Chapter 8: Death is Neverland

After staying with us for 4 months, Ji Yong decided to run away.

He really did so at the age of 5.

Woken up by a continuing rustling sound I sat up in my bed and rubbed my eyes. The night light was on and I saw Ji Yong squatting in front of his small suitcase, fully concentrated on folding one of his favorite shirts exactly the same way his mother folded clothes. Curiosity won over the sleepiness and I dragged my feet to where he was. There were already a few items inside the suitcase, some of his favorite clothes, his toothbrush and a couple of toys.

“What are you doing?”

“Packing”, he mumbled into the collars of his pajama, his attention fully on the shirt he was folding.

“Why?”

“I need to find dad.”

“Oh…” I squatted down in front of the suitcase and stared at the already packed items. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then how will you find him?”

“I will.”

“Where will you go?”

“There is a place.”

“Then how will you get there?” I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him a bratty look. “You will get scared and start crying in the middle of the street. Ha!”

“When I find dad I’ll tell him how you bullied me and he will scold you.” Ji Yong said calmly. He sounded so sure that it made me feel a tad bit nervous. His father could be scary for all I knew.

Ji Yong placed the last shirt in the suitcase and slammed it shut. Glancing at me indifferently, he got up and walked to the chest of drawers where all of his clothes were kept. I watched attentively how he took off his pajama top and pulled on a long sleeved tee. His clothes were nice, a lot nicer than mine and if only they could fit me I would have worn them too. When he was fully dressed you could say that he was a wealthy kid.

“It’s still dark outside”, I reasoned as I straightened up. “Maybe you should go in the morning?”

“No”, Ji Yong said stubbornly as he fixed the collars of his sweater. Whenever he got dressed it took him really long because he concentrated on the details, making sure that his outfit was perfect at all times. His mother was exactly the same.

The serious expression on his face surprised me for I had never seen him so determined before. Dumbfounded I stared at him when he grabbed the suitcase and dragged it out of the room, the little tires rolling loudly on the wooden floor. He was really going to leave and I couldn’t believe someone as weak and timid as him would actually do such a bold thing. Once he had disappeared downstairs I rushed after him and found him in the hallway putting on his shoes – blue well-kept converses.

“Are you really going?” I asked breathlessly.

“Yes.”

“And you will never come back?”

“I don’t know.”

He wrapped his fluffy scarf around his neck and glanced at his own mirror reflection for the last time. Once, he ran his hand through his hair and then nodded to himself with an important look on his face. I still don’t know where he had learned to act that way, perhaps his father.

“Goodbye.”

When the door closed behind him I was sure we would never see each other again. Strange emptiness filled my heart and I found myself feeling disappointed even though I had wished for him to go away ever since he had appeared in my life. Now it turned out I didn’t want him to leave after all but I realized that too late. Too conflicted by my own feelings I dragged my feet back to my room and crawled under the comforter, burying my face into the pillow. That night I cried myself to sleep.

Next morning when our parents found out that Ji Yong was missing I pretended I knew nothing. I noticed right away that my father was more worried about the boy than he had ever been worried about my mother and I wondered if he would ever worry about me if I disappeared. Later they found Ji Yong with the help of the police and brought him home. His mother wouldn’t leave his side after putting him to bed and once he had fallen asleep she sat there crying silently. Father packed my bag and took me to the grandma’s saying that I would be staying there for a few days. And he never answered when I asked why didn’t he go and find my mother like he went and found Ji Yong.

The next time I saw Ji Yong he was the same as always. Nothing about him had changed at all.

“Did you find your father?” The curiosity got the best of me and I ignored my father’s request to not talk about the incident.

“Not yet”, Ji Yong sighed in frustration. “Mother said that he died, but I don’t really understand what that means.”

“Grandma says it means that you fall asleep and never wake up again”, I said matter-of-factly.

“My mother said it means that you go to heaven”, Ji Yong argued with a frown.

I shrugged. “Maybe everyone dies in a different way?”

“But how do you die?” Ji Yong asked out of the blue.

“I don’t know. It just happens one day, I guess.”

Ji Yong sighed deeply. “I wish I could die soon and go to where dad is.”

“Good, then I won’t have to share my room with you anymore!”

“One day I really will and then I won’t need to be around you anymore”, Ji Yong pouted his lips and furrowed his brows. “I don’t want to share a room with you either!”

I grabbed the first toy I could reach and tossed it at him. A plastic dinosaur hit his chest and slid on his lap. He took it, got up, and walked out of the room leaving me alone with my raging emotions. I was so mad I accidentally broke my favorite doll while dressing it and, of course, I blamed it on him. I didn’t want him to die but I was too stubborn to admit anything. It wasn’t that horrible to share a room with him…

“To die will be an awfully big adventure.” 
―J.M. Barrie

I woke up in the black room for the second time in my life even though I had fallen asleep on the sofa. Daesung had tended to Seung-Hyun first, tucking him in the bed and making sure he took his medicine. Then he had treated my wounds and brought me a pillow, urging me to take a rest. I thought it was ridiculous to try to sleep in such shaken state but once Daesung had covered me with a blanket I soon out, completely exhausted.

How come I woke up in the black room? I had no idea but I found solace in being there. Calmness settled in my chest when I buried my face into the fragrant pillow. The sheets were clean and fresh giving me comfort I yearned for. It was not my place to be but it felt good to be there and only the thought of going back home made me feel sick at the bottom of my stomach. I was afraid that something horrible would happen to me once I left Seung-Hyun’s apartment.

A thought of him made me groan in distress and I rolled on my back, my eyes fluttering open. There were no words to describe what I felt. It was a bottomless confusion, a mix of non-answered questions growing into a dark hole inside of me and I tried really hard to not think about anything. Then the framed photograph of him and his fiancée caught my attention and I bit my lower lip. What would she say if she found out a random woman sleeping in her future husband’s bed? I’m sure she wouldn’t be happy.

Throwing the comforter off myself I sat up and stretched my sore body. The bandaged ankle hurt more than before when I put weight on it but it was still okay to walk without support. I limped to the black heavy curtains and spread them apart with one swift movement. The first thing I saw was the magnificent view of countless blinking lights and skyscrapers standing tall against the dark sky. The full moon hung above them, seemingly heavy.

How wonderful would it be to be able to wake up to this kind of view every day; to be above all the dirt and dust, to feel powerful? Would it make me greedy for more? I sighed in awe.

The apartment was soundproof, protected from all noise pollution. It was located on the highest floor in a highly secured building in the middle of the city, close to the main police station and the prosecutor’s office.  There were several locks on the front door and a CCTV camera on the outside. I bet, even the windows were made out of bullet proof glass. At least, I feel safe here.

I peeked into the living room; the whole place was dead silent. The lights were dimmed and the curtains were pulled close. At first, I was sure that I was alone but then I heard a sleepy moan. My eyes darted at the sofa and there lied Seung-Hyun. He was still dressed in the same clothes, black skinny jeans, a collar shirt and a V-neck sweater. One of his arms rested on his stomach and the other covered his eyes. 

Careful to not make any sound, I tiptoed to Seung-Hyun and when I saw his flushed face it was obvious he was uncomfortable. My palm landed on his forehead automatically and my suspicion got confirmed, he was still burning hot. His bangs were wet with sweat and he bit his teeth together in his sleep. His handsome face contorting from pain and discomfort.

Conflicted – that’s how I felt. My thoughts were a mess and I had no idea what to think about anything anymore. So I concentrated on getting some medicine from the kitchen and a glass of water. Seung-Hyun protested in his sleep when I shook him but eventually I managed to make him take the medicine. He never opened his eyes and once his head hit the pillow he turned his back at me, as if to show his dissatisfaction in this manner.

Ignoring his childish behavior, I went to get a blanket and covered his shivering body with it. Then I got a kettle, filled it with cold water, rummaged through the freezer for some ice cubes and grabbed a small towel from the bathroom. After dipping the towel in ice water, I placed it on Seung-Hyun’s forehead. There, done.

As for me, it was impossible to fall asleep anymore so I took my time inspecting the apartment. I knew it was rude to snoop around but I didn’t really care. I needed to do something to get my thoughts off the whole incident. The kitchen was especially wonderful, spacious and had every possible gadget you could dream about. The fridge was neatly arranged, there were at least four types of different kimchi, fresh fruits and vegetables, expensive looking jars of soybean paste, about million different little bottles with different types of sauces, jams, and pickled vegetables. Milk, a variety of juices, beer, white wine and even vodka, he had everything. It was obvious he loved cooking but he had never mentioned it in any of the interviews. Is his food even any good?

I grabbed a random container out of curiosity and found a perfectly wrapped tuna kimbap inside. After sampling one piece I took another and then another and somehow I ended up eating it all. Definitely the best kimbap I had ever eaten. Could he have cooked it himself or does he just have a really good housekeeper? Throwing the empty container into the sink, I still felt skeptical. I couldn’t even imagine him in an apron after seeing him with a gun. It must be the housekeeper.

The kitchen was nice but what interested me more was the long and tall bookshelf. There were so many books I doubted Seung-Hyun had read them all, or any of them. Immediately I was reminded of Beauty and the Beast, of that scene when Belle found the library and the Beast hadn’t even read a single book. That ignorant prince… Ah, the Count of Monte Cristo. When I touched the worn out book, I felt a thick layer of dust at my fingertips.

Ji Yong didn’t like reading books or… let’s just say he only liked to read study related books. Yet somehow, I had managed to talk him into reading The Count of Monte Cristo and he loved it. A story about a man who was betrayed by the people he trusted because of their greed. He was sentenced to prison for the rest of his life but managed to escape. Eventually he came back, looking so different no one could recognize him, and he got his revenge.

With the book in my hands I walked back to the sofa. Seung-Hyun was lying on his back again and the towel had slid off his forehead. I took it, dipped in the ice water and tapped his face and neck with it before placing it back on his still burning forehead. He sighed in relief and relaxed, his discomfort visibly easing. Seeing that he was doing fine I diverted my attention off his lips that twisted into a slight smile.

Argh. Why does he have