"Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences." -Emery Allen

 

 

February 2008

7 years ago, when he chased her

[When they were young and hopeful.]

 

“Ne cherchez plus mon cœur; des monstres l’ont mangé.”

His brows scrunched in confusion at the post-it that was slammed to his desk, as his former seat mate that switched places to the far back of the room, stood before him. Tapping foot and crossed arms, she waited impatiently for a response.    One Two Three  

She counted in her heart, and by the count of five, she would rip that post-it away from him, and she felt ridiculous by pushing away a guy who has been chasing over her for a week, with her personal favourite quote. Her favourite quote of a girl who lost all hope in love. Pretty much described her thoughts that time.

It felt as if she was giving a part of her away, instead of stepping on his feelings. Her realization struck home a little later, as Kim Jongin cited the word out loud in his broken French accent. She just had to give it to a guy, who never paid any attention to their French classes. amongst all people.

 

Amongst all the boys in her school, it just had to be Kim Jongin who professed his love on the 14th of February of Valentine, where he climbed the highest acacia tree in their school to pick a flower, then gave it to her as he kneeled on his knees. Then he took a deep breath, and smiled. Nervously. Im Yoona almost thought Kim Jongin looked adorable that day, if it wasn't for his cheap words. "Will you be my Valentine, today, tomorrow and the years after?" His confession was corny, that she almost feel revolted.   But she acknowledged his effort, and the fact that he gave her an acacia flower. Secret love. The most loving kind, the secretive feelings that are hidden and kept away until God-knows-when, the selfless one that only seeks happiness for the subject of its affection-     She grimaced, her lips inverted and Jongin felt his heart on his throat, as he waited and waited.     "Do you even know what this flower means?" She hissed in menace, grasping the condition that Kim Jongin just picked this flower because he had rushed his confession, and this could be another stupid bet he and his friends had made, to win over her heart. There was something that kept tugging on her heart, telling her to open her eyes, and he would not be like the others. He would not dissapoint you. He would be different.   Panic rushed through him, and he suddenly felt foolish. Im Yoona, the girl who constructed worlds through the beauty of jointed words stringed up into stories, that he discovered when her journal that has always been placed negligently became the trigger, resulting his curiosity to peek over heightened on that one faithful day, last December.   It started off with a little reading, and then wiping out the unmanly tears that threatened to fall at the mention of a girl in her story, that is too good to be true, yet died in the middle of her story, to her poems and short stories of mundane events that occured on her daily life.   He never knew, that Im Yoona had a whole reality in her head, where nothing was perfect, yet he could not miss the beauty in every word, engraved in each part of it. He should have known that she would look at the flower, and wonder if he truly loved her.   Love was an intense feeling in the eyes of Kim Jongin, perhaps 'like' should be the word. But Im Yoona was passionate and hopeful in the case of feelings, and love wasn't even a word for her. For her, love was when people say goodbyes, even though they know that their ends will eventually meet again. Love was the cycle of life, where true love always make it together, even with destiny attempting to cut their red strings of fate.   "Huh?" Jongin replied too quickly, as his mind flew here and there, thinking for an answer.   She clamped the flower in her hand, trying to not embarrass him infront of the whole school, witnessing this occasion.    "Don't do this, if you don't mean it. If you really like me, you should have known." She placed the flower on his palm, and he fought the urge to hold her hand. She would loathe him if he did so.    That day, Im Yoona felt sad that she had thrown away his heart (but it was not her fault, for her expectations of love have increased so high, so that it will be hard for pretentious people to cross the bridge of thorns to her heart).     The next day, Kim Jongin sat beside her like the usual with a smile on his face. A smile, she had able to wipe away for while because she rejected him.   "It's secret love,"   His voice fell into a whisper and her heart bloomed. She ignored it, still.   "So what?" A roll with the eyes.   "So, that's the truth," a twinkle. Starry eyed he became, in a heartbeat of their brushed fingertips.   She placed her hands on her lap. Cracking her knuckles, she did it out of her habit. "You're kidding me."   He insisted. "Am not."   She clicked on her tongue. "How should i know?" How should i know you are not lying?   A smirk danced playfully on his lips. "Just wait for me, and see."    That day, Kim Jongin whispered her the first secret they both only knew. That day, also became the start of his love mission in making Im Yoona fall for him. That included him, giving her poetry books and excerpts of short stories he had attempted to write by himself, as well as sonnets and doses of acacia flowers welcoming her every morning (said to be handpicked by himself everyday), and him attempting to make a conversation with her to get a better look inside of her head; who she actually was as a person. This occured for a week, and she was confused, whether to see his amorous attention to her as a blessing, or to fear what was coming ahead of her.   "What is the meaning of this?" After he read the words out loud, he looked at her to see that she looked dead serious with whatever words she tried to convey.    "Do not look for my heart anymore. The beasts have eaten it," she droned. Jongin fell silent, and he closed his eyes. She told him to never look for her heart, and the more she told him, the more he wanted to find it.   "Get over me, Jongin. I'm not the one you're looking for. You're just wasting your time," she looked down because she felt tired of pushing him away, and him not budging even an inch from his resolute persistence.   Yoona didn't like Jongin, not because Jongin was a famous ballerino in their school, who had been known for being a ladies' man, and not because Jongin was a beau that was out of her league, not because Jongin was the heartbreaker who pretended to reach for her heart.   Jongin was the type of boys who you would drown yourself in his sea of affections and delicate murmurs to your ears, and it would be for a while. Boys like Jongin are ephemeral, they come and leave on their own. Yoona couldn't stand that. Yoona, herself was like a ship that needed to be anchored so that she would not stray away and get lost. And if she were to be anchored or chained to something, it will be only to happiness and for that, she needed someone who stays, through all seasons of her feelings; of Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.   They say that true love has always been the one who never stays, the one that gives a glimpse of heaven for a short span of time, and then leaves. That definition may apply to some people, but she hoped that condition didn't apply for her. A crossed finger she always did, whenever her mind crossed over that thought.   Jongin only looked at her, his expression unreadable. And she thought all of this would eventually come to an end.   "Hey, darling. Don't ever think that it would be easy to get rid of me." He smirked devilishly then, a tease visible in his eyes.  She rolled her eyes, it's going to be a very long day.     March 2008    Despite her surpressing this surging new feelings for Kim Jongin, she couldn't deny that he succeeded in tripping her, so that she would fall for him. Well, just a little. Because she always managed to catch herself before falling to his arms. If Kim Jongin was to make her fall in love with him, she was going to do all it takes to make it difficult. She would like to see, into what lengths would he go to reach for her.   The collected and suave Kim Jongin, becoming clumsy and poetic for the girl he loved, was an amusing sight to see. It was quite a sight for students in her school to see also, and the rage in the eyes of those who crushed on him could not be more visible (she felt it all burning to her back and her face).    It went for a month, and his feelings didn't waver. Not for once.   Jongin, despite all of that, was a comfortable companion. Ever since her last attempt to push him away, she decided to just let him be and see what would come out of this. He didn't mind her friends, who were a bunch of silly jokes and honest rebuttals. They welcomed him; Luhan, Sooyoung and Kyungsoo did. But they frequently questioned him, what his intentions were, because as their friends, they were bound to protect her from all harm that was coming. He only replied with a smile everytime the same question was being asked.   "Why are you chasing her for so long? Do you like our Yoona that much?"   "Hey, everybody knows that I love her. But to what extent? That is only for her to know, and realize." Jongin liked to keep his beautiful feelings a secret, to be told to the one who gave all of this new things, ca