Her First Infinite Summer

Jongin has never looked more beautiful than this, Yoona whispers absent-mindedly as she watches him waltz on his toes. But then, she hesitates to herself because Jongin has always looked iridescent and beautiful in front of her. However, nobody could look more beautiful than when they are doing the things that they love (except for being in love, perhaps).

It's the classic swan lake, and Jongin plays the role of the prince. She could only make out so much of the story, relating it to the barbie episodes she had watched in the past. It piques her interest, how the white and black swan is being played by the same person. And she is a cold beauty, her eyes menacing and dangerous, full of lust with moves sharp yet fluid, in a sense that she attacks those around her and the audience while playing Odile.

Then, she turns into a delicate, graceful white swan, with her steps seemingly as light as a feather, moving in precision and transforms completely into such a frail, yet beautiful being named Odette, the white swan. 

But Yoona is still more interested in Jongin's character. He looks so lost in his performance, and she could see those eyes of his again. Passion with subtle darkness in it. And for the first time, love. Yoona looks away and smiles painfully. Not for her. Not for me.

She has always been that pessimistic you know, Im Yoona is. And she could not deny, that she was depressed (she wonders if she still is, but somehow she is better now. better, not healed). She recall days of razor blades and bathroom stalls, where she'd rather see colours inside of her body because everything around her looked black, and white, and bleak. Then art came around the corner, and saved her from the hell she lived in, as she found happiness in the colours that surrounded her.

Still, there would be times when Yoona lose the battles with her demons, and the colours around her would turn static and lifeless, and she is left in the saving of her temporary remedies.

Ö

Time flies by, and the show is coming to an end. All the cast of the show stands in a straight line, and bows to the audience, as roses and smiles and claps are thrown around the theatre. Jongin searches for doe eyes, but he could see none. He still believes, because he caught her trying to keep herself awake amidst the show.

At the backstage, everybody swarms around Soojung who executed two characters perfectly. Hugs are reciprocated, and stolen kisses are done by her fellow ballerinas that leads her to giggles and butterfly eye-smiles.

But her eyes are kept on Kim Jongin, who is bickering and hugging his friend, Taemin, a little too affectionate for people to see. Sometimes, she wonders if Jongin's preference is men, but she is used to the sight of him hugging his other friends, in hugs too tight for guys to do. 

"You still like girls, right? Oh my, your pants are getting tighter and tighter the more I see you on stage,"

"Those two sentences don't even connect, Taemin.  I guess someone wants to see my crotch that much!" Taemin snorts and they explode into laughters at how ridiculous Jongin's words are. But hey, the pants are made to be tight for a reason right?

A cough is heard behind them, and they both turn around at the voice. Soojung stands there, arms crossed with a "I need to talk to you, Jongin". With that, Taemin leaves, whispering him good luck, and there's a mischiveous glint in his eyes that leaves Jongin questioning Soojung. And somehow, he feels a lump in his throat at the gist that he is getting.

"What was that?" He points at the running and stumbling Taemin, an eyebrow raised inquisitively.

Oh God, even Taemin knows, Soojung says to herself in her mind, whilst fanning the heat that is creeping to her ears.

She smiles nervously, taking a few deep breaths. "First of all, congratulations Jongin! You did amazing out there!" She jumps into his arms, embracing him in her arms, but he returns her hug out of politeness. As she is his friend, he could not deny that he has a certain fondness in terms of friendship with his dancing partner.

"You were always great, but tonight you were amazing!" And the next thing she does, she leans in and kisses him on the cheek.

There are no butterflies or stars exploding inside his body, and he doesn't wonder why. Whistles and lovely awws and hwoos are delivered to them, but Kim Kongin is not the least bit happy. Because he sees Yoona by the door, hiding something behind her back, and today she looks different. Not in her usual oversized denim jacket and beaten-up Converse, with arms bespattered in acrylic paints that had always been too difficult for her to wash away, that he could see whenever she took off her jacket and laid on the floor. Jongin also noticed stitched marks on her arms, but he never gives himself a chance to ask.

Tonight, Im Yoona just decided to be a woman (she has always been a woman, just that she never seemed to look like one, act like one). She is dressed in a sleeveless white dress that falls right on the top of her knees, and a pair of black pumps with her lovely dark hair goes in straight lines that reach her back, parted in the front with the right side larger than the left, and her hair is pushed back behind her ears. Her face is coloured and her lips are pink, glossed with li