Chapter 4 What Should I Do?

    TaeHyung woke with the first rays of the sun drifting in through their window. He woke, but he didn’t move. The heavy warmth of limbs entwined with his own and soft breath against his forehead stilled him for a bit. The gentle scent of JungKook’s skin drifted into his nostrils and he wondered if he was still dreaming. The newly woken Tae wanted to pinch himself to be sure but he didn’t want to wake the sleeping boy. Kookie shifted slightly against him and Tae was suddenly sure that he was awake. His heart felt like it might explode, like it was overloaded with little buzzing fireflies who wanted to escape. Each touch and each movement sent chills through his body and down his spine and set off fireworks in his mind. He wondered why it felt so different with the little brunette. He slept next to most of the members, but it had never felt so… uncontrollable. He wondered if it was okay to feel that way. His eyes took in the sight of Kookie’s sweet sleeping face cast in gentle shadows from the window light, took in his scent, took in the feeling of the boy’s muscles pressed under his clothes and against Tae. His eyes returned to the younger boy’s lips before a thought crossed his mind and he immediately yanked away and shot up, knocking his head on the wall behind him and cringing in pain. Luckily it didn’t wake up the boy sleeping next to him, so Tae slipped out of the bed and closed himself in the bathroom. What had he just been thinking? Why? His face flushed a light shade of red and he stared at himself in the mirror. What was going on? He’d never had feelings like this before. He should ask someone.

    Who could he ask? Wasn’t it wrong? For boys to have those urges for one another? Would they be angry? But he needed to know. Who could he ask? Who could he ask? It felt wrong to ask Jimin, he definitely couldn’t ask Kookie… Their leader might get angry… Could he ask Hobi? He remembered the last time that he wanted to ask something of Hobi and shook his head. SeokJin or Yoongi. It would have to be one of those two… but would Jin tell NamJoon? Would Yoongi have the time to listen? Those thoughts processed as he washed his face and brushed his teeth before moving into the living room. Both Jin and Yoongi were awake and Jin was cooking while Yoongi sat at the table watching him with a tired facial expression. He must have just gotten home. “Were you gone all night, again?” Tae asked and they both turned to stare at him. Yoongi was up in an instant and moving forward to press his hand against the youngest boy’s forehead. “How are you feeling?” he asked and Tae shrugged. He still felt a little sluggish but it didn’t feel like he was dying anymore. Yoongi looked a little relieved and Jin smiled at them from the kitchen, calling Tae to sit and drink a cup of tea. The warmth of the tea filled him and helped him calm down at the same time.

    “Yeah” Yoongi finally answered the younger boy’s question, “I just got back a little while ago. I was planning to eat before going back to sleep.”

    “Hyung you’ll get sick if you keep staying out all night.” Tae warned him and for some reason the other two thought it was really funny because they exchanged glances and then burst with laughter. The youngest of the three laughed too because it was nice to see his family laughing together. Suddenly there was a thud and scrambling from one of the bedrooms and the three turned their attention to a wide eyed JungKook who had raced into the living room, still in the clothes he’d fallen asleep in. The boy stared at the scene for a minute and then marched right up to Tae to place a firm hand on the older boy’s forehead. Almost as if it was instinct TaeHyung jerked back, away from the boy’s hand and the two stared at each other in shock for a moment. “You can’t be so aggressive about it, Kookie-ah. You scared him.” Yoongi teased to lighten the mood and the two boys finally broke their shocked eye contact. Jin giggled and followed along with the teasing. Soon the magnae stood with a red face to apologize for scaring Tae who shook his head and assured the younger that it was okay, he’d just been a little shocked. In reality, the thought of the younger boy’s touch both excited and frightened him, but his fear of his own emotions is what caused him to pull away. Tae spent the next few days carefully avoiding the younger’s touch or affections by sticking next to Hobi and Jimin. With Jimin around the kid was usually trying to fend him off so they could all play together without Tae’s emotions getting in the way.

    Jimin was partially ecstatic and partially suspicious when he caught TaeHyung avoiding any contact made by the younger member and ran to Jimin’s side any time the kid tried to confront him about it. It gave the little dancer a lot more chances to be near and reach out to the magnae without being suspicious, but it hurt a little because he could see JungKook’s pain and worry as well. Together the members stood on a rehearsal stage and so far Jimin had been helping his friend escape the clutches of the magnae but something caught his eye. Kookie had finally gotten close enough to reach out and catch the older boy’s hand, but Tae skillfully avoided it and hopped right into Hobi’s arms. The look of pain and betrayal on the younger boy’s face stuck him deeply and he remembered the times, in the beginning, when Kookie avoided him and ran to the others. He remembered the pain he felt and heaved a heavy sigh. He wanted to be the one Kookie was searching for, but he knew the pain of being rejected by the person you wanted to be near and hated the idea of their beautiful magnae going through it as well. Should he help TaeHyung or help JungKook? Suddenly a heavy hand plopped down on Jimin’s shoulder and he jerked around to see Yoongi’s gently smiling face, “you did well today.” The older boy complimented him and for a moment he forgot about the two friends that he’d been watching and let himself smile brightly back at the hyung who almost never complimented him. It made him feel warm and a little weightless as he watched the blonde pull his arm away and walk towards the others with smooth steps.

    It’s fine. This way Kookie will come to me more. He’ll come to me for support and I’ll make all of the pain go away. Just like that. He assured himself before following the older boy towards s and friends. For days he was a shelter for Tae and someone for JungKook to lean on when he was sad or tired, the same close friend as always. The kid was slowly letting his guard down and allowing more contact between the two of them.

    JungKook couldn’t understand why Tae was avoiding him. Had he done something wrong? Was Tae angry with him? It pained the young boy’s heart worse and worse each time the older pulled away. It was so smooth it was hard to tell if it was coincidental or intentional at first, especially combined with the fact that he wasn’t being avoided in conversation and Tae still played with them a lot. He spoke to JungKook a lot and laughed a lot, but he wouldn’t let the younger touch him. It was obvious after a while. There’s no way there were that many coincidences. Instead of pouring water onto the younger boy’s fuse, it was just burning hotter and Kookie was more and more determined to catch the older boy, just once. He just wanted to ask about it.He just wanted to know if he’d done something wrong. If he’d hurt Tae. He looked for any and every opportunity to grab him or be alone with him but it never worked out. Jimin or Hobi kept appearing. It was starting to make the younger angry.

    TaeHyung had finally gathered the courage and asked Yoongi about how he was feeling. In the early morning, once Yoongi had returned from studio and no one else was up but Jin who was too busy. At first Tae had held back too many details but Yoongi caught on quick. “JungKook.” the older boy said in a soft voice as the two sat on the cool balcony and Tae felt his heart jump. “Man that kid has a way with his hyungs, huh? To have both of you in his pocket.” Tae just waited quietly with a confused face before his hyung continued again. “You’ve been avoiding him and it’s obvious.”

    “Obvious?” Tae thought to himself, had he been avoiding JungKook? “I’ve been avoiding him?”

    “You didn’t even know?” Yoongi laughed, “Man…”

    “I’m just scared. I have all these weird feelings… when he touches me it’s like... “

    “Fireworks made of a thousand tiny lightening bugs going off in under your skin?”

    That was a familiar quote. Tae froze and turned wide eyes on the blonde who was staring out into the streets with a serene expression.

    “I have… a crush?”

    “Seems like it.” Yoongi agreed.

    “On a guy… on a member… isn’t that bad?” Tae asked, feeling guilty for some reason. He turned over everything in his mind and felt a strange pain in his chest, fear.

    “Nah.” Yoongi noted softly, “It happens. Especially in cases like ours. We’re guys, we need affection and… other things… to continue happily, but we’re too busy and too popular to date or even meet girls or other people. After a while… most of us start to develop some kind of feelings between members. It’s pretty common and it’s nature.”

    “Like frogs?” TaeHyung asked, remembering that frogs switch genders when there were too few of any given gender. Yoongi laughed.

    “For someone who doesn’t seem like they were good in school, you seem to know a lot.”

    “I like to study, it’s interesting.”

    “Well…” Yoongi noted, “You definitely have romantic feelings for our Kookie… but you aren’t the only one, you know.” The blonde turned with a soft expression for Tae, “That’s probably why you’re feeling guilty. Because you know already.”

    “... Jimin.” Tae breathed softly, remembering the way that Jimin looked at their youngest member, the way he reached for the brunette and it hurt him… deeply in his chest. He didn’t even notice his hand move to his heart until Yoongi pat him on his head gently. “What should I do?” He asked the older boy desperately.

    “Well…” the blonde seemed to contemplate for a moment before replying, “That’s really up to JungKook. Who he chooses… poor Jimin.”

    “But Jimin has liked him longer.” TaeHyung noted, thinking to himself how bad his feeling were, how wrong they were. To like the same person as his best friend was... too much. He also couldn’t understand why Yoongi had mumbled that last bit… poor Jimin.

    “I can’t do this anymore. Hyung something is wrong and you have to help me!” Kookie whined to Hobi who shrugged.

    “It seems fine to me.” The older dancer noted as the woman fixing his hair complained about his constant fidgeting. Kookie glanced across the room to watch as Tae drifted back and forth from sleep as the stylist working on him blow dried his hair. Dark eyeliner and his serious face showed off, once again, why Tae was considered their second visual. He was too handsome. Too y. The younger had to yank his attention away to beg their lead dancer to go with his plan. Jimin was an MC today so Hobi was his only chance. The older boy gave him a silly face before sighing. “Did you do accidently hurt him or something?” Hobi asked, “Tae has always avoided people once they hurt him.”

    “Not that I know of. Hyung I just want to ask” he whined.

    “Show me something cute.” Hobi demanded and the magnae twitched. He hated ageyo most of all, it was stupid and made him feel embarrassed and young. He didn’t want to be young, he wanted to be old enough for Tae to take him seriously and stop calling him cute. His eyes glanced over to the object of his emotions and he sighed a burdened sigh before turning on the best cuteness he could manage for the waiting dancer. Hobi laughed excitedly and agreed to help, “Honestly I was starting to get annoyed because his avoiding you is starting to show up when we dance.” Hobi replied. So everyone else had noticed too. JungKook pushed back the pang and explained his plan. “You should just try to make him jealous.” NamJoon whispered behind Kookie and the kid whipped around to see his leader give him a little crooked smile and raise an eyebrow. He knew too? Since when? Jealous? ...How?

    The boy’s mind turned all the way through the performance and finally, while they were waiting to see who’d won Jimin returned to them and TaeHyung went straight to the other boy’s side. They had always been close friends afterall. Kookie moved over to join them and stood behind them where he could talk to and touch both, but Yoongi came over excitedly to greet Jimin and stand next to TaeHyung with his arm around the pretty Tae’s shoulder. The two hyungs played together a little as they danced to the music and JungKook felt jealousy well up in him an and his leader’s words suddenly followed. He wrapped his arms around Jimin and rested his head on the shorter boy’s shoulder. The puppy eyed Jimin smiled at him and Kookie felt Tae glance his way and then stop moving around. Had it worked? That fast? That easily? He looked back over and saw that Tae was no longer smiling. It hurt a little so see his happy hyung change so fast, but it was a chance. The younger boy almost reached out to grab him but caught himself and stretched before putting his hands behind his head and letting his elbow bump against the one whose attention he wanted. Tae looked over at him for a second before looking back towards the screen and Yoongi reached up to wrap his arms around Tae’s suddenly sagging shoulders. Kookie couldn’t take it and abandoned his position to go stand next to Hobi.

    At least here he didn’t have to watch Tae being touched by someone else, and Hobi would accept him immediately. The older dancer greeted him sweetly and then wrapped his arm around Kookie to pull him closer to the group. As much as he loved his hyungs, his mood was ruined and he couldn’t fully reciprocate the touch so Hobi moved away and NamJoon reached over to pat Kookie’s cheek. While looking at his leader he caught the sight of TaeHyung watching them with an odd expression. Silent eyes and thin lips with a wrinkled brow. What was that expression? Why did he have such deep thoughts in his eyes? Had it worked? Was his favorite hyung jealous? If he was jealous then…. then that meant… that would mean that… that Tae liked him too. The nineteen year old felt his hopes rise and he in a sharp breath and closed his eyes for a minute, trying to catch hold of his swirling thoughts and overpowering emotions. He couldn’t have hope. He’d just get disappointed.

    “What are you going to do” NamJoon asked Jimin, “if you find out that our JungKook likes someone and it’s not you?”

    “He’s coming around.” Jimin replied as he switched from his stage clothes into the ones he wanted to go home in.

    “I’m serious.” the older boy noted before changing shirts himself.

    “If JungKook likes them, if he’s serious, and that person likes him back... what can I do? Kookie’s happiness is more important.” The little dancer replied and paused for a moment as a numb feeling crept into him. Why was their leader asking a question like that? He whipped around to find the leader watching him with cautious eyes.

    “What if it is someone close to you?” the leader asked and Jimin felt his heart drop.

    “You know something.”

    “I know everything.” NamJoon replied before taking a breath and abandoning the half dressed Jimin to his thoughts. Of course the dancer had known. He watched the magnae far too closely not to know. He kept telling himself that it wasn’t real or at least that his best friend didn’t feel the same way and even if he didn’t he wouldn’t realize that he did unless… unless he asked someone. Would TaeHyung have asked someone? Like NamJoon? Is that why the leader knew? No. Tae would have been too afraid to talk to their leader about it and usually he would just talk to Jimin. He had seemed sort of off lately, more into his thoughts that normal. Did he like JungKook? Had he realized it? Is that why he hadn’t come to his best friend with his worries… because they liked the same person? Oh god, Jimin felt his mind spin and his body starting to crash. It all aligned so well, too well. He dropped the clothes he was holding and collapsed into the chair to stare at the floor for several minutes. A loud knocking on the door pulled him out of his thoughts as Hobi beat on his door, “Are you done yet?” The older dancer asked. They must be ready to go. Jimin hurried through changing and popped out to see his hyung’s bright face waiting for him and TaeHyung leaning quietly on the wall behind him. He looked at the tall vocalist and could see the debate on his face. Turmoil, guilt, and fear were written all over those dark sort of sullen eyes and he looked like me might cry. Why did it have to be Tae? That was the only person that Jimin couldn’t stay mad at. The innocent, happy, and naive boy who bounced around happily in his own world and was Jimin’s favorite playmate. At this point he couldn’t be too mad. He didn’t know if his thoughts were truth yet and it was obvious that TaeHyung was suffering so he gave Hobi a playful punch in the gut and hurried up to wrap an arm around his closest friend’s neck. He could feel Tae tense but he didn’t move away from Jimin’s touch, he didn’t move in either, he was frozen.

    “Hey Tae, let’s take a picture together.” Jimin suggested to lighten the mood, pulling his phone out of his pocket. The deep voiced vocalist posed with Jimin but still looked a little awkward so Jimin rubbed their faces together for the next picture. In an instant Hobi was fighting to get in and TaeHyung giggled as Jimin fought Hobi off. That’s better. A laughing TaeTae.

    A sudden thought occurred to him, would he be fighting to date JungKook… or would he be fighting to keep TaeHyung as his best friend? He really didn’t want to give up the fun they had and he really didn’t want to see his friend sad. Damn, this is too hard.

    Just like they had planned, Hobi had backed JungKook up to sit next to TaeHyung but NamJoon stole his chance away, insisting that he and Tae had to talk about a vocal part in a song that he’d written. Instead Kookie got stuck in the back with Jimin and Hobi and Jin and Yoongi sat between him and the conversation he’d wanted to listen to. Hobi had tried his hardest so the magnae had promised that he wasn’t mad but something seemed wrong with Jimin and so the hyung was clinging onto the little dancer’s arms and the puppy boy kept pushing him away. Kookie had hoped to catch Tae after the show but he’d disappeared and by the time he’d gotten HoSeuk’s text about having found him Jimin was back out and was hanging off of TaeHyung like a hyper puppy. They were even taking silly pictures together and Jimin finally had the older boy laughing again. His crush hasn’t smiled once, not really, since what happened on stage and JungKook was beyond worried. No joke he’d given had helped at all and neither did Hobi. He was worried until he saw him with Jimin. They looked so happy, like they were having so much fun together. It hurt, but it also felt better than Tae’s lack of a smile.

    Once they were back in the dorms JungKook found himself in the leader and Hobi’s shared room to complain. “Hyung… you knew that I wanted to talk to him, why did you do that?”

    “You want to ask him what is wrong?” NamJoon asked with a serious face as he sat on his bed, Kookie nodded. “You know that, out of all of us, TaeHyung and Jimin are the closest friends, right?” The magnae nodded again, though he liked to think he was in that friend group, it was true that those two were incredibly close. “You also have realized by now that Jimin actually does have a thing for you and isn’t just joking around.” the leader said calmly and JungKook paused before nodding again. He was actually very smart and had picked it up a long time ago. He wasn’t trying to lead Jimin on, and had been pushing him away for years so that he wouldn’t give him any hope. He even confided in him about his former crush on NamJoon. “Imagine what Tae is going through. If he’s realized that you like him and he knows, he definitely knows, that Jimin likes you.”

    The dirty truth. The thing that JungKook had been avoiding for so long… but any time he thought about it he felt… dirty, like a homewrecker. It wasn’t his fault that his feelings never developed for Jimin. He’d even tried once, but he couldn’t do it. He was lucky that Hobi had gone to his room to play with the others. NamJoon must have sensed how he felt and wrapped an arm around the younger boy. “How much do you like TaeHyung? Enough to go after him despite knowing these things?” The leader asked and JungKook considered it. “Take a few days to think about it.” NamJoon instructed before giving Kookie another, stronger hug. It was a lot to think about.