapper was oh so very straight. He knew that little girl’s like that were his leader’s taste and a deep pain radiated through his chest.

             “Ya!” came a complaint from the side and Jimin stood with a scrunched nose, “Jeon JungKook! Did you eat the last doughnut?!” Kookie grinned an evil smile and rubbed his belly happily. In truth it had been offered to him, so he’d accepted it, but he liked to mess with the hyungs a little. It would also serve as a good distraction. Jimin rushed for him but the kid slipped away and hid behind TaeHyung who put his hands up defensively but allowed himself to be pushed around by their youngest member. He grinned a huge grin at the Jimin whose puffy baby cheeks had begun to disappear and who now held more adult, seductive eyes. Jimin wrapped his arms around Tae to try and catch the kid but Kookie was always just a little too fast as he slipped away and Tae, who how had dirty blonde hair that fell into his eyes, laughed loudly before being abandoned. They ran around the set for a bit until the magnae slid into place next to Yoongi whose presence calmed the members easily. Jimin quit running and approaches casually, trying to pull the kid up by the hands, but Kookie was stronger and held the other off for a moment before Yoongi told Jimin to go play somewhere else. He wrapped an arm around the magnae and messed up the kid’s hair before having him sit still and be a pillow.

             Jimin watched Kookie resting next to their little feisty blonde. He was jealous that Yoongi could lean on the kid like that. The magnae didn’t push the blonde away and didn’t complain, he just sat there with his eyes fixed in thought. He was acting weird. When Jimin had found him earlier the kid looked like he was about to cry. It irritated him. He had long since figured out what the kid was looking at and what made him sad. Their leader stood awkwardly posing with a pretty female singer and Kookie’s eyes completely gave him away. Even now, with Yoongi sleeping on his shoulder his eyes occasionally glanced over to the set. The kid’s eyes were always looking for their leader, for his attention, his approval, for his affection. It heated Jimin up, why couldn’t it be him? Why did Kookie look to someone else? It also hurt. It hurt a lot. Finally he approached the kid again to note, “she’s really pretty isn’t she?” looking over at the set and the kid shrugged with a stoic facial expression but his eyes gave him away. They looked longing and sad. Suddenly he didn’t want to push the kid away from the leader, he wanted to comfort him. To tell him it was okay. To hold him. He searched for words but was at a loss.

             Of course that is when NamJoon abandons the set and the woman follows him over to s. Tae, Hobi, and Jin were moving to take a few photos themselves and so the leader headed for the three of them. Yoongi lazily greeted them as the girl introduced herself, formally, to the other members. Kookie smiled at her but his smile wasn’t sincere, and it wasn’t as bright as normal. For what seemed like forever she stood there and flirted with their leader, despite Jimin’s attempts to annoy her or draw her attention away. He could see the discomfort growing on the kid’s face as the girl continued and finally she asked the youngest if he thought the leader was as handsome as she did. The kid froze and Jimin was just about to pipe in when TaeHyung appeared out of nowhere and slipped his headphones over the youngest member’s ears. “JungKookie, listen to this song! It’s really good! Let’s learn it together.” The other boy’s rectangular smile was so contagious that it made the youngest member smile too and the girl seemed a little miffed but NamJoon laughed and Yoongi apologized, explaining that Tae tended to be completely unaware of what was going on outside of his own world. He didn’t do it on purpose. I guess that’s true, Jimin thought to himself, watching Tae dance to his own music while Kookie listened though the headphones. Kookie’s tense shoulders relaxed and his face softened as he was caught up in the silly alien’s pace. He’d successfully pulled the kid away from the situation and calmed him down. Jimin was jealous… again.

             For the rest of the day Kookie did his best to avoid both the woman and their leader, tensing and saddening with each interaction. Finally Jimin caught the kid and pulled him away to talk. He led the depressed JungKook into the stairwell and sat on the stair, signaling the kid to sit next to him. The little brunette plopped himself down and rested his head on Jimin’s shoulder. The older boy felt his entire body tense as he talked himself down again. “You seem sad.” Jimin noted and felt the younger boy tense up. “Is something wrong?” he continued. He knew exactly what was wrong, but he’d continue to pretend he didn’t know. Somehow, if he said it out loud it felt like he was validating his loss.

             “Hyung” JungKook noted, moving to nuzzle his face into Jimin’s shoulder, “hyung, what do I do?” The kid sounded like he was on the verge of tears and his body was shaking a little. Jimin started to turn to pull the trembling nineteen year old into his arms but the kid held his shoulders where they were. “Not yet” he mumbled with his face pressed into his hyung’s back. Warm breath was heating a spot on Jimin’s shoulder and he felt the first few tears as the kid struggled to keep it in.

             “Hyung what do I do?” Kookie repeated and Jimin took in a deep breath before pulling the boy around and into his chest.

             “TaeTae, go find the other two so we can go home!” Hobi noted, waving TaeHyung away so the kid shrugged. He was bored with all their paperwork and interviews anyway. He searched around the set and somehow felt himself panic a little as he couldn’t find the tall brunette who was their youngest member. He’d known something was wrong, but hadn’t gotten a chance to ask yet because Hobi kept pulling him away. Hyung was needy today. He’d looked everywhere on their floor when he passed a staircase. A chill ran down his spine so he looked around before glancing in the door. Inside he saw their backs so he quietly opened the door, hoping to scare them. That’s when he saw Jungkook’s shaking frame and Jimin wrap him in his arms. TaeHyung froze, unsure of what to do. Should he call out to them? The situation seemed serious, but he didn’t want to get left behind. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” Jimin said softly as he rubbed Kookie’s back. Just before Tae had decided to leave he heard the magnae’s shaking voice. “Hyung… I like NamJoon hyung… I like him a lot. I like him romantically. What do I do? I know he’ll never feel the same. I know it. I know it’s wrong and that I’m terrible…” Tae could hear the tears in the child’s voice and pain rose in his own chest.

             “Oh, Kookie” Jimin whined and squeezed the kid tight, “It’s okay. You’re not terrible. We all have crushes and we all fall in love.”

             “It’s okay” the younger noted, “I don’t think it’s love. I think it’s just a crush and I’m… I’m going to stop now. I’m not going to like him anymore. It’s best… for both of us and for the group.”

             “Maybe, love isn’t something you can quit easily.”

             “Have you ever fallen in love?” Kookie asked, suddenly, whipping off his tears and facing his hyung. For some reason panic rose in Tae as he watched the way Jimin looked at the crying magnae. “Of course.” Jimin noted, “I think I’m in love now.”

             “You are? With who?”

             Ah, Tae panicked, No. He’ll say it. He’ll tell you.

             “With who? Well... with...” Jimin started and TaeHyung’s sense of urgency kicked in, He swung the door opened and called their names loudly, as if he hadn’t looked in yet. You can’t tell him Tae thought to himself, You can’t. And then he wondered to himself why he was panicked and why the thought of Jimin confessing to JungKook scared him so. The two boys straightened up quickly and Jimin stuttered through telling TaeHyung they were coming. He waited outside of the door for Kookie to clean his tears and Jimin to lead him out. Jimin glared at Tae but as soon as they were out the magnae clung onto Tae instead of Jimin so the other boy let him, he wrapped his arm around the younger boy and led him to the restroom to wash his face and put cold water on his puffed eyes. The kid looked like he was waiting, but Taehyung knew better, “It’s okay.” He told the kid, “I won’t ask if you don’t want to tell me.” Kookie looked relieved and leaned into Tae’s chest for a few moments before they went outside to meet the others, hand in hand. Is a crush that bad? Tae wondered as he watched the kid carefully avoid their leader and ask to sit in the back with Yoongi who just went to sleep, as usual.  

             He wondered who he could ask. He thought it would be too awkward to ask Jimin or JungKook, Kookie was having a hard time and Jiminie would know he listened in, even if it was an accident. He could ask Jin but he was asleep on NamJoon’s shoulder and NamJoon had his headphones in. He sighed and looked over at Hobi who was happily listening to music. Jimin was completely off in his own world with his headphones in and his eyes focused on something out of the window… possibly on his own thoughts and probably about what happened earlier. He waved at Hobi to get his attention and then glanced at Jungkook who had fallen asleep with his own headphones in. They were all tired. Hobi took out one of the buds and gave Tae a surprised expression. “What is it, TaeTae?” he asked, leaning forward and Tae glanced around again to make sure no one was listening in.

             “Hyung, can I ask you a question?”

             “Ohhhh, you’ve come to the great Hobi for advice?”

             Tae giggled. He liked his hyung’s silly antics and Hobi liked that Tae would always laugh or respond in a similarly silly manner. “Hyung, what is a crush like?”

             “Oh? Does TaeTae have a crush? Who is it?”

             “No, but someone I know seems to be in pain because of a crush. I’ve never had one so I was wondering what it’s like.”

             “Of course you haven’t” Hobi noted, “You’re too handsome and fun for normal people.”

             “Hyung!” Tae laughed, delightedly when Hobi made kissy faces as he complimented the boy. It wasn’t that the younger wanted to kiss his hyung, he just thought he was really funny and so he laughed.

             “Crush, huh?” the happy-go-lucky dancer contemplated, “it’s like when you want to kiss and hold someone.”

             “Ew” Tae laughed and Hobi acted like he was going to catch and kiss his younger bandmate when Yoongi grabbed him by the collar and yanked him back. It surprised both of them and Hobi bickered, irritated, with the older boy who called him an idiot. The blonde locked eyes with his alien dongseng and sighed before gently resting the mangae’s head on the seat and scooting to the edge of his own. “You want to know what a crush is like?” Yoongi asked and Tae nodded, “Crushes are complicated and simple at once. You only see one person, and you want to touch them and for them to reach out to you. It’s love you have to worry about. When you’re in love that person is something that fills you, drains you, and tosses you around like an angry winter sea. That person can make your entire day better, their smile shines like a second sun, a simple touch causes your heart to try and escape from your chest. All you can see is how beautiful they are. They are all you think about…but they can ruin you just as easily as make you happy. You see all their good points and ignore the bad. Every little thing they do affects you. You want to touch them but when you see someone else touching them you feel like dying it hurts so much. You want to keep them as your own but when they don’t want, or are just busy, you feel like the world is crushing you. If they accept you it is incredible happiness, if they reject you you’ll drown in a sea of sadness. If you play, nothing else matters but when you fight you want to beg for death and beg to go back to the happiness. Love is a hard, complicated thing that one should be careful about… and if it isn’t love, it doesn’t last and it becomes bitter. If it is love, it’s impossible to escape.”

             Tae stared at the usually indifferent older boy with wide eyes and caught breath, sometimes he forgot how poetic the sleepy and feisty Yoongi was. Crushes sounded rough. He wondered if JungKook would be okay… He wondered if it was okay to stop Jimin earlier. He wondered why his chest was starting to hurt. He wondered who it was that his hyung had felt that way about. Lost in thought he turned back to stare at his reflection in the window.  He wondered if he’d made anyone feel like that and if he himself would ever feel like that… he wondered about JungKook.

             Jimin stared at his face in the window as he went over the evening for the millionth time. Hobi had drug him into the seat next time him and was being irritatingly hyper but the puppy boy was still lost in thought. He had almost admitted his feelings to JungKook. He had almost told that sweet kid right then and there when the kid had finally opened up to him enough to tell him about his crush. It felt like a betrayal of the child and he felt dirty. He wanted to shower. He stared at his made-up face again he felt his body tense. He was so upset with himself. If he’d said it he would have been taking advantage of Kookie’s tender position but when the kid looked up at him with those big, beautiful, sad eyes he had lost himself. He’d even entertained the thought of kissing the child. Jimin wanted to bang his head against the window but Hobi would notice so he clenched his fists tight and scrunched his eyes shut, trying to think of anything else. That’s when it popped up. That TaeHyung’s damn perfect timing. How was his timing so perfect? A part of him praised and thanked the other boy for stopping him from taking advantage of a hurt, vulnerable Kookie but another part of him bristled at the idea that Tae had popped in on purpose. He felt the anger well as he thought about the perfect moment of trust between them. It had been progress and it had been just them but then that alien… He sighed. He knew it was best that he hadn’t said anything either way… but why did Kookie immediately go to their friend?

             Why did he go to TaeHyung? He went straight into the alien’s arms like a magnet. Where did Tae take him when they disappeared? Didn’t he and Kookie just have a moment? Weren’t they progressing? He’s waited so long to hear that kid say that he’d give up on their leader and then he runs straight to their friend? He thought about all the years that he’d watched their beautiful magnae crush on their oblivious leader. Dammit. He was still jealous and upset with JungKook’s obvious feelings but now he had a chance! If the kid could give up on NamJoon… if he could move on and Jimin could be there for him. Maybe the kid would come to him on his own. Maybe Jimin would finally be able to hold him and finally be okay to tell him… or he’d just run to someone else… like TaeHyung. Why Tae? Why, of all people, their other roommate and Jimin’s closest friend on the team. The dancer focused on controlling his breathing and drowned himself in the heavy beat of the music, trying to drown out his thoughts. He was jealous and angry, he felt dirty and he felt betrayed. He wasn’t going to sleep well.

             JungKook followed the other into the dorm, avoiding eyes and questions with the help of TaeHyung and Yoongi who started bickering with HoSeuk so that attention was drawn to them. Jimin didn’t say a word and for that his dongseng was thankful, he was more thankful when, for the very first time, the three of them went to sleep almost immediately, without joking around or playing. Loud and obnoxious as they occasionally were his roommates were good hyungs. Kookie snuggled into his blanket and hid his face from the world as he let the tears flow. No sobs, no noise, but he could at least cry. He would cry all of his feelings out and tomorrow he would be over it. He would be over this crush. He couldn’t hold on anymore. He was tired and hurt and he knew that his feelings were a detriment to the band. He didn’t want to ruin this perfect family he’d found just because of some stupid adolescent feelings. He just wanted to be numb. He was tired of avoiding and watching without being able to do anything. He’d let it all out and then act like everything is normal. Almost everything. If he got rid of the crush he could become closer, both to NamJoon as well as the other members. He wouldn’t be weighing the band down. Things would be better. He’d have to focus on being numb. He’d have to focus on acting normal. He yawned, knowing that it was going to be hard for a while.

             He thought back to Jimin’s gentle words and kind touch, and to admitting everything. It felt better to have told someone and he knew that Jimin would never give him up. He was a good friend. A sudden thought came to his mind, the image of TaeHyung waiting for him outside with warm eyes and a concerned smile. He really liked how that hyung made him feel better. Just seeming him had helped a little. Their alien who was always happily in his own world but still took the time to be concerned for the young boy. The hyung who was always laughing and making Kookie laugh too. He wondered if it would look suspicious if he spent more time with TaeHyung. He wondered why he’d gone so easily from Jimin who had listened to him, to the one waiting outside. Probably because Tae’s presence was softer. He heard someone else toss a little in bed and then let himself fall asleep, wondering if he could actually be numb in the morning.

    In the morning he woke to TaeHyung’s warm hands and opened his eyes to see the older boy shushing him. He was holding two warm tea bags and then pointed to his eyes. Ah, Kookie thought, he’s trying to help me get rid of my swollen eyes. The bright hyung smiled and patted him on the chest. The younger boy knew it was morning, the gentle rays of sunlight cascaded in their white curtains but he didn’t want to get up at all. He wanted to stay, curled in the comforter that was actually too hot, but he couldn’t. He followed Tae’s instructions and laid in bed with the tea bags over his puffy eyes. The tea smelled good and he liked the feeling of the moisture on his face. It was calming. He stretched his limbs and yawned widely before Tae returned and took the bags away, winking at him and then doing a silly hand motion which caused the younger boy to giggle. The older boy turned to go back into the kitchen and Kookie glanced over to see Jimin still balled up under his own comforter. The younger boy lifted himself to go to the bathroom and glance in the mirror. His hyung’s treatment worked pretty well. It at least didn’t look like he’d been crying. Maybe that he didn’t sleep well but the crying had almost disappeared. He washed his face with cool water and applied the right products before abandoning his warm pajamas for workout clothes. He wanted to do something that involved moving. Sitting still wouldn’t be good. It would hurt too much to not be busy. Jin stopped JungKook to tell him to be back for breakfast and the boy accepted before hurrying off for a jog. He waved at TaeHyung who was happily motioning to him in the window. That kid was so strange but also very comforting.

    Tae sat at the window and watched JungKook’s small figure, which had become much more manly lately, disappear into the morning fog. He stared into the crisp air for a bit before Jin called out to him, “he better be back in time to shower before school.” Tae giggled and moved to watch Jin cook, as usual. He watched the oldest member’s broad back and wondered if he had also had a crush or been in love. He wondered how hard it was on their kind and thoughtful oldest hyung. Jin was very handsome, but he still reminded the observer of his mom. It was HoSeuk who emerged next, happily chatting with the two of them for a while before the other woke up and Kookie returned. The kid hopped in the shower and rushed through getting dressed so that he’d have time to eat. Jin hated it when they rushed through eating. He claimed it was disrespectful to the food and that food should be savored. Jimin’s face drooped and he looked like he’d barely slept, Tae thought he should have heated some tea bags for Jiminie too. NamJoon eyed the two younger members with bags under their eyes but he didn’t say anything. Yoongi, who had woken up early for the first time in an eternity was falling asleep over his plate while Hobi waited to record him falling in. Kookie’s eyes stayed focused on the food and Jimin’s eyes stayed focused on Kookie. Tae wondered if they were thinking about crushes too. Finally Jin and the magnae abandoned the table to hurry the younger to school and Hobi and Jimin left to clean the dishes. Yoongi had pushed his plate up and was sleeping with his head on the table while NamJoon watched Jimin’s back.

    “Hyung” Tae asked, while the others couldn’t hear. He didn’t want Jimin to hear. His leader flashed him a curious look and the curious Tae continued, “have you ever had a crush?”

    “A crush?” the older repeated and sighed with a sad look creeping into his eyes.

    “Are all crushes painful?”

    “What? Nah. They can be really fun and really great, happy memories.”

    “So… how do you know?”

    The leader gave a little laugh and stared off into thought for a moment, “It’s like riding a roller coaster. You don’t know until it hits you.”

    “What’s it like when it hits you?”

    “Have you ever looked at someone and thought, ah, what a work of art? And suddenly they’re all you think about. All you see. You think about their happiness first and how to make them want you like you want them. Suddenly you notice how pretty their smile is, or some gesture that you really like. Something moves your heart and makes it want to run to them, right out of your chest. Just seeing them is enough to give you butterflies, but their touch… their touch is like fireworks made from a billion little lightening bugs that set you on fire.”

    “So you’ve had one.”

    “Have you listened to any of our music you silly brat?”

    Tae giggled and their leader scolded him jokingly before Hobi drug Jimin out of the house claiming that it was dance time and trying to drag them along as well. “I’ll stay with Yoongi” Tae noted and they nodded, dragging the leader out with them. As much as he protested, the silver haired leader allowed them to pull him out. The observer laughed at them before turning his attention the the hyung sleeping on the table next to him. He observed his elder’s slender figure hidden under his black tee and sweats down to soft milky white barefeet. He looked at Yoongi’s face and thought of NamJoon had told him. Yoongi was really handsome, like a doll, when he slept. His dark eyelashes stood out against angelic pale skin and soft blonde hair. Thin but well managed lips that spit poems and rhymes that took the world by surprise were soft and gentle looking. He even had a nice slope of the neck. He was really beautiful, but it didn’t make Tae’s heart do anything so he supposed that his affection for that hyung was not a crush. Suddenly he noticed black pools eyeing him and his hyung sat up. “Why are you staring at me?” he asked.

    “You’re very pretty, hyung.” Tae replied sincerely.

    “Oh?” Yoongie smiled and made a funny gesture to show off his face, “You just noticed? Does it make your heart move?” They laughed together and the hyung stretched in his chair. “Wanna watch some TV?” the older asked and younger agreed happily.

    Hobi had drug him out to the studio to practice and now Jimin stood there, staring at his ugly, sleepless face in the mirror. The longer he looked at himself the dirtier and more upset he felt. Memories of that night almost made him feel nauseous. “Whatever it is” Hobi noted softly in his ear, “Dance it off.” The younger boy accepted the idea and readied himself to start moving once the music was played. He himself into the dance and didn’t stop. He didn’t stop when the others did to catch their dancing black hole of a leader up. He didn’t stop when the other took breaks and he didn’t stop even when it hurt to continue. He wasn’ trying to hurt himself but he was afraid to stop. He was afraid to think about anything else. He was afraid of how dirty he felt and afraid of facing the others with these emotions. Finally he collapsed, sweat covering his screaming muscles and drenching his clothes. It felt good. The movement had helped, just like Hobi predicted. He laid on the cold practice floor and stared up at the ceiling.The visions of the night before had finally started to fade a little and he felt as though he’d finally worked he dirty out. He could face Kookie again. He would just have to work on better self control. He couldn’t take advantage of the vulnerable boy. He needed control of his emotions just like he needed control of his muscles. He closed his eyes and heaved a heavy sigh but when he opened them he saw the concerned face of their leader. The older boy gave him a little smile before setting a cold drink on Jimin’s forehead. The younger boy sat up and yanked the top off of the water before guzzling it down. He figured he was getting over it when NamJoon’s face didn’t bother him. He thought he’d be fine, until he saw TaeHyung coming in for vocal training. Something inside of Jimin bristled but his friend waved at them happily before being drug away. “He has a lot of parts in this album” HoSeuk noted and their leader smiled a proud smile before collapsing next to Jimin.

    “Just watching you made me tired.” The leader laughed before pulling the sweaty youngster into his arms and coaxing Hobi into tickling him while he couldn’t fight back. Being the youngest was rough when the other two weren’t around, but he liked it. He liked his hyungs attention and their peculiar affections and he kind of liked not having to fight for it. Now if only he could get the same attention from Yoongi… or JungKook. He couldn’t push Kookie for now. He had to remind himself.  

    The youngest member had spent the entire day of school planning how to act, he was ready now. He could definitely act numb now. He didn’t really have a choice. He could hope that the hyungs had already left for studio but it wasn’t very likely. He prepared himself before stepping inside of the dorm to face his fears. Inside was almost empty only Yoongi lounged on the couch with a living room covered in half written pages of muisc and poetry, Jin in their room playing video games, and in his own room slept TaeHyung. He hadn’t even bothered to cover up and looked a little cold so the younger one took the comforter off of his own bed to place over the hyung who’d been helping him. A manga fell to the floor and the younger one giggled at the thought of TaeHyung reading romance manga. There was no way that he stayed interested too long, since he didn’t seem to care about things like romantic relationships. He found himself staring at his hyung’s sleeping face for a few moments, taking it in. Sometimes he forgot just how handsome the older boy was. Tae’s silly facial expressions and happy personality sort of threw off the immense beauty of the sleeping alien. Suddenly the door swung open and Jimin huffed in loudly. Kookie immediately grabbed the older boy by the mouth and pulled him out of the room before motioning to the sleeping TaeHyung. Jimin scrunched up his nose and complained about needing a shower. “If you don’t wake Tae up, let’s ask SeokJin hyung to play some video games together.” the younger boy suggested and the shorter boy agreed excitedly, sneaking in to shower quietly. The magane didn’t know why, but he didn’t want to wake the peacefully sleeping TaeHyung. The shower was on in the hyungs’ room too. Jiminie must have been with Hobi. He moved out into the living room to grab some water when a smiling and laughing HoSeuk caught his eye. A sense of dread flowed through him as he knew that the person who’d just returned and was in the shower was, infact, the one he wanted to see least.

    It’s okay. He was prepared. He had plans… and both Jiminie and TaeHyung were there too. He’d be okay. Jimin returned before their leader had abandoned the shower and they begged the oldest hyung to allow them some quality time with his new gaming system. Jin gave in to the boys cuteness and gave up the system to move to his laptop. It wasn’t long before their charismatic leader had returned from the shower and was shifting through Yoongi’s scattered noted in the guise of helping clean them up. Yoongi had already stacked up some and Jin stared at them from the other side of his laptop, probably glad he wasn’t having to clean it. Jin did most of the cooking and, in all honesty, Yoongi did most of the cleaning anyway. Once Hobi had returned from his shower, he pushed Kookie out of the way to compete with the pouting Jimin and the leader approached the magnae.

    “How was a school?” NamJoon asked and Kookie worked to calm his swirling emotions before looking the older boy in the eye and replying.

    “It was good. We start midterm testing soon so maybe you could help me go over a few things?”

    “Sure.” NamJoon agreed and moved to sit next to Kookie. The younger boy wouldn’t be able to handle it and his body screamed at him to run away, but he knew it would be suspicious. He felt his body tense and he pain in his chest start to burn but before the leader could sit, someone else had inserted him into the space next to Kookie. Someone with a rectangular smile and sleepy crescent eyes hidden under soft dirty blonde hair. The newly awoken TaeHyung had saved him… again. NamJoon pretended to box Tae over the seat, but let the younger boy sit next to his friend. Jimin exploded into complaints as Hobi won the game and TaeHyung asked to play while Jimin wrestled with Hobi and then took the seat on the other side of Kookie. His loud, competitive, and silly hyungs surrounded him with laughter and sound so that the pain was snuffed out and Kookie found it easier to breath again. A couple weeks of that and he felt his feeling for the leader changing from a crush to love and respect for an older brother. Feelings that were actually reciprocated. It slowly became easier to talk and play with his hyung again. He was extremely thankful to his two silly roommates.

    Jimin watched the younger boy heal while competing with TaeHyung, and unexpectedly Yoongi, for opportunities to help with the process. Those two were perceptive and their timing was really perfect. Jimin was jealous that he wasn’t as quick witted as those two. He was also jealous that TaeHyung was getting a lot of attention from the younger boy, even though he was always so flippantly wandering around and goofing off. It didn’t matter. Jimin was doing a good job at controlling himself, all it took was remembering that night to put his head back on straight. He would continue to observe and help until he didn’t feel like he was taking advantage anymore. That’s when he’d really tell Kookie. He’d tell him that he liked him.

    TaeHyung made sure to check on JungKook often, but still had a lot of things on his own mind. He had spend the week observing everyone he knew so see if he could understand what his hyungs meant and what the kid was going through. He’d noted that Hobi was most handsome when he was dancing, his sleek body moved perfectly to the beat. NamJoon was handsome in a very individual way with thick lips and a manly jaw with sultry eyes. Jin looked like a prince but acted like a mom. He thought that Jimin was particularly handsome now that his baby fat had faded and his hair was a bright red. It suited the happy boy. He’d even looked at girls from famous idol groups, actors, the makeup and styling noonas and everyone else he’d come into contact with. He just couldn’t understand what the hyungs meant. “Something that moves my heart…” he mumbled to himself before stumbling on Kookie who’d fallen asleep on the couch. His hair was back to black and it mixed well with his soft creamy skin and dark lashes. The young man’s face was looking more masculine these days and it seemed like the boy’s shoulders had gotten broader. The sleeping magnae shivered so Tae grabbed a blanket and laid it gently over him when Kookie grabbed his hand and held it for a moment. The surprised TaeHyung nearly jumped out of his skin and his heart raced in his chest as he looked down at the boy clinging to his hand. He was still asleep. Gently Tae pulled away but the beautiful sleeping child groaned and pulled Tae’s hand in, yanking the older boy down onto his level and curling up to sleep with the captured arm. Heat radiated through the prisoner and his heartbeat did not slow down. He wondered if he was having a heart attack.

    “Kookie” he called quietly but the younger boy ignored him, “Kookie, I’m dying I need my arm so I can go to the hospital.”

    “It’s okay hyung” Kookie told him in his sleep, “You won't die. I won't let you.” Tae in a breath and caved in, ready to die next to the sleeping angel. His heart pounding against his chest and warmth pooling in the pit of his stomach. Is was a curious feeling, somewhere between really amazing and nauseating.