Hello, my beginning

Something about the rain sounded like going home. Something about the way the rain dragged people and things down felt like coming home. Maybe that was a weird thought, but the thing was that rain made everything less vivid, less sharp. Less relevant. The sound of water clashing onto windows sounded strangely comforting, like little angels whispering sweet nothings into your ear. Something about the rainfall sounded like it understood your biggest fears.      

“Brother, please-”              

Lu Han stopped a few meters away from the bus stop, gaze wandering around before they landed on the source of the voice. The stranger, hauntingly handsome, had made him stop and stare. There was something in the way this young male spoke, desperately but forcedly calm, that intrigued Lu Han.           
“What about university? What about Soojin?” The young man took a deep, shivering breath before continuing, “What about-”          

With every passing second, the stranger’s gaze hardened. With every passing second, Lu Han could see the young male falling, fading. Slowly, painfully, the stranger was losing his trust in this world. Slowly, painlessly, the stranger was losing himself.              

“And your place in this world is in Curacao?” The harshness of the voice startled Lu Han, “Well then I hope you stay in Curacao forever! I don’t want to see your face ever again!”     

Don’t lie, you don’t mean that, Lu Han thought to himself as he watched the tall stranger break apart. He watched how the frustrated young male ended the phone conversation, the anger boiling inside of him like wildfire. Anyone else could have taken this as a sign of losing control, but Lu Han knew better. This was someone who wanted to cry so badly, but did not permit himself to. This was someone who grew up way too early, way too quickly and never got to learn what it meant to grow up.          

Lu Han decided to step forward, an inexplicable urge to reach out rushing through his veins.      

“Did you order the rain?”  

The words had slipped out of his mouth before he could even realize the meaning of them. Lu Han watched the stranger’s eyes flicker in surprise before they met his own. There was something youthful and childish about the way this person sat in front of him, the evening’s light casting a dim glow on his hair. And that something made Lu Han feel strangely comfortable.             

“Excuse me?” The male asked.     

Lu Han chuckled at the response, his smile growing bigger, “I’m sorry, you looked so gloomy I thought you were the one who ordered the rain.”                     

“I…” The stranger looked up to meet the comforting sky, “That’s not possible…”              

Lu Han broke out into a bright laughter, “You’re being too serious,” He took a seat next to the stranger, “Hey, you want to hear something?”                              

“What?” Confusion showed in the other’s eyes as Lu Han rummaged through his bag for his phone.        

“Something to make you relax,” He pulled out his phone, the earpods still attached to the device, “Here you go,” He said before putting one of the earpods into the other’s ear, “Let go.”

Joe Hisaishi’s The Rain. It was the piece he listened to whenever he was reminded of rain and regrets. It sounded forgiving, and sometimes a person really only needed to be forgiven. Things did not need to be forgotten, but things did need to be forgiven.        

In the end, you needed to forgive in order to move on.            

“It’s okay to not be okay, you know?”            








<>          

“Lu Han, speak to me, please-”      

The sound of rushing footsteps on a creaking wooden floor echoed through the hall. Lu Han bit his lip, contemplating whether to turn around or not. However, before he was able to make a decision, Chanyeol already held onto his shoulders and forced him to face the taller male. Lu Han gulped at the sight of a frustrated, hopeless Chanyeol, the regret filling every vein in his body.

This was not how things should have gone.               

“Tell me, where did I go wrong? Where did we go wrong?” Chanyeol spat out bitterly, “You can’t just leave me like this, Lu Han, that’s cruel. You can’t just-”        

“I’m sorry, Chanyeol,” Lu Han tried to gently pry himself out of Chanyeol’s grasp, “I…”   

“I love you,” The confession sounded like a bullet going straight through Lu Han’s heart.             

Those were words that would end things. Those were words that could end things once and for all. There had been a time Lu Han was ecstatic to hear those words. There had been a time Lu Han enjoyed confessions like a child enjoying cookies. However, now those words just sounded like endings, closures, and all Lu Han could feel was sadness. All Lu Han could understand was a heartless goodbye.                

“I tried, Chanyeol…” Tears welled up in Lu Han’s eyes as the emotion blew up inside, “I really tried…”    

“You love me too, don’t you?” Chanyeol tried, hands gripping onto Lu Han’s shoulder painfully, “You love me, I know you do! We’ve been through so much! We’ve experienced so much! You do love me!”        

“I do,” Lu Han confessed before biting down harshly on his lip, “I do…”              

“Then why?! Then why do you-”    

“Chanyeol-ah, I’m sorry…” Lu Han cried as everything broke down, “I… I thought I was able to do it… I reminded myself everyday that I promised I would do it… So I should do it. I promised myself I would love you until the very end, so I told myself that I should love you until the very end. I told myself to work harder,” Lu Han choked on big lumps of tears, “harder, harder. If I really love you, I should work harder to make things work. If I really love you to the point it hurts, I should never give up. I would never want to give up.”     

Lu Han looked up to meet a pair of confused eyes. He understood that Chanyeol would not understand, at least not straight away, but it was something Chanyeol deserved to know. Chanyeol deserved to know what kind of wreck he had fallen in love with. Chanyeol deserved to know that this monster of a lover fought with the same problem every single day, betraying Chanyeol in the worst possible way.      

“I would be able to stay.”  


<>          

Lu Han held his breath as he stood in front of the door, droplets of water rolling down from his hair. As always, something about the rain sounded like going home. Something about the way the rain dragged on and on, with seemingly no beginning and no end, felt like coming home. Time seemed to have stopped as the rain made everything less vivid, less sharp. Less frightening. Something about the rain made Lu Han feel like he was understood.            

“It was raining while I came here,” Lu Han said softly, eyes fluttering a few times at the sight of the young male standing in front of him.                

“I… I see… Listen,” The stranger and his soon-to-be housemate said nervously, eyes glancing around, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to stay he-”   

“I love you.”         

“I know it’s sudden, but I have no place to stay and Baekhyun said it would be alright to live here for the time being. I’ll pay rent,” Lu Han looked up with hopeful eyes, “Baekhyun said you wouldn’t say no.”    

It was cruel. It was cruel to bring up a name that could affect a person gravely. Lu Han knew that he only needed to mention Baekhyun, and this strangely familiar male would immediately give in. This tall male with a strong gaze and sharp features would soften with simply the mentioning of Baekhyun. Because the wound was still so fresh, even the slightest blow of the wind would hurt.              

Lu Han was cruel to this person, because his wound was just as fresh.              

“I…” The stranger seemed to lose his motivation to fight with every passing second, “I just never heard about you. I know all of Baekhyun’s friends, but I never heard about you.”                           

Lu Han smiled carefully at this before shrugging his shoulders, “Maybe he just never bothered telling you about me.”         

“I see…” The stranger said with disappointment, causing Lu Han to wish he could have taken it all back.                

“I’m sorry, I should formally introduce myself,” Lu Han quickly let go of his luggage in order to extend his arm for a handshake, “My name is Lu Han. I was Baekhyun’s classmate in high school.”              

“Nice to meet you, I’m Oh Sehun, Baekhyun’s-” The person’s face hardened at this, “I’m Oh Sehun,” He said instead before holding onto Lu Han’s hand.   
                               
We’re going through the same thing, aren’t we? “Thank you for letting me stay here.”    
                                                                                              
The taller male smiled a little, “It’s no problem.”         

“Is it alright if I get inside?” Lu Han asked while looking at Sehun, “I know I must look terrible right now but it’s rather cold outside-”  

“Oh, of course!” Sehun said, his eyes widening in shock, “Come inside!”           

“Thank you,” Lu Han said with a smile, admiring the cozy little apartment.         

Lu Han heard the door close behind him before Sehun spoke again, “You… You don’t have an umbrella?”           

I don’t like umbrellas, “I just didn’t feel like using it.”                 

“I see…” Sehun replied anxiously, gaze landing on Lu Han’s luggage, “Is that all your stuff?”      

Lu Han glanced down at his own luggage, “Yes. I don’t have much, don’t worry.”                                           

“No, no, no!” Sehun quickly replied, “I didn’t mean it like that! I- I was just surprised! I mean, n-normally a person would have more stuff, right?”   

Something snapped inside of Lu Han at this. Something broke into pieces, cutting Lu Han’s inside like blunt knives.           

“If you really love me, Lu Han, you would stay.”         

“I like fresh starts.”             

Lu Han forced himself to smile before walking towards the right into the hallway of the bedrooms and bathroom. However, Lu Han stopped when he heard the rain hitting the roof and windows, the wind blowing powerfully to give the rain some direction. He turned his head to look at Sehun again, who was looking at the rainfall with a melancholic expression. A soft smile appeared on Lu Han’s face as he finally realized who this person was.        

Once again, we’re going through the same thing, aren’t we?                

Once again, we’ve ordered the rain.

To be continued.