C.6

Hyejin woke up feeling empty, a void in her heart. No matter how much she tried to fill it up, nothing ever felt satisfying; it was as if she was pouring water into a broken cup, she could fill it with hundreds of gallons but it’ll just leak out. Her heart was worn out with holes and cracks. Every day she wondered how she could’ve spend the day with Wheein, all the new things she could learn from her - like how to brew a perfect cup of coffee, or the endless lecture on arts. Wheein’s appreciation of art, whatever form it may be in, fascinated Hyejin all the time and their several dates to the art gallery and the museum and the karaoke room made them even closer. Perhaps it was because Wheein inherited the artistic genes from her parents, and maybe grandparents, she was a natural when it comes to interpreting and to some extent, paint a picture herself. She opened a whole new world to Hyejin and she began to take interest in art more than before. She had always loved singing her lungs out loud but ever since Wheein introduced her to the more finer qualities of art, she started to write lyrics and even tried her hands on composing.

Wheein-ah, I’ve written some bits of lyrics here and there.

Really? That’s amazing.

I just started, I haven’t formed any coherent sentences or any cohesive flow yet.

Will you let me see it?

Of course.

It starts with a cup of coffee,

Joking around,

..

..

Your name so sweet,

Like honey on toasts

Our meeting?

Uh- yes.

Drenched under the rain,

Fate closes in,

Coffee were served,

With a bitter aftertaste,

Our budding friendship,

It starts with a cup of coffee,

Joking around,

You came up with a nickname,

Jindo pup that’s me,

And Hyejin is you,

Your name so sweet,

Like honey on toasts

We chatted till late,

Catching up like old friends,

How lucky am I,

To have met someone like you

Amazing. It took me a few days thinking what to write but you came up with the lyrics in a minute!

To tell you the truth, I’ve been writing myself. It was a perfect fit to yours. So really, it’s you who’s amazing.

Her heart ached thinking of the past. Before Wheein came into her life, everything was about studying, part time jobs and more studying. She didn’t play around as much, didn’t do what she love as regularly and most importantly, she didn’t know where her life was headed. She had been wary about her future, focusing on her academics blindly doing what she’s good at but not really enjoyed. She was so used to being alone and with the friends she had, she never feel as connected as she was with Wheein. Her friends were all academic-driven; wanting to get a regular job and have a regular life. Of course Hyejin understood them - they live in a competitive world that trying to get a stable job was already an almost impossible feat. They haven’t got a choice but to give it their all even if they don’t like it. That’s why Wheein has been a fresh breather amongst the stuffy and constricting world she lived in.

Wheein has always been free, much like a puppy playing in an open field just enjoying the breeze and the vast grounds to be covered. Hyejin admired and envied it of her; being away from her hometown, she felt compelled to achieve something that would make her parents proud. Being with Wheein helped her feel a little less stressed and to be honest, she had let go things that stopped her from following her heart - even if it meant giving up on her studies. She never really liked studying but she did what she had to until Wheein came by and she finally freed herself from the constraints of the demanding world. But Wheein’s no longer by her side.

I shouldn’t be like this. The times we spent, it may be short but it was worthwhile.

It had been at least three months since Wheein disappeared into thin air, bringing with her a huge chunk of Hyejin and leaving her broken all alone. Even if she tried to piece herself back together, the missing part of her that stuck with Wheein won’t return and while she’s deeply saddened by it, she can’t help the rage bubbling inside of her. She wasn’t sure where or to whom the anger was directed to but her blood boiled at the thought of Wheein with a side of pained heart.

Get ahold of yourself Ahn Hye Jin!

She scoffed at her pathetic self. She had been repeating the same routine all over since Wheein left; think of her, cry herself to bed, more thinking, drinking and cry again. Everyday she told herself that she’s going to get over her, that she’s going to try to stand back up, to let the past be past but she failed, time over time. It didn’t help that she quit from her part time job and she took a semester off from uni and she’s been ignoring calls and texts from her friends. They tried coming by her place but she’s had the curtains drawn and she never answered the doorbell so they stopped by the fifth time. She hated herself for being so weak, so broken. She always prided herself for being an independent person, moving to Seoul by herself at the age of 18 and had quite a few working experience under her belt. She had wondered how’d she got too attached and too dependent on Wheein that she forgot how to function normally after she was gone. Even when she was not by her side, Hyejin clung to their memories recorded inside her diary and not one day pass without her reading an entry with teary eyes.

17-04-15

Wheein’s birthday <3

I didn’t know it was her birthday at first. She was unusually clingy - more so than usual - and whenever I asked her about it, she would just shrug it off and smile. But was it a tinge of melancholy I see in her eyes? But I ignored it and I treat her just like I would any other day. It didn’t rain that day. I helped her make a delivery at the post office – her customers had placed an order and wanted her to deliver it to their house, and like the kind person she is, she didn’t even charge for the delivery. The books were heavy so I had wondered how she’d fare when she had to do all these by herself in the past.

At the post office, she was chatting away with the clerk.

‘Happy birthday! You have the usual parcel from your parents right here.’

That’s how I knew it was her birthday and once we were on our way back to the bookstore, I asked her about it.

Me: I could’ve given you a present!

Her: You already had.

Me: What exactly did I give you?

Her: You being here is one.

I didn’t know where she learnt it but she sure is so smooth. A bit cliché maybe, but won’t your heart beat faster if someone actually said it to you? Thought so.

So I prompted her to continue.

Me: What’s a second one?

Her: The fact that you stayed.

That triggered a chain of thoughts in my mind. What exactly did she mean by that? Why would I leave? Why does she sound so sad? But these only came later on. At that time, I was just too flustered by her words. She wasn’t one to say things like that so openly and so casually. I’ve learned that even though she seemed outgoing and friendly, she’s quite reserved when it comes to expressing her feelings.

Me: You’ve gotten bolder

Her: You like it though, don’t deny it

She’s right. Ever since I met her, I was always the one to say what I have in mind, I always have to guess what she’s feeling or thinking and while she listened to my stories, she’s never let me listen to hers. So while it last, for her birthday, I listened to every requests she had, every story she has to tell, every words she was willing to let me listen, I take it all in.

Me: Do you wanna do anything? Go somewhere?

Her: Well…

Me: Anything. Today, you’re a royalty. I’ll follow through whatever you want

Her: Sleepover

Me: A sleepover? That’s it?

Her: Yep!

Since that’s her wish, I agreed to it. We stayed at the bookstore instead of my place. I figured it’ll make her happy if she’s to create memories inside her favorite place rather than anywhere else. We closed early, preparing for the sleepover and while she set up the fort, I went out to get snacks and drinks – and her present of course.

When I got back, she was already sleeping inside the fort, nestled within the duvet while hugging a cub lion stuffed toy that we won at the amusement park. She had been so excited when she managed to get the ring over the bottle and I had tried the game too but I failed so I couldn’t get her a puppy stuffed toy and someone else had won it. She told me it was okay but I knew that she’s a little upset.

I prepared our snacks as quiet as possible but the smell probably woke her up because I looked up to the most adorable sight ever. There she stood, a button of her pajamas was mismatched and still hugging that stuffed cub, she yawned and stretched her tiny tiny limbs. I wasn’t gonna lie and say I’m much taller than her but she was a perfect size for cuddling and with her flower-patterned pajamas, she couldn’t possibly be a newly turned 20 years old. More like a kid having her 8th birthday.

Her: When did you get bawwwwk?

Looking at her trying to stifle her yawn was a sight to kill for.

Me: Just now. Go back and set the movie, I’ll be done soon.

She staggered on her feet and disappeared back into the back room. I finished things up as quickly as possible just in time to see her nodding off back to sleep in front of the TV.

Her: Oh? Sorry, i’m just so tired

I was worried for her. She was usually full of energy and practically bursting with joy but she was so deflated tonight. I remembered telling her that it was alright and that I could stay another night with her and do everything the next night. She didn’t say anything and just pulled me with her to the fort. She quickly fall asleep, leaving me to stay awake by her side. I wasn’t sure what to do and sleeping was the last thing in my mind when she was so close. I lay on my side, taking in the view in front of me. My eyes traced her face, her closed eyes, her cheeks and eventually lingered on her lips. I’m pretty sure I cursed then and turned the other way to avoid watching her sleep but what a wonderful mistake. An arm wrapped around my waist and the goosebumps spread all over my back as she got closer and closer until she practically gave me a back hug. At this point, I might be hallucinating but she might have been sleep talking.

Don’t leave me