Do you think fairytale really exist? Snowhite, Cinderella, Rapunzel and so on really do live happily ever after? Does it really make any sense? If it's true that they're living happily ever after, than is it possible for meto be like them? To live happily ever after like them? These questions kept replaying on my head for decades. Since i'm just 5 years old that once believed in fairy god mother, and now i'm in college, still wondering about the truth. 

But now, everything changed. As time passes by, i experiencd a lot of things that i think the world doesn't look happy as it seems. People just like to make a fake story out of it. People are not nice as they seems to be. And the world is not peace as it seems to be. World are cruel, they judge you, they talk mean things about you. They think that you're their toy so that they can make fun out of you. 

Simply to say, that life is a game. You have to survive no matter what happen, even if you have to kill people just to take another breath full of oxygen just to live well. You have to, since the world is a war. Mentally or physically. No matter what, you have to endure everything inside and live for another awful day. 

So i decided to never give a damn about those things and the result is impressive. I don't want to care about them, that's why i started to create my own little world. I began to build a huge wall between me and the world. I just wished that there is only me in this world so that i can live like what i always wanted. 

I rented a small room that was full of my own stuff and secrets. I don't talk to anybody except for important things, but there's nothing important to talk to them. I've tried a few times to have a girls' talks. Well, they don't want me to join them since i'm too different from them. Nobody want to talk to me afterall. Then, i cook for myself, study, go buy groceries, and stick with my computer the whole day. 

Being with nobody is my life, and that made me comfortable with it since i used to live like that. A freak? Yes, i am.

Nice hairstyle, perfect body, sports car, hot girlfriends, and so damn rich. Everyone wants me, whether it's girl, straight guy and not. They admires me because i'm living a perfect life. And yes, as you can see, i should live a happy life, shouldn't i? But things don't go the way you see it. 

I don't believe that happiness can last long. I don't even believe that there's the thing called 'love' exist in this world. Can't you see? A lot of people got their hearts broken because of love. So i don't understand why people still believe it. And i don't think i can understand it until my last breath anyway. Experiences taught me how to live well, by the way. 

I can't believe that i've fell for that stupid trick and had my heart broken. It was so stupid, and i swear i'll never be in that state ever again. No one in this people see me for who i am. All they see was my style and money, and that made me promise myself to never believe in anyone that confessed to you. Girls? That's not a problem for me since i can get all of them right by my side in just 10 seconds. 

Friends? Yeah, i got some of that. We usually hang out at the club, fooling another girl for a night, drink and dance until we're drunk. That's my routine everyday, fooling my ownself and wasting my time with useless things. I've been living like that for years, I used to it. 

Anyway, about my parents, they're living in China. Working on the family business that soon will be handed to me. We barely see each other for the whole year. Just a few calls and messages from me already made them satisfied. They usually don't remember me, as their son nor the one that will inherit their business. When i was a kid, i was wondering why my friends told me that their parents scolded them for getting a bad result in the exams, while my parents don't say anything to me.

It's not that i got a good result, but it was because they don't actually care about my grades. At first, I thought that i'm lucky to have them as my parents, but as times passes by, i started to  realize that my friends were luckier to have parents that noticeed them. And they always got attention from their parents while i'm not.

The thing is.. what exactly is 'love' ? 

To be continued